GIFT  OF 
ROBERT  GORDON  SPROUL 

UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 
GENERAL  LIBRARY,  BERKELEY 


"Nestie  was  standing  in  the  centre  of  the  large 
entrance  hall." 


J  O  A  >T      '.KK/ciTSi 


\  YOUNG          ; 

;  BARBARIANS  ^ 

J  ************  *^«*  4^*   **   *       * 

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^  i?jK                                           * 

*  IAN    MACLAREN          t 

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*  Author  of  "  Beside  the  Bonnie  Brier  Bush  "  * 

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*  ILLUSTRATED  * 

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i  t         \ 

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*  NEW  YORK  * 

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*  5©DDtJ^  £l^eaD  and  Company     * 

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*  1Q06  * 

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Copyright,  1899  and  1900, 

By  The  Curtis  Publishing  Company, 

as 

A  SCOTS  GRAMMAR  SCHOOL. 


Copyright,  1900, 
By  The  Curtis  Publishing  Company. 


Copyright,  1901, 
By  DoDD,  Mead  and  Company. 


First  Edition,  Published  October,  igot 

GIFT 


iv  Contents 

VIII 

PAGE 

A  Tournament 139 

IX 
MoossY ..     .     .     163 

X 

A  Last  Resource .     183 

XI 
A  Pleasant  Sin .-     .      .     205 

XII 
Guerilla  Warfare 22^ 

XIII 
The  Fall  of  Goliath     ......     245 

XIV 
The  Bailie's  Double 261 

XV 

The  Triumph  of  the  Seminary     .     .     .     281 

XVI 
Bulldog's  Recompense 305 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS 


««  Nkstie  was  standing  in  the  centre  of  the  large 

ENTRANCE  HALL."  Frontispiece 

"  Peter  dared  not  lift  his  head."  36 

"  *  You  are  an  ILL-BRED  C-CAD.'  "  50 

"  Seized  an  excellent  position  behind  two  Russian 

GUNS."  66 

'•Nestie  whispered  something  in  Speug's  ear."  92 

"  Speug  was  dragged  along  the  walk."  96 

"  They     were    so    friendly    that    they    gathered 

ROUND  the  party."  II4 

•♦  They  were  brought  in  a  large  spring  cart."  ii8 

•'  Watching  a  battle  royal  between  the  tops."  134 

"  Before  the  hour  the  hall  was  packed."  158 

"  Thomas    John    next  instant  was   sitting   on  the 

floor."  170 

"The  school  fell  over  benches  and  over  one  an- 
other." 174 

'*  His  hand  closed  again  upon  the   sceptre  of  au- 
thority." 202 

"  They  drank  without  any  cup."  218 

"  Before  him  stood  London  John  bearing  the  seduc- 
tive advertisement."  240 

"  A  bottle   of  ferocious  smelling-salts   was   held 
to  the  patient's  nose."  252 


<^SPEUG 


MuiRTOWN  Seminary  was  an  imposing  building 
of  the  classical  order,  facing  the  north  meadow  and 
commanding  from  its  upper  windows  a  fine  view 
of  the  river  Tay  running  rapidly  and  cleanly  upon 
its  gravel  bed.  Behind  the  front  building  was  the 
paved  court  where  the  boys  played  casual  games  in 
the  breaks  of  five  minutes  between  the  hours  of 
study,  and  this  court  had  an  entrance  from  a  narrow 
back  street  along  which,  in  snow  time,  a  detach- 
ment of  the  enemy  from  the  other  schools  might 
steal  any  hour  and  take  us  by  disastrous  surprise. 
There  were  those  who  wished  that  we  had  been  com- 
pletely walled  up  at  the  back,  for  then  we  had  met 
the  attack  at  a  greater  advantage  from  the  front.  But 
the  braver  souls  of  our  commonwealth  considered 
that  this  back  way,  affording  opportunities  for  am- 
bushes, sallies,  subtle  tactics,  and  endless  vicissi- 
tudes, lent  a  peculiar  flavour  to  the  war  we  waged  the 
whole  winter  through  and  most  of  the  summer,  and 
brought  it  nearer  to  the  condition  of  Red  Indian 
fighting,  which  was  our  favourite  reading  and  our 


2       YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

example  of  heroism.  Again  and  again  we  studied 
the  adventures  of  Bill  Bidden,  the  Indian  spy,  not 
only  on  account  of  his  hairbreadth  escapes  when  he 
eluded  the  Indians  after  a  miraculous  fashion  and 
detected  the  presence  of  the  red  varmint  by  the  turn- 
ing of  a  leaf  on  the  ground,  but  also  in  order  to  find 
out  new  methods  of  deceit  by  which  we  could  allure 
our  Indians  into  narrow  places,  or  daring  methods 
of  attack  by  which  we  could  successfully  outflank 
them  on  the  broader  street  and  drive  them  into  their 
own  retreats  with  public  ignominy. 

Within  the  building  the  glory  of  the  Seminary 
was  a  massive  stone  stair,  circular  in  shape,  and 
having  a  "well"  surrounded  on  the  ground  floor  by 
a  wall  some  three  feet  high.  Down  this  stair  the 
masters  descended  at  nine  o'clock  for  the  opening 
of  the  school,  with  Bulldog,  who  was  the  mathemat- 
ical master  and  the  awful  pride  of  the  school,  at  their 
head,  and  it  was  strictly  forbidden  that  any  boy 
should  be  found  within  the  "well."  As  it  was  the 
most  tempting  of  places  for  the  deposit  of  anything 
in  the  shape  of  rubbish,  from  Highland  bonnets  to 
little  boys,  and  especially  as  any  boy  found  in  the 
well  was  sure  to  be  caned,  there  was  an  obvious  and 
irresistible  opportunity  for  enterprise.  Peter  Mc- 
Guffie,  commonly  called  the  Sparrow,  or  in  Scotch 
tongue  "Speug,"  and  one  of  the  two  heads  of  our 
commonwealth,  used  to  wait  with  an  expression  of 
such  demureness  that  it  ought  to  have  been  a  danger 


"SPEUG"  3 

signal  till  Bulldog  was  halfway  down  the  stair,  and 
a  row  of  boys  were  standing  in  expectation  with 
their  backs  to  the  forbidden  place.  Then,  passing 
swiftly  along,  he  swept  off  half  a  dozen  caps  and 
threw  them  over,  and  suddenly  seizing  a  tempting 
urchin  landed  him  on  the  bed  of  caps  which  had  been 
duly  prepared.  Without  turning  his  head  one-eighth 
of  an  inch,  far  less  condescending  to  look  over,  Bull- 
dog as  he  passed  made  a  mental  note  of  the  prison- 
er's name,  and  identified  the  various  bonnetless  boys, 
and  then,  dividing  his  duty  over  the  hours  of  the 
day,  attended  to  each  culprit  separately  and  care- 
fully. If  any  person,  from  the  standpoint  of  this 
modern  and  philanthropic  day,  should  ask  why  some 
innocent  victim  did  not  state  his  case  and  lay 
the  blame  upon  the  guilty,  then  it  is  enough  to  say 
that  that  person  had  never  been  a  scholar  at  Muir- 
town  Seminary,  and  has  not  the  slightest  knowledge 
of  the  character  and  methods  of  Peter  McGuffie. 
Had  any  boy  of  our  time  given  information  to  a 
master,  or,  in  the  Scotch  tongue,  "had  clyped,"  he 
would  have  had  the  coldest  reception  at  the  hands 
of  Bulldog,  and  when  his  conduct  was  known  to  the 
school  he  might  be  assured  of  such  constant  and 
ingenious  attention  at  the  hands  of  Speug  that  he 
would  have  been  ready  to  drown  himself  in  the  Tay 
rather  than  continue  his  studies  at  Muirtown  Sem- 
inary. 

Speug's  father  was  the  leading  horsedealer  of  the 


4       YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

Scots  Midlands,  and  a  sporting  man  of  established 
repute,  a  short,  thick-set,  red-faced,  loud-voiced, 
clean-shaven  man,  with  hair  cut  close  to  his  head, 
whose  calves  and  whose  manner  were  the  secret  ad- 
miration of  Muirtown.  Quiet  citizens  of  irreproach- 
able respectability  and  religious  orthodoxy  regarded 
him  with  a  pride  which  they  would  never  confess; 
not  because  they  would  have  spoken  or  acted  as  he 
did  for  a  king's  ransom,  and  not  because  they  would 
have  liked  to  stand  in  his  shoes  when  he  came  to  die 
— considering,  as  they  did,  that  the  future  of  a  horse- 
dealer  and  an  owner  of  racing  horses  was  dark  in 
the  extreme — but  because  he  was  a  perfect  specimen 
of  his  kind  and  had  made  the  town  of  Muirtown  to 
be  known  far  and  wide  in  sporting  circles.  Bailie 
McCallum,  for  instance,  could  have  no  dealings  with 
McGuffie  senior,  and  would  have  been  scandalised 
had  he  attended  the  Bailie's  kirk;  but  sitting  in  his 
shop  and  watching  Muirtown  life  as  it  passed,  the 
Bailie  used  to  chuckle  after  an  appreciative  fashion 
at  the  sight  of  McGuffie,  and  to  meditate  with  much 
inward  satisfaction  on  stories  of  McGuffie's  exploits 
— how  he  had  encountered  southern  horsedealers  and 
sent  them  home  humbled  with  defeat,  and  had  won 
hopeless  races  over  the  length  and  breadth  of  the 
land.  "It's  an  awfu'  trade,"  McCallum  used  to  re- 
mark, "and  McGuffie  is  no'  the  man  for  an  elder; 
but  sail,  naebod}'  ever  got  the  better  o'  him  at  a 
bargain."    Among  the  lads  of  the  Seminary  he  was 


"SPEUG"  5 

a  local  hero,  and  on  their  way  home  from  school  they 
loitered  to  study  him,  standing  in  the  gateway  of  his 
stables,  straddling  his  legs,  chewing  a  straw,  and 
shouting  his  views  on  the  Muirtown  races  to  friends 
at  the  distance  of  half  a  street.  When  he  was  in 
good  humour  he  would  nod  to  the  lads  and  wink  to 
them  with  such  acuteness  and  drollery  that  they  at- 
tempted to  perform  the  same  feat  all  the  way  home 
and  were  filled  with  despair.  It  did  not  matter  that 
we  were  fed,  by  careful  parents,  with  books  con- 
taining the  history  of  good  men  who  began  life  with 
2s.  lid.,  and  died  leaving  a  quarter  of  a  million, 
made  by  selling  soft  goods  and  attending  church, 
and  with  other  books  relating  pathetic  anecdotes  of 
boys  who  died  young  and,  before  they  died,  de- 
lighted society  with  observations  of  the  most  edify- 
ing character  on  the  shortness  of  life.  We  had 
rather  have  been  a  horsedealer  and  kept  a  stable. 

Most  of  us  regarded  McGuffie  senior  as  a  model 
of  all  the  virtues  that  were  worthy  of  a  boy's  imita- 
tion, and  his  son  with  undisguised  envy,  because  he 
had  a  father  of  such  undeniable  notoriety,  because 
he  had  the  run  of  the  stables,  because  he  was  on 
terms  of  easy  familiarity  with  his  father's  grooms, 
and  because  he  was  encouraged  to  do  those  things 
which  we  were  not  allowed  to  do,  and  never  ex- 
horted to  do  those  things  which  he  hated  to  do.  All 
the  good  advice  we  ever  got,  and  all  the  examples 
of  those  two  excellent  young  gentlemen,  the  sons 


6       YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

of  the  Rev.  Dr.  Dowbiggin,  were  blown  to  the 
winds  when  we  saw  Speug  pass,  sitting  in  the  high 
dogcart  beside  his  father,  while  that  talented  man 
was  showing  off  to  Muirtown  a  newly  broken  horse. 
Speug's  position  on  that  seat  of  unique  dignity  was 
more  than  human,  and  none  of  us  would  have  dared 
to  recognise  him,  but  it  is  only  just  to  add  that  Peter 
was  quite  unspoiled  by  his  privileges,  and  would 
wink  to  his  humble  friends  upon  the  street  after  his 
most  roguish  fashion  and  with  a  skill  which  proved 
him  his  father's  son.  Social  pride  and  the  love  of  ex- 
clusive society  were  not  failings  either  of  Mr.  Mc- 
Guffie  senior  or  of  his  hopeful  son.  Both  were 
willing  to  fight  any  person  of  their  own  size  (or, 
indeed,  much  bigger),  as  well  as  to  bargain  with 
anybody,  and  at  any  time,  about  anything,  from 
horses  to  marbles. 

Mrs.  McGuffie  had  been  long  dead,  and  during 
her  lifetime  was  a  woman  of  decided  character, 
whom  the  grooms  regarded  with  more  terror  than 
they  did  her  husband,  and  whom  her  husband  him- 
self treated  with  great  respect,  a  respect  which  grew 
into  unaffected  reverence  when  he  was  returning 
from  a  distant  horse-race  and  was  detained,  by  pro- 
fessional duties,  to  a  late  hour  in  the  evening.  As 
her  afiflicted  husband  refused  to  marry  again,  in  de- 
cided terms,  Peter,  their  only  child,  had  been 
brought  up  from  an  early  age  among  grooms  and 
other  people  devoted  to  the  care  and  study  of  horses. 


"SPEUG"  7 

In  this  school  he  received  an  education  which  was 
perhaps  more  practical  and  varied  than  finished  and 
polite.  It  was  not  to  be  wondered,  therefore,  that 
his  manners  were  simple  and  natural  to  a  degree, 
and  that  he  was  never  the  prey,  either  in  any  ordi- 
nary circumstances,  of  timidity  or  of  modesty.  Al- 
though a  motherless  lad,  he  was  never  helpless,  and 
from  the  first  was  able  to  hold  his  own  and  to  make 
his  hands  keep  his  head. 

His  orphan  condition  excited  the  compassion  of 
respectable  matrons,  but  their  efforts  to  tend  him 
in  his  loneliness  were  not  always  successful,  nor 
even  appreciated  to  the  full  by  the  young  McGuffie. 
When  Mrs.  Dowbiggin,  who  had  a  deep  interest  in 
what  was  called  the  "work  among  children,"  and 
who  got  her  cabs  from  McGuffie's  stable,  took  pity 
on  Peter's  unprotected  childhood,  and  invited  him  to 
play  with  her  boys,  who  were  a  head  taller  and  para- 
gons of  excellence,  the  result  was  unfortunate,  and 
afforded  Mrs.  Dowbiggin  the  text  for  many  an  ex- 
hortation. Peter  was  brought  back  to  the  parental 
mansion  by  Dr.  Dowbiggin's  beadle  within  an  hour, 
and  received  a  cordial  welcome  from  a  congregation 
of  grooms,  to  whom  he  related  his  experiences  at 
the  Manse  with  much  detail  and  agreeable  humour. 
During  the  brief  space  at  his  disposal  he  had  put 
every  toy  of  the  Dowbiggins'  in  a  thorough  state  of 
repair,  and  had  blacked  their  innocent  faces  with 
burnt  cork  so  that  their  mother  did  not  recognise 


8       YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

her  children.  He  had  also  taught  them  a  negro  mel- 
ody of  a  very  taking  description,  and  had  reinforced 
their  vocabulary  with  the  very  cream  of  the  stable. 
From  that  day  Mrs.  Dowbiggin  warned  the  mothers 
of  Muirtown  against  allowing  their  boys  to  associate 
with  Speug,  and  Speug  could  never  see  her  pass  on 
the  street  without  an  expression  of  open  delight. 

When  Mr.  McGuffie  senior  brought  his  son,  being 
then  ten  years  old,  to  the  Seminary  for  admittance, 
it  was  a  chance  that  he  was  not  refused  and  that 
we  did  not  miss  our  future  champion.  Mr.  McGuf- 
fie's  profession  and  reputation  were  a  stumbling- 
block  to  the  rector,  who  was  a  man  of  austere  coun- 
tenance and  strict  habits  of  life,  and  Peter  himself 
was  a  very  odd-looking  piece  of  humanity  and  had 
already  established  his  own  record.  He  was  under- 
sized and  of  exceptional  breadth,  almost  flat  in  coun- 
tenance, and  with  beady  black  eyes  which  on 
occasion  lit  up  his  face  as  when  one  illuminates  the 
front  of  a  house,  but  the  occasions  were  rarely  those 
which  would  commend  themselves  to  the  headmaster 
of  a  public  school.  How  the  dealer  in  horses  re- 
moved the  rector's  difficulties  was  never  accurately 
known,  but  boys  passing  the  door  of  the  rector's  re- 
tiring-room when  he  was  closeted  with  Mr.  McGuffie 
overheard  scraps  of  the  conversation,  and  Muirtown 
was  able  to  understand  the  situation.  It  was  under- 
stood that  in  a  conflict  of  words  the  rector,  an  absent- 


"SPEUG"  9 

minded  scholar  of  shrinking  manner,  was  not  likely 
to  come  off  best,  and  it  is  certain  that  the  head  of 
the  school  ever  afterwards  referred  to  Mr.  McGufifie 
as  "a  man  of  great  resolution  of  character  and  en- 
dowed with  the  gift  of  forcible  speech."  As  regards 
the  son,  his  affectionate  father  gave  him  some  brief 
directions  before  leaving,  and  in  the  presence  of  his 
fellow-scholars,  of  which  this  only  was  overheard, 
and  seemed,  indeed,  to  be  the  sum  and  substance: 
"Never  give  in,  ye  de'il's  buckie."  With  these  in- 
spiriting words  Mr.  McGuffie  senior  departed 
through  the  front  door  amid  a  hush  of  admiration, 
leaving  Peter  to  his  fate  not  far  from  that  "well" 
which  was  to  be  the  scene  of  many  of  his  future 
waggeries. 

With  the  progress  of  civilisation  school  life  in 
Scotland  has  taken  on  a  high  degree  of  refinement, 
and  rumour  has  it — but  what  will  people  not  say? 
— that  a  new  boy  will  come  in  a  cab  to  the  Seminary 
and  will  receive  a  respectful  welcome  from  the 
generation  following  Peter,  and  that  the  whole 
school  will  devote  itself  to  his  comfort  for  days — 
showing  him  where  to  hang  his  cap,  initiating  him 
into  games,  assisting  him  with  his  lessons,  and  treat- 
ing his  feelings  with  delicate  respect.  It  has  been 
my  own  proud  satisfaction,  as  a  relic  of  a  former 
barbarian  age,  to  read  the  rules,  which,  I  believe,  are 
now  printed  in  black  letters  with  red  capitals  and 


lo      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

hung  in  the  rooms  of  Muirtown  Seminary,  My  feel- 
ings will  not  allow  me  to  give  them  all,  but  the  fol- 
lowing have  moved  me  almost  to  tears : — 

Rule  I. — That  every  boy  attending  this  school  is 
expected  to  behave  himself  in  speech  and  deed  as  a 
gentleman. 

Rule  2, — That  anyone  writing  upon  a  wall,  or  in 
any  way  marking  the  school  furniture,  will  be  con- 
sidered to  have  committed  an  offence,  and  will  be 
punished. 

Rule  3, — That  every  boy  is  exhorted  to  treat 
every  other  with  courtesy,  and  anyone  guilty  of 
rudeness  to  a  fellow-scholar  is  to  be  reported  to  the 
headmaster. 

Rule  4. — That  it  is  expected  of  every  boy  to 
cultivate  neatness  of  appearance,  and  especially  to 
see  that  his  clothes,  collars,  cuffs,  and  other  articles 
of  clothing  be  not  soiled. 

These  admirable  rules  suggest  a  new  atmosphere 
and  one  very  different  from  that  in  which  we  passed 
our  stormy  youth,  for  no  sentiment  of  this  kind 
softened  life  in  earlier  days  or  affected  our  Spartan 
simplicity.  The  very  sight  of  a  newcomer  in  a 
speckless  suit,  with  an  irreproachable  tie  and  both 
tails  on  his  glengarry  bonnet,  excited  a  profound 
emotion  in  the  school  and  carried  it  beyond  self- 
control.  What  could  be  expected  of  a  fellow  so  be- 
decked and  preserved  as  if  he  had  just  stepped  out 
of  a  bandbox  or  a  tailor's  shop?    Left  alone  in  his 


**SPEUG"  II 

pride  and  perfection — the  very  beginning  of  a  Phar- 
isee— he  would  only  go  from  bad  to  worse  and  come 
at  last  to  a  sad  end.  We  hardly  claimed  to  be  philan- 
thropists, but  we  did  feel  it  was  our  duty  to  rescue 
this  lad.  It  might  be,  of  course,  that  we  could  not 
finally  save  him,  but  he  ought  at  least  to  have  a 
chance,  and  Speug  had  a  quite  peculiar  satisfaction 
in  at  once  removing  the  two  offensive  tails  by  one 
vigorous  pull,  while  the  rumpling  of  a  collar  was  a 
work  of  missionary  zeal.  No  system  of  philanthropy 
is  successful  with  all  cases,  and  we  had  our  failures, 
which  we  think  about  unto  this  day,  and  which  have 
only  justified  our  sad  predictions.  Boys  like  the  two 
Dowbiggins  never  improved,  and  were  at  last  given 
up  in  despair  even  by  Speug,  their  tails  being  re- 
newed day  by  day  and  their  faces  remaining  in  all 
circumstances  quite  unmoved;  but  within  a  month 
the  average  boy  had  laid  aside  the  last  remnant  of 
conventionality,  and  was  only  outdone  by  Peter  him- 
self in  studied  negligence  of  attire. 

Peter's  own  course  of  discipline  was  sharp,  but  it 
did  not  last  long,  for  certain  practical  reasons. 

"What  business  have  you  here,  ye  son  of  a  horse- 
couper?"  was  the  encouraging  salutation  offered  by 
a  solicitor's  son  to  the  stumpy  little  figure  bereft  of 
its  father  and  left  to  fight  its  battles  alone. 

"Mair  business  than  you,  spindleshanks,  ye  son  o' 
a  thievin'  lawyer,"  and  although  Peter  was  four 
years  younger  and  small  for  his  age,  he  showed  that 


12      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

he  had  not  learned  boxing  from  his  father's  grooms 
without  profit,  and  his  opponent  attended  no  more 
classes  that  day.  This  encounter  excited  the  deepest 
interest  and  revived  the  whole  life  of  the  school. 
One  lad  after  another  experimented  on  Peter  and 
made  as  much  of  it  as  drawing  a  badger.  He  was 
often  hurt,  but  he  never  uttered  any  cry.  He  gave 
rather  more  than  he  got,  and  lads  going  home  in  the 
afternoon  could  see  him  giving  an  account  of  the 
studies  of  the  day  to  an  admiring  audience  in  the 
stableyard.  By-and-by  he  was  left  severely  alone, 
and  for  the  impudence  of  him,  and  his  courage,  and 
his  endurance,  and  his  general  cockiness,  and  his 
extraordinary  ingenuity  in  mischief,  he  was  called 
"Speug,"  which  is  Scotch  for  a  sparrow,  and  figura- 
tively expressed  the  admiration  of  the  school. 

It  would  be  brazen  falsehood  to  say  that  Peter 
was  a  scholar,  or,  indeed,  gave  any  voluntary  atten- 
tion to  the  course  of  learning  laid  down  by  the 
authorities  of  Muirtown  Seminary.  He  sat  un- 
ashamed at  the  foot  of  every  class,  maintaining  a 
certain  impenetrable  front  when  a  question  came  his 
length,  and  with  the  instinct  of  a  chieftain  never 
risking  his  position  in  the  school  by  exposing  himself 
to  contempt.  When  Thomas  John  Dowbiggin  was 
distinguishing  himself  after  an  unholy  fashion  by 
translating  Caesar  into  English  like  unto  Macaulay's 
History,  Speug  used  to  watch  him  with  keen  interest, 
and  employ  his  leisure  time  in  arranging  some  little 


"SPEUG"  13 

surprise  to  enliven  the  even  tenor  of  Thomas  John's 
life.  So  curious  a  being,  however,  is  a  boy,  and  so 
inconsistent,  that  as  often  as  Duncan  Robertson 
answered  more  promptly  than  Thomas  John,  and 
obtained  the  first  place,  Speug's  face  lit  up  with 
unaffected  delight,  and  he  was  even  known  to  smack 
his  lips  audibly.  When  the  rector's  back  was  turned 
he  would  convey  his  satisfaction  over  Thomas  John's 
discomfiture  with  such  delightful  pantomime  that  the 
united  class  did  him  homage,  and  even  Thomas  John 
was  shaken  out  of  his  equanimity ;  but  then  Duncan 
Robertson's  father  was  colonel  of  a  Highland  regi- 
ment, and  Duncan  himself  was  a  royal  fighter,  and 
had  not  in  his  Highland  body  the  faintest  trace  of 
a  prig,  while  Thomas  John's  face  was  a  standing  re- 
proof of  everything  that  was  said  and  done  outside 
of  lesson  time  in  Muirtown  School. 

Peter,  however,  had  his  own  genius,  and  for  capti- 
vating adventures  none  was  to  be  compared  with 
him.  Was  it  not  Speug  who  floated  down  the 
tunnel  through  which  a  swift  running  stream  of 
clean  water  reached  the  Tay,  and  allured  six 
others  to  follow  him,  none  of  whom,  happily,  were 
drowned  ?  and  did  not  the  whole  school,  with  the  ex- 
ception of  the  Dowbiggins,  await  his  exit  at  the  black 
mouth  of  the  tunnel  and  reward  his  success  with  a 
cheer?  Was  it  not  Speug,  with  Duncan  Robertson's 
military  assistance,  who  constructed  a  large  earth- 
work in  a  pit  at  the  top  of  the  Meadow,  which  was 


14      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

called  the  Redan  and  was  blown  up  with  gunpowder 
one  Saturday  afternoon,  seven  boys  being  tempora- 
rily buried  beneath  the  ruins,  and  Peter  himself  losing 
both  eyebrows?  And  when  an  old  lady  living  next 
the  school  laid  a  vicious  complaint  against  Speug  and 
some  other  genial  spirits  for  having  broken  one  of 
her  windows  in  a  snowball  fight,  he  made  no  sign 
and  uttered  no  threat,  but  in  the  following  autumn 
he  was  in  a  position  to  afford  a  ripe  pear  to  each  boy 
in  the  four  upper  forms — except  the  Dowbiggins, 
who  declined  politely — and  to  distribute  a  handful 
for  a  scramble  among  the  little  boys.  There  was 
much  curiosity  about  the  source  of  Peter's  gener- 
osity, and  it  certainly  was  remarkable  that  the  pear 
was  of  the  same  kind  as  the  old  lady  cultivated  with 
much  pride,  and  that  her  fruit  was  gathered  for  her 
in  the  course  of  one  dark  night.  Speug  was  capable 
of  anything  except  telling  a  lie.  He  could  swim  the 
Tay  at  its  broadest  and  almost  at  its  swiftest,  could 
ride  any  horse  in  his  father's  stable,  could  climb  any 
tree  in  the  meadows,  and  hold  his  own  in  every  game, 
from  marbles  and  "catch  the  keggie,"  a  game  based 
on  smuggling,  to  football,  where  he  was  a  very 
dangerous  forward,  and  cricket,  where  his  bat- 
ting was  fearsome  for  its  force  and  obstinacy.  There 
was  nothing  he  could  not  do  with  his  hands,  and  no 
one  whom  he  was  not  ready  to  face. 

Speug  was  a  very  vigorous  barbarian  indeed,  and 
the  exact  type  of  a  turbulent  Lowland  Scot,  without 


-SPEUG"  15 

whom  the  Seminary  had  missed  its  life  and  colour, 
and  who  by  sheer  force  of  courage  and  strength 
asserted  himself  as  our  chief  captain.  After  many 
years  have  passed,  Speug  stands  out  a  figure  of  size 
and  reality  from  among  the  Dowbiggins  and  other 
poor  fleeting  shadows.  Thomas  John,  no  doubt,  car- 
ried off  medals,  prizes,  certificates  of  merit,  and 
everything  else  which  could  be  obtained  in  Muirtown 
Seminary  by  a  lad  who  played  no  games  and  swatted 
all  evening  at  next  day's  work.  The  town  was 
weary  of  seeing  Thomas  John  and  his  brother — each 
wearing  the  same  smug  expression,  and  each  in 
faultlessly  neat  attire — processing  up  in  turn  to  re- 
ceive their  honours  from  the  hands  of  the  Lord 
Provost,  and  the  town  would  cheer  with  enthusiasm 
when  Duncan  Robertson  made  an  occasional  appear- 
ance, being  glad  to  escape  from  the  oppression  of 
the  Dowbiggin  regime.  Nor  was  the  town  altogether 
wrong  in  refusing  to  appreciate  the  Dowbiggins  at 
their  own  value,  and  declining  to  believe  that  the 
strength  of  the  country  was  after  their  fashion. 
When  Thomas  John  reached  the  University  he  did 
not  altogether  fulfil  the  expectations  of  his  family, 
and  by  the  time  he  reached  the  pulpit  no  one  could 
endure  his  unredeemed  dulness.  When  last  I  heard 
of  him  he  was  secretary  to  a  blameless  society  which 
has  for  its  object  the  discovery  of  the  lost  Ten 
Tribes,  and  it  occurs  to  me  that  it  would  have  been 
a  good  thing  for  Thomas  John  to  have  been  blown 


i6      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

up  in  the  destruction  of  the  Redan :   he  might  have 
become  a  man. 

After  the  Seminary  had  done  its  best  for  Speug 
he  retired  upon  his  laurels  and  went  to  assist  his 
father  in  the  business  of  horsedealing,  to  which  he 
brought  an  invincible  courage  and  a  large  experience 
in  bargaining.  For  years  his  old  fellow-scholars  saw 
him  breaking  in  young  horses  on  the  roads  round 
Muirtown,  and  he  covered  himself  with  glory  in  a 
steeplechase  open  to  all  the  riders  of  Scotland. 
When  Mr.  McGuffie  senior  was  killed  by  an  Irish 
mare,  Peter  sold  the  establishment  and  went  into 
foreign  parts  in  search  of  adventure,  reappearing  at 
intervals  of  five  years  from  Australia,  Texas,  the 
Plate,  Cape  of  Good  Hope,  assured  and  reckless  as 
ever,  but  always  straightforward,  masterful,  open- 
handed,  and  gallant.  His  exploits  are  over  now,  and 
all  England  read  his  last,  how  he  sent  on  in  safety  a 
settler's  household  through  a  narrow  pass  in  Mata- 
bele  Land,  and  with  a  handful  of  troopers  held  the 
savages  in  check  until  pursuit  was  vain. 

"From  the  account  of  prisoners  we  learn,"  wrote 
the  war  correspondent,  "that  Captain  McGuffie,  of 
the  Volunteer  Horse,  fought  on  after  his  men  had 
been  all  killed  and  his  last  cartridge  fired.  With  his 
back  to  a  rock  in  a  narrow  place  he  defended  himself 
with  such  skill  and  courage  that  the  Matabele  de- 
clared him  the  best  fighting  man  they  had  ever  met, 
and  he  was  found  with  a  mound  of  dead  at  his  feet." 


"SPEUC  17 

Only  last  week  two  Seminary  men  were  reading  that 
account  together  and  recalling  Peter,  and  such  is  the 
inherent  wickedness  of  human  nature,  that  the  death 
(from  apoplexy)  of  Thomas  John  Dowbiggin  would 
have  been  much  less  lamented.  "That  is  just  how 
Speug  would  have  liked  to  die,  for  he  dearly  loved 
a  fight  and  knew  not  fear."  They  revived  the  an- 
cient memories  of  Peter's  boyhood,  and  read  the 
despatch  of  the  commanding  officer,  with  his  refer- 
ence to  the  gallant  service  of  Captain  McGuffie,  and 
then  they  looked  at  Peter's  likeness  in  the  illustrated 
papers,  the  eyes  as  bold  and  mischievous  as  ever. 
"Well  done,  Speug!"  said  a  doctor  of  divinity — may 
he  be  forgiven! — "well  done,  Speug,  a  terrier  of  the 
old  Scots  breed." 

Peter's  one  rival  in  the  idolatry  of  the  school  was 
Duncan  Ronald  Stewart  Robertson,  commonly 
known  as  Dune,  and  Dune  was  in  everything  except 
honesty,  generosity,  and  courage,  the  exact  opposite 
of  Peter  McGuffie.  Robertson's  ancestors  had  been 
lairds  of  Tomnahurich,  a  moor  in  Rannoch,  with 
half  a  dozen  farms,  since  the  Deluge,  as  they  be- 
lieved, and  certainly  since  history  began.  For  hun- 
dreds of  years  they  had  been  warriors,  fighting  other 
clans,  fighting  among  themselves,  fighting  for  Prince 
Charlie,  and  for  more  than  a  century  fighting  for 
England  as  officers  in  the  Highland  regiments.  The 
present  laird  had  been  in  the  Crimean  war  and  the 
Mutiny,    besides   occasional    expeditions,    and   was 


i8      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

colonel  of  the  Perthshire  Buffs.  When  he  came  to 
our  examination  in  full  uniform,  having  first  in- 
spected the  local  garrison  on  the  meadow,  it  was  the 
greatest  day  in  our  time.  We  cheered  him  when  he 
came  in,  counting  the  medals  on  his  breast,  amidst 
which  we  failed  not  to  notice  the  Victoria  Cross. 
We  cheered  him  in  the  class-rooms,  we  cheered  him 
when  he  mounted  his  horse  outside  and  rode  along 
the  terrace,  and  Peter  led  a  detachment  by  the  back 
way  up  to  Breadalbane  Street  to  give  him  one  cheer 
more.  Robertson  was  a  tall,  well-knit,  athletic  lad, 
with  red  hair,  blue  eyes,  and  a  freckled  face,  not 
handsome,  but  carrying  himself  with  much  dignity 
and  grace.  Speug  always  appeared  in  tight-fitting 
trousers,  as  became  Mr.  McGuffie's  son,  but  Robert- 
son wore  the  kilt  and  never  looked  anything  else  but 
a  gentleman,  yet  his  kilt  was  ever  of  the  shabbiest, 
and  neither  had  his  bonnet  any  tails.  His  manners 
were  those  of  his  blood,  but  a  freer  and  heartier  and 
more  harum-scarum  fellow  never  lived.  It  is  a  pleas- 
ant remembrance,  after  many  years,  to  see  again  a 
group  of  lads  round  the  big  fire  in  the  winter  time, 
and  to  hear  Duncan  Robertson  read  the  stirring  bal- 
lad, "How  Horatius  kept  the  bridge  in  the  brave  days 
of  old,"  till  Peter  can  contain  himself  no  longer,  and 
proposes  that  a  select  band  shall  go  instantly  to  Mc- 
Intyre's  Academy  and  simply  compel  a  conflict. 
Dune  went  into  his  father's  regiment  and  fell  at  Tel- 
el-Kebir,  and  there  is  one  Seminary  man  at  least  who 


-SPEUG"  19 

keeps  the  portraits  of  the  two  captains — Peter  Mc- 
Guffie,  the  Scot,  the  horsedealer's  son,  and  a  very- 
vulgar  varlet  indeed,  and  Duncan  Robertson,  the 
Celt,  a  well-born  man's  son,  and  a  gentleman  himself 
from  head  to  foot — in  remembrance  of  a  school 
which  was  rough  and  old-fashioned,  where,  indeed, 
softness  and  luxury  were  impossible,  but  where  men 
were  made  who  had  the  heart  in  them  to  live  and  die 
for  their  country. 


BULLDOG 
II 

The  headmaster  of  a  certain  great  English  school 
is  accustomed  to  enlarge  in  private  on  the  secret  of 
boy  management,  and  this  is  the  sum  of  his  wisdom 
' — Be  kind  to  the  boy,  and  he  will  despise  you ;  put 
your  foot  on  his  neck,  and  he  will  worship  you.  This 
deliverance  must,  of  course,  as  its  eminent  author 
intends,  be  read  with  sense,  and  with  any  modifica- 
tion it  must  be  disappointing  to  philanthropists,  but 
it  is  confirmed  by  life.  Let  a  master,  not  very  strong 
in  character  and  scholarship,  lay  himself  out  to  be 
a  boy's  friend — using  affectionate  language,  oversee- 
ing his  health,  letting  him  off  impositions,  sparing 
the  rod,  and  inciting  him  to  general  benevolence — 
and  the  boy  will  respond,  without  any  doubt,  but  it 
will  be  after  his  own  fashion.  The  boy  will  take 
that  master's  measure  with  extraordinary  rapidity; 
he  will  call  him  by  some  disparaging  nickname,  with 
an  unholy  approximation  to  truth ;  he  will  concoct 
tricky  questions  to  detect  his  ignorance ;  he  will  fling 


22      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

back  his  benefits  with  contempt ;  he  will  make  his 
life  a  misery,  and  will  despise  him  as  long  as  he  lives. 
Let  a  man  of  masculine  character  and  evident  ability 
set  himself  to  rule  and  drill  boys,  holding  no  unnec- 
essary converse  with  them,  working  them  to  the 
height  of  their  powers,  insisting  on  the  work  being 
done,  not  fearing  to  punish  with  severity,  using  ter- 
rible language  on  occasion,  dealing  with  every  boy 
alike  without  favour  or  partiality,  giving  rare  praise 
with  enthusiasm,  and  refraining  always  from  mock- 
ing sarcasm — which  boys  hate  and  never  forgive — 
and  he  will  have  his  reward.  They  will  rage  against 
him  in  groups  on  the  playing-fields  and  as  they  go 
home  in  companies,  but  ever  with  an  intense  appre- 
ciation of  his  masterliness ;  they  will  recall  with  keen 
enjoyment  his  detection  of  sneaks  and  his  severity 
on  prigs;  they  will  invent  a  name  for  him  to  en- 
shrine his  achievements,  and  pass  it  down  to  the 
generation  following ;  they  will  dog  his  steps  on  the 
street  with  admiration,  all  the  truer  because  mingled 
with  awe.  And  the  very  thrashings  of  such  a  man 
will  be  worth  the  having,  and  become  the  subject  of 
boasting  in  after  years. 

There  was  a  master  once  in  Muirtown  Seminary 
whose  career  was  short  and  inglorious,  as  well  as 
very  disappointing  to  those  who  believed  in  the 
goodness  of  the  boy.  Mr.  Byles  explained  to  Mrs. 
Dowbiggin  his  idea  of  a  schoolmaster's  duty,  and 
won  the  heart  of  that  estimable  person,  although  the 


BULLDOG  23 

Doctor  maintained  an  instructive  silence,  and  after- 
wards hinted  to  his  spouse  that  Mr.  Byles  had  not 
quite  grasped  the  boy  nature,  at  least  in  Muirtown. 

"Yes,  Mrs.  Dowbiggin,  I  have  always  had  a  love 
for  boys — for  I  was  the  youngest  of  our  family,  and 
the  rest  were  girls — seven  dear  girls,  gentle  and 
sweet.  They  taught  me  sympathy.  And  don't  you 
think  that  boys,  as  well  as  older  people,  are  ruled  by 
kindness  and  not  by  force  ?  When  I  remember  how 
I  was  treated,  I  feel  this  is  how  other  boys  would 
wish  to  be  treated.  Muffins?  Buttered,  if  you 
please.  I  dote  on  muffins !  So  I  am  a  school- 
master." 

"You  are  needed  at  the  Seminary,  Mr.  Byles,  I  can 
tell  you,  for  the  place  is  just  a  den  of  savages !  Will 
you  believe  me,  that  a  boy  rolled  James  on  the 
ground  till  he  was  like  a  clay  cat  yesterday — and 
James  is  so  particular  about  being  neat ! — and  when 
I  complained  to  Mr.  MacKinnon,  he  laughed  in  my 
face  and  told  me  that  it  would  do  the  laddie  good? 
There's  a  master  for  you!  Thomas  John  tells  me 
that  he  is  called  'Bulldog,'  and  although  I  don't  ap- 
prove of  disrespect,  I  must  say  it  is  an  excellent  name 
for  Mr.  MacKinnon.  And  I've  often  said  to  the 
Doctor,  Tf  the  masters  are  like  that,  what  can  you 
expect  of  the  boys  ?'  " 

"Let  us  hope,  Mrs.  Dowbiggin,  that  there  will 
soon  be  some  improvement;  and  it  will  not  be  my 
fault  if  there  isn't.     What  I  want  to  be  is  not  a 


24      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

master,  but  the  boys'  friend,  to  whom  the  boys  will 
feel  as  to  a  mother,  to  whom  they  will  confide  their 
difficulties  and  trials,"  and  Mr.  Byles'  face  had  a 
soft,  tender,  far-away  look. 

It  was  only  for  one  winter  that  he  carried  on  his 
mission,  but  it  remains  a  green  and  delectable  mem- 
ory with  old  boys  of  the  Seminary.  How  he  would 
not  use  the  cane,  because  it  brutalised  boys,  as  he 
explained,  but  kept  Peter  McGuffie  in  for  an  hour, 
during  which  time  he  remonstrated  with  Peter  for 
his  rude  treatment  of  James  Dowbiggin,  whom  he 
had  capsized  over  a  form,  and  how  Peter's  delighted 
compatriots  climbed  up  one  by  one  to  the  window 
and  viewed  him  under  Mr.  Byles'  ministrations 
with  keen  delight,  while  Speug  imitated  to  them 
by  signs  that  they  would  have  to  pay  handsomely 
for  their  treat.  How  he  would  come  on  Jock 
Howieson  going  home  in  a  heavy  rain,  and  osten- 
tatiously refusing  even  to  button  his  coat,  and  would 
insist  on  affording  him  the  shelter  of  an  umbrella,  to 
Jock's  intense  humiliation,  who  knew  that  Peter  was 
following  with  derisive  criticism.  How,  by  way  of 
conciliation,  Mr.  Byles  would  carry  sweets  in  his 
coat-tail  pocket  and  offer  them  at  unsuitable  times 
to  the  leading  anarchists,  who  regarded  this  imbe- 
cility as  the  last  insult.  It  is  now  agreed  that  Mr. 
Byles'  sudden  resignation  was  largely  due  to  an 
engineering  feat  of  Peter's,  who  had  many  outrages 
to  avenge,  and  succeeded  in  attaching  no  less  than 


BULLDOG  25 

three  squibs  to  the  good  man's  desk ;  but  it  is  likely 
that  an  exhortation  from  Bulldog,  overheard  by  the 
delighted  school,  had  its  due  effect. 

"Humanity  or  no  humanity,  my  man,  it's  no 
peppermint  drops  nor  pats  on  the  head  that'll  rule 
Muirtown  birkies ;  their  fathers  were  brought  up  on 
the  stick,  and  the  stick'll  make  the  sons  men.  If  ye'll 
take  my  advice,  Mr.  Byles,  adverteese  for  a  situation 
in  a  lassies'  school.  Ye're  ower  dainty  for  Muirtown 
Seminary." 

This  was  not  a  charge  which  his  worst  enemy 
could  bring  against  Mr.  Dugald  MacKinnon,  and 
because  he  was  the  very  opposite — a  most  unflinch- 
ing, resolute,  iron  man — he  engraved  himself  on  the 
hearts  of  three  generations  of  Muirtown  men.  They 
were  a  dour,  hard-headed,  enterprising  lot — a  blend 
from  the  upland  braes  of  Drumtochty  and  the  stiff 
carse  of  Gowrie  and  the  Celts  of  Lock  Tay,  with 
some  good  south  country  stuff — and  there  are  not 
many  big  cities  on  either  side  of  the  Atlantic  where 
two  or  three  Muirtown  men  cannot  this  day  be 
found.  They  always  carry  in  their  hearts  the  "Fair 
City" — which  lieth  in  a  basin  among  the  hills,  beside 
the  clean,  swift-running  river,  like  a  Scots  Florence; 
and  they  grow  almost  eloquent  when  they  start  upon 
their  home,  but  the  terminus  of  recollection  is  ever 
the  same.  When  they  have  dallied  with  the  swim- 
ming in  the  Tay,  and  the  climbing  of  the  hill  whicH 
looks  down  on  the  fair  plain  as  far  as  Dundee,  and 


26      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

the  golf  on  the  meadows,  and  the  mighty  snow  fights 
in  days  where  there  were  men  (that  is,  boys)  in  the 
land,  and  memory  is  fairly  awake,  some  one  sud- 
denly says,  "Bulldog."  "Ah!"  cries  another,  with 
long-drawn  pleasure,  as  one  tasting  a  delicate  liquor ; 
and  "Bulldog,"  repeats  the  third,  as  if  a  world  of  joy 
lay  in  the  word.  They  rest  for  a  minute,  bracing 
themselves,  and  then  conversation  really  begins,  and 
being  excited,  they  drop  into  the  Scots  tongue. 

"Man,"  hurries  in  the  first,  "a'  see  him  stannin'  at 
his  desk  in  the  mornin'  watchin'  the  laddies  comin'  in 
ower  the  top  o'  his  spectacles,  an'  juist  considerin' 
wha  wud  be  the  better  o'  a  bit  thrashin'  that  day." 

"Sax  feet  high  gin  he  wes  an  inch,"  bursts  in  the 
second,  "an'  as  straight  as  a  rush,  though  a'm 
thinkin'  he  wes  seventy,  or  maybe  eighty,  some  threi- 
pit  (insisted)  he  was  near  ninety;  an'  the  een  o'  him 
— div  ye  mind,  lads,  hoo  they  gied  back  an'  forward 
in  his  head — oscillatin'  like?  Sail,  they  were  fear- 
some." 

"An'  the  rush  to  get  in  afore  the  last  stroke  o' 
nine" — the  third  man  cannot  be  restrained — "an'  the 
crack  o'  his  cane  on  the  desk  an'  'Silence' ;  man,  ye 
micht  hae  heard  a  moose  cross  the  floor  at  the 
prayer." 

"Div  ye  think  he  keekit  oot  atween  his  eyelids, 
Jock?" 

"Him?  nae  fear  o't,"  and  Howieson  is  full  of  con- 
tempt.   "Ae  day  I  pit  a  peen  into  that  smooth-faced 


BULLDOG  27 

wratch  Dowbiggin,  juist  because  I  cudna  bear  the 
look  o'  him ;  an'  if  he  didna  squeal  like  a  stuck  pig. 
Did  Bulldog  open  his  een  an'  look?" 

The  audience  has  no  remembrance  of  such  a 
humiliating  descent. 

"Na,  na,"  resumes  Jock,  "he  didna  need ;  he  juist 
repeated  the  first  sentence  o'  the  prayer  ower  again 
in  an  awfu'  voice,  an'  aifter  it  wes  dune,  doon  he 
comes  to  me.    'Whatna  prank  wes  that  ?'  " 

"Wes't  nippy?"  inquires  Bauldie  with  relish,  an- 
ticipating the  sequel. 

"Michty,"  replies  Jock;  "an'  next  he  taks  Dow- 
biggin. 'Who  asked  you  to  join  in  the  prayer?'  an' 
ye  cud  hae  heard  his  yowls  on  the  street.  Bulldog 
hed  a  fine  stroke."  And  the  three  smoked  in  silent 
admiration  for  a  space. 

"Sandie,  div  ye  mind  the  sins  in  the  prayer?  'Lord 
deliver  the  laddies  before  Thee  from  lying '  " 

"  'Cheating,'  "  breaks  in  Bauldie. 

"  'Cowardice,'  "  adds  Sandie. 

"  'And  laziness,  which  are  as  the  devil,'  "  com- 
pletes Jock. 

"An'  the  laist  petition,  a'  likit  it  fine,  'Be  pleased 
to  put  common  sense  in  their  heads,  and  Thy  fear  in 
their  hearts,  and '  " 

"  'Give  them  grace  to  be  honest  men  all  the  days 
of  their  life,'  "  chant  the  other  two  together. 

"It  wes  a  purpose-like  prayer,  an'  a'  never  heard 
a  better,  lads ;   he  walkit  up  to  his  words,  did  Bull- 


28      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

dog,  an'  he  did  his  wark  well."  And  as  they  thought 
of  that  iron  age,  the  railway  president  and  the  big 
banker  and  the  corn  merchant — for  that  is  what  the 
fellows  have  come  to — smack  their  lips  with  relish 
and  kindly  regret. 

It  may  be  disappointing,  but  it  remains  a  fact,  that 
the  human  history  of  the  ages  is  repeated  in  the 
individual,  and  the  natural  boy  is  a  savage,  with  the 
aboriginal  love  of  sport,  hardy  indifference  to  cir- 
cumstances, stoical  concealment  of  feelings,  irrepres- 
sible passion  for  fighting,  unfeigned  admiration  for 
strength,  and  slavish  respect  for  the  strong  man. 
By-and-by  he  will  be  civilised  and  Christianised,  and 
settle  down,  will  become  considerate,  merciful,  peace- 
able— will  be  concerned  about  his  own  boys  having 
wet  feet,  and  will  preside  at  meetings  for  the  preven- 
tion of  cruelty  to  animals ;  but  he  has  to  go  through 
his  process  of  barbarism.  During  this  Red  Indian 
stage  a  philanthropist  is  not  the  ideal  of  the  boy. 
His  master  must  have  the  qualities  of  a  brigand  chief, 
an  autocratic  will,  a  fearless  mien,  and  an  iron  hand. 
On  the  first  symptom  of  mutiny  he  must  draw  a  pis- 
tol from  his  belt  (one  of  twenty),  and  shoot  the 
audacious  rebel  dead  on  the  spot.  So  perfectly  did 
Bulldog  fulfil  this  ideal  that  Bauldie,  who  had  an  un- 
holy turn  for  caricature,  once  drew  him  in  the  cos- 
tume and  arms  of  Chipanwhackewa,  an  Indian  chief 
of  prodigious  valour  and  marvellous  exploits.  This 
likeness  was  passed  from  hand  to  hand,  to  be  arrested 


BULLDOG  29 

and  confiscated  by  its  subject  when  in  Jock  Howie- 
son's  possession,  and  although  Jock  paid  the  penalty, 
as  was  most  due,  yet  it  was  believed  that  Bulldog  was 
much  pleased  by  the  tribute,  and  that  he  kept  the 
picture  in  his  desk. 

His  achievements  in  his  own  field,  which  extended 
from  the  supervision  of  handwriting  to  instruction  in 
mathematics,  were  sustained  and  marvellous.  When 
a  boy  was  committed  to  his  care  at  or  about  the  age 
of  eight,  before  which  age  he  attended  a  girls'  school 
and  fed  his  imagination  on  what  was  in  store  for  him 
under  Bulldog,  the  great  man  wrote  at  the  head  of 
his  copy-book,  in  full  text  and  something  better  than 
copper-plate,  "He  that  spareth  his  rod  hateth  his 
son."  With  this  animating  sentiment  the  neophyte 
made  a  fearful  beginning,  and  his  master  assisted 
him  to  transcribe  it  for  years  to  come  through  half 
text  and  small  text,  till  he  could  accomplish  it  with 
such  delicate  up-strokes  and  massive  down-strokes, 
such  fine  curves  and  calculated  distances,  that  the 
writing  could  hardly  be  distinguished  from  the  orig- 
inal, and  might  be  exhibited  to  the  Lord  Provost  and 
bailies  at  the  annual  examination.  It  is  said  now 
that  no  school  of  any  name  in  the  land  would  con- 
descend to  teach  writing,  and  that  boys  coming  from 
such  high  places  can  compass  their  own  signatures 
with  difficulty,  and  are  quite  illegible  after  a  gentle- 
manly fashion;  but  it  was  otherwise  in  one  old 
grammar  school.  So  famous  was  the  caligraphy  pro- 


30       YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

duced  at  the  Seminary  that  Muirtown  bankers, 
lawyers,  and  other  great  personages  used  to  drop  in 
of  an  afternoon,  and  having  snuffed  with  the  master, 
would  go  over  the  copy-books  and  pick  out  suitable 
lads  for  their  offices.  And  it  is  a  solemn  fact  that 
one  enterprising  Muirtown  clerk  went  up  to  London 
without  a  single  introduction  and  obtained  a  situa- 
tion in  the  great  firm  of  Brancker,  Copleston,  Gold- 
beater &  Co.,  on  the  strength  of  a  letter  and  sheet 
of  figures  he  sent  to  old  Fyler,  the  manager,  whose 
reason  was  giving  way  under  the  scrawling  of  the 
junior  clerks.  Bulldog  considered  that  his  pupils' 
handwriting  steadily  deteriorated  from  the  day  of 
their  departure.  When  they  came  to  see  him  at 
school  from  Glasgow,  London,  and  beyond  the  sea, 
as  they  all  did,  on  their  visits  to  Muirtown,  besides 
giving  them  an  affectionate  welcome,  which  began 
at  the  door  and  ended  at  the  desk,  he  never  failed  to 
produce  their  letters  and  point  out  the  decadence  in 
careful  detail,  while  the  school  rejoiced  greatly. 

Any  lad  who  showed  some  aptitude,  or  whose 
father  insisted  on  the  higher  education,  was  allured 
into  geometry  and  raised  to  the  dignity  of  the  black- 
board, where  he  did  his  work  in  face  of  the 
school  with  fear  and  trembling.  This  was  public  life, 
and  carried  extremes  of  honour  and  disgrace.  When 
Willie  Pirie  appeared  at  the  board — who  is  now  a 
Cambridge  don  of  such  awful  learning  that  his 
juniors,  themselves  distinguished  persons,  can  only 


BULLDOG  31 

imagine  where  he  is  in  pure  mathematics — the 
school,  by  tacit  permission,  suspended  operations  to 
see  the  performance.  As  WilUe  progressed,  throw- 
ing in  an  angle  here  and  a  circle  there,  and  utihsing 
half  the  alphabet  for  signs,  while  he  maintained  the 
reasoning  from  point  to  point  in  his  high,  shrill  voice, 
Bulldog  stood  a  pace  aside,  a  pointer  in  one 
hand  and  in  the  other  a  cloth  with  which  at  a  time 
he  would  wipe  his  forehead  till  it  was  white  with 
chalk,  and  his  visage  was  glorious  to  behold.  When 
the  end  came.  Bulldog  would  seize  the  word  out  of 
Pirie's  mouth  and  shout,  "Q.E.D.,  Q...E...D. 
Splendid.  Did  ye  follow  that,  laddies  ?"  taking  snuff 
profusely,  with  the  cloth  under  one  arm  and  the 
pointer  under  the  other.  "William  Pirie,  ye'll  be  a 
wrangler  if  ye  hae  grace  o'  continuance.    Splendid !" 

It  was  otherwise  when  Jock  Howieson  tried  to 
indicate  the  nature  of  an  isosceles  triangle  and  con- 
fused it  with  a  square,  supporting  his  artistic  efforts 
with  remarks  which  reduced  all  the  axioms  of  Euclid 
to  one  general  ruin.  For  a  while  the  master  ex- 
plained and  corrected,  then  he  took  refuge  in  an 
ominous  silence,  after  which,  at  each  new  develop- 
ment, he  played  on  Jock  with  the  pointer,  till  Jock, 
seeing  him  make  for  the  cane,  modestly  withdrew, 
but  did  not  reach  his  place  of  retreat  without 
assistance  and  much  plain  truth. 

"It's  a  shame  to  take  any  fee  from  your  father, 
Jock  Howieson,  and  it's  little  use  trying  to  give  ye 


32      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

any  education.  Ye've  the  thickest  head  and  the  least 
sense  in  all  the  schule.  Man,  they  should  take 
you  home  and  set  ye  on  eggs  to  bring  out  chickens ; 
ye  micht  manage  that  wi'  care.  The  first  three  prop- 
ositions, Jock,  before  ye  leave  this  room,  without  a 
slip,  or  ma  certes!"  and  Jock  understood  that  if  he 
misused  his  time  his  instructor  would  make  good 
use  of  his. 

It  was  Bulldog's  way  to  promenade  the  empty 
schoolroom  for  ten  minutes  before  the  reassembling 
at  two,  and  it  was  rare  indeed  that  a  boy  should  be 
late.  When  one  afternoon  there  were  only  nineteen 
present  and  forty-three  absent,  he  could  only  look  at 
Dowbiggin,  and  when  that  exemplary  youth  ex- 
plained that  the  school  had  gone  up  to  the  top  of  the 
Meadow  for  a  bathe,  and  suggested  they  were  still 
enjoying  themselves.  Bulldog  was  much  lifted, 

"Bathing  is  a  healthy  exercise,  and  excellent  for 
the  mind,  but  it's  necessary  to  bring  a  glow  to  the 
skin  aifterwards,  or  there  micht  be  a  chill,"  and  he 
searched  out  and  felt  a  superior  cane  kept  for  the 
treatment  of  truants  and  other  grievous  offenders. 

It  was  exactly  2.15  when  the  door  opened  and 
a  procession  of  forty-two  entered  panting  and 
breathless,  headed  by  Dune  Robertson,  who  carried 
his  head  erect,  with  a  light  in  his  eye,  and  closed  by 
Peter,  whose  hair  was  like  unto  that  of  a  drowned 
rat,  and  whose  unconcealed  desire  was  for  obscurity. 
The  nineteen  could  only  smack  their  lips  with  ex- 


BULLDOG  33 

pectation  and  indicate  by  signs  the  treat  awaiting 
their  comrades. 

"I've  had  chairge  of  the  departments  of  writing, 
arithmetic,  and  mathematics  in  the  Muirtown  Sem- 
inary," began  Bulldog,  "for  fifty-five  years  laist 
Martinmas,  and  near  eighteen  hundred  laddies  hae 
passed  through  my  hands.  Some  o'  them  were  gude 
and  some  were  bad" — Mr.  MacKinnon  spoke  with  a 
judicial  calmness  that  was  awful — "some  were  yir 
grandfathers,  some  were  yir  fathers ;  but  such  a  set 

of    impudent,    brazen-faced    little    scoundrels " 

Then  his  composure  failed  him  as  he  looked  at  the 
benches.  "What  have  ye  got  to  say  for  yirselves, 
for  it  will  be  three  weeks  afore  I'm  over  ye  all  ?" 

For  a  while  no  one  moved,  and  then  Dune 
Robertson  rose  in  his  place  and  made  speech  for  his 
fellows  like  a  gentleman's  son. 

"We  are  sorry  for  being  late,  sir,  but  it  was  not 
our  blame ;  we  had  been  bathing  in  the  golfers'  pool, 
and  were  dressing  to  run  down  to  school  in  good 
time.  Little  Nestie — I  mean  Ernest  Molyneux,  sir 
— had  stayed  in  a  little  longer,  and  someone  cried, 
'Nestie's  drowning!'  and  there  the  little  chap  was, 
being  carried  away  by  the  current." 

"Is  'Nestie' — drowned?"  and  they  all  noticed  the 
break  in  Bulldog's  voice,  and  remembered  that  if  he 
showed  indulgence  to  anyone  it  was  to  the  little 
English  lad  that  had  appeared  in  Muirtown  life  as 
one  out  of  due  place. 


34      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

"No,  sir,  Nestie's  safe,  and  some  women  have 
taken  him  home;  but  he  was  very  nearly  gone,"  and 
Dune  was  plainly  shaken.  "He's  a  good  ween  man, 
and — and  it  would  have  been  terrible  to  see  him  die 
before  our  eyes." 

"Who  saved  Nestie?"  Bulldog's  face  was  white. 
and  Jock  swore  afterwards  the  tears  were  in  his 
eyes — but  that  we  did  not  believe. 

"It  was  one  of  the  boys,  sir" — Robertson's  voice 
was  very  proud — "and  it  was  a  gallant  deed ;  but  I 
can't  give  his  name,  because  he  made  me  promise  not 
to  tell." 

The  master  looked  round  the  school,  and  there  was  • 
a  flush  on  his  cheek. 

"John  Howieson,"  with  a  voice  that  knew  no  re- 
fusal, and  Jock  stood  in  his  place. 

"Give  me  the  laddie's  name  who  savit  Nestie." 

"It  was  Speug,  sir,  an' — it  wes  michty;  but  a' 
wudna  hae  telt  had  ye  no  askit,  an' — it's  no  my 
blame,"  and  Jock  cast  a  deprecatory  glance  where 
Peter  was  striving  to  hide  himself  behind  a  slate. 

"Peter  McGuffie,  come  out  this  moment,"  and 
Peter,  who  had  obeyed  this  order  in  other  circum- 
stances with  an  immovable  countenance,  now  pre- 
sented the  face  of  one  who  had  broken  a  till. 

"Tell  the  story,  Duncan  Robertson,  every  word 
of  it,  that  each  laddie  in  this  room  may  remember  it 
as  lang  as  he  lives." 

"We  had  nearly  all   dressed,   and   some  of  us 


BULLDOG  35 

had  started  for  school . .  .  and  when  I  got  back  Mc- 
Guffie  had  jumped  and  was  out  in  the  current  wait- 
ing for  Nestie  to  come  up.  We  saw  his  face  at  last, 
white  on  the  water,  and  shouted  to  Peter,  and .  .  . 
he  had  him  in  a  minute,  and .  .  .  made  for  shore ;  big 
swimming,  sir;  not  one  of  us  could  have  done  it 
except  himself.  A  salmon-fisher  showed  us  how  to 
rub  Nestie  till  he  came  round,  and.  .  .he  smiled  to 
us,  and  said,  'I'm  all  right;  sorry  to  trouble  you 
chaps.'  Then  we  ran  down  as  hard  as  we  could  lick, 
and. ,  .that's  all,  sir." 

"Ye're  a  leear,  Duncan  Robertson,"  suddenly 
broke  out  Speug,  goaded  beyond  endurance;  "ye 
helpit  oot  Nestie  yirself,  an'  ye're.  .  .as  muckle  tae 
blame  as  me." 

"All  I  did,  sir" — and  Robertson's  face  was  burn- 
ing red — "was  to  meet  Peter  and  take  Nestie  off  his 
hands  quite  near  the  bank;  he  had  the  danger;  I 
.  .  .  did  nothing — was  too  late,  in  fact,  to  be  of  use." 

Speug  might  have  contested  this  barefaced  at- 
tempt at  exculpation,  but  Bulldog  was  himself  again 
and  gripped  the  reins  of  authority. 

"Silence!"  and  his  emotion  found  vent  in  thunder; 
"no  arguing  in  my  presence.  You're  an  impudent 
fellow,  Peter  McGuffie,  and  have  been  all  your  days, 
the  most  troublesome,  mischievous,  upsetting  laddie 
in  Muirtown  School,"  and  the  culprit's  whole  mien 
was  that  of  a  dog  with  a  bad  conscience. 

"Ye've  fought  with  your  fists,  and  ye've  fought 


36     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

with  snowballs;  ye've  played  truant  times  without 
number;  and  as  for  your  tricks  in  school,  they're 
beyond  knowledge.  And  now  ye  must  needs  put  the 
capper  on  the  concern  wi'  this  business ! 

"There's  no  use  denying  it,  Peter,  for  the  evidence 
is  plain" — and  now  Bulldog  began  to  speak  with 
great  deliberation.  "Ye  saw  a  little  laddie  out  of  his 
depth  and  likely  to  be  drowned."  (Peter  dared  not 
lift  his  head  this  time;  it  was  going  to  be  a  bad  case.) 

"Ye  micht  have  given  the  alarm  and  got  the  sal- 
mon-fishers, but,  instead  of  acting  like  ony  quiet,  de- 
cent, well-brought-up  laddie,  and  walking  down  to 
the  school  in  time  for  the  geometry"  (the  school  be- 
lieved that  the  master's  eye  rested  on  William  Dow- 
biggin),  "ye  jumped  clothes  and  all  into  the  Tay." 
(There  was  evidently  no  extenuating  feature,  and 
Peter's  expression  was  hopeless.) 

"Nor  was  that  all.  But  the  wicked  speerit  that's 
in  ye,  Peter  McGuffie,  made  ye  swim  out  where  the 
river  was  running  strongest  and  an  able-bodied  man 
wouldna  care  to  go.  And  what  for  did  ye  forget 
yirsel  and  risk  yer  life?"  But  for  the  first  time  there 
v/as  no  bravery  left  in  Peter  to  answer;  his  wicked- 
ness was  beyond  excuse,  as  he  now  felt. 

"Just  to  save  an  orphan  laddie  f  rae  a  watery  death. 
And  ye  did  it,  Peter;  an'  it...  beats  a'thing  ye've 
dune  since  ye  came  into  Muirtown  Academy? 
As  for  you,  Duncan  Robertson,  ye  may  say  what  ye 
like,  but  it's  my  opinion  that  ye're  no  one  grain 


[    >\v\\\Xji^^^\\\<v 


Petkr  dared  X()T  lift   his  iii;ad." 


BULLDOG  37 

better.  Peter  got  in  first,  for  he's  a  perfect  genius 
for  mischief — he's  aye  on  the  spot — but  ye  were  after 
him  as  soon  as  ye  could — you're  art  and  part,  baith  o' 
ye,  in  the  exploit."  It  was  clear  now  that  Dune  was 
in  the  same  condemnation  and  would  share  the  same 
reward;  whereat  Peter's  heart  was  lifted,  for  Rob- 
ertson's treachery  cried  to  Heaven  for  judgment. 

"Boys  of  Muirtown,  do  you  see  those  tablets?" 
— and  Bulldog  pointed  to  the  lists  in  gold  of  the 
former  pupils  who  had  distinguished  themselves  over 
the  world — prizemen,  soldiers,  travellers,  writers, 
preachers,  lawyers,  doctors.  "It's  a  grand  roll,  and 
an  honour  to  have  a  place  in  it,  and  there  are  two  new 
names  to  be  added. 

"Laddies" — and  Bulldog  came  down  from  his 
desk  and  stood  opposite  the  culprits,  whose  one  wish 
was  that  the  floor  might  open  beneath  them  and  swal- 
low them  up — "you  are  the  sons  of  men,  and  I  knew 
you  had  the  beginnings  of  men  in  you.  I  am  proud 
. .  .to  shake  hands  with  you,  and  to  be. .  .your  mas- 
ter. Be  ofif  this  instant,  run  like  mad  to  yir  homes 
and  change  yir  clothes,  and  be  back  inside  half  an 
hour,  or  it  will  be  the  worse  for  ye!  And,  look  ye 
here,  I  would  like  to  know.  .  .how  Nestie  is." 

His  walk  through  the  room  was  always  full 
of  majesty,  but  on  that  day  it  passed  imagination, 
and  from  time  to  time  he  could  be  heard  in  a  solilo- 
quy, "A  pair  of  young  rascals !  Men  of  their  hands, 
though,  men  of  their  hands!     Their  fathers'  sons! 


38     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

Well  done,  Peter!"  To  which  the  benches  listened 
with  awe,  for  never  had  they  known  Bulldog  after 
this  fashion. 

When  the  school  assembled  next  Monday  morning 
the  boys  read  in  fresh,  shining  letters — 

"Peter  McGuffie  and  Duncan  R.  S.  Robert- 
S0N_,  who  at  the  risk  of  their  own  lives  saved  a  school- 
fellow from  drowning." 

It  stood  before  the  school,  so  that  all  could  see; 
but  if  anyone  dared  to  make  a  sign  in  that  direction 
as  he  passed  Speug's  desk,  his  life  was  not  worth 
living  for  seven  days,  and  it  was  felt  that  Speug 
never  completely  recovered  from  the  moral  disgrace 
of  that  day. 


NESTI E 
III 

It  was  understood  that  Nestie's  mother  was  dead 
and  that  his  father  was  the  Baptist  minister  of  Muir- 
town — a  denomination  whose  adherents  were  few 
and  whose  practices  were  vaguely  associated  with 
the  mill  lade — and  for  two  years  before  he  appeared 
at  school  Nestie  and  his  father  were  quite  familiar 
to  the  boys.  Nestie  began  his  education  at  a  ladies' 
school,  not  far  from  the  Seminary,  where  he  was 
much  petted  by  the  big  girls,  and  his  father  could  be 
seen  waiting  for  him  every  afternoon  at  dismissal 
time.  A  gentle,  timid  little  man,  apt  to  blush  on 
being  spoken  to,  with  a  hesitating  speech  and  a  sug- 
gestion of  lasting  sorrow  in  his  eyes,  Mr.  Molyneux 
would  sooner  have  faced  a  cannon  than  Miss  Letitia 
MacMuldrow's  bevy  of  young  women,  and  it  was 
a  simple  fact  that  when,  meditating  his  sermon  one 
day  in  the  North  Meadow,  he  flopped  into  their 
midst  and  his  son  insisted  on  introducing  him  to 
the  boarders  and  to  Miss  Letitia,  the  poor  man  went 
home  to  bed  and  left  the  pulpit  next  Sunday  to  an 


40     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

amateur  exhorter.  His  plan  of  campaign  was  to 
arrive  on  the  opposite  side  of  the  terrace  about  a 
quarter  to  three,  and,  as  the  hour  drew  near,  recon- 
noitre the  door  from  behind  a  clump  of  bushes  at  the 
foot  of  the  garden.  Nestie  usually  made  his  appear- 
ance with  a  bodyguard  of  maidens,  who  kissed  him 
shamelessly,  and  then,  catching  sight  of  the  anxious 
face  peeping  through  the  laburnums,  he  would  dash 
down  the  walk  and,  giving  his  slaves  a  last  wave, 
disappear  round  the  corner.  The  minister  used  to 
take  a  hasty  survey  lest  they  should  become  a  sport 
to  the  barbarians  in  a  land  where  for  a  father  to  kiss 
his  boy  was  synonymous  with  mental  incapacity, 
and  then — it  was  a  cat  of  a  girl  who  oversaw  the 
meeting — they  hugged  one  another  for  the  space  of 
a  whole  minute,  in  which  time  it  is  wonderful  what 
can  be  done  if  your  heart  is  in  it  and  your  hat  is 
allowed  to  go  without  care.  Had  a  Seminary  boy 
seen  the  sight — but  the  savages  were  caged  at  that 
hour — his  feet  would  have  been  glued  to  the  ground 
with  amazement,  and  he  had  gone  away  full  of  silent 
gratitude  that  Providence  had  cast  his  lot  north  of 
the  Tweed;  but  of  course  he  had  not  reckoned  that 
the  father  and  son  had  been  separated  for,  say,  six 
whole  hours — or  almost — and  it  was  necessary  to 
re-establish  relations.  When  this  had  been  done  sat- 
isfactorily the  two  crossed  a  wooden  bridge  into  the 
Meadow  arm-in-arm — Mr.  Molyneux  unconsciously 
wearing  his  hat  with  a  rakish  air  on  the  side  of  his 


N  EST  I  E  41 

head.  Between  this  hour  and  sunset  was  their 
pleasure  in  the  summer  time,  and  the  things  they  did 
were  varied  and  remarkable.  Sometimes  they  would 
disappear  into  the  woods  above  Muirtown,  and  re- 
turn home  very  dirty,  very  tired,  very  happy,  laden 
with  wild  flowers  and  dank,  earthy  roots,  which  they 
planted  in  their  tiny  garden  and  watered  together 
with  tender  solicitude.  Other  times  they  played 
what  was  supposed  to  be  golf  over  a  course  of  their 
own  selection  and  creation  at  the  top  of  the  Meadow, 
and  if  by  any  chance  the  minister  got  a  ball  into  a 
hole,  then  Nestie  danced  for  a  space  and  the  minister 
apologised  for  his  insolent  success.  Times  there 
were — warm,  summer  days — when  the  minister 
would  bring  a  book  with  him  and  read  to  Nestie  as 
they  lay  in  a  grassy  hollow  together.  And  on  these 
days  they  would  fall  a-talking,  and  it  would  end  in 
a  photograph  being  taken  from  a  case,  and  after  they 
had  studied  it  together,  both  would  kiss  the  face, 
which  was  as  if  Nestie  had  kissed  himself.  Regular 
frequenters  of  the  North  Meadow  began  to  take  an 
interest  in  the  pair,  so  that  the  golfers  would  cry 
"Fore"  in  quite  a  kindly  tone  when  they  got  in  the 
way  of  the  balls,  and  one  day  old  Peter  Peebles,  the 
chief  of  the  salmon-fishers  and  a  man  of  rosy  coun- 
tenance, rowed  them  up  to  Woody  Island,  and  then 
allowed  the  boat  to  drop  down  with  the  tide  past  the 
North  Meadow  and  beneath  the  two  bridges,  and 
landed  them  at  the  South  Meadow,  refusing  all  rec- 


42      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

ompense  with  fierce  words.  Motherly  old  ladies 
whose  families  were  off  their  hands,  and  who  took  in 
the  situation  at  a  glance,  used  to  engage  Mr.  Moly- 
neux  in  conversation  in  order  to  warn  him  about 
Nestie's  flannels  and  the  necessity  of  avoiding  damp 
at  nightfall.  And  many  who  never  spoke  to  them, 
and  would  have  repudiated  the  idea  of  sentiment 
with  scorn,  had  a  tender  heart  and  a  sense  of  the 
tears  of  things  as  the  pair,  strange  and  lonely,  yet 
contented  and  happy,  passed  them  in  the  evening. 

When  the  time  came  that  Nestie  had  to  leave  Miss 
Letitia's,  his  father  began  to  hang  round  the  Semi- 
nary taking  observations,  and  his  heart  was  heavy 
within  him.  After  he  had  watched  a  scrimmage  at 
football — a  dozen  of  the  aboriginal  savages  fighting 
together  in  a  heap,  a  mass  of  legs,  arms,  heads — and 
been  hustled  across  the  terrace  in  a  rush  of  Russians 
and  English,  from  which  he  emerged  without  his 
hat,  umbrella,  or  book,  and  after  he  had  been  eye- 
witness of  an  encounter  between  Jock  Howieson  and 
Bauldie  over  a  misunderstanding  in  marbles,  he  of- 
fered to  teach  Nestie  at  home. 

"Those  Scotch  boys  are  very .  ,  .  h-healthy,  Nestie, 
and  I  am  not  sure  whether  you  are  quite ...  fit  for 
their.  .  .habits.     There  is  a  master,  too,  called... 

Bulldog,  and  I  am  afraid "  and  Mr.  Molyneux 

looked  wistfully  at  his  boy. 

"Why,  pater,  you  are  very  n-naughty,  and  don't 
d-deserve  two  lumps  of  sugar,"  for  ever  since  they 


NESTIE  43 

were  alone  he  had  taken  his  mother's  place  and 
poured  out  the  tea.  "Do  you  think  I  am  a  coward? 
A  boy  must  learn  to  play  games,  you  know,  and  they 
won't  be  hard  on  a  little  chap  at  first.  I'll  soon  learn 
f-football  and .  .  .  the  other  things.  I  can  play  golf  a 
little  now.  Didn't  you  tell  me,  pater,  that  mother 
was  as  bwave  as. .  .a  s-soldier?" 

"Of  course  she  was,  Nestie,"  and  Mr.  Molyneux 
fell  into  the  innocent  little  snare.  "If  you  had  only 
seen  the  pony  your  mother  used  to  ride  on  her 
father's  farm  in  Essex,  where  I  saw  her  first!  Do 
you  know,  nobody  could  ride  'Gypsy'  except  its  mis- 
tress. It  r-reared  and .  .  .  k-kicked,  Nestie" — the 
little  man  spoke  with  awe — "and  once  ran  away ;  but 
your  mother  could  always  manage  it.  She  looked  so 
handsome  on  'Gypsy' ;  and  you  have  her  spirit.  I'm 
very.  .  .t-timid." 

"No,  you  aren't,  not  one  little  bit,  pater,  if  there's 
real  d-danger."  Nestie  was  now  on  his  father's  knee, 
with  a  hand  round  his  neck.  "Who  faced  the  cow 
on  the  meadows  when  she  was  charging,  and  the 
nurse  had  left  the  child,  eh?  Now,  pater,  tell  the 
truth." 

"That  was  because. .  .the  poor  little  man  would 
have  been  killed .  .  .  anyone  would  have  d-done  that, 
and. .  .1  d-did  not  think  what  I  was  d-doing.  .  . " 

"Yes,  I  know,"  and  Nestie  mocked  his  father 
shamefully,  even  unto  his  face ;  "and  everybody  read 
in  the  paper  how  the  child  was'nt  near  the  cow,  and 


44      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

the  cow  was  quite  nice  and  well-behaved,  and  you 
. .  .  ran  away ;  for  shame,  now ! 

"Did  you  go  to  the  people  that  had  the  dip. . . 
dip ...  in  the  throat,  or  not  ? — that's  a  word  I  can't 
manage  yet,  but  I  heard  Miss  Leti-titia  and  the  girls 
say  you  were  like  the  soldiers  'at  got  the  Vic — ■ 
Victoria  Cwoss." 

"That's  d-different,  Nestie;  that's  my  d-duty." 

"Well,  it's  my  d-duty  to  go  to  the  S-Semi- 
nary,  pater;"  and  so  he  went. 

"What's  your  name?"  Nestie  was  standing  in 
the  centre  of  the  large  entrance  hall  where  his  father 
had  left  him,  a  neat,  slim  little  figure  in  an  Eton  suit 
and  straw  hat,  and  the  walls  were  lined  by  big  lads 
in  kilts,  knickers,  tweed  suits,  and  tailless  Highland 
bonnets  in  various  stages  of  roughness  and  decay. 

"Ernest  Molyneux,  and  for  short,  Nestie,"  and  he 
looked  round  with  a  bright  little  smile,  although  in- 
wardly very  nervous. 

"Moly-havers,"  retorted  Cosh,  who  had  a  vague 
sense  that  Nestie,  with  his  finished  little  manner,  his 
English  accent,  his  unusual  dress,  and  his  high- 
sounding  name,  was  an  offence  to  the  Seminary. 
"Get  yir  hat  oot  o'  there,"  and  Cosh  sent  Ernest's 
straw  skimming  into  the  forbidden  "well." 

Molyneux's  face  turned  crimson,  for  he  had  in- 
herited the  temper  which  mistressed  "Gypsy,"  and 
boys  who  remembered  Speug's  first  exploit  expected 
to  see  the  newcomer  spring  at  Cosh's  face. 


NEST  IE  45 

"You  mean  that  for  f-fun,  I  s'pose,"  he  said  an 
instant  later,  and  he  recovered  his  hat  very  neatly. 
"I  can  leap  a  little,  you  know,  not  m-much  yet,"  and 
again  he  smiled  round  the  ring. 

Nothing  quite  like  this  had  happened  before  in  the 
Seminary,  and  there  was  a  pause  in  the  proceedings, 
which  was  the  salvation  of  Nestie,  and  far  more  of 
Peter  McGuffie.  He  had  been  arrested  by  the  first 
sight  of  Nestie  and  had  been  considering  the  whole 
situation  in  silence.     Peter  had  a  sudden  inspiration. 

"Did  ye  say  Nestie?"  inquired  Speug,  with  an  al- 
most kindly  accent,  moving  a  little  forward  as  for 
purposes  of  identification. 

"My  pater  calls  me  that,  and . .  .  others  did,  but 
perhaps  you  would  like  to  say  Molyneux.  What  is 
3^our  name?" 

"We  'ill  call  ye  'Nestie' ;  it's  no  an  ill  word,  an'  it 
runs  on  the  tongue.  Ma  name  is  Peter  McGufiie, 
or  Speug,  an'  gin  onybody  meddle  wi'  ye  gie's  a  cry." 
And  to  show  the  celerity  of  his  assistance  Peter 
sent  the  remains  of  Cosh's  bonnet  into  the  "well" 
just  as  Bulldog  came  down  to  his  room. 

"Bulldog's  in,"  as  that  estimable  man  identified  the 
owner  of  the  bonnet  and  passed  on  to  his  class-room. 
"In  aifter  him,  an'  gie  yir  name,  afore  the  schule 
comes." 

"Will  you  come  with  me,  P-Peter?"  and  that 
worthy  followed  him  mechanically,  while  the  school 
held   their  breath;   "it   would   be  kind   of  you   to 


46     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

intwodoosh — it's  a  little  difficult,  that  word — me  to 
the  master." 

"What's  the  meaning  of  this?"  demanded  Bulldog 
at  the  sight  of  the  two,  for  speech  was  paralysed  in 
Speug  and  he  was  aghast  at  his  own  audacity. 

"A  new  laddie.  .  .ca'ed  Molly,  Mol...a'  canna 
mind  it.  .  .Nestie.  .  .he  dinna  know  the  way..." 
And  Speug  broke  down  and  cast  a  despairing  look 
at  the  cane. 

"Peter  pwotected  me  from  the  other  boys,  who 
were  making  fun  of  me,  and  I  asked  him  to  bwing 
me  in  to  you,  sir ;  he  was  very  p-polite." 

"Was  he?"  said  Bulldog,  regarding  Speug's  con- 
fusion with  unconcealed  delight;  "that  is  quite  his 
public  character  in  this  school,  and  there's  nobody 
better  known.  My  advice" — here  Bulldog  stopped, 
and  looked  from  Speug  to  Nestie  as  one  who  was 
about  to  say  something  and  had  changed  his  mind 
— "is  to.  .  .be  friends  with  Peter." 

So  when  the  school  took  their  places  Nestie  was 
seated  next  to  Speug,  and  it  was  understood  in  a 
week  that  Nestie  was  ready  to  take  his  fair  share  in 
any  honest  fun  that  was  going,  but  that  if  one  of  the 
baser  sort  tried  to  play  the  blackguard  with  Nestie, 
he  had  to  balance  accounts  with  Speug,  and  that  the 
last  farthing  would  be  faithfully  exacted. 

As  Nestie  had  at  once  settled  in  his  mind  that 
Speug  was  a  young  gentleman  of  high  conduct  and 
excellent  manners — and  Nestie,  with  all  his  sweet- 


N  E  S  T  I  E  47 

ness,  was  as  obstinate  as  a  mule — nothing  remained 
for  Speug  but  to  act  as  far  as  he  could  up  to  his  new- 
character.  With  this  example  of  diligence  by  his 
side,  he  was  roused  to  such  exertion  that  he  emerged 
from  longdivision  and  plunged  into  the  rule  of  three, 
while  Nestie  marvelled  at  his  accomplishments — "for 
I'm  not  a  clever  chap  like  you,  P-Peter."  Speug 
had  also  accumulated  a  considerable  collection  of 
pencil  sketches,  mostly  his  own,  in  which  life  at 
Muirtown  Seminary  was  treated  very  broadly  in- 
deed, and  as  he  judged  this  portfolio  unlikely  to  be 
appreciated  by  Nestie,  and  began  himself  to  have 
some  scruple  in  having  his  own  name  connected  with 
it,  it  was  consigned  to  the  flames,  and  any  offer  of 
an  addition,  which  boys  made  to  Speug  as  a  connois- 
seur in  Rabelaisean  art,  was  taken  as  a  ground  of  of- 
fence. His  personal  habits  had  been  negligent  to  a 
fault,  and  Nestie  was  absurdly  careful  about  his 
hands,  so  Peter  was  reduced  to  many  little  observ- 
ances he  had  overlooked,  and  would  indeed  have 
exposed  himself  to  scathing  criticism  had  it  not  been 
that  his  sense  of  humour  was  limited  and,  so  far  as 
it  went,  of  a  markedly  practical  turn. 

As  Nestie  never  ceased  to  exalt  this  paladin  of 
chivalry,  and  all  the  virtues  which  he  had  discovered 
at  school,  Mr.  Molyneux  hungered  to  see  him,  and  so 
Speug  was  invited  to  tea  on  a  Saturday  evening — an 
invitation  he  accepted  with  secret  pride  and  outward 
confusion  of  face.    All  the  time  which  could  be  saved 


48      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

that  day  from  the  sermons  was  devoted  by  Mr. 
Molyneux  and  his  son  to  the  commissariat,  and  it 
was  pretty  to  see  the  Molyneuxs  going  from  shop  to 
shop  collecting  the  feast.  With  much  cunning  Nes- 
tie  had  drawn  from  Speug  that  fried  sausages 
(pork)  with  mashed  potatoes,  followed  up  by  jam 
tarts  and  crowned  with  (raisin)  cake,  was  a  meal 
to  live  for,  and  all  this  they  had,  with  shortbread  and 
marmalade,  thrown  in  as  relishes.  When  Nestie  was 
not  watching  at  the  upper  window  for  Peter's  com- 
ing he  was  gloating  over  the  table,  and  pater,  putting 
last  touches  to  his  exposure  of  Infant  Baptism,  ran 
out  and  in  to  see  that  nothing  had  been  forgotten, 
for  they  did  not  give  many  feasts,  and  this  was  one 
of  gratitude.  Peter  was  late,  because  he  had  gath- 
ered his  whole  establishment  to  dress  him,  including 
the  old  groom,  who  wished  him  to  go  in  corduroy 
breeches  and  top  boots,  and  Speug  was  polished  to 
the  extent  of  shining.  He  was  also  so  modest  that 
he  would  not  speak,  nor  even  look,  and  when  Nestie 
began  to  discourse  on  his  goodness  he  cast  glances 
at  the  door  and  perspired  visibly,  on  which  occasions 
he  wiped  his  forehead  with  a  large  red  handkerchief. 
Amid  all  his  experiences  on  land  and  water,  on  horse- 
back and  among  boys — i.e.,  savages — he  had  never 
yet  been  exalted  as  a  hero  and  a  philanthropist,  and 
he  felt  uncomfortable  in  his  clothes.  He  was  in- 
duced, however,  to  trifle  with  the  tea,  and  in  the  end 
did  very  fairly,  regaining  his  native  composure  so  far 


N  E  S  T  I  E  49 

as  to  describe  a  new  horse  his  father  had  bought,  and 
the  diaboHcal  wickedness  of  the  tame  fox  at  the  sta- 
bles. Afterwards  Nestie  took  Speug  to  his  room  and 
showed  him  his  various  treasures — a  writing-desk 
with  a  secret  drawer;  The  Sandalwood  Traders  by 
Ballantyne ;  a  box  of  real  tools,  with  nails  and  tacks 
complete;  and  then  he  uncovered  something  hidden 
in  a  case,  whereat  Speug  was  utterly  astonished. 

"Yes,  it's  a  watch;  my  mother  left  it  to  me,  and 
some  day  I'll  wear  it,  you  know;  your  mother's 
g-gone,  too,  Peter,  isn't  she?" 

"Aye,"  replied  Peter,  "but  a'  dinna  mind  o'  her." 
And  then,  anxious  to  change  the  subject,  he  pro- 
duced a  new  knife  with  six  blades.  Before  leaving 
he  promised  to  give  Nestie  a  pair  of  rabbits,  and  to 
guide  him  in  their  upbringing  after  a  proper  fashion. 
Without  having  ventured  into  the  field  of  sentiment, 
there  is  no  doubt  Peter  had  carried  himself  in  a  way 
to  satisfy  Mr.  Molyneux,  and  he  himself  gave  such 
an  account  of  the  tea  to  Mr.  McGuffie  senior,  that 
night,  that  the  horsedealer,  although  not  given  to 
Pharisaical  observance  of  the  Sabbath,  attended  the 
little  Baptist  chapel  next  day  in  state,  sleeping 
through  the  sermon,  but  putting  five  shillings  in  the 
plate,  while  Peter,  sitting  most  demurely  at  his 
father's  side,  identified  two  of  his  enemies  of  Mcln- 
tyre's  Academy  and  turned  various  things  over  in  his 
mind. 

If  anyone,  however,  supposed  that  the  spirit  had 


so      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

gone  out  of  Peter  through  his  friendship  with  Nestie, 
he  erred  greatly,  and  this  Robert  Cosh  learned  to  his 
cost.  What  possessed  him  no  one  could  guess,  and 
very  likely  he  did  not  know  himself,  but  he  must 
needs  waylay  Nestie  in  Breadalbane  Street  one  day 
after  schooltime  and  speak  opprobriously  to  him, 
finishing  up — 

"Awa'  wi'  ye;  yir  father's  a  meeserable  yammer- 
ing  (stammering)    dookie   (Baptist)   minister." 

"My  father's  one  of  the  best  men  living" — Nestie 
was  in  an  honourable  temper — "and  you  are  an  ill- 
bred  c-cad." 

Poor  Nestie  would  have  been  half-killed  before 
Cosh  had  done  with  him  had  not  Speug  arrived  on 
the  scene,  having  been  in  the  gundy  (candy)  shop 
not  far  off,  and  then  there  were  circumstances.  Cosh 
had  a  poor  chance  at  any  time  with  Peter,  but  now 
that  worthy's  arm  was  nerved  with  fierce  indigna- 
tion, and  Nestie  had  to  beg  for  mercy  for  Cosh, 
whose  appearance  on  arriving  home  was  remarkable. 
His  story  was  even  more  so,  and  was  indeed  so  affect- 
ing, not  to  say  picturesque,  that  Bailie  Cosh  came 
into  Bulldog's  room  with  his  son  two  days  after- 
wards to  settle  matters. 

"A'  called,  Maister  MacKinnon,"  he  said,  in  tones 
charged  with  dignity,  "to  explain  the  cause  of  my 
son  Robert's  absence;  he  was  in  bed  with  a  poultice 
on  his  face  twenty-four  hours,  an'  he'll  no  be  himself 
for  days." 


You    ARE    AN    ILL-BRED    C-CAD. 


N  E  ST  I  E  51 

"He  is  no  in  condeetion  to  lose  time  wi'  his  les- 
sons, a'  can  tell  ye,  Bailie;  ye're  richt  to  bring  him 
back  as  sune  as  ye  could;  was't  toothache?" 

"No,  it  wasna  toothache,  but  the  ill-usage  o'  one  of 
your  scholars,  the  maist  impudent,  ill-doing,  aggra- 
vating scoondrel  in  Muirtown." 

"Peter  McGuffie,  come  out  here,"  which  showed 
Bulldog's  practical  acquaintance  with  affairs.  "Did 
ye  give  Robert  Cosh  a  licking?" 

No  answer  from  Speug,  but  a  look  of  satisfaction 
that  was  beyond  all  evidence. 

"Was  that  just  yir  natural  iniquity,  Peter,  or  had 
ye  a  justification  ?" 

Dogged  silence  of  Speug,  whose  code  of  honour 
had  one  article  at  least — never  to  tell  on  a  fellow. 

"Please,  sir,  may  I  speak?"  cried  Nestie,  as  he  saw 
the  preparations  for  Peter's  punishment  and  could 
not  contain  himself. 

"Were  you  in  this  job,  too,  Nestie?  You  didn't 
tell  me  that  there  were  two  at  puir  Robert,  Bailie;  if 
Nestie  got  his  hand  on  your  son,  he's  sic  a  veeciously 
inclined  character  that  it's  a  wonder  Robert's  leevin.' 

"Now,  Bailie,  we'll  conduct  a  judeecial  investiga- 
tion. Robert  Cosh,  what  have  ye  to  say?  Speak 
up  like  a  man,  an'  I'll  see  justice  done  ye,  be  sure  o' 
that;  but  mind  ye,  the  truth,  the  whole  truth,  and 
nothing  but  the  truth." 

Robert  Cosh  declined  to  contribute  even  the 
smallest  morsel  of  truth  in  any  shape  or  form,  and, 


52      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

in  spite  of  strong  encouragement  from  the  magis- 
trate, preserved  an  impenetrable  silence. 

"This,"  said  Bulldog,  with  a  shrewd  glance, 
"is  mair  than  ordinary  modesty ;  we  'ill  take  another 
witness.  Ernest  Molyneux,  what  have  ye  got  to 
say?" 

"Cosh  called  my  father  names,  and ...  I  lost  my 
t-temper,  and .  .  .  and ...  I  said  things .  .  .  the  pater's 
ill,  sir,  so  I.  .  .and  Cosh  stwuck  me  once  or  twice — 
but  I  don't  mind  that;  only  Peter,  you  see,  sir, 
wanted  to  help  me.  I'm  afraid  he  h-hurtit  Cosh,  but 
that  was  how  it  happened." 

"Stand  beside  Nestie,  Cosh... so;  half  a  head 
taller  and  much  broacer  and  four  years  older.  Ye 
called  his  father  names,  and  then  cut  his  lip  when 
he  answered.  Just  so.  There  are  some  pretty  little 
scratches  on  yir  own  face.  That  would  be  Peter. 
Well,  Bailie,  the  case  is  pretty  plain,  and  we  'ill  go  to 
judgment. 

"Ernest  Molyneux,  yir  father's  a  good  man,  and 
it  does  not  matter  two  brass  peens  what  Robert  Cosh 
says  about  him,  and  ye're  no  an  ill-disposed  laddie 
yersel.'    Ye  may  go  to  your  seat. 

"Peter  McGuflie,  ye're  aye  meddlin'  wi'  what 
doesna  concern  ye,  and  ye  seem  to  think  that  Provi- 
dence gave  Nestie  into  yir  chairge.  One  day  ye  pull 
him  oot  o'  the  river,  and  anither  ye  take  him  oot  o' 
the  hands  o'  Robert  Cosh.  But  ye've  done  your  wark 
sae  neatly  this  time  that  I  havena  the  heart  to  thrash 


NESTIE  53 

ye.  Ye  may  go  to  your  seat,  too;  and,  Peter,  ma 
man,  just  one  word  of  advice.  Yir  head  is  thick,  but 
yir  heart  is  richt ;  see  that  ye  always  use  yir  fists  as 
well  as  ye  did  that  day. 

"Robert  Cosh,  ye've  had  a  fair  trial,  and  ye  have 
been  convicted  of  three  heinous  sins.  First,  ye  mis- 
called a  good  man — for  that  three  strokes  with  the 
cane;  next,  ye  ill-used  the  quietest  laddie  in  the  whole 
school — for  that  three  strokes;  and,  lastly,  being 
moved  of  the  devil,  ye  went  home  and  told  lies  to  a 
magistrate — for  that  six  strokes.  Three  on  each 
hand  to-day  and  to-morrow  will  just  settle  the  count. 
Right  hand  first." 

"Mr.  MacKinnon,  I  protest.  .  ." 

"What?"  and  Bulldog  turned  on  the  magistrate; 
"would  ye  interfere  with  the  course  o'  justice  in 
another  man's  jureesdiction,  and  you  a  magistrate?" 
And  Bulldog's  eyes  began  to  rotate  in  a  fearsome 
manner. 

The  Bailie  allowed  it  to  be  understood  that  he  had 
changed  his  mind,  and  Robert,  who  had  expected 
great  things  from  the  magistrate's  protection,  aban- 
doned himself  to  despair  and  walked  humbly  for 
many  days  to  come. 

Next  day  Nestie  was  not  in  his  place,  and  Bulldog, 
growing  uneasy,  called  on  his  way  home. 

"Aye,  aye,"  and  the  landlady's  voice  sank  into  the 
minor  key  of  Scots  sympathy,  "Maister  Mollynoox 
(for  such  an  outlandish  name  was  ever  a  trial)  is  far 


54      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

through  wi't ;  the  doctor  says  he  never  had  much  to 
come  an'  go  on,  and  noo  this  whup  o'  inflammation 
is  the  feenish. 

"The  doctor  doesna  expect  him  to  see  mornin',  an' 
he's  verra  sober  (weak)  ;  but  his  head's  clear,  an'  the 
laddie's  wi'  him.  Ma  hert  is  wae  (sorry)  for  him, 
for  the  twa  hev  been  that  bund  up  thegither  that  a'm 
dootin'  Nestie  'ill  never  get  ower  the  pairtin'." 

The  gentle  little  minister  was  not  far  from  his  end, 
and  Nestie  was  nursing  him  as  best  he  could.  He 
sponged  his  father's  face — threatening  to  let  the  soap 
get  into  his  eyes  if  he  were  not  obedient — and  dried 
it  with  a  soft  towel;  then  he  brushed  the  soft,  thin 
brown  hair  slowly  and  caressingly,  as  he  had  often 
done  on  Sundays  when  his  father  was  weary. 
Turning  round,  he  saw  Bulldog,  and  instead  of 
being  afraid,  Nestie  smiled  a  pathetic  welcome, 
which  showed  either  what  a  poor  actor  the  master 
was,  with  all  his  canings,  or  that  his  English  scholar 
was  a  very  shrewd  little  man. 

"Th-thank  you  f-for  coming  to  see  father,  sir;  he 
was  n-naughty  and  got  cold,  and  he  has  been  so  ill ; 
but  he  must  get  better,  for  you  know  there  are.  .  . 
just  the  two  of  us,  and...  I  would  be... lonely 
without  the  pater." 

"Nestie  does  not  wish  to  part  with  me,  Mr.  Mac- 
Kinnon, for  we  h-have  been .  .  .  dear  friends,  that's 
how  it  was,  and  we  loved .  .  .  mother ;  but  he  is  a .  .  . 
brave  little  man,  as  you  know,  and  mother  and  I 


NESTIE  S5 

will  not  forget  him .  ,  .  you  came  to  ask  for  Nestie, 
and  it  was  God's  will,  for  I  h-have  a  f-favour  to  ask 
of  you." 

Bulldog  went  over  and  sat  down  by  the  bed,  but 
said  nothing.  Only  he  took  the  minister's  hand  in 
his  and  waited.  He  also  put  his  other  arm  round 
Nestie,  and  never  did  he  look  fiercer. 

"I  have  no  relatives,  and  his  m-mother's  family  are 
all  dead ;  there  is  nobody  to  be  g-guardian  to  Nestie, 
and  he  cannot  live  alone.  C-could  you  get  some 
family  who  would  be . .  .  where  he  might  be  at . . . 
h-home  ? 

"You  know  we  are  not  rich,  but  we've  s-saved  a 
little,  for  Nestie  is  a  famous  little  house-k-keeper ; 
and  maybe  there's  enough  to  keep  him .  .  .  till  he 
grows  big ;  and  I'll  give  you  the  receipt  at  the  bank, 
and  you'll.  .  .manage  for  him,  won't  you?" 

Bulldog  cleared  his  throat  to  speak,  but  could  not 
find  his  voice — for  a  wonder,  but  his  hand  tightened 
on  the  minister's,  and  he  drew  Nestie  nearer  to  him, 

"Of  course,  Mr.  MacKinnon,  I  know  that  we  have 
no  c-claim  on  you,  for  we  are  strangers  in  Muirtown, 
and  you .  .  .  have  many  boys.  But  you've  been  kind 
to  Nestie,  and  he.  .  .loves  you." 

The  minister  stopped,  breathless,  and  closed  his 
eyes. 

"Mr.  Molyneux,"  began  Bulldog  in  a  stern  voice, 
"I'm  willing  to  manage  Nestie's  estate,  big  or  small, 
and  I'll  give  an  account  of  all  intromissions  to  the 


56     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

Court,  but  I  must  decline  to  look  out  a  home  for 
Nestie. 

"Nestie  and  me"  (bad  grammar  has  its  uses,  and 
some  of  them  are  very  comforting)  "are  good 
freends.  My  house  has  just  an  auld  schoolmaster 
and  an  housekeeper  in  it,  and  whiles  we  would  like 
to  hear  a  young  voice." 

Bulldog  paused  and  then  went  on,  his  voice  sterner 
than  ever — in  sound. 

"Now  Bell's  bark  is  worse  than  her  bite,  and 
maybe  so  is  mine  (Nestie  nodded),  so  if  the  wee  man 
wouldna  be  feared  to  live  wi' .  .  .  Bulldog — oh,  I 
know  fine  what  the  rascals  call  me — he  'ill  have  a 
heart  welcome,  and .  .  .  I'll  answer  to  ye  baith,  father 
and  mother,  for  yir  laddie  at  the  Day  o'  Judgment." 

"  'What  shall  I  render.  .  .unto  the  Lord.  .  .for  all 
His  benefits?'  I  cannot  thank  you.  .  .  (the  minister 
was  now  very  weak)  ;  but  you  will  not.  .  .miss  your 
reward.  May  the  God  of  the  orphan .  .  .  Kiss  me, 
Nestie." 

For  a  short  while  he  slept,  and  they  watched  for 
any  sign  of  consciousness. 

"It  was  too  soon" — he  was  speaking,  but  not  to 
them — "for  Nestie.  .  .to  come,  Maud;  he  must  stay 
...  at  school.  He  is  a  good  boy,  and .  .  .  his  master 
will .  .  .  take  care  of  him .  .  .  Nestie  will  grow  to  be 
a  man,  dear." 

The  minister  was  nearing  the  other  side,  and  see- 
ing the  face  he  loved  and  had  lost  awhile. 


NEST  IE  ^j 

"It's  mother,"  whispered  Nestie,  and  a  minute 
later  he  was  weeping  bitterly  and  clinging  with  all 
his  might  to  the  schoolmaster,  who  came  perilously- 
near  to  tears  himself. 

"They're  together  now,  and . .  .  I'll  be  father  and 
mother  to  ye,  Nestie,"  said  Mr.  Dugald  MacKinnon, 
master  of  mathematics  in  Muirtown  Seminary,  and 
known  as  Bulldog  to  three  generations  of  Muirtown 
lads. 


A  FAMOUS  VICTORY. 
IV 

The  Seminary  perfectly  understood  that,  besides 
our  two  chief  enemies,  the  "Pennies"  and  Mclntyres, 
there  were,  in  the  holes  and  corners  of  the  town, 
obscure  schools  where  little  companies  of  boys  got 
some  kind  of  education  and  were  not  quite  devoid  of 
proper  spirit.  During  a  really  respectable  snow- 
storm— which  lasted  for  a  month  and  gave  us  an 
opportunity  of  bringing  affairs  to  a  temporary  settle- 
ment with  our  rivals,  so  that  the  town  of  Muirtown 
was  our  own  for  the  next  seven  days — a  scouting 
party  from  the  Seminary  in  search  of  adventures 
had  an  encounter  with  a  Free  Kirk  school,  which 
was  much  enjoyed  and  spoken  about  for  weeks  be- 
side the  big  fire.  Speug  began,  indeed,  to  lay  out 
a  permanent  campaign  by  which  the  boys  going 
home  southwards  could  look  in  from  time  to  time  on 
the  Free  Kirkers,  and  he  indicated  his  willingness  to 
take  charge  of  the  operation.    It  was  also  said  that  an 


6o     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

Episcopal  or  Papist  school — we  made  no  subtile  di- 
rect distinctions  at  the  Seminary — in  the  northern 
district  might  afford  some  sport,  and  the  leadership 
in  this  case  was  to  be  left  to  Duncan  Robertson,  the 
other  captain  of  the  commonwealth.  Snow  did  not 
last  the  whole  year  round  even  in  a  Scots  town ;  but 
it  was  wonderful  what  could  be  done  in  summer  by 
the  use  of  book-bags,  well  stuffed  out  with  Caesar  and 
Ldnnie's  English  Grammar,  and  at  the  worst  there 
always  remained  our  fists.  The  pleasure  of  planning 
these  forays  is  still  a  grateful  recollection,  for  it 
seemed  to  us  that  by  spreading  our  forces  we  might 
have  perpetual  warfare  from  January  to  December 
and  over  the  length  and  breadth  of  the  town,  so  that 
no  one  would  be  compelled  to  return  to  his  home  of 
an  evening  without  the  hope  of  a  battle,  and  every 
street  of  the  town  would  be  distinguished  by  conflict. 
Nothing  came,  however,  of  those  spirited  enterprises 
that  year,  because  our  two  rivals,  laying  aside  their 
mutual  quarrels,  which,  we  understood,  were  very 
bitter,  and  entering  into  a  covenant  of  falsehood — • 
their  lying  filled  us  with  holy  indignation — attacked 
us  front  and  rear  while  we  were  having  an  innocent 
game  of  Russians  and  English  on  the  North  Meadow. 
Although  taken  unawares  and  poorly  provided  with 
weapons  we  made  a  good  fight;  but  in  the  end 
we  were  scattered  so  completely  that  Speug  never 
reached  the  school  again  that  day,  for  which  he  was 
thrashed  by  Bulldog  next  morning,  and  Dune  came 


A     FAMOUS    VICTORY     6i 

in  with  a  front  tooth  gone  and  one  black  eye,  for 
which  he  was  soundly  thrashed  at  once. 

During  all  that  summer  we  denounced  the  amaz- 
ing meanness  of  the  other  side,  and  turned  over  plans 
for  splitting  the  alliance,  so  that  we  might  deal  with 
each  power  separately  and  finally.  Speug  even  con- 
ducted a  negotiation — watchfully  and  across  the 
street,  for  the  treachery  of  the  other  side  was  beyond 
description — and  tried  to  come  to  terms  with  the 
representative  of  our  least  hated  opponent.  He  even 
thought,  and  Peter  was  not  guileless,  that  he  had 
secured  their  neutrality,  when  they  suddenly  burst 
forth  into  opprobrious  language,  being  a  very  vulgar 
school  indeed,  and  exposed  Peter's  designs  openly. 
His  feelings  were  not  much  hurt  by  the  talk,  in 
which,  indeed,  he  scored  an  easy  victory  after  he  had 
abandoned  negotiation  and  had  settled  down  to 
vituperation,  but  Seminary  boys  whose  homeward 
route  took  them  past  the  hostile  territories  had  to 
be  careful  all  that  summer.  It  was,  indeed,  a  time 
of  bitter  humiliation  to  the  premier  school  of  Muir- 
town,  and  might  have  finally  broken  its  spirit  had 
it  not  have  been  for  the  historical  battle  in  the  be- 
ginning of  November,  when  McGuffie  and  Robertson 
led  us  to  victory,  and  the  power  of  the  allies  was 
smashed  for  years.  So  great,  indeed,  was  their  de- 
feat that  in  early  spring  Peter  has  been  known  to 
withdraw  himself  from  marbles  in  the  height  of  the 
season  and  of  his  own  personal  profit,  for  the  simple 


62      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

purpose  of  promenading-  through  the  enemies'  sphere 
of  influence  alone  and  flinging  words  of  gross  insult 
in  at  their  gates. 

One  of  the  schools  must  have  been  a  charity  for 
the  education  of  poor  lads,  since  it  was  known  to  us 
as  the  "Penny  School,"  and  it  was  a  familiar  cry 
ringing  through  the  yard  of  the  Seminary,  "The 
Pennies  are  coming!"  when  we  promptly  turned  out 
to  give  them  the  welcome  which,  to  do  them  justice, 
they  ardently  desired.  Whether  this  was  a  penny 
a  week  or  a  penny  a  month  we  did  not  know,  or 
whether,  indeed,  they  paid  a  penny  at  all,  but  it 
pleased  us  to  give  this  name,  and  it  soon  passed 
beyond  the  stage  of  correction.  Our  enemies  came 
at  last  to  wear  it  proudly,  like  many  other  people  who 
have  been  called  by  nicknames  and  turned  the  nick- 
name into  an  honour,  for  they  would  follow  up  a 
particularly  telling  snowball  with  the  cry,  "There's 
a  penny  for  ye!"  They  were  sturdy  varlets,  quite 
indifferent  as  to  boots  and  stockings,  and  equally  so 
as  to  blows.  Through  their  very  regardlessness  the 
Pennies  would  have  been  apt  to  rout  the  Seminary — 
whose  boys  had  given  pledges  to  respectability,  and 
who  had  to  answer  searching  questions  as  to  their 
personal  appearance  every  evening — had  it  not  been 
for  stalwarts  like  McGufihe,  whose  father,  being  a 
horsedealer,  did  not  apply  an  over  strict  standard 
of  judgment  to  his  son's  manners  or  exploits,  and 
Roberston,    who    lived    in    lodgings    and,    being   a 


A     FAMOUS    VICTORY     63 

soldier's  son,  was  supposed  to  be  in  a  state  of  dis- 
cipline for  the  Army. 

Our  feeling  towards  the  Pennies  was  hardly  cor- 
dial, but  it  was  as  nothing  to  our  hatred  of  Mcln- 
tyre's  school,  which  called  itself  an  academy,  and  had 
a  Latin  master  and  held  examinations  and  affected 
social  equality  with  the  Seminary.  Everyone  knew 
that  the  Seminary  had  existed  in  the  time  of  Queen 
Mary,  and  some  said  went  back  to  the  days  of 
William  Wallace,  although  we  had  some  doubts  as  to 
whether  the  present  building  was  then  in  existence. 
Everyone  also  knew  that  Mclntyre's  whole  concern 
belonged  to  himself,  and  that  he  collected  the  fees  in 
every  class  on  Friday  morning,  that  he  took  home 
what  was  over  after  paying  his  assistants,  and  that 
butcher  meat  for  the  Mclntyre  family  next  week 
depended  on  the  result.  Mclntyre  drew  his  supplies 
from  the  small  tradesmen,  and  a  Seminary  lad  going 
in  to  get  a  new  pair  of  boots  at  Meiklewham's  would 
have  a  fine  sense  of  pride  in  being  measured  by  an 
old  opponent  whose  face  had  often  looked  out  on 
him  from  the  mist  of  battle.  This  pretentious  and 
windy  institution  even  attempted  the  absurdity  of 
a  yearly  prizegiving,  when,  instead  of  the  Provost 
sitting  in  state  and  glaring  before  him  with  a  Hor- 
ace in  his  hands  upside  down,  Mclntyre's  minister 
would  hold  forth  on  diligence  and  tidiness  and  cour- 
tesy and  such  like  contemptible  virtues.  Had  a  Sem- 
inary boy  been  offered  the  painful  choice,  he  would 


64      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

almost  as  soon  have  gone  to  the  Pennies  as  to  Mcln- 
tyre,  for  in  that  case  he  had  not  been  an  impostor  and 
a  fraud. 

For  a  week  the  weather  had  been  hovering  on 
frost,  and  on  Wednesday  afternoon  the  snow  began 
to  fall  with  that  quiet  and  steady  downpour  which 
means  a  lasting  storm.  Speug  went  home  in  great 
spirits,  declaring  to  an  admiring  circle  of  junior  boys 
that  if  Providence  were  kind  and  the  snow  continued 
there  would  be  something  worth  living  for  at  the 
dinner  hour  on  Friday.  As  the  snowball  war  was  a 
serious  affair,  and  was  conducted  after  a  scientific 
fashion,  it  never  commenced  until  there  was  a  good 
body  of  snow  upon  the  ground  and  pure  snow  could 
be  gathered  up  without  earth  and  stones.  The  un- 
pardonable sin  of  our  warfare  was  slipping  a  stone 
into  a  snowball :  this  was  the  same  as  poisoning  the 
wells,  and  the  miscreant  who  perpetrated  this  crime 
was  cast  out  from  every  school.  There  was  a  gen- 
eral understanding  between  parties  that  the  mercies 
were  not  to  be  wasted,  and  that  the  schools  were  to 
refrain  themselves  until  there  was  a  fair  and  lasting 
supply  of  ammunition.  It  was  still  snowing  on 
Thursday  morning,  and  there  were  some  who  said 
that  war  might  now  be  declared;  and  Jock  Howie- 
son,  ever  a  daring  and  rash  spirit,  declared  we  should 
repent  it  if  we  were  not  ready  against  one  o'clock. 
Speug  and  Dune  were  however  of  opinion  that  noth- 
ing was  likely  to  take  place  that  day  except  desultory 


A     FAMOUS    VICTORY     65 

skirmishes,  and  that  the  whole  day  ought  to  be  spent 
in  accumulating  a  store  of  snowballs  against  Friday, 
when  there  was  no  question  that  we  should  have  to 
face  the  united  schools  in  a  decisive  battle.  This 
was  the  only  instance  where  our  captains  ever  made 
a  mistake,  and  they  atoned  for  their  error  of  judg- 
ment by  the  valour  and  skill  with  which  they 
retrieved  what  seemed  a  hopeless  defeat. 

As  the  hours  wore  on  to  one  o'clock  Speug  could 
be  seen  glancing  anxiously  out  at  the  window,  and 
he  secured  an  opportunity  with  Dune  for  a  hasty 
conference  during  the  geometry  lesson.  About  a 
quarter  to  one  he  turned  from  his  slate  and  cocked 
his  ear,  and  in  two  minutes  afterwards  every  boy  in 
Bulldog's  class-room  understood  that  the  war  had 
begun  and  that  we  had  been  taken  by  surprise. 
Scouts  from  Mclntyre's,  as  we  afterwards  learned, 
had  risked  the  danger  of  playing  truant,  which  in  a 
school  like  theirs  cost  nothing,  and  had  visited  our 
playground.  They  had  carried  back  news  that  we 
were  not  yet  prepared  for  battle,  and  our  firm  opinion 
was  that  the  authorities  of  Penny's  and  Mclntyre's 
had  allowed  their  schools  out  at  half-past  twelve,  in 
order  to  take  us  at  a  disadvantage.  Before  the  bell 
rang  and  the  senior  classes  were  dismissed  the  Semi- 
nary knew  that  our  enemies  had  seized  the  field  of 
battle,  but  we  did  not  know  until  we  came  out  the 
extent  of  the  disaster. 

The  Pennies  had  come  down  the  back  street  and 


66      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

had  established  themselves  opposite  the  narrow 
entrance  between  two  sheds  through  which  three 
only  could  walk  abreast  from  our  playground  to  the 
street.  They  had  also  sent  a  daring  body  of  their 
lighter  and  more  agile  lads  to  the  top  of  the  sheds 
which  separated  our  playground  from  the  street,  and 
they  had  conveyed  down  an  enormous  store  of 
ammunition,  so  that  the  courtyard  was  absolutely  at 
their  mercy,  and  anyone  emerging  from  the  corridor 
was  received  with  a  shower  of  well-made  and  hard 
snowballs  against  which  there  was  no  standing. 
Even  if  we  ran  this  risk  and  crossed  the  open  space 
we  could  then  be  raked  by  the  fire  from  the  shed, 
and  a  charge  through  the  narrow  passage  to  the 
street  would  be  in  the  last  degree  hazardous.  There 
were  twelve  feet  of  passage,  and  there  were  not 
many  who  would  care  to  face  a  stream  of  snowballs 
driven  by  the  vigorous  hands  of  the  Pennies  down 
this  passage  as  through  a  pipe.  Instead  of  meeting 
our  enemies  on  the  street,  we  had  been  penned  up 
within  our  own  school.  Mclntyre's  had  come  down 
the  terrace  and  seized  an  excellent  position  behind 
two  Russian  guns  which  stood  opposite  our  school 
and  about  twenty  feet  from  our  front  entrance.  They 
had  made  these  guns  into  a  kind  of  fort,,  from  behind 
whose  shelter,  reinforced  by  a  slight  barricade  of 
jackets,  they  commanded  our  entrance,  and  had 
driven  in  the  first  boys  who  emerged,  in  hopeless 
discomfiture.      It    came  upon  us  that  we  had  been 


Seized  an  excellent  position  behind  two  Russian  olns. 


A    FAMOUS    VICTORY     67 

shut  up  back  and  front,  and  shut  up  with  the  poorest 
supply  of  snowballs  and  very  little  snow  with  which 
to  repair  our  resources. 

While  the  younger  boys  raged  and  stormed  in  the 
safety  of  the  corridors,  Dune  and  Speug  retired  for 
consultation.  In  two  minutes  they  came  out  and 
gave  their  orders  to  the  mass  of  boys  gathered 
together  round  the  "well"  and  in  the  "well,"  and 
on  the  stairs  and  along  the  corridors.  It  was  at  this 
moment  that  Nestie  Molyneux  obtained  a  name 
which  he  covered  with  glory  before  the  close  of  the 
day.  As  he  had  no  class  between  twelve  and  one, 
he  had  been  observing  events,  and  with  the  aid  of 
two  or  three  other  little  boys  had  done  what  he  could 
to  repair  the  neglect  of  yesterday.  In  spite  c^f  a  rain 
of  snowballs  he  had  availed  himself  of  a  sheuared 
corner  in  the  playground  and  had  worked  without 
ceasing  at  the  preparation  of  the  balls.  Every  ball 
as  it  was  made  was  dipped  into  a  pail  of  water  and 
then,  half  frozen,  was  laid  in  a  corner  where  it  was 
soon  frozen  altogether.  "There'll  be  the  feck  o'  two 
hundred  balls  ready.  Ma  certes !  Nestie  has  a  head 
on  his  shoulders.  Now,"  said  Speug,  speaking  from 
halfway  up  the  stair,  "we'll  start  with  thae  balls  for 
a  beginnin',  and  wi'  them  we'll  fecht  our  way  out  to 
the  open.  As  soon  as  we've  cleared  the  background 
every  ane  o'  the  two  junior  classes  is  to  mak'  balls  as 
hard  as  he  can  lick  and  bring  them  forward  to  the 
fighting  line. 


68     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

"We'll  divide  the  senior  school  into  three  divis- 
ions; Dune  will  take  thirty  of  ye  and  drive  Mclntyre 
frae  the  guns  and  along  the  terrace  till  ye  turn  them 
into  Breadalbane  Street  Thirty  o'  ye — and  I  want 
nae  Dowbiggins — '11  come  with  me,  and  we'll  bring 
the  Pennies  aff  the  shed  quicker  than  they  got  up, 
and  drive  them  up  the  back  streets  till  we  land  them 
wi'  the  rest  in  Breadalbane  Street ;  and  the  juniors 
'ill  keep  us  well  supplied  with  balls,  else  Dune  and 
me  will  ken  the  reason  at  two  o'clock. 

"Jock  Howieson,  ye're  to  tak'  thirty  swank  fellows 
that  can  run  and  are  no  'feart  to  be  left  alane.  Ye'll 
rin  round  by  the  North  Street  and  the  Cathedral  and 
come  down  the  top  of  Breadalbane  Street  till  ye  cut 
off  Mclntyre's  and  the  Pennies  frae  their  schools. 
Dae  nothin'  till  ye  see  Dune  and  me  drivin'  the  lot 
up  Breadalbane  Street,  then  come  down  from  the 
back  end  of  them  wi'  all  your  might,  and  Pm  thinkin' 
they'll  be  wanting  to  be  inside  their  ain  yard  afore  a' 
be  done." 

Dune  assembled  his  corps  inside  the  front  porch, 
each  boy  supplied  with  two  balls  and  with  twenty 
youngsters  behind  bringing  up  more.  Mclntyre's 
balls  were  falling  on  the  front  wall  and  coming  in 
through  the  porch.  One  of  them  struck  Dune  on  the 
side  of  the  head,  but  he  forbade  any  return  fire. 

"They're  wastin'  their  balls,"  he  said;  "it'll  be  the 
better  for  us";  and  then,  looking  round,  "Are  ye 
ready?     Charge!"  and  shouting  "Seminary!  Semi- 


A    FAMOUS    VICTORY     69 

nary !"  he  led  his  divison  across  the  terrace  and  fell 
upon  Mclntyre's  behind  the  guns.  It  was  a  short, 
sharp  scrimmage,  during  which  Dune  levelled  the 
leader  of  Mclntyre's,  and  then  the  enemy  began  to 
retreat  slowly  down  the  terrace,  with  many  a  hand- 
to-hand  encounter  and  scufifle  on  the  snow.  As 
soon  as  Dune's  division  had  cleared  the  front,  Jock 
Howieson  collected  his  lads  and  started  along  the 
terrace  in  the  opposite  direction  at  a  sharp  run, 
carrying  no  balls,  for  they  intended  to  make  them 
on  the  scene  of  operation.  When  the  other  two 
divisions  were  off,  Speug  addressed  his  faithful 
band.  "MacFarlane,  take  six  birkies,  climb  up  the 
waterspout,  and  clean  the  richt-hand  shed,  couping 
the  Pennies  into  the  street.  Mackenzie,  ye're  no  bad 
at  the  fightin' ;  tak'  anither  sax  and  empty  the  roof  o' 
the  left-hand  shed,  and  'gin  ye  can  clout  that  Penny 
that's  sittin'  on  the  riggin'  it'll  teach  him  to  keep  in 
the  street  next  day. 

"Noo,  that  leaves  eighteen,  and  me  and  Bauldie 
and  Jamie  Johnston  'ill  lead  ye  down  the  passage. 
We'll  need  six  balls  each,  as  hard  as  ye  mak'  'em, 
and  the  rest  o'  ye  tak'  two  in  yir  arms  and  one  in 
yir  hand.  Pit  yir  bonnits  in  yir  pocket — they'll  no 
be  muckle  use — button  yir  jackets,  and  when  the 
three  o'  us  gae  down  the  passage  for  ony  sake  follow 
close  in  behind.  Just  ae  thing  more,"  said  Speug, 
who  was  in  his  glory  that  day.  "I'll  need  a  laddie 
to  keep  me  gaein'  with  balls,  and  I  want  a  laddie 


JO     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

that  has  some  spunk,  for  he'll  hae  a  rough  time." 
Below  thirty  of  the  junior  school  were  waiting  and 
looking  at  Speug  like  dogs  for  a  biscuit.  He  threw 
his  eye  over  the  group,  any  one  of  which  would  have 
given  his  best  knife  and  all  his  marbles,  and  thrown 
in  a  cricket  bat  and  his  last  kite,  to  have  been  chosen. 

"Nestie,"  said  Speug,  "ye' re  little  and  ye' re  white 
and  ye're  terrible  polite,  but  there's  a  sperit  in  ye. 
Ye'll  carry  ma  balls  this  day,  and  noo,  you  juniors, 
aff  to  the  ball-making,  and  see  that  Nestie's  bonnet's 
well  filled,  and  there's  no  any  of  us  wanting  for  a 
ball  when  we  drive  the  Pennies  down  the  back  road." 
Then  Speug  moved  to  the  back  corridor  and  ar- 
ranged his  division,  with  Nestie  behind  him,  and 
Bauldie  and  Jamie  Johnston  on  the  right  hand  and 
on  the  left,  Mackenzie's  and  MacFarlane's  detach- 
ments close  behind,  who  were  to  turn  off  to  the  right 
hand  and  the  left  as  they  emerged  from  the  corridor ; 
the  rest  were  to  follow  Speug  through  the  passage  of 
danger.  Speug  took  two  balls  and  placed  them  in  the 
hollow  of  his  left  arm,  feeling  them  carefully  to  see 
that  they  would  leave  a  mark  when  they  struck  a 
Penny.  The  third  he  took  in  his  right  hand,  and 
Nestie  had  the  reserve. 

"Noo,"  he  said,  "gin  anybody  be  feared  he'd  better 
gae  in  and  sit  doun  beside  the  fire  with  the  Dow- 
biggins,"  and  since  nobody  responded  to  this  genial 
invitation  Speug  gave  one  shout  of  "Seminary!"  and 
in  a  minute  was  across  the  playground  and  at  the 


A    FAMOUS    VICTORY     71 

mouth  of  the  passage,  while  Mackenzie  and  MacFar- 
lane  were  already  scrambling  up  the  walls  of  the 
sheds.  Covering  his  face  with  his  left  arm  and 
sending  his  first  ball  direct  into  the  face  of  the  fore- 
most Penny,  and  following  it  up  with  a  second  and 
a  third  driven  with  unerring  aim  and  the  force  of  a 
catapolt,  and  receiving  anything  from  twelve  to 
twenty  balls  between  him  and  Bauldie  and  Johnston, 
the  three  led  the  way  down  the  passage,  Nestie  close 
behind  Speug  and  handing  him  a  new  supply  of  balls. 
They  met  at  the  outer  end  of  the  passage — the  Pen- 
nies and  Speug's  lot — and  for  about  thirty  seconds 
they  swayed  in  one  mass  of  struggling,  fighting, 
shouting  boy  life,  and  then,  so  steady  was  the  play 
of  Speug's  fists,  so  able  the  assistance  of  the  other 
two,  so  strong  the  pressure  from  behind,  and  so  rapid 
the  shower  of  balls  sent  over  Speug's  head  among 
the  Pennies,  the  Pennies  gave  way  and  Speug  and 
his  band  burst  into  the  back  street,  the  leader  with  his 
jacket  torn  off  his  back,  and  his  face  bearing  the  scars 
of  conflict,  but  full  of  might,  and  Nestie  with  the 
balls  behind  him. 

The  Seminary  lads  and  the  Pennies  were  now  face 
to  face  in  the  back  street,  with  a  space  of  about  ten 
yards  between,  and  both  parties  made  arrangements 
for  the  final  conflict.  The  scouts  of  the  Pennies 
could  be  seen  bringing  balls  from  Breadalbane 
Street,  and  the  Pennies  themselves  made  such  hasty 
readjustments  of  their  negligent  attire  as  were  ren- 


72      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

dered  necessary  by  the  vigour  of  the  last  fighting. 
Their  commander  was  a  sturdy  lad  about  fifteen 
years  of  age,  with  a  great  shock  of  red  hair  and  fists 
like  iron.  His  favourite  method  of  charge  was  to 
lead  his  army  in  the  form  of  an  inverted  V,  he  being 
himself  at  the  apex,  and  to  force  his  way  through 
the  other  side  on  the  principle  of  a  wedge.  Speug 
did  not  believe  in  this  arrangement.  He  led  himself 
in  the  centre  and  threw  out  his  two  lieutenants  far 
out  on  the  right  hand  and  on  the  left,  so  that  when 
the  Pennies  forced  their  way  into  the  middle  of  his 
division,  Bauldie  and  Johnson  were  on  their  right 
and  left  flanks — tactics  which  in  Speug's  experience 
always  caused  dismay  in  the  attacking  force.  The 
younger  boys  of  the  Seminary  had  by  this  time  ample 
resources  of  ammunition  ready,  working  like  tigers 
without  jackets  now  or  bonnets,  and  as  they  brought 
out  the  supplies  of  balls  through  the  passage  of 
victory  they  received  nods  of  approval  from  Speug, 
each  nod  being  something  like  a  decoration.  It  was 
fine  to  see  Speug  examining  the  balls  to  see  that  they 
were  properly  made  and  of  a  hardness  which  would 
give  satisfaction  to  the  expectant  Pennies. 

Some  pleasant  incidents  occurred  during  this  in- 
terlude. When  the  Seminary  lads  fought  their  way 
through  the  passage  they  cut  off  the  retreat  of  three 
Pennies  who  were  still  fighting  with  MacFarlane  on 
the  top  of  the  right-hand  shed. 

"What  are  ye  daein'  up  there?"  said  Speug,  with 


A    FAMOUS    VICTORY     73 

ironic  politeness;  "that's  no'  the  ordinar'  road  into 
the  Seminary;"  and  then,  as  they  hesitated  on  the 
edge  of  the  water  pipe,  Speug  conceived  what  was  in 
these  days  a  fine  form  of  humour.  "Come  down,"  he 
said,  "naebody  'ill  touch  ye" ;  and  then  he  ordered 
an  open  passage  to  be  made  through  the  ranks  of  the 
Seminaries.  Down  between  two  lines  the  unfortu- 
nate Pennies  walked, .  no  one  laying  a  hand  upon 
them,  but  various  humourists  expressing  their  hopes 
that  they  had  enjoyed  the  top  of  the  shed,  that  it 
wasn't  MacFarlane  that  had  given  one  of  them  a 
black  eye,  that  they  hoped  one  of  them  hadn't  lost  his 
jacket  on  the  roof  of  the  shed,  and  that  they  were 
none  the  worse  for  their  exertion,  and  that  they  ex- 
pected to  meet  them  later  on — which  gracious  salu- 
tations the  Pennies  received  in  bitter  silence  as  they 
ran  the  gauntlet;  and  when  they  had  escaped  clear 
of  the  Seminaries  and  stood  halfway  between  the 
two  armies  they  turned  round  with  insulting  gest- 
ures, and  one  of  them  cried,  "Ye'U  get  yir  paiks 
(thrashing)  for  this  or  the  day  be  done !" 

Their  arrival  among  their  friends  and  the  slight 
commotion  which  it  caused  in  the  front  ranks  of  the 
Pennies  was  a  chance  for  Speug,  who  gave  the  sig- 
nal for  the  charge  and  made  himself  directly  for  the 
leader  of  the  Pennies.  No  pen  at  this  distance  of 
time  can  describe  the  conflict  between  the  two 
leaders,  who  fired  forth  balls  at  each  other  at  close 
distance,  every  one  going  to  its  mark,  and  one  leav- 


74      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

ing  an  indelible  impress  upon  Speug's  ingenuous 
forehead.  They  then  came  to  close  grip,  and  there 
was  a  tussle,  for  which  both  had  been  waiting  for 
many  a  day.  From  fists,  which  were  not  quite  inef- 
fectual, they  fell  upon  wrestling,  and  here  it  seemed 
that  Redhead  must  have  the  advantage,  for  he  was 
taller  in  stature  and  more  sinuous  in  body.  Dur- 
ing the  wrestle  there  was  something  like  a  lull  in  the 
fighting,  and  both  Pennies  and  Seminaries,  now 
close  together,  held  their  hands  till  Speug,  with  a 
cunning  turn  of  the  leg  that  he  had  been  taught  by 
an  English  groom  in  his  father's  stable,  got  the  ad- 
vantage, and  the  two  champions  came  down  in  the 
snow,  Redhead  below.  The  Seminaries  set  up  a 
shout  of  triumph,  and  the  scouts  running  to  and  fro 
with  the  balls  behind  joined  in  with,  "Well  done, 
Speug!" 

Speug  had  all  the  instincts  of  a  true  general  and 
was  not  the  man  to  spend  his  time  in  unprofitable 
exultation.  It  was  a  great  chance  to  take  the  Pennies 
when  they  were  without  their  leader  and  discomfited 
by  his  fall,  and  in  an  instant  Speug  was  up,  driving 
his  way  through  the  midst  of  the  enemy,  who  were 
now  divided  in  the  centre,  whilst  Johnston  and 
Bauldie  had  crept  up  by  the  side  of  the  houses  on 
either  side  and  were  attacking  them  in  parallel  lines. 
MacFarlane  and  Mackenzie  had  come  down  from  the 
shed  with  their  detachment  and  were  busy  in  the  rear 
of  the  Seminaries.    Redhead  fought  like  a  hero,  but 


A    FAMOUS    VICTORY     j^ 

was  almost  helpless  in  the  confusion,  and  thought  it 
the  best  strategy  to  make  a  rush  to  the  clear  ground 
in  the  rear  of  his  position,  calling  his  followers  after 
him ;  and  now  the  Pennies  gathered  at  the  far  end  of 
the  street,  beaten  in  tactics  and  in  fighting,  but  ever 
strong  in  heart,  and  full  of  insolence.  '"That,"  said 
Speug,  wiping  his  face  with  his  famous  red  handker- 
chief which  he  carried  in  his  trousers  pocket,  and 
hastily  attending  to  some  of  his  wounds,  "that 
wesna'  bad" ;  and  then  turning  to  Nestie,  "Ye  keepit 
close,  my  mannie."  Speug's  officers,  such  mighties 
as  Bauldie  and  Johnston,  MacFarlane  and  Macken- 
zie, all  bearing  scars,  clustered  round  their  com- 
mander with  expressions  of  admiration.  "Yon  was 
a  bonny  twirl,  and  you  coupit  him  week"  "Sail, 
they've  gotten  their  licks,"  while  Speug  modestly 
disclaimed  all  credit,  and  spoke  generously  of  the 
Pennies,  declaring  that  they  had  fought  well,  and 
that  Redhead  nearly  got  the  mastery. 

At  that  moment  a  shout  of  "Seminary!"  was 
heard  in  the  rear  of  the  Pennies,  and  Speug  knew 
that  Duncan  Robertson  had  driven  Mclntyre's  the 
full  length  of  the  terrace  and  was  now  fighting  them 
in  Breadalbane  Street.  "Forward!"  cried  Speug. 
"Dune's  on  the  back  of  them,"  and  Redhead  at  the 
same  moment  hurriedly  withdrew  his  forces,  cover- 
ing his  retreat  with  a  shower  of  balls,  and  united 
with  Mclntyre's,  who  were  retiring  before  Robert- 
son and  the  second  division  of  the  Seminaries.  Amid 


76      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

cries  of  "Seminary!  Seminary!"  Speug  and  Duncan 
met  where  the  back  street  opens  into  Breadalbane 
Street,  and  their  divisions  amalgamated,  exchanging 
notes  on  the  battle  and  examining  one  another's  per- 
sonal appearance.  There  was  not  a  bonnet  to  be  seen, 
and  not  many  jackets,  which  had  either  been  left 
behind  or  thrown  off  or  torn  off  in  personal  conflict 
with  the  Pennies;  collars  may  have  remained,  but 
that  no  one  could  tell,  and  there  were  some  whose 
waistcoats  were  now  held  by  one  button.  Two  or 
three  also  had  been  compelled  to  drop  out  of  active 
battle  and  were  hanging  in  the  rear,  rubbing  their 
faces  with  snow  and  trusting  to  be  able  to  see  clear 
enough  for  the  final  charge;  and  still  the  juniors 
were  making  their  balls  and  had  established  a  new 
magazine  at  the  end  of  the  terrace.  Several  of  these 
impenitent  little  wretches  had  themselves  been  in  the 
thick  of  the  fight,  and  could  be  seen  pointing  proudly 
to  a  clout  on  the  forehead  and  a  cut  on  the  lip.  What 
a  time  certain  mothers  would  have  that  evening  when 
their  warriors  came  home,  some  of  them  without 
caps,  which  would  never  be  recovered,  most  of  them 
with  buttonless  waistcoats  and  torn  jackets,  half  of 
them  with  disfigured  faces,  all  of  them  drenched  to 
the  skin,  and  every  one  of  them  full  of  infinite  satis- 
faction and  gladness  of  heart!  Their  fathers,  who 
had  heard  about  the  battle  before  they  came  home 
and  had  not  failed  to  discover  who  had  won,  being 
all  Seminary  lads  themselves,  would  also  be  much 


A    FAMOUS    VICTORY     -jj 

lifted,  but  would  feign  to  be  extremely  angry  at  the 
savagery  of  their  boys,  would  wonder  where  the  po- 
lice were,  would  threaten  their  sons  with  all  mannerof 
punishments  if  this  ever  happened  again,  and  would 
declare  their  intention  of  laying  a  complaint  before 
the  chief  constable.  As,  however,  it  was  absolutely 
necessary  in  the  interests  of  justice  that  the  whole 
facts  should  be  known  before  they  took  action,  they 
would  skilfully  extract  the  whole  Homeric  narrative, 
with  every  personal  conflict  and  ruse  of  war,  from 
their  sons,  and  only  when  the  last  incident  had  been 
related  would  announce  their  grave  and  final  dis- 
pleasure. 

As  for  the  police,  who  were  not  numerous  in 
Muirtown,  and  who  lived  on  excellent  good  terms 
with  everybody,  except  tramps,  they  seemed  to  have 
a  prophetic  knowledge  when  a  snow-fight  was  com- 
ing on,  and  were  detained  by  important  duty  in  dis- 
tant streets.  It  was  always,  however,  believed  by  the 
Seminary  that  two  of  the  police  could  be  seen,  one  at 
the  distance  of  the  bridge  over  the  Tay,  the  other  at 
the  far  extremity  of  Breadalbane  Street,  following 
the  fight  with  rapt  attention,  and  in  the  case  of  the 
Pennies  winning,  which  had  been  their  own  school, 
smacking  their  lips  and  slapping  their  hands  under 
pretence  of  warming  themselves  in  the  cold  weather, 
and  in  the  event  of  the  Seminaries  winning  march- 
ing off  in  opposite  directions,  lest  they  should  be 
tempted  to  interfere,  which  they  would  have  con- 


78     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

sidered  contrary  to  the  rules  of  fair  play,  and  giving 
their  own  school  a  mean  advantage.  Perhaps  some 
ingenuous  modern  person  will  ask,  "What  were  the 
masters  of  the  Seminary  about  during  this  hour?" 
The  Rector  was  sitting  by  the  fire  in  his  retiring- 
room,  reading  a  winter  ode  of  Horace,  and  as  faint 
sounds  of  war  reached  his  ears  he  would  stir  the  fire 
and  lament,  like  the  quiet  old  scholar  that  he  was, 
that  Providence  had  made  him  ruler  of  such  a  band 
of  barbarians;  but  he  would  also  cherish  the  hope 
that  his  barbarians  would  not  come  off  second.  As 
for  Bulldog,  his  mind  was  torn  between  two  delights 
— the  anticipation  of  the  exercise  which  he  would 
have  next  day,  and  the  pleasure  which  his  lads  were 
having  to-day — and  nothing  more  entirely  endeared 
Bulldog  to  his  savages  than  the  fact  that,  instead  of 
going  home  to  dinner  during  this  hour,  which  was 
his  usual  custom,  he  contented  himself  with  a  biscuit. 
He  was  obliged  to  buy  it  in  a  baker's  shop  in  Bread- 
albane  Street,  from  which  he  could  command  a  per- 
fect view  of  the  whole  battle,  especially  as  he  hap- 
pened to  stand  in  the  doorway  of  the  shop,  and  never 
returned  to  school  till  the  crisis  of  war  was  over.  He 
was  careful  to  explain  to  the  school  that  he  had  him- 
self gone  for  the  purpose  of  identifying  the  ringlead- 
ers in  mischief,  and  it  was  on  such  an  occasion  that 
Speug,  keeping  his  right  cheek  immovable  towards 
Bulldog,  would  wink  to  the  assembled  school  with 
irresistible  effect. 


A    FAMOUS    VICTORY     79 

Nor  ought  one  to  forget  the  janitor  of  Muirtown 
Seminary,  who  had  been  a  sergeant  in  the  Black 
Watch  and  had  been  wounded  three  times  in  the 
Crimean  War.  His  orders,  as  given  by  the  Rector 
and  reinforced  by  all  law-abiding  parents,  were  to 
prevent  any  boy  of  the  Seminary  leaving  the  school 
for  the  purpose  of  a  snowball  fight,  and  should  such 
an  unfortunate  affair  take  place  he  was  directed  to 
plunge  into  the  midst  and  by  force  of  arm  to  bring 
the  Seminaries  home  to  their  own  fireside,  leaving 
rough  and  rude  schools  like  the  Pennies  and 
Mclntyre's  to  fight  at  their  wicked  will.  For  did 
not  the  Seminary  lads  move  in  polite  society,  except 
Speug,  and  were  they  not  going  to  be,  as  they  have 
become,  clergymen  and  lawyers,  and  physicians,  to 
say  nothing  of  bailies  on  the  bench  and  elders  of  the 
Kirk?  These  orders  Sergeant  Dougal  McGlashan 
carried  out,  not  so  much  in  the  bondage  of  the  letter 
as  in  the  fulness  of  the  spirit.  Many  were  the  con- 
versations which  Speug  and  he  had  together  in  an- 
ticipation of  the  snow  time,  when  you  may  believe 
if  you  please  that  that  peaceable  man  was  exhorting 
Speug  to  obedience  and  gentleness,  or  if  you  please 
that  he  was  giving  the  commander  of  the  Seminary 
certain  useful  hints  which  he  himself  had  picked  up 
from  the  "red  line"  at  Balaclava.  Certain  it  is  that 
when  the  Seminaries  went  out  that  day  in  battle 
array  the  sergeant  was  engaged  mending  the  fires 
w.ith  great  diligence,  so  that  he  was  not  able  to  see 


8o     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

them  depart.  Afterwards  it  was  the  merest  duty  for 
him  to  stand  at  the  end  of  the  passage  of  victory,  lest 
the  Pennies  or  any  other  person  should  venture  on 
another  outrage;  and  if  he  was  late  in  calling  his 
boys  back  from  Breadalbane  Street,  that  was  only 
because  the  cold  had  made  his  wounds  to  smart 
again,  and  he  could  only  follow  them  in  the  rear  till 
the  battle  was  over.  When  the  evil  was  done  there 
was  no  use  of  vain  regret,  and  in  the  afternoon  the 
sergeant  stood  beside  the  big  fire  and  heard  accounts 
of  the  battle  from  one  and  another,  and  then  he 
would  declare  that  there  were  lads  in  Muirtown  Sem- 
inary who  would  have  done  well  at  Inkermann  and 
the  storming  of  the  Redan. 

Breadalbane  Street,  which  was  broad  and  straight, 
with  the  back  road  to  the  Seminary  on  the  right 
hand,  and  the  street  to  Mclntyre's  and  the  Pennies 
on  the  left,  had  been  the  battle-ground  of  genera- 
tions, for  it  gave  opportunity  for  deploying  in  divis- 
ions, for  front  attack  and  for  flank,  as  well  as  for 
royal  charges  which  extended  across  the  street.  Mc- 
Intyres  and  Pennies  had  been  recruited  from  their 
several  schools  and  supplied  afresh  with  ammuni- 
tion. Redhead  took  command  of  the  united  force 
and  arranged  them  across  the  street  in  his  favourite 
wedge,  with  the  base  resting  on  the  home  street, 
and  this  time  he  gave  the  signal,  and  so  impetuous 
was  their  charge  that  they  drove  their  way  almost 


A     FAMOUS    VICTORY     8i 

through  the  ranks  of  the  Seminaries,  and  Speug  him- 
self, through  sheer  weight  of  attack,  was  laid  flat  in 
the  middle  of  the  street.  Robertson  and  his  officers 
rallied  their  forces,  but  it  was  possible  that  the  Semi- 
naries might  have  lost  the  day  had  it  not  been  for  the 
masterly  foresight  of  Speug  and  the  opportune 
arrival  of  Jock  Howieson.  That  worthy  had 
taken  his  division  by  a  circuitous  route,  in 
which  they  had  been  obstructed  by  a  miserable  Epis- 
copal school  which  wanted  a  fight  on  its  own  account 
and  had  to  receive  some  passing  attention.  A  little 
late,  Howieson  reached  the  Cathedral,  and  then, 
judging  it  better  not  to  come  down  Breadalbane 
Street,  where  his  attack  would  have  been  exposed, 
he  made  his  way  on  the  right  of  the  street  by 
passages  known  only  to  himself,  and  having  supplied 
his  division  with  ammunition  from  a  snow-drift  in  a 
back  entry,  he  came  into  the  home  street,  which  was 
the  only  line  of.  retreat  for  the  enemy,  and  cut  them 
off  from  their  base.  Leaving  a  handful  of  lads  to 
prevent  the  scouts  coming  out  from  the  Pennies  or 
the  Mclntyres  with  information,  and  driving  before 
him  the  ammunition  train  of  the  enemy,  he  came 
round  into  Breadalbane  Street  with  twenty-five 
tough  fighters  raging  and  fuming  for  the  battle  and 
just  in  the  nick  of  time.  It  was  hard  for  any  fighting 
man  to  have  spent  something  like  half  an  hour  wan- 
dering round  circuitous  streets  and  holding  ridicu- 


82      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

lous  conflicts  with  unknown  schools  when  the  battle 
of  Waterloo,  with  the  fate  of  the  Empire  of  Muir- 
town,  was  hanging  in  the  balance. 

Before  Redhead  had  notice  of  the  arrival  of  the 
new  division  they  were  upon  his  rear,  and  a  play  of 
snowballs  fell  upon  the  back  of  the  Pennies.  This 
was  more  than  even  veteran  forces  could  endure,  and 
in  spite  of  the  heroic  efforts  of  Redhead,  who  fired 
his  balls  alternately  back  and  forward,  his  forces  fell 
into  a  panic.  They  broke  and  drove  their  way 
through  Howieson's  division,  receiving  severe  pun- 
ishment from  balls  fired  at  a  distance  of  a  few  feet, 
and  then,  in  spite  of  the  efforts  of  their  officers,  who 
fought  till  they  were  black  and  blue,  but  chiefly  red, 
the  enemy  rushed  down  the  home  street  and,  sweep- 
ing the  rearguard  of  Howieson's  before  them  like 
straws  in  a  stream,  made  for  their  respective  schools. 
The  Seminaries  in  one  united  body,  headed  by  the 
three  commanders  and  attended  by  the  whole  junior 
school,  visited  the  Pennies'  school  first,  whose  gates 
were  promptly  closed,  and  having  challenged  the 
Pennies  with  opprobrious  words  to  come  out  and 
fight  like  men — Redhead  being  offered  the  chance  of 
single  combat  with  Dune  or  Speug  or  Jock  Howie- 
son — the  Seminaries  then  made  their  way  to  Mcln- 
tyre's  Academy.  As  this  unfortunate  place  of  learn- 
ing had  no  gate,  Speug  led  the  Seminaries  into  the 
centre  of  their  courtyard,  Mclntyre's  boys  having  no 
spirit  left  in  them  and  being  now  hidden  in  the  class- 


A    FAMOUS    VICTORY     83 

rooms.  As  they  would  not  come  out,  in  spite  of  a 
shower  of  courteous  invitations,  Speug  stood  in  the 
centre  of  their  courtyard  and  called  the  gods  to  wit- 
ness that  it  had  been  a  fair  fight  and  that  the  Semi- 
naries had  won.  A  marvellous  figure  was  he,  with- 
out bonnet,  without  collar,  without  tie,  without 
jacket,  without  waistcoat,  with  nothing  on  him  but 
a  flannel  shirt  and  those  marvellous  horsey  trousers, 
but  glorious  in  victory.  Taking  a  snowball  from 
Nestie,  who  was  standing  by  his  side,  openly  and  in 
face  of  Mclntyre's  masters,  gathered  at  a  window, 
he  sent  it  with  unerring  aim  through  the  largest  pane 
of  glass  in  Mclntyre's  own  room.  "That,"  said 
Speug,  "  'ill  tell  ye  the  Seminaries  have  been  here." 
Then  he  collected  his  forces  and  led  them  home  down 
the  cross  street  and  into  Breadalbane  Street,  down 
the  middle  of  Breadalbane  Street,  and  round  the  ter- 
race, and  in  by  the  front  door  into  the  Seminary. 
As. they  came  down  they  sang,  "Scots  wha  hae,"  and 
the  juniors,  who  had  rushed  on  before,  met' 
them  at  the  door  and  gave  three  cheers,  first  for 
Speug,  then  for  Dune,  and  then  for  Jock  Howieson, 
which  homage  and  tribute  of  victory  Speug  received 
with  affected  contempt  but  great  pride  of  heart. 
In  order  to  conceal  his  feelings  he  turned  to  his  faith- 
ful henchman,  little  Nestie  Molyneux,  who,  always 
a  delicate-looking  little  laddie,  was  now  an  altogether 
abject  spectacle,  with  torn  clothes,  dripping  hair,  and 
battered  face.     "Nestie,"  said  Speug,  in  hearing  of 


84      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

the  whole  school,  "ye're  a  plucky  little  deevil,"  and 
although  since  then  he  has  been  in  many  places  and 
has  had  various  modest  triumphs,  that  still  remains 
the  proudest  moment  in  Nestie  Molyneux's  life. 


HIS   PRIVATE   CAPACITY 
V 

It  is  well  enough  for  popular  rulers  like  presidents 
to  live  in  public  and  shake  hands  with  every  person ; 
but  absolute  monarchs,  who  govern  with  an  iron 
hand  and  pay  not  the  slightest  attention  to  the  public 
mind,  ought  to  be  veiled  in  mystery.  If  Bulldog  had 
walked  homeward  with  his  boys  in  an  affectionate 
manner,  and  inquired  after  their  sisters,  like  his  tem- 
porary assistant,  Mr.  Byles,  or  had  played  with  in- 
teresting babies  on  the  North  Meadow,  as  did  Topp, 
the  drawing-master — Augustus  de  Lacy  Topp — 
who  wore  a  brown  velvet  jacket  and  represented 
sentiment  in  a  form  verging  on  lunacy ;  or  if  he  had 
invited  his  classes  to  drink  coffee  in  a  very  shabby 
little  home,  as  poor  Moossy  did,  and  treated  them  to 
Beethoven's  Symphonies,  then  even  Jock  Howieson, 
the  stupidest  lad  in  the  Seminary,  would  have  been 
shocked,  and  would  have  felt  that  the  Creation  was 
out  of  gear.  The  last  thing  we  had  expected  of  Bull- 
dog was  polite  conversation,  or  private  hospitality. 
His  speech  was  confined  to  the  class-room,  and  there 


86     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

was  most  practical;  and  his  hospitality,  which  was 
generous  and  widespread,  was  invariably  public.  His 
role  was  to  be  austere,  unapproachable,  and  lifted 
above  feeling,  and  had  it  not  been  for  Nestie  he  had 
sustained  it  to  the  day  of  his  death. 

Opinion  varied  about  Bulldog's  age,  some  insist- 
ing that  he  had  approached  his  century,  others  being 
content  with  "Weel  on  to  eighty."  None  hinted  at 
less  than  seventy.  No  one  could  remember  his  com- 
ing to  Muirtown,  and  none  knew  whence  he  came. 
His  birthplace  was  commonly  believed  to  be  the  West 
Highlands,  and  it  was  certain  that  in  dealing  with  a 
case  of  aggravated  truancy  he  dropped  into  Gaelic. 
Bailie  McCallum  used  to  refer  in  convivial  moments 
to  his  schooldays  under  Bulldog,  and  always  left  it 
to  be  inferred  that  had  it  not  been  for  that  tender, 
fostering  care,  he  had  not  risen  to  his  high  estate  in 
Muirtown.  Fathers  of  families  who  were  elders  in 
the  kirk,  and  verging  on  grey  hair,  would  hear  no 
complaints  of  Bulldog,  for  they  had  passed  under  the 
yoke  in  their  youth,  and  what  they  had  endured  with 
profit — they  now  said — was  good  enough  for  their 
children.  He  seemed  to  us  in  those  days  like  Mel- 
chizedek,  without  father  or  mother,  beginning  or  end 
of  days ;  and  now  that  Bulldog  has  lain  for  many  a 
year  in  a  quiet  Perthshire  kirkyard,  it  is  hardly  worth 
while  visiting  Muirtown  Seminary. 

Every  morning,  except  in  vacation,  he  crossed  the 
bridge  at  8.45,  with  such  rigid  punctuality  that  the 


HIS    PRIVATE    CAPACITY       87 

clerics  in  the  Post  Office  checked  the  clock  by  him, 
and  he  returned  by  the  way  he  had  gone,  over  the 
North  Meadow,  at  4.15,  for  it  was  his  grateful  cus- 
tom to  close  the  administration  of  discipline  at  the 
same  hour  as  the  teaching,  considering  with  justice 
that  any  of  the  Muirtown  varlets  would  rather  take 
the  cane  than  be  kept  in,  where  frorh  the  windows 
he  could  see  the  North  Meadow  in  its  greenness,  and 
the  river  running  rapidly  on  an  afternoon.  It 
would  have  been  out  of  place  for  Bulldog  to  live  in 
a  Muirtown  street,  where  he  must  have  been  over- 
looked and  could  not  have  maintained  his  necessary 
reserve.  Years  ago  he  had  built  himself  a  house 
upon  the  slope  of  the  hill  which  commanded  Muir- 
town from  the  other  side  of  the  river.  It  was  a  hill 
which  began  with  wood  and  ended  in  a  lofty  crag; 
and  even  from  his  house,  halfway  up  and  among  the 
trees,  Bulldog  could  look  down  upon  Muirtown, 
compactly  built  together  on  the  plain  beneath,  and 
thinly  veiled  in  the  grey  smoke  which  rose  up  lazily 
from  its  homes.  It  cannot  be  truthfully  said  that 
Bulldog  gave  himself  to  poetry,  but  having  once 
varied  his  usual  country  holiday  by  a  visit  to  Italy, 
he  ever  afterwards  declared  at  dinner-table  that 
Muirtown  reminded  him  of  Florence  as  you  saw  that 
city  from  Fiesole,  with  the  ancient  kirk  of  St.  John 
rising  instead  of  the  Duomo,  and  the  Tay  instead  of 
the  Arno.  He  admitted  that  Florence  had  the  ad- 
vantage in  her  cathedral,  but  he  stoutly  insisted  that 


88      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

the  Arno  was  but  a  poor,  shrunken  river  compared 
with  his  own ;  for  wherever  Bulldog  may  have  been 
born,  he  boasted  himself  to  be  a  citizen  of  Muir- 
town,  and  always  believed  that  there  was  no  river  to 
be  found  anywhere  like  unto  the  Tay.  His  garden 
was  surrounded  with  a  high  wall,  and  the  entrance 
was  by  a  wooden  door,  and  how  Bulldog  lived  within 
these  walls  no  one  knew,  but  many  had  imagined. 
Speug,  with  two  daring  companions,  had  once  traced 
Bulldog  home  and  seen  him  disappear  through  the 
archway,  and  then  it  was  in  their  plan  to  form  a 
ladder  one  above  the  other,  and  that  Peter,  from  the 
top  thereof,  should  behold  the  mysterious  interior 
and  observe  Bulldog  in  private  life;  but  even  Speug's 
courage  failed  at  the  critical  moment,  and  they  re- 
turned without  news  to  the  disappointed  school. 

Pity  was  not  the  characteristic  of  Seminary  life  in 
those  days,  but  the  hardest  heart  was  touched  with 
compassion  when  Nestie  Molyneux  lost  his  father 
and  went  to  stay  with  Bulldog.  The  Seminary  re- 
joiced in  their  master;  but  it  was  with  trembling, 
and  the  thought  of  spending  the  evening  hours  and 
all  one's  spare  time  in  his  genial  company  excited 
our  darkest  imagination.  To  write  our  copy-books 
and  do  our  problems  under  Bulldog's  eye  was  a 
bracing  discipline  which  lent  a  kind  of  zest  to  life, 
but  to  eat  and  drink  with  Bulldog  was  a  fate  beyond 
words. 

As  it  was  an  article  of  faith  with  us  that  Bulldog 


HIS    PRIVATE    CAPACITY       89 

was  never  perfectly  happy  except  when  he  was  plying 
the  cane,  it  was  taken  for  granted  that  Nestie 
would  be  his  solitary  means  of  relaxation,  from  the 
'afternoon  of  one  day  to  the  morning  of  the  next,  and 
when  Nestie  appeared,  on  the  third  morning  after  his 
change  of  residence,  the  school  was  waiting  to  re- 
ceive him. 

His  walking  across  the  meadow  by  Bulldog's  side, 
with  his  hands  in  his  pockets,  talking  at  his  ease  and 
laughing  lightly,  amazed  us  on  first  sight,  but  did  not 
count  for  much,  because  we  considered  this  manner 
a  policy  of  expediency  and  an  act  of  hypocrisy. 
After  all,  he  was  only  doing  what  every  one  of  us 
would  have  done  in  the  same  circumstances — con- 
ciliating the  tyrant  and  covering  his  own  sufferings. 
We  kept  a  respectful  distance  till  Nestie  parted  with 
his  guardian,  and  then  we  closed  in  round  him  and 
licked  our  lips,  for  the  story  that  Nestie  could  tell 
would  make  any  Indian  tale  hardly  worth  the  read- 
ing. 

Babel  was  let  loose,  and  Nestie  was  pelted  with 
questions  which  came  in  a  fine  confusion  from  many 
voices,  and  to  which  he  was  hardly  expected  to  give 
an  immediate  answer. 

"•What  like  is  the  cane  he  keeps  at  home?"  "Has 
Bulldog  tawse  in  the  house?"  "Div  ye  catch  it 
regular?"  "Does  he  come  after  you  to  your  bed- 
room?" "Have  ye  onything  to  eat  ?"  "Is  the  gar- 
den door  locked  ?"    "Could  ye  climb  over  the  wall  if 


90      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

he  was  thrashing  you  too  sore?"  "Did  he  let  ye 
bring  yir  rabbits?"  "Have  ye  to  work  at  yir  lessons 
a'  night?"  "What  does  Bulldog  eat  for  his  dinner?" 
"Does  he  ever  speak  to  you?"  "Does  he  ever  say' 
onything  about  the  school?"  "Did  ye  ever  see  Bull- 
dog sleeping?"  "Are  ye  feared  to  be  with  him?" 
"Would  the  police  take  ye  away  if  he  was  hurting 
ye?"  "Is  there  ony  other  body  in  the  house?" 
"Would  he  let  ye  make  gundy  (candy)  by  the 
kitchen  fire?"  "Have  ye  to  work  all  night  at  yir 
books?"  "Does  he  make  ye  brush  his  boots?" 
"What  do  ye  call  him  in  the  house?"  "Would  ye 
call  him  Bulldog  for  a  shilling's-worth  of  gundy  if 
the  garden  gate  was  open?"  "Has  he  ony  apples  in 
the  garden?"  "Would  ye  daur  to  lay  a  finger  on 
them?"  "How  often  have  ye  to  wash  yir  hands?" 
"Would  ye  get  yir  licks  if  yir  hair  wasna  brushed?" 
And  then  Speug  interfered,  and  commanded  silence 
that  Nestie  might  satisfy  the  curiosity  of  the  school. 

"Hand  yir  blethering  tongues!"  was  his  polite 
form  of  address.  "Noo,  Nestie,  come  awa'  wi'  yir 
evidence.     What  like  is't  to  live  wi'  Bulldog?" 

"It's  awfully  g-good  of  you  fellows  to  ask  how  I'm 
getting  on  with  Bully,"  and  Nestie's  eyes  lit  up  with 
fun,  for  he'd  a  nice  little  sense  of  humour,  and  never 
could  resist  the  temptation  of  letting  it  play  upon  our 
slow-witted,  matter-of-fact  intellects.  "And  I  de- 
clare you  seem  to  know  all  about  what  h-happens.  I'll 
j-just  tell  you  something  about  it,  but  it'll  make  you 


HIS    PRIVATE    CAPACITY       91 

creepy,"  and  then  all  the  circle  gathered  in  round 
Nestie.  "I  have  to  rise  at  five  in  the  morning,  and 
if  I'm  not  down  at  half-past,  Bulldog  comes  for  me 
with  a  c-cane"  (Howieson  at  this  point  rubbed  him- 
self behind  gently).  "Before  breakfast  we  have  six 
'p-props'  from  Euclid  and  two  vulgar  f -fractions" 
(a  groan  from  the  school)  :  "for  breakfast  we've 
porridge  and  milk,  and  I  have  to  keep  time  with 
Bulldog — one,  two,  three,  four — with  the  spoonfuls. 
He's  got  the  c-cane  on  the  table."  ("Gosh"  from  a 
boy  at  the  back,  and  general  sympathy.)  "He  has 
the  t-tawse  hung  in  the  lobby  so  as  to  be  handy." 
("It  cowes  all.")  "There  are  three  regular  c-canings 
every  day,  one  in  the  morning,  and  one  in  the  after- 
noon, and  one  before  you  go  to  bed."  At  this  point 
Speug,  who  had  been  listening  with  much  doubt  to 
Nestie's  account,  and  knew  that  he  had  a  luxuriant 
imagination,  interfered. 

"Nestie,"  he  said,  "ye're  an  abandoned  little 
scoundrel,  and  ye're  telling  lees  straicht  forward," 
and  the  school  went  into  the  class-room  divided  in 
opinion.  Some  were  suspicious  that  Nestie  had  been 
feeding  their  curiosity  with  highly  spiced  meat,  but 
others  were  inclined  to  believe  anything  of  Bulldog's 
household  arrangements.  During  the  hour  Speug 
studied  Nestie's  countenance  with  interest,  and  in 
the  break  he  laid  hold  of  that  ingenious  young 
gentleman  by  the  ear  and  led  him  apart  into  a  quiet 
corner,  where  he  exhorted  him  to  unbosom  the  truth. 


92      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

Nestie  whispered  something  in  Speug's  ear  which 
shook  even  that  worthy's  composure. 

"Did  ye  say  rabbits?" 

"Lop-ears,"  said  Nestie  after  a  moment's  silence, 
and  Speug  was  more  confounded  than  he  had  ever 
been  in  all  his  blameless  life. 

"Ernest  Molyneux,  div  ye  kin  whar  ye  'ill  go  to  if 
ye  tell  lees." 

"I'm  telling  the  t-truth,  Speug,  and  I  never  tell 
lies,  but  sometimes  I  compose  t-tales.  Lop-ear  rab- 
bits, and  he  feeds  them  himself." 

"Will  ye  say  'as  sure  as  death'?" — for  this  was 
with  us  the  final  test  of  truth. 

"As  sure  as  death,"  said  Nestie,  and  that  after- 
noon Speug  had  so  much  to  think  about  that  he 
gave  almost  no  heed  when  Bulldog  discovered  him 
with  nothing  on  the  sheet  before  him  except  a  re- 
markably correct  drawing  of  two  lop-eared  rabbits. 

Speug  and  Nestie  crossed  the  North  Meadow 
together  after  school,  and  before  they  parted  at  the 
bridge  Nestie  entreated  the  favour  of  a  visit  in  his 
new  home  that  evening  from  Speug;  but,  although 
modesty  was  not  Speug's  prevailing  characteristic, 
he  would  on  no  account  accept  the  flattering  invita- 
tion. Maybe  he  was  going  to  drive  with  his  father, 
who  was  breaking-in  a  new  horse,  or  maybe  he  was 
going  out  on  the  river  in  a  boat,  or  maybe  the  stable 
gates  were  to  be  shut  and  the  fox  turned  loose  for  a 
run,  or  maybe 


Nestie  whispered  something  in  Speug's  ear. 


HIS    PRIVATE    CAPACITY       93 

"Maybe  you  are  going  to  learn  your  1-lessons, 
Speug,  for  once  in  your  life,"  said  Nestie,  who,  his 
head  on  one  side,  was  studying  Speug's  embarrass- 
ment. 

"A'm  to  do  naething  o'  the  kind,"  retorted  Speug, 
turning  a  dark  red  at  this  insult.  "Nane  o'  yir 
impidence." 

"Maybe  you're  f-frightened  to  come,"  said  Nestie, 
and  dodged  at  the  same  time  behind  a  lamp-post. 
"Why,  Speug,  I  didn't  know  you  were  f-frightened 
of  anything." 

"Naither  I  am,"  said  Speug  stoutly;  "an'  if  it 
had  been  Jock  Howieson  said  that,  I'd  black  his  eyes. 
What  sud  I  be  frightened  of,  ye  miserable  little 
shrimp?" 

"Really,  I  don't  know,  Speug,"  said  Nestie;  "but 
just  let  me  g-guess.  It  might  be  climbing  the  hill; 
or  did  you  think  you  might  meet  one  of  the  'Pennies,' 
and  he  would  fight  you;  or,  Speug — an  idea  occurs 
to  me — do  you  feel  as  if  you  did  not  want  to  spend 
an  hour — just  a  nice,  quiet  hour — all  alone  with 
Bulldog?  You  and  he  are  such  f-friends,  Speug,  in 
the  Seminary.  Afraid  of  Bulldog?  Speug,  I'm 
ashamed  of  you,  when  poor  little  me  has  to  live  with 
him  now  every  day." 

"When  I  get  a  grip  o'  you,  Nestie  Molyneux,  I'll 
learn  ye  to  give  me  chat.  I  never  was  afraid  of  Bull- 
dog, and  I  dinna  care  if  he  chases  me  round  the 
garden  wi'  a  stick,  but  I'm  no  coming." 


94      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

"You  are  afraid,  Speug;  you  dare  not  come."  And 
Nestie  kept  carefully  out  of  Speug's  reach, 

"You  are  a  liar,"  cried  Speug.  "I'll  come  up  this 
very  night  at  seven  o'clock,  but  I'll  no  come  in  unless 
ye're  at  the  garden  door." 

Speug  had  fought  many  pitched  battles  in  his  day, 
and  was  afraid  neither  of  man  nor  beast,  but  his 
heart  sank  within  him  for  the  first  time  in  his  life 
when  he  crossed  the  bridge  and  climbed  the  hill  to 
the  residence  of  Mr.  Dugald  MacKinnon.  Nothing 
but  his  pledged  word,  and  a  reputation  for  courage 
which  must  not  be  tarnished,  since  it  rested  on  noth- 
ing else,  brought  him  up  the  lane  to  Bulldog's  door. 
He  was  before  his  time,  and  Nestie  had  not  yet  come 
to  meet  him,  and  he  could  allow  his  imagination 
to  picture  what  was  within  the  walls,  and  what  might 
befall  his  unfortunate  self  before  he  went  down  that 
lane  again.  His  one  consolation  and  support  was  in 
the  lop-eared  rabbits ;  and  if  it  were  the  case,  as  Nestie 
had  sworn  with  an  oath  which  never  had  been  broken 
at  the  Seminary,  that  there  were  rabbits  within  that 
dreadful  enclosure,  there  was  hope  for  him ;  for  if  he 
knew  about  anything,  he  knew  about  rabbits,  and  if 
anyone  had  to  do  with  rabbits — and  although  it  was 
incredible,  yet  had  not  Nestie  sworn  it  with  an  oath? 
— there  must  be  some  bowels  of  mercy  even  in  Bull- 
dog. Speug  began  to  speculate  whether  he  might  not 
be  able,  with  Nestie's  loyal  help,  to  reach  the  rabbits 
and  examine  thoroughly  into  their  condition,  and  es- 


HIS    PRIVATE    CAPACITY       95 

cape  from  the  garden  without  a  personal  interview 
with  its  owner;  and  at  the  thought  thereof  Speug's 
heart  was  hfted.  For  of  all  his  exploits  which  had 
delighted  the  Seminary,  none,  for  its  wonder  and 
daring,  its  sheer  amazingness,  could  be  compared 
with  a  stolen  visit  to  Bulldog's  rabbits.  "Nestle," 
he  murmured  to  himself,  as  he  remembered  that  little 
Englishman's  prodigal  imagination,  "is  a  maist  ex- 
traordinary leear,  but  he  said  'as  sure  as  death.'  " 

"Why,  Speug,  is  that  you?  You  ought  to  have 
opened  the  door.  Come  along  and  shake  hands  with 
the  master;  he's  just  1-longing  to  see  you."  And 
Speug  was  dragged  along  the  walk  between  the 
gooseberry  bushes,  which  in  no  other  circumstances 
would  he  have  passed  unnoticed,  and  was  taken  up 
to  be  introduced  with  the  air  of  a  dog  going  to  execu- 
tion. He  heard  someone  coming  down  the  walk, 
and  he  lifted  up  his  eyes  to  know  the  worst,  and  in 
that  moment  it  appeared  as  if  reason  had  deserted 
the  unhappy  Speug.  It  was  the  face  of  Bulldog,  for 
the  like  of  that  countenance  could  not  be  found  on 
any  other  man  within  the  United  Kingdom  of  Great 
Britain  and  Ireland.  Yes,  it  was  Bulldog,  and  that 
Speug  would  be  prepared  to  swear  in  any  court  of 
justice.  The  nose  and  the  chin,  and  the  iron-grey 
whiskers  and  hair,  and  above  all  those  revolving 
eyes.  There  could  not  be  any  mistake.  But  what 
had  happened  to  Bulldog's  face,  for  it  was  like  unto 
that  of  another  man  ?    The  sternness  had  gone  out  of 


96     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

it,  and — there  was  no  doubt  about  it — Bulldog  was 
smiling,  and  it  was  an  altogether  comprehensive  and 
irresistible  smile.  It  had  taken  the  iron  linesoutof  his 
face  and  shaped  his  lips  to  the  kindliest  curve,  and  de- 
prived his  nose  of  its  aggressive  air,  and  robbed  the 
judicial  appearance  of  his  whiskers,  and  it  had  given 
him — it  was  a  positive  fact — another  pair  of  eyes. 
They  still  revolved,  but  not  now  like  the  guns  in  the 
turret  of  a  monitor  dealing  destruction  right  and  left. 
They  were  shining  and  twinkling  like  the  kindly  light 
from  a  harbour  tower.  There  never  was  such  a 
genial  and  humoursome  face,  so  full  of  fun  and  hu- 
manity, as  that  which  looked  down  on  the  speechless 
Speug.  Nor  was  that  all ;  it  was  a  complete  transfor- 
mation. Where  were  the  pepper-and-salt  trousers 
and  the  formal  black  coat  and  vest,  which  seemed 
somehow  to  symbolise  the  inflexible  severity  of  Bull- 
dog's reign?  and  the  hat,  and  the  gloves,  and  the 
stick — what  had  become  of  his  trappings?  Was 
there  ever  such  a  pair  of  disreputable  old  slippers, 
down  at  the  heel,  out  at  the  sides,  broken  at  the 
seams,  as  those  that  covered  the  feet  of  Bulldog  in 
that  garden.  The  very  sight  of  those  slippers,  with 
their  suggestion  of  slackness  and  unpunctuality  and 
ignorance  of  all  useful  knowledge  and  general  Bo- 
hemianism,  was  the  first  thing  which  cheered  the 
heart  of  Speug.  Those  slippers  would  tolerate  no 
problems  from  Euclid  and  would  laugh  a  cane  to 
scorn.     Where  did  he  ever  get  those  trousers,  and 


HIS    PRIVATE    CAPACITY       97 

from  whose  hands  did  they  originally  come,  baggy 
at  the  knee  and  loose  everywhere,  stained  with  gar- 
den mould  and  torn  with  garden  bushes  ? 

Without  question  it  was  a  warm  night  in  that  shel- 
tered place  on  the  side  of  the  hill ;  but  would  any  per- 
son believe  that  the  master  of  mathematics,  besides 
writing  and  arithmetic,  in  Muirtown  Seminary,  was 
going  about  in  his  garden,  and  before  the  eyes  of  two 
of  his  pupils,  without  the  vestige  of  a  waistcoat. 
Speug  now  was  braced  for  wonders,  but  even  he  was 
startled  with  Bulldog's  jacket,  which  seemed  of 
earlier  age  than  the  trousers,  with  which  it  had  no 
connexion  in  colour.  It  may  once  have  had  four  but- 
tons, but  only  two  were  left  now ;  there  was  a  tear  in 
its  side  that  must  have  been  made  by  a  nail  in  the  gar- 
den wall,  the  handle  of  a  hammer  projected  from 
one  pocket,  and  a  pruning-knife  from  the  other.  And 
if  there  was  not  a  pipe  in  Bulldog's  mouth,  stuck  in 
the  side  of  his  cheek,  "as  sure  as  death !"  There  was 
a  knife  in  his  hand,  with  six  blades  and  a  corkscrew 
and  a  gimlet  and  the  thing  for  taking  the  stones  out 
of  a  horse's  hoof — oath  again  repeated — and  Bulldog 
was  trying  the  edge  of  the  biggest  blade  upon  his 
finger.  Speug,  now  ascending  from  height  to  height, 
was  not  surprised  to  see  no  necktie,  and  would  have 
been  prepared  to  see  no  collar.  He  had  now  even  a 
wild  hope  that  when  he  reached  Bulldog's  head  it 
might  be  crowned  with  a  Highland  bonnet,  minus  the 
tails;  but  instead  thereof  there  was  a  hat,  possibly 


98      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

once  a  wide-awake,  so  bashed,  and  shapeless,  and  dis- 
coloured, and  worn  so  rakishly,  partly  on  the  back 
and  partly  on  the  side  of  his  head,  that  Speug  was 
inwardly  satisfied,  and  knew  that  no  evil  could  befall 
him  in  that  garden. 

"Speug,  my  mannie,  how  are  ye?"  said  this  amaz- 
ing figure.  "Ye've  been  long  of  coming.  There's 
something  like  a  knife,  eh !"  and  Bulldog  opened  up 
the  whole  concern  and  challenged  Speug  to  produce 
his  knife,  which  was  not  so  bad  after  all,  for  it  had 
six  departments,  and  one  of  them  was  a  file,  which 
was  wanting  in  Bulldog's. 

"Show  the  master  your  peerie,  Speug,"  said  Nes- 
tie.  "It's  split  more  tops  than  any  one  in  the  school ; 
it's  a  r-ripper,"  and  Nestie  exhibited  its  deadly  steel 
point  with  much  pride,  while  Speug  endeavoured  to 
look  unconscious  as  the  owner  of  this  instrument  of 
war. 

"Dod,  I'll  have  a  try  myself,"  said  Bulldog.  "It's 
many  a  year  since  I've  spun  a  top.  Where's  yir 
string?"  and  he  strode  up  the  walk  winding  the  top, 
and  the  boys  behind  looked  at  one  another,  while 
Nestie  triumphed  openly. 

"Are  you  frightened,  Speug?"  he  whispered. 
"Ain't  he  great?  And  just  you  wait;  you  haven't 
begun  to  see  things  yet,  not  h-half." 

Upon  the  doorstep  Bulldog  spun  the  top  with  a 
right  hand  that  had  not  lost  its  cunning,  but  rather 


HIS    PRIVATE    CAPACITY       99 

had  been  strengthened  by  much  cane  exercise.  "It's 
sleeping,"  he  cried  in  huge  dehght.  "If  you  dare  to 
touch  it,  pity  you !"  but  no  one  wished  to  shorten  its 
time,  and  the  three  hung  over  that  top  with  fond  in- 
terest, as  Bulldog  timed  the  performance  with  his 
watch,  which  he  extricated  from  his  trouser  pocket. 

"Ye're  a  judge  of  rabbits,  Speug,"  said  the  master. 
"I  would  like  to  have  yir  advice,"  and  as  they  went 
down  through  the  garden  they  halted  at  a  place,  and 
the  robins  came  and  sat  on  Bulldog's  shoulder  and 
took  crumbs  out  of  his  hand,  and  a  little  further  on 
the  thrushes  bade  him  welcome,  and  he  showed  the 
boys  where  the  swallows  had  built  every  year,  and 
they  also  flew  round  his  head. 

"If  ye  dinna  meddle  with  them,  the  birds  'ill  no  be 
afraid  o'  you,  will  they,  Dandie?"  and  the  old  terrier 
which  followed  at  his  heels  wagged  his  tail  and  indi- 
cated that  he  also  was  on  good  terms  with  every 
living  thing  in  the  garden. 

No  one  in  the  Seminary  ever  could  be  brought  to 
believe  it,  even  although  Speug  tried  to  inculcate 
faith  with  his  fists,  that  Bulldog  had  carried  out  a 
litter  of  young  rabbits  in  his  hat  for  inspection,  and 
that,  before  the  three  of  them  laid  themselves  out  for 
a  supper  of  strawberries,  Speug  had  given  to  his 
master  the  best  knowledge  at  his  command  on  the 
amount  of  green  food  which  might  be  given  with 
safety  to  a  rabbit  of  adult  years,  and  had  laid  it  down 


loo    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

with  authority  that  a  moderate  amount  of  tea-leaves 
and  oatmeal  might  be  allowed  as  an  occasional 
dainty. 

After  the  attack  on  the  strawberries,  in  which 
Speug  greatly  distinguished  himself,  and  Bulldog 
urged  him  on  with  encouraging  words,  they  had 
tarts  and  lemonade  in  the  house,  where  not  a  sign 
of  cane  or  tawse  could  be  found.  Bulldog  drew  the 
corks  himself,  and  managed  once  to  drench  Speug 
gloriously,  whereat  that  worthy  wiped  his  face  with 
his  famous  red  handkerchief  and  was  inordinately 
proud,  while  Nestie  declared  that  the  thing  had  been 
done  on  purpose,  and  Bulldog  threatened  him  with 
the  tawse  for  insulting  his  master. 

"Div  ye  think,  Speug,  ye  could  manage  a  piece  of 
rock  before  ye  go,"  and  Bulldog  produced  the  only 
rock  that  a  Muirtown  man  will  ever  think  worth 
eating — Fenwick's  own  very  best,  thick,  and  pure, 
and  rich,  and  well-flavoured ;  and  when  Speug  knew 
not  whether  to  choose  the  peppermint,  that  is  black 
and  white,  or  the  honey  rock,  which  is  brown  and 
creamy,  or  the  cinnamon,  which  in  those  days  was 
red  outside  and  white  within,  his  host  insisted  that 
he  should  take  a  piece  of  each,  and  they  would  last 
him  till  he  reached  his  home. 

"Speug,"  and  Bulldog  bade  farewell  to  his  pupil  at 
the  garden  gate,  "ye're  the  most  aggravating  little 
scoundrel  in  Muirtown  Seminary,  and  the  devilry 
that's  in  you  I  bear  witness  is  bottomless ;  but  ye're 


HIS    PRIVATE    CAPACITY     loi 

fine  company,  and  ye  'ill,  maybe,  be  a  man  yet,  and 
Nestie  and  me  will  be  glad  to  see  ye  when  ye're  no 
engaged  with  yir  study.  Ye  'ill  no  forget  to  come, 
Peter." 

Peter's  tongue,  which  had  been  wagging  freely 
among  the  rabbits,  again  forsook  him,  but  he  was 
able  to  indicate  that  he  would  seize  an  early  oppor- 
tunity of  again  paying  his  respects  to  Mr.  Dugald 
MacKinnon  in  his  own  home;  and  when  Bulldog 
thrashed  him  next  day  for  not  having  prepared  an 
exercise  the  night  before,  the  incident  only  seemed 
to  complete  Speug's  pride  and  satisfaction. 


THE    DISGRACE    OF 
MR.  BYLES 

VI 

Bulldog's  southern  assistant  had  tried  the  pa- 
tience of  the  Seminary  by  various  efforts  to  improve 
its  mind  and  manners,  but  when  he  proposed  at  the 
beginning  of  the  autumn  term  to  occupy  Saturdays 
with  botanical  excursions  to  Kilspindie  Woods, 
which,  as  everybody  knows,  are  three  miles  from 
Muirtown,  and  a  paradise  of  pheasants,  it  was  felt 
that  if  there  was  any  moral  order  in  the  universe 
something  must  happen.  From  the  middle  of  Sep- 
tember, when  the  school  opened,  on  to  the  beginning 
of  October,  when  football  started,  our  spare  time  was 
given  to  kites,  which  we  flew  from  the  North  Mea- 
dow in  the  equinoctial  gales  gloriously.  Speug 
had  one  of  heroic  size,  with  the  figure  of  a  dragon 
upon  it  painted  in  blue  and  yellow  and  red — the  red 
for  the  fire  coming  out  of  his  mouth — and  a  tail  of 
eight  joints,  ending  in  a  bunch  of  hay  fastened  with 
a  ribbon.  None  but  a  sportsman  like  Speug  could 
have  launched  the  monster  from  the  ground — bigger 
than  Peter  by  a  foot — and  nursed  it  through  the 


I04    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

lower  spaces  till  it  caught  the  wind,  and  held  it  in 
the  higher  as  it  tore  upwards  and  forwards  till  the 
dragon  was  but  the  size  of  a  man's  hand  in  the  clear 
autumn  sky.  Then  Peter  would  lie  down  upon  his 
back,  with  his  hands  below  his  head,  and  the  stick 
with  the  kite  string  beneath  his  feet,  and  gaze  up  at 
the  speck  above,  with  an  expression  so  lifted  above 
this  present  world  that  a  circle  of  juniors  could  only 
look  at  him  with  silent  admiration  and  speculate 
whether  they  would  ever  become  so  good  and 
great. 

It  must  not  be  thought,  however,  that  kite-flying 
was  chiefly  done  upon  your  back,  for  it  gave  endless 
opportunities  for  intricate  manoeuvres  and  spectac- 
ular display.  When  Peter  was  in  the  vein  he  would 
collect  twelve  mighties — each  with  a  kite  worth  see- 
ing— and  bringing  the  kites  low  enough  for  the  glory 
of  their  size  and  tails  to  be  visible  they  would  turn 
and  wheel  and  advance  and  retire,  keeping  line  and 
distance  with  such  accuracy  that  Sergeant  Mc- 
Glashan  would  watch  the  review  with  keen  interest 
and  afterwards  give  his  weighty  approval.  Then  the 
band  would  work  their  way  up  to  the  head  of  the 
Meadow  in  the  teeth  of  a  north-wester,  and  forming 
in  line,  with  half  a  dozen  yards  between  each  boy, 
would  let  the  kites  go  and  follow  them  at  the  run  as 
the  kites  tore  through  the  air  and  almost  pulled  their 
owners'  arms  out  of  the  sockets.  It  was  so  fine  a 
demonstration    that    the    women    bleaching    their 


DISGRACE  OF  MR.  BYLES    105 

clothes  would  pick  up  half  a  dozen  of  the  goodman's 
shirts  to  let  Speug  keep  his  course — knowing  very- 
well  that  he  would  have  kept  it  otherwise  over  the 
shirts — and  golfers,  who  expect  everyone  to  get  out 
of  their  way  on  pain  of  sudden  death,  would  stop 
upon  the  putting  green  to  see  the  kites  go  down  in 
the  wind  with  the  laddies  red-faced  and  bareheaded 
at  their  heels.  If  the  housewives  shook  their  heads 
as  they  spread  out  the  shirts  on  the  grass  again — 
weighing  them  down  with  clean  stones  that  they 
might  not  follow  the  kites — it  was  with  secret  de- 
light, for  there  is  no  wholesome  woman  who  does 
not  rejoice  in  a  boy  and  regard  his  most  vexatious 
mischief  with  charity.  And  old  Major  MacLeod, 
the  keenest  of  golfers  and  the  most  touchy  of  Celts, 
declared  that  this  condemned  old  Island  was  not  dead 
yet  when  it  could  turn  out  such  a  gang  of  sturdy 
young  ruffians.  And  it  was  instead  of  such  a  mighty 
ploy  that  Mr.  Byles  proposed  to  take  the  Seminary 
for  a  botanical  excursion. 

It  was  in  the  mathematical  class-room  that  Mr. 
Byles  announced  the  new  departure,  and,  even  if 
Bulldog  had  not  been  keeping  watch  with  an  inscrut- 
able countenance,  the  school  was  too  much  amazed 
to  interrupt.  Having  touched  on  the  glories  of  the 
creation  amid  which  we  lived,  Mr.  Byles  pointed  out, 
in  what  the  newspapers  call  "neat  and  well-chosen 
terms,"  that  it  was  not  enough  to  learn  mathematics 
as  they  all  did  so  diligently — ^Jock  Howieson's  eye 


io6  YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

turned  instinctively  to  Bulldog's  cane — but  they  must 
also  know  some  natural  science  in  order  to  become, 
as  he  hoped  they  would,  cultured  men — Speug  was 
just  able  to  cast  a  longing  glance  at  Thomas  John. 
That  no  pursuit  was  easier  and  more  delightful  than 
botany,  especially  among  wild  flowers.  That  on 
Saturday  he  proposed  to  go  with  as  many  as  would 
join  him  to  ransack  the  treasures  of  Kilspindie 
Woods.  That  these  woods  were  very  rich,  he  be- 
lieved, in  flowers,  among  which  he  mentioned  wild 
geraniums — at  which  the  school  began  to  recover 
and  rustle.  That  the  boys  might  dry  the  geraniums 
and  make  books  for  Christmas  presents  with  them, 
and  that  he  hoped  to  see  a  herbarium  in  the  Seminary 
containing  all  the  wild  flowers  of  the  district.  The 
school  was  now  getting  into  good  spirits,  and  Bull- 
dog allowed  his  eye  to  fall  on  Speug.  That  any  boy 
who  desired  to  improve  his  mind  was  to  put  on  his 
oldest  suit  and  bring  a  bag  to  carry  the  plants  in  and 
be  in  front  of  the  Seminary  at  nine  to-morrow. 
Then  Bulldog  brought  his  cane  down  on  the  desk 
with  energy  and  dismissed  the  school,  and  Nestie  told 
Peter  that  his  mouth  had  begun  to  twitch. 

Outside  the  school  gathered  together  on  the  ter- 
race around  the  Russian  guns,  which  was  our  Forum, 
and  after  five  seconds'  pause,  during  which  we  gath- 
ered inspiration  from  each  others'  faces,  a  great 
shout  of  laughter  went  up  to  the  sky,  full-toned, 
unanimous,  prolonged.    Any  sense  of  humour  in  the 


DISGRACE  OF  MR.  BYLES    107 

Seminary   was   practical,   and   Mr.    Byles's   botany 
class,  with  expeditions,  was  irresistible. 

"Geranniums !"  cried  Howieson,  who  was  im- 
mensely tickled;  ''it  cowes  a'.  An'  what  was  the 
ither  flooer — 'herbarries' ?  It's  michty;  it'ill  be 
poppies  an'  mustard  seed  next.  Speug,  ye'ill  be 
making  a  book  for  a  present  to  Bulldog." 

"Tak  care  o'  yirsel,"  Bauldie  shouted  to  the  Dow- 
biggins,  who  were  making  off,  as  mass  meetings  did 
not  agree  with  them,  "an'  see  ye  dinna  wet  yir  feet 
or  dirty  yir  hands.  Ye'ill  get  yir  wheeps  at  home  if 
ye  do.  Give  us  a  bit  o'  Byles,  Nestie,"  and  then 
there  was  instant  silence,  for  Nestie  had  a  nice  little 
trick  of  mimicry  which  greatly  endeared  him  to  a 
school  where  delicate  gifts  were  rare. 

"S-silence,  if  you  please,"  and  Nestie  held  up  his 
hand  with  Mr.  Byles's  favourite  polite  deprecating 
gesture.  "I  hear  a  smile.  Remember,  d-dear  boys, 
that  this  is  a  serious  s-subject.  Do  p-please  sit  quiet, 
Peter  McGuffie ;  your  fidgetin'  is  very  t-tryin'  indeed, 
and  I  'ope,  I  mean  h-hope,  you  will  make  an  effort  to 
1-1  earn.  This,  my  1-lads,  is  a  common  object  of 
Nature  which  I  'old,  that  is  hold,  in  my  h-hands — 
Howieson,  I  must  ask  you  not  to  annoy  Thomas 
John  Dowbiggin — the  c-colour  is  a  lovely  gold,  and 
yet — no  talking,  if  you  please,  it  is  r-rude — we  pass 
it  every  day  without  n-notice.  Each  boy  may  take 
a  dandelion  h-home  to  his  sister.  Now  go  hout . . . 
or  rather  out,  quietly." 


io8    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

"Gosh,  it's  just  Byles  to  the  ground!"  cried 
Bauldie;  and  Johnston  passed  a  half  stick  of  gundy 
to  Nestie  to  refresh  him  after  his  labours.  "Are  ony 
o'  you  chaps  goin'?  It  wud  be  worth  seein'  Byles 
traking  thro'  the  Kilspindie  Woods,  with  thae 
bleatin'  sheep  o'  Dowbiggins  at  his  heels,  carryin'  an 
airmful  o'  roots  and  sic  like." 

"You'ill  no  catch  me  tramping  oot  at  the  tail  o' 
Byles  and  a  litter  o'  Dowbiggins!" — and  Jock  was 
very  emphatic.  "Dod,  it'ill  just  be  like  a  procession 
o'  MacMuldrow's  lassies,  two  and  two,  and  maybe 
airm  in  airm!" 

This  fearful  and  malignant  suggestion  settled  the 
matter  for  the  Seminary,  as  a  score  of  its  worthies 
marching  across  the  bridge  in  the  interests  of  science, 
like  a  boarding-school,  would  be  a  scandal  for  ever. 
So  it  was  agreed  that  a  body  of  sympathisers  should 
see  the  Byles  expedition  off  next  morning,  and  then 
hold  a  field  day  of  kites  in  the  meadow. 

The  deterioration  of  the  best  is  the  worst,  and  that 
means  that  when  a  prim,  conventional,  respectable 
man  takes  in  his  head  to  dress  as  a  Bohemian,  the 
effect  will  be  remarkable.  Byles  had  been  anxious 
to  show  that  he  could  be  quite  the  gay  rustic  when  he 
pleased,  and  he  was  got  up  in  a  cap,  much  crushed, 
and  a  grey  flannel  shirt,  with  a  collar  corresponding, 
and  no  tie,  and  a  suit  of  brown  tweeds,  much  stained 
with  futile  chemical  experiments.  He  was  also 
equipped  with  a  large  canvas  bag,  slung  over  his 


DISGRACE  OF  MR.  BYLES    109 

shoulder,  and  a  hammock  net,  which  he  explained 
could  be  slung  from  a  tree  and  serve  as  a  resting- 
place  if  it  were  damp  beneath.  The  Dowbiggins  had 
entered  into  the  spirit  of  the  thing,  and  were  in 
clothes  reserved  for  their  country  holidays.  They 
had  each  an  umbrella,  large  and  bulgy,  and  alto- 
gether were  a  pair  of  objects  to  whom  no  one  would 
have  lent  a  shilling.  Cosh,  whose  attack  on  Nestie 
made  him  a  social  outcast,  had  declared  himself  a 
convert  to  natural  science,  and  was  sucking  up  to 
Byles,  and  two  harmless  little  chaps,  who  thought 
that  they  would  like  to  know  something  about  flow- 
ers, made  up  the  Botanical  Society. 

They  were  a  lonely  little  group  standing  on  the 
terrace,  while  Mr.  Byles  was  securing  a  trowel  and 
other  instruments  of  war  from  his  room,  but  a  large 
and  representative  gathering  of  the  Seminary  did 
their  best  to  cheer  and  instruct  them. 

Howieson  insisted  that  the  bottle  of  milk  which 
bulged  from  the  bag  of  the  younger  Dowbiggin  con- 
tained spirituous  liquors,  and  warned  the  two  juniors 
to  keep  clear  of  him  and  to  resist  every  temptation  to 
drinking.  He  also  expressed  an  earnest  hope  that  a 
rumour  flying  round  the  school  about  tobacco  was 
not  true.  But  the  smell  on  Dowbiggin's  clothes  was 
horrid.  Cosh  was  affectionately  exhorted  to  have  a 
tender  care  of  his  health  and  personal  appearance, 
not  to  bully  Lord  Kilspindie's  gamekeepers,  nor  to 
put  his  foot  into  a  steel  trap,  nor  to  meddle  with  the 


no  YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

rabbits,  nor  to  fall  into  the  Tay,  but  above  all  things 
not  to  tell  lies. 

Thomas  John  was  beset  with  requests — that  he 
would  leave  a  lock  of  his  hair  in  case  he  should  not 
return,  that  he  would  mention  the  name  of  the  pawn- 
broker from  whom  he  got  his  clothes,  that  he  would 
bring  home  a  bouquet  of  wild  flowers  for  Bulldog, 
that  he  would  secure  a  supply  of  turnips  to  make 
lanterns  for  Halloween,  that  he  would  be  kind  to  Mr. 
Byles  and  see  that  he  took  a  rest  in  his  net,  that  he 
would  be  careful  to  gather  up  any  "h's"  Mr.  Byles 
might  drop  on  the  road,  and  that  he  should  not  use 
bad  language  under  any  circumstances. 

"Never  mind  what  those  boys  say,  Thomas,"  said 
Mr.  Byles,  who  had  come  out  in  time  to  catch  the 
last  exhortation :  "it  is  far  better  to  himprove,  I 
mean  cultivate,  the  mind  than  to  fly  kites  like  a  set 
of  children ;  but  we  all  hope  that  you  will  have  a  nice 
fly,  don't  we,  boys?"  And  sarcasm  from  so  feeble  a 
quarter  might  have  provoked  a  demonstration  had 
not  Byles  and  his  flock  been  blotted  out  by  an 
amazing  circumstance.  As  the  botanists  started, 
Speug,  who  had  maintained  an  unusual  silence  all 
morning,  joined  the  body  along  with  Nestie,  and 
gave  Mr.  Byles  to  understand  that  he  also  was  hun- 
gering for  scientific  research.  After  their  friends 
had  recovered  themselves  they  buzzed  round  the  two, 
who  were  following  the  Dowbiggins  with  an  admira- 
ble affectation  of  sedateness,  but  received  no  sat- 


DISGRACE  OF  MR.  BYLES    iii 

isfaction.  Speug  contented  himself  with  warning 
off  a  dozen  henchmen  who  had  fallen  in  by  him  with 
the  idea  of  forming  a  mock  procession,  and  then  giv- 
ing them  a  wink  of  extraordinary  suggestiveness. 
But  Nestie  was  more  communicative,  and  explained 
the  situation  at  length — 

"Peter  was  a  b-botanist  all  the  time,  but  he  did  not 
know  it;  he  fairly  loves  g-geranniums,  and  is  sorry 
that  he  wasted  his  time  on  k-kites  and  snowballs. 
We  are  going  to  himprove  our  m-minds,  and  we 
don't  want  you  to  trouble  us."  But  this  was  not 
knowledge. 

It  remained  a  mystery,  and  when  Jock  and  Bauldie 
tailed  off  at  the  bridge,  and  Speug,  halfway  across, 
turned  round  and  winked  again,  it  was  with  regret 
that  they  betook  themselves  to  their  kites,  and  more 
than  once  they  found  themselves  casting  longing 
glances  to  the  distant  woods,  where  Speug  was  now 
pursuing  the  study  of  botany. 

"Bauldie,"  said  Jock  suddenly,  as  the  kites  hung 
motionless  in  the  sky,  "this  is  weel  enough,  but  tak' 
my  word  for't  it's  nothing  to  the  game  they're 
playin'  in  yon  woods." 

"Div  ye  mean  howkin'  geranniums?  for  I  canna 
see  muckle  game  in  that:  I  would  as  soon  dig 
potatoes."  Bauldie,  though  a  man  of  his  hands,  had 
a  prosaic  mind  and  had  little  imagination. 

"Geranniums!  ger havers,   that's  no'  what 

Speug  is  after,  you  bet.    He's  got  a  big  splore  (ex- 


112    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

ploit)  on  hand  or  he  never  crossed  Muirtown  Brig  in 
such  company.  Man,  Bauldie,  I  peety  Byles,  I  do. 
Peter'ill  lose  the  lot  o'  them  in  the  woods  or  he'ill 
stick  them  in  a  bog,  or" — and  Jock  could  hardly  hold 
his  kite — "what  div  ye  say  to  this,  man?  he'ill  row 
them  over  to  Woody  Island  and  leave  them  there  till 
Monday,  with  naething  but  bread  and  milk  and  the 
net  to  sleep  in."  And  the  joy  of  Jock  and  Bauldie 
at  this  cheerful  prospect  was  rather  a  testimony  to 
their  faith  in  Peter's  varied  ability  than  a  proof  of 
sympathy  with  their  fellow-creatures. 

If  Speug  was  playing  the  fox  he  gave  no  sign 
on  the  way  to  the  woods,  for  he  was  a  model  of 
propriety  and  laid  himself  out  to  be  agreeable. 
He  showed  an  unwonted  respect  for  the  feelings  of 
the  Dowbiggins,  so  that  these  two  young  gentlemen 
relaxed  the  vigilant  attention  with  which  they  usually 
regarded  Speug,  and  he  was  quite  affable  with 
Cosh.  As  for  the  master,  Peter  simply  placed 
himself  at  Mr.  Byles's  service,  expatiating  on  the 
extent  of  the  woods  and  their  richness  in  flowers — 
"just  fair  scatted  up  wi'  geranniums  and  the  rest 
o'  them :"  offering  to  take  the  expedition  by  the 
nearest  way  to  the  treasures,  and  especially  insist- 
ing on  the  number  and  beauty  and  tameness  of 
the  pheasants,  till  Mr.  Byles  was  charmed  and  was 
himself  surprised  at  the  humanising  influence  of 
scientific  pursuits. 

Nor  had  Peter  boasted  vainly  of  his  wood  lore, 


DISGRACE  OF  MR.  BYLES    113 

for  he  led  them  by  so  direct  a  way  that,  before  they 
came  to  the  place  of  flowers,  the  expedition — except 
the  two  little  chaps,  whom  Speug  sent  round  in  Nes- 
tie's  charge,  to  a  selected  rendezvous  as  being  next 
door  to  babies — had  climbed  five  dykes,  all  with  loose 
stones,  fought  through  three  thickets  very  prickly 
indeed,  crawled  underneath  two  hedges,  crossed 
three  burns,  one  coming  up  to  the  knees,  and  mired 
themselves  times  without  number.  Cosh  had  jostled 
against  Speug  in  leaping  from  one  dry  spot  to  an- 
other and  come  down  rolling  in  the  mud,  which  made 
his  appearance  from  behind  wonderful;  Speug,  in 
helping  Thomas  John  out  of  a  very  entangling  place, 
had  been  so  zealous  that  the  seat  had  been  almost 
entirely  detached  from  Thomas  John's  trousers,  and 
although  Mr.  Byles  had  done  his  best  with  pins,  the 
result  was  not  edifying;  his  brother's  straw  hat  had 
fallen  in  the  exact  spot  where  Speug  landed  as  he 
jumped  from  a  wall,  and  was  of  no  further  service, 
and  so  the  younger  Dowbiggin — "who  is  so  refined 
in  his  ways,"  as  his  mother  used  to  say — wore  as  his 
headgear  a  handkerchief  which  had  been  used  for 
cleaning  the  mud  from  his  clothes.  Upon  Mr.  Byles, 
whom  fate  might  have  spared,  misfortunes  had  ac- 
cumulated. His  trousers  had  been  sadly  mangled 
from  the  knee  downwards  as  he  crawled  through  a 
hole,  and  had  to  be  wound  round  his  legs  with 
string,  and  although  Speug  had  pulled  his  cap  out 
of  a  branch,  he  had  done  his  work  so  hastily  as 


114    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

to  leave  the  peak  behind,  and  he  was  so  clumsy, 
with  the  best  intentions,  that  he  allowed  another 
branch  to  slip,  which  caught  Mr.  Byles  on  the  side 
of  the  head  and  left  a  mark  above  his  eye,  which 
distinctly  suggested  a  prizefight  to  anyone  not 
acquainted  with  that  gentleman's  blameless  charac- 
ter. Peter  himself  had  come  unscathed  from  the 
perils  of  land  and  water,  save  a  dash  of  mud  here  and 
there  and  a  suspicion  of  wet  about  his  feet,  which 
shows  how  bad  people  fare  better  than  good.  The 
company  was  so  bedraggled  and  discouraged  that 
their  minds  did  not  seem  set  on  wild  flowers,  and 
in  these  circumstances  Peter,  ever  obliging  and 
thoughtful,  led  the  botanists  to  a  pleasant  glade, 
away  from  thickets  and  bogs,  where  the  pheasants 
made  their  home  and  swarmed  by  hundreds.  Mr. 
Byles  was  much  cheered  by  this  change  of  environ- 
ment, and  grew  eloquent  on  the  graceful  shape  and 
varied  plumage  of  the  birds.  They  were  so  friendly 
that  they  gathered  round  the  party,  which  was  not 
wonderful,  as  a  keeper  fed  them  every  day,  but  whicH 
Mr.  Byles  explained  was  due  to  the  instinct  of  the 
beautiful  creatures,  "who  know,  my  dear  boys,  that 
we  love  them."  He  enlarged  on  the  cruelty  of  sport, 
and  made  the  Dowbiggins  promise  that  they  would 
never  shoot  pheasants  or  any  other  game,  and  there 
is  no  reason  to  doubt  that  they  kept  their  word,  as 
they  did  not  know  one  end  of  a  gun  from  another, 


'TheV   were    so   FlilENDLY   THAT  THEY   GATHERED   ROUND 
THE    PARTY." 


DISGRACE  OF  MR.  BYLES    115 

and  would  no  sooner  have  dared  to  fire  one  than  they 
would  have  whistled  on  Sunday.  A  happy  thought 
occurred  to  Mr.  Byles,  and  he  suggested  that  they 
should  now  have  their  lunch  and  feed  the  birds  with 
the  fragments.  He  was  wondering  also  whether  it 
would  be  wrong  to  snare  one  of  the  birds  in  the  net, 
just  to  hold  it  in  the  hand  and  let  it  go  again. 

When  things  had  come  to  this  pass — and  he  never 
had  expected  anything  so  good — Speug  withdrew 
unobtrusively  behind  a  clump  of  trees,  and  then  ran 
swiftly  to  a  hollow  where  Nestie  was  waiting  with 
the  juniors. 

"Noo,  my  wee  men,"  said  Peter  to  the  innocents, 
"div  ye  see  that  path?  Cut  along  it  as  hard  as 
ye  can  leg,  and  it  'ill  bring  you  to  the  Muirtown 
Road,  and  never  rest  till  ye  be  in  your  own  houses. 
For  Byles  and  these  Dowbiggins  are  carryin'  on 
sic  a  game  wi'  Lord  Kilspindie's  pheasants  that  I'm 
expectin'  to  see  them  in  Muirtown  jail  before  nicht. 
Ye  may  be  thankful,"  concluded  Peter  piously, 
"that  I  savit  ye  from  sic  company." 

"Nestie,"  Peter  continued,  when  the  boys  had 
disappeared,  "I've  never  clypit  (told  tales)  once  since 
I  cam  to  the  Seminary,  and  it's  no'  a  nice  job,  but 
div  ye  no'  think  that  the  head  keeper  should  know 
that  poachers  are  in  the  preserves?" 

"It's  a  d-duty,  Peter,"  as  they  ran  to  the  keeper's 
house,  "especially  when  there's  a  g-gang  of  them 


ii6  YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

and  such  b-bad-looking  fellows — v-vice  just  written 
on  their  faces.  It's  horried  to  see  boys  so  young 
and  so  w-wicked." 

"What  young  prodigals  are  yon  comin'  skelpin' 
along,  as  if  the  dogs  were  aifter  them?"  and  the 
head  keeper  came  out  from  the  kennels.  "Oh,  it's 
you,  Speug — and  what  are  you  doin'  in  the  woods 
the  day?  there's  no  eggs  now."  For  sporting  people 
are  a  confederacy,  and  there  was  not  a  coachman 
or  groom,  or  keeper  or  ratcatcher,  within  twelve 
miles  of  Muirtown,  who  did  not  know  Mr.  McGuffie 
senior,  and  not  many  who  did  not  also  have  the 
acquaintance  of  his  hopeful  son. 

"Nestie  and  me  were  just  out  for  a  run  to  keep 
our  wind  richt,  an'  we  cam  on  a  man  and  three 
boys  among  the  pheasants  in  the  low  park." 

"Among  the  what?  Meddlin'  with  Lord  Kil- 
spindie's  birds?" 

"Well,  I  dinna  ken  if  they  were  juist  poachin', 
but  they  were  feedin'  them,  and  we  saw  a  net." 

"Sandie,"  shouted  the  head  keeper,  "and  you, 
Tom,  get  up  out  of  yir  beds  this  meenut;  the 
poachers  are  after  the  pheasants.  My  word,  takin' 
them  alive,  as  I'm  a  livin'  man,  to  sell  them  for 
stock :  and  broad  daylight ;  it  beats  everything.  He 
'ill  be  an  old  hand,  frae  Dundee  maist  likely.  And 
the  impidence  o't,  eleven  o'clock  in  the  forenoon  an' 
the  end  o'  September.  Dod :  it's  a  depairture  in 
poachin'."     And  as  the  sight  of  Mr.  Byles  burst  on 


DISGRACE  OF  MR.  BYLES    117 

his  view,  surrounded  by  trustful  birds,  and  the  two 
Dowbiggins  trying  very  feebly  to  drop  the  net  on  a 
specially  venturesome  one,  the  head  keeper  almost 
lost  the  power  of  speech. 

"Dinna  let  us  interrupt  you,"  and  Mr.  Byles 
looked  up  to  see  three  armed  keepers  commanding 
their  helpless  party,  and  one  of  them  purple  with 
rage.  "I  hope  we  don't  intrude;  maybe  we  could 
give  you  a  hand  in  catchin'  the  birds,  and  if  a  spring- 
cart  would  be  of  ony  use .  .  .  confound  your  cheek ! 

"Gathering  flowers,  are  ye,  and  gave  the  pheasants 
a  biscuit,  did  ye,  and  the  boys  thought  they  would 
like  to  stroke  one,  would  they  ?  How  is  that,  lads  ? 
I've  seen  two  or  three  poachers  in  my  time,  but  for 
brazen-faced  lyin'  I've  never  seen  your  match. 
Maybe  you're  a  Sabbath-school  out  for  a  trip,  or  an 
orphan  asylum  ? 

''Assistant  mathematical  master  at  the  Seminary, 
that's  what  you  are,  is  it,  ye  awfu'  like  blackguard, 
an'  the  laddies  are  the  sons  o'  a  respectable  Free 
Kirk  minister,  the  dirty  dogs  ?  Are  ye  sure  ye're  no' 
the  principal  o'  Edinburgh  University?  Tak'  yir 
time  and  try  again.  I'm  enjoying  it.  Is't  by  the 
hundred  ye  sell  them,  and  wud  it  be  a  leeberty  to 
ask  for  whose  preserves?  Dash  the  soople  tongue 
o'  ye. 

"If  ye  dare  to  put  yir  hand  in  a  pocket,  I'll  lodge 
a  charge  o'  shot  in  ye :  we'ill  hae  nae  pistol-work  in 
Kilspindie  Woods,    Come  along  wi'  ye,  professor  an' 


ii8    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

students,  an'  I'll  give  ye  a  ride  into  Muirtown,  an' 
we'ill  just  be  in  time  to  catch  the  magistrate.  He 
hasna  tried  a  learned  institution  like  this  since  he 
mounted  the  bench.  March  in  front,  but  dinna  try- 
to  run,  or  it  will  be  the  waur  for  ye.  Ma  certes,  sic 
a  band  o'  waufies !" 

Then  those  two  officers  of  justice,  Peter  and  Nes- 
tie,  having  seen  all  without  being  seen,  now  started 
for  Muirtown  to  gather  the  kite-players  and  as  many 
of  the  Seminary  as  could  be  found  to  see  the  arrival 
of  the  botanists.  They  were  brought  in  a  large 
spring-cart — Mr.  Byles  seated  between  the  head 
keeper  and  the  driver,  in  front,  and  the  other  three 
huddled  like  calves  in  the  space  behind — a  mass  of 
mud,  tatters,  and  misery,  from  which  the  solemn, 
owl-like  face  of  Thomas  John,  whose  cap  was  now 
gone  also,  looked  out  in  hopeless  amazement.  As 
they  were  handed  over  to  the  police  the  Seminary, 
which  had  been  at  first  struck  dumb,  recovered  speech 
and  expressed  itself  with  much  vivacity. 

"Who  would  have  thought  Byles  had  as  much 
spirit?  Sail,  he  'ill  be  rinnin'  horses  at  Muirtown 
Races  yet ;"  "For  ony  sake  walk  backwards,  Thomas 
• — yir  breeks  are  barely  decent ;"  "The  pheasants  have 
been  hard  on  yir  legs.  Cosh;"  "Where's  the  geran- 
niums?"  "Has  his  Lordship  kept  yir  bonnet,  Dow- 
biggin  ?"  "It  'ill  be  a  year's  hard  labour."  For  boys 
are  only  in  the  savage  state,  and  the  discomfiture  of 


5;,;jj^«™«-y,r~,-^,K»»»™ 


They  were  brought  in  a  large  spring  cart." 


DISGRACE  OF  MR.  BYLES    119 

such  immaculate  propriety  was  very  sweet  to  the 
Seminary. 

So  powerful  was  the  evidence  of  the  head  keeper, 
who  saw  in  Mr.  Byles's  effort  a  new  and  cunning 
form  of  poaching  he  was  not  prepared  for,  and  so 
weird  was  the  appearance  of  the  prisoners,  that  the 
Bailie  on  duty  was  for  sentencing  them  at  once,  and 
would  hardly  wait  for  the  testimony  of  friends.  It 
took  the  sworn  testimony  of  the  Rector  of  the  Sem- 
inary and  poor  Dr.  Dowbiggin,  summoned  from 
their  studies  in  hot  haste  and  confusion  of  face,  to 
clear  the  accused,  and  even  then  the  worthy  magis- 
trate thought  it  proper,  as  Scots  magistrates  do,  to 
administer  a  rebuke  and  warning  so  solemn  that  it 
became  one  of  the  treasures  of  memory  for  all 
Seminary  lads. 

"After  what  I  have  heard  I  cannot  convict  you, 
and  you  may  go  this  time ;  but  let  me  never  see  you 
here  again  in  such  circumstances.  It's  fearsome  to 
think  that  an  educated  man" — this  to  Byles — 
"instead  of  setting  an  example  to  the  laddies  under 
your  charge,  should  be  accused  of  a  mean  and 
cunning  offence  against  the  laws  of  the  land,  and  I 
cannot  look  at  your  face  without  having  grave 
doubts.  And  to  think  that  the  sons  of  a  respected 
minister  of  the  kirk  should  be  found  in  such  com- 
pany, and  with  all  the  appearance  of  vagrants,  must 
be  a  great  trial  to  their  father,  and  I  am  sure  he  has 


I20    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 


the  sympathy  of  Muirtown.  As  for  you,  Cosh,  I 
never  expected  to  see  the  son  of  a  brother  bailie  in 
such  a  position.  All  I  can  hope  is  that  this  will  be 
a  lesson  to  you  to  keep  clear  of  evil  companions  and 
evil  ways,  and  that  you  may  live  to  be  a  respectable 
citizen.  But  do  not  presume  on  your  escape  to-day 
— that  is  all  I  have  to  say." 

Outside  the  court-room  the  head  keeper  caught 
Speug  and  gave  him  his  mind. 

"Ye're  a  limb  o'  Satan,  Peter  McGuffie,  and  that 
English-speakin'  imp  is  little  better.  My  belief  is 
that  this  has  been  a  pliskie  (trick)  o'  yours  frae 
beginning  to  end,  and  I  just  give  ye  one  word  o' 
advice — don't  let  me  catch  you  in  Kilspindie  Woods, 
or  it  will  be  the  worse  for  you." 


THE    COUNT 
VII 

If  you  excluded  two  or  three  Englishmen  who 
spoke  with  an  accent  suggestive  of  an  effeminate 
character,  and  had  a  fearsome  habit  of  walking  on 
the  Sabbath,  and  poor  "Moossy,"  the  French  master 
at  the  Seminary,  who  was  a  quantity  not  worth  con- 
sidering, the  foreign  element  in  Muirtown  during  the 
classical  days  consisted  of  the  Count.  He  never 
claimed  to  be  a  Count,  and  used  at  first  to  deprecate 
the  title,  but  he  declined  the  honour  of  our  title  with 
so  much  dignity  that  it  seemed  only  to  prove  his 
right,  and  by  and  by  he  answered  to  the  name  with 
simply  a  slight  wave  of  his  hand  which  he  meant  for 
deprecation,  but  which  came  to  be  considered  a 
polite  acknowledgement.  His  real  name  was  not 
known  in  Muirtown — not  because  he  had  not  given 
it,  but  because  it  could  not  be  pronounced,  being 
largely  composed  of  x's  and  k's,  with  an  irritating 
parsimony  of  vowels.  We  had  every  opportunity  of 
learning  to  spell  it,  if  we  could  not  pronounce  it,  for 
it  was  one  of  the  Count's  foreign  ways  to  carry  a 


122  YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

card-case  in  his  ticket-pocket,  and  on  being  intro- 
duced to  an  inhabitant  of  Muirtown  to  offer  his  card 
with  the  right  hand  while  he  took  off  his  hat  with 
the  left,  and  bowed  almost  to  a  right  angle.  Upon 
those  occasions  a  solid  man  like  Bailie  MacFarlane 
would  take  hold  of  the  card  cautiously,  not  knowing 
whether  so  unholy  a  name  might  not  go  off  and 
shatter  his  hand;  and  during  the  Count's  obeisance, 
which  lasted  for  several  seconds,  the  Bailie  regarded 
him  with  grave  disapproval.  The  mind  of  Muir- 
town, during  this  performance  of  the  Count's,  used 
to  be  divided  between  regret  that  any  human  being 
should  condescend  to  such  tricks,  and  profound 
thankfulness  that  Muirtown  was  not  part  of  a  for- 
eign country  where  people  were  brought  up  with  the 
manners  of  poodles.  Our  pity  for  foreigners  was 
nourished  by  the  manner  of  the  Count's  dress,  which 
would  have  been  a  commonplace  on  a  boulevard,  but 
astounded  Muirtown  on  its  first  appearance,  and 
always  lent  an  element  of  piquant  interest  to  our 
streets.  His  perfectly  brushed  hat,  broadish  in. the 
brim  and  curled  at  the  sides,  which  he  wore  at  the 
faintest  possible  angle,  down  to  his  patent  leather 
boots,  which  it  was  supposed  he  obtained  in  Paris, 
and  wore  out  at  the  rate  of  a  pair  a  month — all  was 
unique  and  wonderful,  but  it  was  his  frock-coat 
which  stimulated  conversation.  It  was  so  tight  and 
fitted  so  perfectly,  revealing  the  outlines  of  his  slen- 
der form,  and  there  was  such  an  indecent  absence 


THE     COUNT  123 

of  waist — waist  was  a  strong  point  with  Muirtown 
men,  and  in  the  case  of  persons  who  had  risen  to  of- 
fice, Hke  the  Provost,  used  to  run  to  fifty  inches — that 
a  report  went  round  the  town  that  the  Count  was  a 
woman.  This  speculation  was  confirmed  rather  than 
refuted  by  the  fact  that  the  Count  smoked  cigarettes, 
which  he  made-  with  Satanic  ingenuity  while  you 
were  looking  at  him,  and  that  he  gave  a  display  of 
fencing  with  the  best  swordsman  of  a  Dragoon  regi- 
ment in  the  barracks,  for  it  was  shrewdly  pointed  out 
that  those  were  just  the  very  accomplishments  of 
French  ''Cutties."  This  scandal  might  indeed  have 
crystallised  into  an  accepted  fact,  and  the  Provost 
been  obliged  to  command  the  Count's  departure,  had 
it  not  been  for  the  shrewdness  and  good  nature  of 
the  "Fair  Maid  of  Muirtown."  There  always  was  a 
fair  maid  in  Muirtown — and  in  those  days  she  was 
fairest  of  her  succession :  let  this  flower  lie  on  her 
grave.  She  declared  to  her  friends  that  she  had 
watched  the  Count  closely  and  had  never  once  seen 
him  examine  a  woman's  dress  when  the  woman 
wasn't  looking ;  and  after  that  no  person  of  discern- 
ment in  Muirtown  had  any  doubt  about  the  Count's 
sex.  It  was,  however,  freely  said — and  that  story 
was  never  contradicted — that  he  wore  stays,  and 
every  effort  was  made  to  obtain  the  evidence  of  his 
landlady.  Her  gossips  tried  Mistress  Jamieson  with 
every  wile  of  conversation,  and  even  lawyers'  wives, 
pretending  to  inquire  for  rooms  for  a  friend,  used  to 


124     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

lead  the  talk  round  to  the  Count's  habits;  but  that 
worthy  matron  was  loyal  to  her  lodger,  and  was  not 
quite  insensible  to  the  dignity  of  a  mystery. 

"Na,  na,  Mistress  Lunan,  I  see  what  you're  after; 
but  beggin'  your  pardon,  a  landlady's  a  landlady,  and 
my  mouth's  closed.  The  Count  disna  ken  the  dif- 
ference atween  Saturday  and  Sabbath,  and  the 
money  he  wastes  on  tobacco  juist  goes  to  ma  heart; 
but  he  never  had  the  blessin'  of  a  Gospel  ministry 
nor  the  privileges  of  Muirtown  when  he  was  young. 
As  regards  stays,  whether  he  wears  them  or  disna 
wear  them  I'm  no'  prepared  to  say,  for  I  thank  good- 
ness that  I've  never  yet  opened  a  lodger's  boxes  nor 
entered  a  lodger's  room  when  he  was  dressin'.  The 
Count  pays  his  rent  in  advance  every  Monday  morn- 
ing ;  he  wanted  to  pay  on  Sabbath,  but  I  told  him  it 
was  not  a  lawful  day.  He  gives  no  trouble  in  the 
house,  and  if  his  doctor  ordered  him  to  wear  stays  to 
support  his  spine,  which  I'm  no'  sayin'  he  did.  Mis- 
tress Lunan,  it's  no  concern  o'  mine,  and  the  weather 
is  inclining  to  snow." 

His  dress  was  a  perfect  fabric  of  art,  however  it 
may  have  been  constructed;  and  it  was  a  pleasant 
sight  to  see  the  Count  go  down  our  main  street  on  a 
summer  afternoon,  approving  himself  with  a  side 
glance  in  the  mirrors  of  the  larger  shops,  striking  an 
attitude  at  our  bookseller's  when  a  new  print  was 
exposed  in  the  window,  waving  his  cigarette  and 
blowing  the  smoke  through  his  nostrils,  which  was 


THE     COUNT  125 

considered  a  "tempting  of  Providence,"  making  his 
respectful  salutations  to  every  lady  whom  he  knew, 
and  responding  with  "Celestial,  my  friend!"  to 
Bailie  MacFarlane's  greeting  of  "Fine  growing 
weather."  When  he  sailed  past  McGuffie's  stable- 
yard,  like  Solomon  in  all  his  glory,  that  great  man, 
who  always  persisted  in  regarding  the  Count  as  a 
sporting  character,  would  touch  the  rim  of  his  hat 
with  his  forefinger — an  honour  he  paid  to  few — and, 
after  the  Count  had  disappeared,  would  say  "Gosh!" 
with  much  relish.  This  astounding  spectacle  very 
early  attracted  the  attention  of  the  Seminary  boys, 
and  during  his  first  summer  in  Muirtown  it  was 
agreed  that  he  would  make  an  excellent  target  for 
snowball  practice  during  next  winter.  The  tempta- 
tion was  not  one  which  could  have  been  resisted,  and 
it  is  to  be  feared  that  the  Count  would  have  been 
confined  to  the  house  when  the  snow  was  on  the 
ground  had  it  not  been  for  an  incident  which  showed 
him  in  a  new  light,  and  established  him,  stays  or  no 
stays,  in  the  respect  of  the  Seminary  for  ever.  There 
had  been  a  glorious  fight  on  the  first  day  of  the  war 
with  the  "Pennies,"  and  when  they  were  beaten,  a 
dozen  of  them,  making  a  brave  rearguard  fight,  took 
up  their  position  with  the  Count's  windows  as  their 
background.  There  were  limits  to  license  even  in 
those  brave  old  days,  and  it  was  understood  that  the 
windows  of  houses,  especially  private  houses,  and 
still  more  especially  in  the  vicinity  of  the  Seminary, 


126     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

should  not  be  broken,  and  if  they  were  broken  the 
culprits  were  hunted  down  and  interviewed  by  "Bull- 
dog" at  length.  When  the  "Pennies"  placed  them- 
selves under  the  protection  of  the  Count's  glass, 
which  was  really  an  unconscious  act  of  meanness  on 
their  part,  the  Seminary  distinctly  hesitated;  but 
Speug  was  in  command,  and  he  knew  no  scruples 
as  he  knew  no  fear. 

"Dash  the  windows!"  cried  the  Seminary  captain; 
and  when  the  "Pennies"  were  driven  along  the 
street,  the  windows  had  been  so  effectually  dashed 
that  there  was  not  a  sound  pane  of  glass  in  the 
Count's  sitting-room.  As  the  victorious  army  re- 
turned to  their  capital,  and  the  heat  of  battle  died 
down,  some  anxiety  about  to-morrow  arose  even  in 
minds  not  given  to  care,  for  Mistress  Jamieson  was 
not  the  woman  to  have  her  glass  broken  for  nothing, 
and  it  was  shrewdly  suspected  that  the  Count,  with 
all  his  dandyism,  would  not  take  this  affront  lightly. 
As  a  matter  of  fact.  Mistress  Jamieson  made  a  per- 
sonal call  upon  the  Rector  that  evening,  and  ex- 
plained with  much  eloquence  to  that  timid,  harassed 
scholar  that,  unless  his  boys  were  kept  in  better  order, 
Muirtown  would  not  be  a  place  for  human  habita- 
tion ;  and  before  she  left  she  demanded  the  blood  of 
the  offenders;  she  also  compared  Muirtown  in  its 
present  condition  to  Sodom  and  Gomorrah.  As  the 
Rector  was  always  willing  to  leave  discipline  in  the 
capable  hands  of  Bulldog,  and  as  the  chief  sinners 


THE     COUNT  127 

would  'almost  certainly  be  in  his  class  in  the  fore- 
noon, the  Count,  who  had  witnessed  the  whole  battle 
from  a  secure  corner  in  his  sitting-room,  and  had 
afterwards  helped  Mistress  Jamieson  to  clear  away 
the  debris,  went  to  give  his  evidence  and  identify  the 
culprit.  He  felt  it  to  be  a  dramatic  occasion,  and  he 
rose  to  its  height ;  and  the  school  retained  a  grateful 
recollection  of  Bulldog  and  the  Count  side  by  side — 
the  Count  carrying  himself  with  all  the  grace  and 
dignity  of  a  foreign  ambassador  come  to  settle  an 
international  dispute,  and  Bulldog  more  austere  than 
ever,  because  he  hated  a  "tellpyet,"  and  yet  knew  that 
discipline  must  be  maintained. 

The  Count  explained  with  many  flourishes  that 
he  was  desolated  to  come  for  the  first  time  to  this 
so  distinguished  a  Gymnasium  upon  an  errand  so 
distasteful,  but  that  a  lady  had  laid  her  commands 
on  him  ("Dis  the  body  mean  Lucky  Jamieson?" 
whispered  Speug  to  a  neighbour),  and  he  had  ever 
been  a  slave  of  the  sex  (Bulldog  at  this  point  re- 
garded him  with  a  disdain  beyond  words.)  The 
Rector  of  this  place  of  learning  had  also  done  him, 
an  obscure  person,  the  honour  of  an  invitation  to 
come  and  assist  at  this  function  of  justice;  and 
although,  as  the  Count  explained,  he  was  no  longer  a 
soldier,  obedience  was  still  the  breath  of  his  nostrils. 
Behold  him,  therefore,  the  servant  of  justice,  ready  to 
be  questioned  or  to  lay  down  his  life  for  law ;  and  the 
Count  bowed  again  to  Bulldog,  placing  his  hand 


128      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

upon  his  heart,  and  then  leant  in  a  becoming  attitude 
against  the  desk,  tapping  his  shining  boots  with  his 
cane,  and  feeUng  that  he  had  acquitted  himself  with 
credit. 

"We're  sorry  to  bring  ye  out  on  such  a  day,  sir," 
and  Bulldog's  glance  conveyed  that  such  a  figure  as 
the  Count's  ought  not  to  be  exposed  in  snowtime; 
"but  we'll  not  keep  ye  long,  and  111  juist  state  the 
circumstances  with  convenient  brevity.  The  boys  of 
the  Seminary  are  allowed  to  exercise  themselves  in 
the  snowtime  within  limits.  If  they  fight  wi'  neigh- 
bouring schools,  it's  a  maitter  of  regret ;  but  if  they 
break  windows,  they're  liable  to  the  maist  extreme 
penalty.  Now,  I'm  informed  that  some  of  the  young 
scoundrels — and  I  believe  the  very  laddies  are  in  this 
class-room  at  this  meenut"  (Speug  made  no  effort  to 
catch  Bulldog's  eye,  and  Howieson's  attention  was 
entirely  occupied  with  mathematical  figures) — 
"have  committed  a  breach  of  the  peace  at  Mistress 
Jamieson's  house.  What  I  ask  you,  sir,  to  do" — and 
Bulldog  regarded  the  Count  with  increasing  dis- 
favour, as  he  thought  of  such  a  popinjay  giving  evi- 
dence against  his  laddies — "is,  to  look  round  this 
class-room  and  point  out,  so  far  as  ye  may  be  able, 
any  boy  or  boys  who  drove  a  snowball  or  snowballs 
through  the  windows  of  your  residence." 

During  this  judicial  utterance  the  eyes  of  the 
Count  wandered  over  the  school  with  the  most  pro- 
voking intelligence,  and  conveyed  even  to  the  dullest, 


THE     COUNT  129 

with  a  vivacity  of  countenance  of  which  Muirtown 
was  not  capable,  that  Bulldog  was  a  tiresome  old 
gentlemen,  that  the  boys  were  a  set  of  sad  dogs, 
capable  of  any  mischief,  that  some  of  them  were 
bound  to  get  a  first-class  thrashing,  and  worst  of 
all  that  he,  the  Count,  knew  who  would  get  it,  and 
that  he  was  about  to  give  evidence  in  an  instant  with 
the  utmost  candour  and  elegance  of  manner.  When 
his  glance  lighted  on  Speug  it  was  with  such  a  cheer- 
ful and  unhesitating  recognition  that  Speug  was 
almost  abashed,  and  knew  for  certain  that  for  him 
at  least,  there  could  be  no  escape;  while  Howieson, 
plunging  into  arithmetic  of  his  own  accord  for  once, 
calculated  rapidly  what  would  be  his  share  of  the 
broken  glass.  Neither  of  them  would  have  denied 
what  he  did  to  save  himself  twenty  thrashings ;  but 
they  shared  Bulldog's  disgust  that  a  free-born  Scot 
should  be  convicted  on  the  evidence  of  a  foreigner, 
whom  they  always  associated  in  his  intellectual  gifts 
and  tricks  of  speech  with  the  monkey,  which  used  to 
go  round  seated  on  the  top  of  our  solitary  barrel- 
organ. 

"When  it  is  your  pleasure,  sir,"  said  Bulldog 
sternly;  and  there  was  a  silence  that  could  be  felt, 
whilst  Speug  already  saw  himself  pointed  out  with 
the  Count's  cane. 

The  shutters  went  suddenly  down  on  the  Count's 
face;  he  became  grave  and  anxious,  and  changed 
from  a  man  of  the  world,  who  had  been  exchanging 


I30     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

a  jest  with  a  few  gay  Bohemians,  into  a  witness  in 
the  Court  of  Justice. 

"Assuredly,  monsieur,  I  will  testify  upon  what 
you  call  my  soul  and  conscience,"  and  the  Count  indi- 
cated with  his  hand  where  both  those  faculties  were 
contained.  "I  will  select  the  boy  who  had  audacity, 
I  will  say  profanity,  to  break  the  windows  of  my 
good  friend  and  hostess,  Madame  Jamieson." 

The  Count  gave  himself  to  the  work  of  selection, 
but  there  was  no  longer  a  ray  of  intelligence  in  his 
face.  He  was  confused  and  perplexed,  he  looked 
here  and  he  looked  there,  he  made  little  impatient 
gestures,  he  said  a  bad  French  word,  he  flung  up  a 
hand  in  despair,  he  turned  to  Bulldog  with  a  frantic 
gesture,  as  of  a  man  who  thought  he  could  have  done 
something  at  once,  and  found  he  could  not  do  it  at 
all.  Once  more  he  faced  the  school,  and  then  Speug, 
with  that  instinct  of  acute  observation  which  belongs 
to  a  savage,  began  to  understand,  and  gave  Howie- 
son  a  suggestive  kick. 

"As  a  man  of  honour,"  said  the  Count  with  much 
solemnity,  "I  give  my  testimony,  and  I  declare  that  I 
do  not  see  one  of  the  boys  who  did  forget  themselves 
yesterday  and  did  offer  the  insult  of  an  assault  to 
Madame's  domicile." 

And  it  would  have  been  curious  if  he  had  seen  the 
boys,  for  the  Count  was  looking  over  their  heads,  and 
studying  the  distant  view  of  the  meadow  and  the 
River  Tay  with  evident  interest  and  appreciation. 


THE     COUNT  131 

The  mind  of  Speug  was  now  clear  upon  the 
Count,  and  Bulldog  also  understood,  and  in  two 
seconds,  so  quick  is  the  flash  of  sympathy  through  a 
mass  of  boy  life,  the  youngest  laddie  in  the  mathe- 
matical class-room  knew  that,  although  the  Count 
might  have  had  the  misfortune  to  be  born  in  foreign 
parts,  and  did  allow  himself  to  dress  like  a  dancing- 
master,  inside  that  coat,  and  the  stays  too,  if  he  had 
them  on,  there  was  the  heart  of  a  man  who  would  not 
tell  tales  on  any  fellow,  and  who  also  liked  his  bit  of 
fun. 

"It's  a  peety.  Count,"  said  Bulldog,  with  poorly 
concealed  satisfaction,  "that  ye're  no'  in  a  poseetion 
to  recognise  the  culprits,  for  if  they're  no'  here  my 
conviction  is  they're  no'  to  be  found  in  Muirtown. 
We  can  ask  no  more  of  ye,  sir,  and  we're  much 
obleeged  for  yir  attendance." 

"It  is  a  felicitous  affair,"  said  the  Count,  "which 
has  the  fortune  to  introduce  me  to  this  charming 
company,"  and  the  Count  bowed  first  to  Bulldog  and 
then  to  the  school  with  such  a  marked  indication  in 
one  direction  that  Speug  almost  blushed.  "My 
sorrow  is  to  be  so  stupid  a  witness;  but,  monsieur, 
you  will  allow  me  to  pay  the  penalty  of  my  poor 
eyesight.  It  will  be  my  pleasure,"  and  again  the 
Count  bowed  in  all  directions,  "to  replace  the  glass 
in  Madame's  house,  and  the  incident,  pouf!  it  is 
forgotten." 

There  was  a  swift  glance  from  all  parts  of  the 


132     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

class-room,  and  permission  was  read  in  Bulldog's 
face.  Next  instant  the  mathematical  class-room  was 
rent  with  applause,  such  as  could  only  be  given  when 
fifty  such  lads  wanted  to  express  their  feelings,  and 
Speug  led  the  circus. 

"Ye  will  allow  me  to  say,  sir,"  and  now  Bulldog 
came  as  near  as  possible  to  a  bow,  "that  ye  have 
acted  this  day  as  a  gentleman,  and  so  far  as  the  boys 
of  Muirtown  Seminary  are  concerned  ye're  free  to 
come  and  go  among  us  as  ye  please." 

The  departure  of  the  Count,  still  bowing,  with 
Bulldog  attending  him  to  the  door  and  offering  him 
overshoes  to  cover  the  polished  leather  boots,  was 
a  sight  to  behold,  and  the  work  done  for  the  rest  of 
the  morning  was  not  worth  mentioning. 

During  the  lunch  hour  the  school  was  harangued 
in  short,  pithy  terms  by  Speug,  and  in  obedience  to 
his  invitation  Muirtown  Seminary  proceeded  in  a 
solid  mass  to  the  Count's  residence,  where  they  gave 
a  volley  of  cheers.  The  Count  was  more  gratified 
than  by  anything  that  had  happened  to  him  since  he 
came  to  Muirtown;  and  throwing  up  one  of  the 
newly  repaired  windows  he  made  an  eloquent  speech, 
in  which  he  referred  to  Sir  Walter  Scott  and  Queen 
Mary  and  the  Fair  Maid  of  Perth,  among  other 
romantic  trifles ;  declared  that  the  fight  between  the 
"Pennies"  and  the  Seminary  was  worthy  of  the  great 
Napoleon ;  pronounced  Speug  to  be  mm  brave  gargon; 
expressed  his  regret  that  he  could  not  receive  the 


THE     COUNT  133 

school  in  his  Hmited  apartments,  but  invited  them  to 
cross  with  him  to  the  Seminary  tuckshop,  where  he 
entertained  the  whole  set  to  Mistress  MacWhae's 
best  home-made  ginger-beer.  He  also  desired  that 
Mistress  Jamieson  should  come  forward  to  the  win- 
dow with  him  and  bow  to  the  school,  while  he  held 
her  hand — which  the  Count  felt  would  have  been  a 
really  interesting  tableau.  It  certainly  would  have 
been,  but  Mistress  Jamieson  refused  to  assist  in  the 
most  decided  terms. 

"Me  stand  wi'  the  Count  at  an  open  window,  hand 
in  hand  wi'  him,  and  bowin',  if  ye  please,  to  thae 
blackguard  laddies?  Na,  na;  I'm  a  widow  o'  good 
character,  and  a  member  o'  the  Free  Kirk,  and  it 
would  ill  set  me  to  play  such  tricks.  But  I'll  say  this 
for  the  Count — he  behaved  handsome;  and  I'm 
judgin'  the'll  no'  be  another  pane  o'  glass  broken  in 
my  house  so  long  as  the  Count  is  in  it."  And  there 
never  was. 

It  were  not  possible  to  imagine  anything  more 
different  than  a  Muirtown  boy  and  the  Count;  but 
boys  judge  by  an  instinct  which  never  fails  within  its 
own  range,  and  Muirtown  Seminary  knew  that,  with 
all  his  foreign  ways,  the  Count  was  a  man.  Legends 
gathered  around  him  and  flourished  exceedingly, 
being  largely  invented  by  Nestie,  and  offered  for 
consumption  at  the  mouth  of  the  pistol  by  Speug, 
who  let  it  be  understood  that  to  deny  or  even  to  smile 
at  Nestie's  most  incredible  invention  would  be  a 


134     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

ground  of  personal  offence.  The  Count  was  in  turn 
a  foreign  nobleman,  who  had  fallen  in  love  with  the 
Emperor  of  Austria's  daughter  and  had  been  exiled 
by  the  imperial  parent,  but  that  the  Princess  was  true 
to  the  Count,  and  that  any  day  he  might  be  called 
from  Mistress  Jamieson's  lodgings  to  the  palace  of 
Vienna;  that  he  was  himself  a  king  of  some  mys- 
terious European  State,  who  had  been  driven  out  by 
conspirators,  but  whose  people  were  going  to  restore 
him,  and  that  some  day  Speug  would  be  staying 
with  the  Count  in  his  royal  abode  and  possibly  sitting 
beside  him  on  the  throne.  During  this  romance 
Speug  felt  it  right  to  assume  an  air  of  demure  mod- 
esty, which  was  quite  consistent  with  keeping  a 
watchful  eye  on  any  impertinent  young  rascal  who 
might  venture  to  jeer,  when  Speug  would  politely 
ask  him  what  he  was  laughing  at,  and  offer  to  give 
him  something  to  laugh  for.  That  the  Count  was 
himself  a  conspirator,  and  the  head  of  a  secret  society 
which  extended  all  over  Europe,  with  signs  and  pass- 
words, and  that  whenever  any  tyrant  became  intol- 
erable, the  warrant  for  his  death  was  sent  from  Mis- 
tress Jamieson's.  Whenever  one  fable  grew  hack- 
neyed Nestie  produced  another,  and  it  was  no  longer 
necessary  in  Muirtown  Seminary  to  buy  Indian  tales 
or  detective  stories,  for  the  whole  library  of  fiction 
was  now  bound  up  and  walking  about  in  the 
Count. 

Between  him  and  the  boys  there  grew  up  a  fast 


Watching  a  battle  royal  between  the  tops. 


THE     COUNT  135 

friendship,  and  he  was  never  thoroughly  happy  now 
unless  he  was  with  his  "jolly  dogs."  He  attended 
every  cricket  match,  and  at  last,  after  he  had  learned 
how,  kept  the  score,  giving  a  cheer  at  every  new 
run  and  tearing  his  hair  when  any  of  his  boys  were 
bowled  out.  He  rushed  round  the  football  field 
without  his  cane,  and  generally  without  his  hat ;  and 
high  above  all  cheers  could  be  heard  his  "Bravo — 
bravo,  forwards !  Speug!"  as  that  enterprising  player 
cleft  his  way  through  the  opponent's  ranks.  It 
mattered  nothing  to  the  Count  that  his  boots  were 
ruined,  and  his  speckless  clothes  soiled,  he  would  not 
have  cared  though  he  had  burst  his  stays,  so  long  as 
the  "dogs"  won,  and  he  could  go  up  in  glory  with 
them  to  Janet  MacWhae's  and  drink  to  their  health 
in  flowing  ginger-beer.  During  the  play  hour  his 
walk  seemed  ever  to  bring  him  to  the  North  Mea- 
dow, and  if  a  ball  by  accident,  for  none  would  have 
done  it  by  intention,  knocked  off  the  Count's  hat,  he 
cried  "Hoor-r-rah !"  in  his  own  pronunciation  and 
bowed  in  response  to  this  mark  of  attention.  It  was 
a  pretty  sight  to  see  him  bending  forward,  his  hands 
resting  on  his  knees,  watching  a  battle  royal  between 
the  tops  of  Speug  and  Howieson;  and  if  anything 
could  be  better  it  was  to  see  the  Count  trying  to  spin 
a  top  himself,  and  expostulating  with  it  in  unknown 
tongues. 

As  the  boys  came  to  the  school  in  the  morning 
and   went   home   in   the   evening   up   Breadalbane 


136     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

Street,  the  Count  was  always  sitting  at  one  of  the 
windows  which  had  been  broken,  ready  to  wave 
his  hand  to  any  one  who  saluted  him,  and  in  the 
afternoon  he  would  often  open  the  window  to  get  the 
school  news  and  to  learn  whether  there  would  be  a 
match  on  Saturday.  As  time  went  on  this  alliance 
told  upon  the  Count's  outer  man;  he  never  lost  his 
gay  manner,  nor  his  pretty  little  waist,  nor  could  he 
ever  have  been  taken  for  a  Scot,  nor  ever,  if  he  had 
lived  to  the  age  of  Methuselah,  have  been  made  an 
elder  of  the  Kirk ;  but  his  boots  grew  thicker,  though 
they  were  always  neat,  and  his  clothes  grew  rougher, 
though  they  were  always  well  made,  and  his  ties 
became  quieter,  and  his  week-day  hat  was  like  that 
of  other  men,  and,  except  on  Sundays,  Muirtown 
never  saw  the  glory  of  the  former  days.  With  his 
new  interest  in  life,  everyone  noticed  that  the  Count 
had  grown  simpler  and  kindlier,  and  Muirtown  folk, 
who  used  to  laugh  at  him  with  a  flavour  of  con- 
tempt, began  to  love  him  through  their  boys.  He 
would  walk  home  with  Bulldog  on  a  summer  even- 
ing, the  strangest  pair  that  ever  went  together ;  and 
it  was  said  that  many  little  improvements  for  the 
comfort  of  the  lads,  and  many  little  schemes  for  their 
happiness  at  Muirtown  Seminary,  were  due  to  the 
Count.  It  was  believed  that  the  time  did  come  when 
he  could  have  returned  to  his  own  land,  but 
that  he  did  not  go  because  he  was  a  lonely  man  and 
had  found  his  friends  in  Muirtown;  and  when  he 


THE     COUNT  137 

died,  now  many  years  ago,  he  left  his  Httle  all  for  the 
benefit  of  his  "jolly  dogs,"  and  the  Count,  who  had 
no  mourners  of  his  blood,  was  followed  to  his  grave 
by  every  boy  at  Muirtown  Seminary. 


A    TOURNAMENT 
VIII 

Since  the  day  when  Speug  and  a  few  young 
friends  had  broken  every  pane  of  glass  in  the  Count's 
windows,  and  the  Count  had  paid  for  the  damage  like 
a  gentleman,  that  excellent  foreigner  had  spent  all 
his  spare  cash — which  we  thought  afterwards  was 
not  very  much — in  encouraging  athletic  exercises 
among  the  Seminary  lads.  His  zeal,  like  that  of 
every  other  convert,  was  much  greater  than  his 
knowledge,  and  left  to  his  own  devices  he  would  cer- 
tainly have  gone  far  astray ;  but  with  the  able  assist- 
ance of  Speug,  with  whom  he  took  intimate  counsel, 
it  was  astonishing  what  a  variety  could  be  infused 
into  the  sports.  When  every  ordinary  competition 
had  been  held,  and  champions  had  been  declared 
(and  this  had  never  been  done  before  in  the  history 
of  the  school)  for  the  hundred  yards,  the  quarter, 
and  the  mile  (the  ten  miles  down  the  Carse  and  over 
the  top  of  Kinnoul  Hill  had  been  stopped  by  an  im- 
promptu meeting  of  parents),  for  broad  jumping  and 
high  jumping,  for  throwing  the  cricket  ball  and  kick- 


I40    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

ing  the  football,  Speug  came  out  with  a  quite  new 
programme  which  was  rapturously  received,  and  had 
it  not  met  with  a  cross-providence  would  have  lasted 
over  four  happy  Saturdays  and  considerably  reduced 
the  attendance  at  the  Seminary.  The  first  item  was 
a  swimming  match  across  the  Tay,  a  river  not  to  be 
trifled  with,  and  four  boys  were  saved  from  death 
by  a  salmon  cobble,  whose  owner  fortunately  turned 
up  to  watch  the  sport.  The  Count  was  so  excited  by 
this  event  that  he  not  only  lost  his  hat  in  the  river, 
but  being  prevented  from  going  in  to  help,  for  the 
very  good  reason  that  he  could  not  swim  a  stroke, 
he  took  off  and  flung  the  coat,  which  was  the  marvel 
of  Muirtown,  into  the  river,  in  the  hope  that  it  might 
serve  as  a  lifebelt.  The  second  item,  upon  which 
Speug  prided  himself  very  much,  was  a  climbing 
match,  and  for  this  he  had  selected  a  tree  which 
seemed  to  be  designed  for  the  purpose,  since  it  had 
a  rook's  nest  on  its  highest  branch,  and  no  branches 
at  all  for  the  first  twenty  feet.  The  conditions  were, 
that  every  boy  above  twelve  should  have  his  chance, 
and  the  boy  who  climbed  to  the  top,  put  his  hand  into 
the  rook's  nest,  and  came  down  in  the  shortest  time, 
should  get  the  prize.  The  Seminary  above  twelve 
were  going  up  and  down  that  tree  a  whole  Saturday 
morning,  and  in  one  kirk  next  day  thanks  were  of- 
fered in  the  first  prayer  in  peculiarly  dignified  and 
guarded  terms  that  half  the  families  of  Muirtown  had 
not  been  bereaved.    As  a  matter  of  fact,  nobody  was 


A    TOURNAMENT        141 

killed,  and  no  limbs  were  broken,  but  Speug,  who  was 
not  allowed  to  enter  for  this  competition,  but  acted 
as  judge,  with  his  tongue  out  all  the  time  at  the  sight 
of  the  sport,  had  to  go  up  twice  on  errands  of  mercy, 
once  to  release  his  friend  Howieson,  who  had  missed 
a  branch  and  was  hanging  by  his  feet,  and  the  second 
time  to  succour  Pat  Ritchie,  who  was  suspended  by 
the  seat  of  his  trousers,  swaying  to  and  fro  like  a 
gigantic  apple  on  the  branch.  It  was  understood 
that  the  Seminary  had  never  enjoyed  themselves 
so  entirely  to  their  heart's  content,  but  the  Count's 
moral  courage  failed  during  the  performance,  and  at 
the  most  critical  moment  he  was  afraid  to  look. 
When  Muirtown  got  wind  of  this  last  achievement 
of  Speug's,  indignation  meetings  were  held  at 
church-doors  and  street  corners,  and  it  was  conveyed 
to  the  Rector — who  knew  nothing  about  the  matter, 
and  was  so  absent-minded  that  if  he  had  passed 
would  never  have  seen  what  was  going  on — that  if 
Providence  was  going  to  be  tempted  in  this  fashion 
again,  the  matter  would  be  brought  before  the  Town 
Council.  The  Count  himself  would  have  been  faith- 
fully dealt  with  had  he  not  been  considered  a  help- 
less tool  in  the  hands  of  Speug,  who  was  now  under- 
stood to  have  filled  the  cup  of  his  sins  up  to  the  brim. 
He  might  indeed  have  been  at  last  expelled  from  the 
Seminary,  of  which  he  was  the  chief  ornament,  had 
it  not  been  that  the  Count  went  to  the  Rector  and  ex- 
plained that  the  idea  had  been  his  from  beginning  to 


142     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

end,  and  that  it  was  with  the  utmost  difficulty  he 
could  induce  Speug  even  to  be  present.  For,  as  I 
said,  the  Count  was  a  perfect  gentleman,  and  always 
stood  by  his  friends  through  thick  and  thin;  but  the 
thrashing  which  Speug  got  from  Bulldog  was  monu- 
mental, and  in  preparation  for  it  that  ingenious 
youth  put  on  three  folds  of  underclothing. 

What  Speug  bitterly  regretted,  however,  was  not 
the  punishment,  which  was  cheap  at  the  money,  but 
the  loss  of  the  next  two  items  in  his  programme.  He 
had  planned  a  boxing  competition,  in  which  the  main 
feature  was  to  be  a  regular  set-to  between  Dune 
Robertson  and  himself,  to  decide  finally  which  was 
the  better  man,  for  they  had  fought  six  times  and 
the  issue  was  still  doubtful ;  and  Speug,  who  had  a 
profligate  genius  outside  the  class-rooms,  had  also 
imagined  a  pony  race  with  hurdles;  and  as  about 
twenty  fellows,  farmers'  sons  and  others,  had  ponies, 
of  which  they  were  always  bragging,  and  Speug  had 
the  pick  of  his  father's  stables,  he  modestly  believed 
that  the  affair  would  be  worth  seeing.  When  the 
hurdle  race  v/as  forbidden,  for  which  Speug  had  al- 
ready begun  to  make  entries  and  to  arrange  weights 
with  his  father's  valuable  assistance,  he  took  the 
matter  so  much  to  heart  that  his  health  gave  way, 
and  Mr.  McGuffie  senior  had  to  take  him  to  recruit 
at  the  Kilmarnock  Races,  from  which  he  returned  in 
the  highest  spirits  and  full  of  stories. 

For  some  time  after  this  painful   incident  the 


A    TOURNAMENT        143 

Count  lay  low  and  adopted  a  deprecating  manner 
when  he  met  the  fathers  and  mothers  of  Muirtown ; 
but  he  gave  his  friends  to  understand  that  his  re- 
sources were  not  at  an  end,  and  that  he  had  a  surprise 
in  store  for  the  Seminary.  Speug  ran  over  every 
form  of  sport  in  casual  conversation  to  discover  what 
was  in  the  Count's  mind,  but  he  would  not  be  drawn 
and  grew  more  mysterious  every  day.  One  Satur- 
day evening  in  midsummer  he  took  Speug  and 
Nestie  into  his  confidence,  explaining  that  his  idea 
would  be  announced  to  the  assembled  school  by  him- 
self next  Wednesday,  and  that  it  had  nothing  to  do, 
as  Speug  had  hinted  in  turn,  with  rats,  or  rabbits,  or 
fencing,  or  the  sword  dance.  With  their  permission 
he  would  say  one  word  which  would  be  enough  for 
persons  of  so  distinguished  an  imagination,  and  that 
word  was  "Tournament;"  and  then  he  would  speak 
of  nothing  else  except  the  beauty  of  the  evening  light 
upon  the  river,  which  he  declared  to  be  "ravishing," 
and  the  excellence  of  a  certain  kind  of  chocolate 
which  he  carried  in  his  pocket,  and  shared  generously 
with  his  "dogs."  As  he  parted  with  his  friends  the 
Count  tapped  his  nose  and  winked  at  them — "Tour- 
nament— great,  magnificent,  you  will  see,  ha,  ha! 
you  will  see;"  and  Speug  went  home  in  a  state  of 
utter  confusion,  coming  finally  to  the  conclusion  that 
the  Count  intended  to  introduce  some  French  game, 
and  in  that  case  it  would  be  his  painful  duty  to  op- 
pose the  Count  tooth  and  nail,  for  everybody  knew 


144     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

that  French  games  were  only  for  girls,  and  would 
bring  endless  disgrace  upon  Muirtown  Seminary. 
During  Sunday  Nestie  had  turned  the  matter  over  in 
his  mind,  and  being  full  of  Scott's  novels  he  was 
able  on  Monday  to  give  the  astonished  school  a  full 
programme  with  the  most  minute  particulars.  The 
tournament  was  to  be  held  in  the  North  Meadow ;  the 
judge  was  to  be  the  Commander  of  the  cavalry  at  the 
barracks  ;  John  Chalmers,  the  town's  bellman,  was  to 
be  herald ;  the  Fair  Maid  of  Perth  was  to  be  the 
Queen  of  Beauty;  and  the  combatants  were  to  be 
such  knights  as  Robertson,  Howieson,  and  of  course 
Speug.  Each  knight  was  to  be  in  armour,  and  Nes- 
tie freely  suggested  dish-covers  would  be  useful  as 
breastplates,  broom-handles  would  come  in  con- 
veniently for  lances,  and  as  ponies  were  now  for- 
bidden, sturdy  boys  of  the  lower  forms  would  be 
used  instead.  The  two  knights  who  challenged  one 
another  would  rush  from  opposite  ends  of  the  lists, 
meet  in  the  centre,  lance  upon  breastplate,  horse  to 
horse,  and  man  to  man,  and  the  one  that  overthrew 
the  other  would  receive  the  prize ;  and  at  the  thought 
of  such  a  meeting  between  Speug  and  Dune  Rob- 
ertson, each  in  full  armour,  the  delighted  school 
smacked  their  lips. 

"Muirtown  Races  'ill  be  nothing  to  it,"  said 
Ritchie.  "I'll  lay  anybody  a  shilling  that  Speug 
coups  (capsizes)  Dune  the  first  meeting;  but" — 
feeling  as  if  it  were  almost  too  good  to  be  true — "I 


A    TOURNAMENT         145 

dinna  believe  a  word  o't.  Nestie  is  a  fearsome  liar." 
And  after  the  school  had  spoken  of  nothing  else  for  a 
day,  Dune  Robertson  asked  the  Count  boldly 
whether  such  things  were  true. 

"Mon  ami,"  said  the  Count,  who  had  tasted  Nes- 
tie's  romance  with  much  relish,  "you  will  pardon  me, 
but  it  is  a  hanalite,  that  is  what  you  call  a  stupidity, 
to  ask  whether  so  good  a  jeu  d' esprit  is  true.  True? 
Truth  is  a  dull  quality,  it  belongs  to  facts ;  but  Nestie, 
he  does  not  live  among  facts,  he  flies  in  the  air,  in  the 
atmosphere  of  poetry.  He  is  a  raconteur.  A  tourna- 
ment with  knights  on  the  North  Meadow — good! 
Our  little  Nestie,  he  has  been  reading  Ivanhoe  and 
he  is  a  troubadour."  And  the  Count  took  off  his  hat 
in  homage  to  Nestie's  remarkable  powers  as  an 
author  of  fiction. 

"But  yes,  it  will  be  a  tournament ;  but  not  for  the 
body,  for  the  mind.  My  dogs  are  jolly  dogs ;  they 
can  run,  they  can  leap,  they  can  swim,  they  can  kick 
the  ball;  now  they  must  think,  ah!  so  deep.  They 
must  write  their  very  best  words,  they  must  show 
that  they  have  beautiful  minds ;  and  they  will  do  so, 
I  swear  they  will,  in  the  tournament,  which  will  not 
be  on  the  meadow — no;  too  many  cows  there,  and 
too  many  washers  of  clothes — but  in  seclusion,  in  the 
class-room  of  that  brave  man  called  the  Bulldog.  It 
will  be  a  battle,"  concluded  the  Count  with  enthusi- 
asm, "of  heads:  and  the  best  head,  that  head  will 
have  the  prize,  voila" 


146     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

"Silence!"  and  Bulldog  brought  his  cane  down 
upon  his  desk  that  Wednesday  afternoon  when  the 
whole  upper  school  was  gathered  in  his  class-room, 
bursting  with  curiosity.  "The  Count  has  a  propo- 
seetion  to  lay  before  you  which  he  will  explain  in  his 
own  words  and  which  has  the  sanction  of  the  Rector. 
Ye  will  be  pleased  to  give  the  Count  a  respectful 
hearing,  as  he  deserves  at  yir  hands."  And  Bulldog 
was  there  to  see  that  the  Count's  deserts  and  his 
treatment  strictly  corresponded. 

"Monsieur,"  and  the  Count  bowed  to  Bulldog, 
"and  you,"  and  now  he  bowed  to  the  boys,  "all  my 
friends  of  the  Seminary,  I  have  the  honour  to  ask  a 
favour  which  your  politeness  will  not  allow  you  to 
refuse.  Next  Saturday  I  will  dare  to  hold  a  reception 
in  this  place,  with  the  permission  of  the  good 
Bull I  do  forget  myself — I  mean  the  distin- 
guished master.  And  when  you  come,  I  promise  you 
that  I  will  not  offer  you  coffee — pouf !  it  is  not  for 
the  brave  boys  I  see  before  me,  non,"  and  the  Count 
became  very  roguish.    "I  will  put  a  leetle,  very  leetle 

sentence    on    the "     ("Blackboard,"    suggested 

Bulldog) .  "Merci,  yes,  the  blackboard ;  no,  the  hon- 
ourable master  he  will  have  the  goodness  to  write  it 
in  his  so  beautiful  characters.  One  sentence,  that 
is  all,  and  you  will  sit  for  one  hour  in  this  room 
where  you  make  your  studies,  and  you  will  write  all 
the  beautiful  things  which  come  into  your  heads 
about  that  sentence.    You  will  then  do  me  the  pleas- 


A    TOURNAMENT         147 

ure  of  letting  me  carry  home  all  those  beautiful 
things,  and  I  will  read  them;  and  the  writer  who 
affects  me  most,  I  will  ask  him  to  accept  a  book  of 
many  volumes,  and  the  Lor'  Mayor"  ("Provost," 
interpolated  Bulldog)  "will  present  it  on  the  great 
day  in  the  Town  Hall. 

"No  one,  not  even  the  honourable  master  himself, 
will  know  that  leetle  sentence  till  it  be  written  on 

the— the "    ("Blackboard,"   said  Bulldog,   with 

asperity),  "and  every  boy  will  be  able  to  write  many 
things  about  that  sentence.  The  scholars  upon  whom 
I  do  felicitate  the  honourable  master  will  write  much 
learning,"  and  the  Count  made  a  graceful  inclination 
in  the  direction  of  the  two  Dowbiggins;  "and  the 
brave  boys  who  love  the  sport,  they  will  also  write, 
ah !  ah !" — and  the  Count  nodded  cheerfully  in  the 
direction  of  Speug — "such  wonderful  things.  There 
will  be  no  books ;  no,  you  will  have  your  heads,  and 
so  it  will  be  the  fair  play,  as  you  say,"  repeated  the 
Count  with  much  satisfaction,  "the  fair  play." 

Bulldog  dismissed  the  school  after  he  had  ex- 
plained that  no  one  need  come  unless  he  wished,  but 
that  anyone  who  didn't  come  was  missing  the  oppor- 
tunity of  securing  an  honourable  distinction,  and 
would  also  show  himself  to  be  an  ungrateful  little 
scoundrel  for  all  that  the  Count  had  done  for  the 
Seminary. 

"Dod,"  said  Jock  Howieson,  with  much  native 
shrewdness,  "aifter  all  his  palaver  it's  naething  but 


148    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

anither  confounded  exercise,"  for  that  worthy  had 
suffered  much  through  impositions,  and  had  never 
been  able  to  connect  one  sentence  with  another  in  an 
intelHgent  manner.  "The  Dowbiggins  can  go  if  they 
want,  and  they're  welcome  to  the  books.  I'm  going 
next  Saturday  to  Woody  Island — will  you  come, 
Speug  ?"  And  it  hung  in  the  balance  whether  or  not 
the  Count  would  be  openly  affronted  next  Saturday 
when  he  found  himself  in  the  company  of  half  a 
dozen  "swats,"  while  his  "jolly  dogs"  were  off  in  a 
pack  to  their  island  of  romance. 

Speug  could  not  imagine  himself  sitting  in  a  class- 
room on  Saturday  afternoon,  except  under  brute 
force,  and  yet  he  felt  it  would  be  ungrateful  after  all 
his  kindness  to  leave  the  Count  in  the  company  of 
such  cheerless  objects  as  the  Dowbiggins.  The  re- 
membrance of  all  the  sporting  prizes  he  had  won 
at  the  Count's  hands,  and  the  sight  of  the  Count 
cheering  at  the  sports,  came  over  his  ingenuous  heart 
and  moved  him  to  the  most  unselfish  act  of  his  life. 
"Jock  Howieson,"  said  Speug,  with  considerable  dig- 
nity, "ye  may  go  to  Woody  Island  if  ye  like,  but  it 
'ill  be  the  dirtiest  trick  ye  ever  played,  and  I'll  black 
both  yir  een  for  ye  on  Monday.  Have  we  ever  had  a 
match,  cricket  or  football,  the  last  four  years,  and  the 
Count  hesna  been  there?  Who  got  up  the  sports 
and  gave  the  prizes?  Tell  me  that,  Jock?  Who 
stands  ginger-beer  at  Lucky  MacWhae's,  answer  me 


A    TOURNAMENT        149 

that,  Jock,  ye  meeserable  wretch?"  and  then  clinch- 
ing every  argument  on  "Who  paid  for  the  broken 
glass  ?  I'm  doon  richt  ashamed  o'  ye,  Jock  Howie- 
son." 

"Will  ye  go  yourself,  Speug?"  demanded  Jock, 
writhing  under  this  torrent  of  reproach.  "I  think  I 
see  ye  writin'  an  essay  on  the  history  o'  the  Romans, 
or  sic  like  trash.  Ye  'ill  hunt  us  into  Bulldog's  class- 
room, and  then  go  off  yirsel  to  shoot  rabbits ;  but  ye 
'ill  no'  play  ony  tricks  on  me,  Peter  McGuflfie." 

"I  will  go,"  said  Speug,  manfully,  "though  I'll  no' 
promise  to  write." 

"Say  as  sure's  death,"  said  Jock,  knowing  Speug's 
wiles. 

"Sure  as  death,"  said  Speug,  and  then  the  school 
knew,  not  only  that  he  would  go,  though  he  had  to 
sit  six  hours  instead  of  one,  but  also  that  every  self- 
respecting  boy  in  the  Seminary  must  also  put  in  an 
appearance  at  the  Count's  reception. 

"Best  thing  you  ever  did,  Speug,"  said  Nestie  on 
the  way  home,  "since  you  p-pulled  me  out  of  the  Tay, 
and  I  should  say  that  you  have  a  good  chance  of 
Mie  prize.  What  the  Count  wants  is  ori-gin-ginality, 
and  I  never  heard  a  chap  with  so  much  original 
talk  as  you've  got,  Speug.  Just  you  put  some  of  it 
down,  like  what  you  give  to  the  P-pennies,  and  you'll 
come  out  first,  and  it'll  be  the  first  prize  you  ever 
won." 


150     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

"If  there  was  a  prize  for  impidence,  and  the  entries 
were  open  to  all  Scotland,"  said  Speug,  "ye  would 
pass  the  post  first  and  trottin'." 

"How  I  Spent  My  Saturday/' 

was  what  the  school  saw  on  the  board  when  the 
Count  removed  the  white  cloth,  and  then  he  gave  a 
brief  exposition  of  his  desires. 

"Have  the  goodness,  if  you  please,  to  write,  not 
what  you  ought,  but  what  you  want.  Were  you  at 
the  cricket  match,  you  will  tell  me  of  the  capture  of 
the  wickets ;  or  you  were  in  the  country,  I  will  hear 
of  the  woods  and  the  beautiful  pheasants"  (this  deli- 
cate allusion  to  Mr.  Byles's  poaching  experiences  was 
much  appreciated)  ;  "or  you  were  among  the  books, 
then  you  will  describe  what  you  love  in  them;  or 
you  were  looking  at  a  horse,  I  expect  to  hear  about 
that  horse";  and  the  whole  school  understood  that 
this  was  a  direct  invitation  to  Speug,  to  give  an  ex- 
act picture  of  an  Irish  mare  that  his  father  had  just 
bought.  "The  subject,  ah!"  said  the  Count,  "that 
does  not  matter;  it  is  the  manner,  the  style,  the 
esprit,  that  is  what  I  shall  value.  I  wish  you  all  the 
good  success,  and  I  will  go  a  walk  in  the  meadow  till 
you  have  finished." 

"Do  yir  best,  laddies,"  said  Bulldog,  "for  the 
credit  of  the  school  and  to  please  the  Count.  If 
I  see  ony  laddie  playing  tricks  I'll  do  my  part  to  teach 
him  sobriety,  and  if  I  see  one  copying  from  another, 


A    TOURNAMENT        151 

out  he  goes.  Ye  have  one  hour  from  this  meenut, 
make  the  most  o't,"  and  the  tournament  was  open. 

Bulldog,  apparently  reading  his  morning  paper, 
and  only  giving  a  casual  glance  to  see  that  no  one 
took  advantage  of  the  strange  circumstances,  was 
really  watching  his  flock  very  closely,  and  checking 
his  judgment  of  each  one  by  this  new  test.  Dull, 
conscientious  lads  like  the  Dowbiggins  began  at  once, 
in  order  that  they  might  not  lose  a  moment  of  time, 
but  might  put  as  much  written  stuff  upon  the  paper 
as  possible;  yet  now  and  again  they  stopped  and 
looked  round  helplessly  because  they  had  no  books 
and  no  tutor  to  assist  them,  and  they  realised  for  the 
first  time  how  little  they  had  in  their  own  heads. 

''Ha!  ha!"  said  Bulldog  to  himself,  "I  kent  ye 
were  naithing  but  a  painted  show,  and  it  'ill  do  ye 
good  to  find  that  out  for  yirselves." 

Jock  Howieson  and  his  kind  regarded  the  whole 
matter  as  a  new  form  of  entertainment,  and  as  he 
could  not  have  put  into  anything  approaching  con- 
nected words  the  experiences  of  his  last  Saturday, 
he  employed  the  time  in  cutting  up  his  unwritten 
paper  into  squares  of  an  inch,  and  making  them  into 
pellets  with  which  he  prevented  the  Dowbiggin  mind 
from  being  too  much  absorbed  in  study.  He  did 
this  once  too  often,  and  Bulldog  went  down  to  call 
upon  him  with  a  cane  and  with  plain,  simple 
words. 

"His  head  is  an  inch  thick,"  said  Bulldog,  as  he 


152      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

went  back  to  his  desk,  "but  there's  the  making  of  a 
man  in  Jock,  though  he  'ill  never  be  able  to  write  a 
decent  letter  to  save  his  life.  He  would  suit  the  Scots 
Greys  down  to  the  ground." 

Speug  had  given  a  solemn  promise  to  Nestie,  un- 
der the  customary  form  of  oath,  that  he  would  write 
something,  and  whatever  he  wrote  he  would  hand  in, 
though  it  was  only  twenty  words,  and  Speug  never 
went  back  from  his  oath.  When  Howieson  caught 
the  Dowbiggin  ear  with  a  pellet  there  is  no  doubt 
that  a  joyful  light  came  into  Speug's  eyes,  and  he 
struggled  with  strong  temptation,  and  when  old 
friends  made  facetious  signs  to  him  he  hesitated  more 
than  once,  but  in  the  end  assumed  an  air  of  dignified 
amazement,  explaining,  as  it  were,  that  his  whole 
mind  was  devoted  to  literary  composition,  and  that 
he  did  not  know  what  they  meant  by  this  impertinent 
intrusion  upon  a  student's  privacy.  Cosh  certainly 
jumped  once  in  his  seat  as  if  he  had  been  stung  by  a 
wasp,  and  it  is  certainly  true  that  at  that  moment 
there  was  a  piece  of  elastic  on  the  thumb  and  first 
finger  of  Speug's  left  hand,  but  his  right  hand  was 
devoted  to  literature.  The  language  which  Cosh 
allowed  himself  to  use  in  the  heat  of  the  moment  was 
so  unvarnished  that  it  came  under  Bulldog's  atten- 
tion, who  told  him  that  if  he  wanted  to  say  anything 
like  that  again  he  must  say  it  in  Latin,  and  that  he 
ought  to  take  notice  of  the  excellent  conduct  of  Peter 
McGufiie,  who,  Bulldog  declared,  was  not  at  all  un- 


A    TOURNAMENT        153 

likely  to  win  the  prize.  And  as  the  master  returned 
to  his  seat  his  back  was  seen  to  shake,  and  the  wink 
with  which  Speug  favoured  the  class,  in  a  brief  rest 
from  labour,  was  a  reward  for  an  hour's  drudgery. 
Bulldog  knew  everybody  up  and  down,  out  and  in — 
what  a  poor  creature  Cosh  was,  and  what  good  stuff 
could  be  found  in  Speug;  and  he  also  knew  every- 
thing that  was  done — why  Cosh  had  said  what  he 
said,  and  why  Speug  at  that  moment  was  lost  in 
study.  Bulldog  was  not  disappointed  when  Nestie's 
face  lighted  up  at  the  title  of  the  essay,  and  he  knew 
why  his  favourite  little  lad  did  not  write  anything 
for  fifteen  minutes,  but  looked  steadily  out  at  the 
window  and  across  the  North  Meadow,  and  he  re- 
turned to  his  paper  with  a  sense  of  keen  satisfaction 
when  Nestie  at  last  settled  down  to  work  and  wrote 
without  ceasing,  except  when  now  and  again  he 
hesitated  as  for  a  word,  or  tried  a  sentence  upon  his 
ear  to  know  how  it  sounded.  For  the  desire  of 
Bulldog's  heart  was  that  Nestie  should  win,  and  if — 
though  that,  of  course,  was  too  absurd — Speug  by 
the  help  of  the  favouring  gods  should  come  in 
second,  Bulldog  would  feel  that  he  had  not  lived  in 
vain. 

"Ye  have  three  meenuts  to  dot  your  i's  and  stroke 
your  t's,"  said  Bulldog,  "and  the  Count  will  tell  ye 
how  ye' re  to  sign  yir  names,"  and  then  the  Count, 
who  had  come  in  from  his  walk,  much  refreshed,  ad- 
vanced again  to  the  desk. 


154     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

"It  would  be  one  great  joy  to  have  your  auto- 
graphs," said  the  Count,  "and  I  would  place  them  in 
a  book  and  say,  'My  friends' ;  but  honour  forbids. 
As  I  shall  have  the  too  great  responsibility  of  judg- 
ing, it  is  necessary  that  I  be — ah !  I  have  forgotten 
the  word — yes !  show  the  fair  play.  No,  I  must  not 
know  the  names ;  for  if  I  read  the  name  of  my 
friend  the  ever  active,  the  ever  brave,  the  ever  inter- 
esting Speug"  (at  this  indecent  allusion  Speug  grew 
purple  and  gave  the  bench  in  front  of  him  to  under- 
stand by  well-known  signs  that  if  they  looked  at  him 
again  he  might  give  them  something  to  look  for  out- 
side), "I  would  say  that  Speug  is  a  sportsman  but 
he  is  not  a  litterateur,  and  I  might  not  do  my  com- 
rade the  full  justice.  And  if  I  read  the  name  of  the 
composed,  the  studious,  the  profound  young  gentle- 
men who  are  before  me"  (and  it  was  fortunate  the 
Dowbiggins  had  their  backs  to  the  school),  "I  would 
know  that  it  must  be  the  best  before  I  read  it,  and 
that  would  not  be  the  fair  play. 

"No!  you  will  write  on  your  admirable  essay  a 
motto — what  you  please — and  your  name  you  will 
put  in  an  envelope,  so,"  and  the  Count  wrote  his  own 
name  in  the  most  dashing  manner,  and  in  an  awful 
silence,  on  a  piece  of  paper,  and  closed  the  envelope 
with  a  graceful  flourish :  "and  outside  you  will  put 
your  motto,  so  it  will  be  all  the  fair  play,  and  in  the 
Town  Hall  next  Saturday  I  shall  have  the  felicity  to 
declare  the   result.      Voila!     Has   my   plan  your 


A    TOURNAMENT        155 

distinguished  approbation?"  and  the  Count  made  a 
respectful  appeal  to  Bulldog.  "Nothing  could  be 
fairer,  you  say?  Then  it  is  agreed,  and  I  allow 
myself  to  wish  you  adieu  for  this  day." 

When  the  school  assembled  for  conference  among 
the  Russian  guns,  their  minds  were  divided  between 
two  subjects.  The  first  was  what  Speug  had  written, 
on  which  that  strenuous  student  would  give  no 
information,  resenting  the  inquiry  both  as  an  insult 
to  his  abilities  and  an  illustration  of  vain  curiosity  on 
the  part  of  the  school.  Nestie,  however,  volunteered 
the  trustworthy  information  that  Speug  had  spent  his 
whole  time  explaining  the  good  which  he  had  got 
from  being  kept  in  one  Saturday  forenoon  and  doing 
mathematical  problems  under  the  eye  of  Bulldog. 
And  Nestie  added  that  he  thought  it  mean  of  Peter 
to  "suck  up"  to  the  master  in  this  disgraceful 
fashion  just  for  the  sake  of  getting  a  prize.  Peter 
confided  to  Nestie  afterwards  that  he  had  really  done 
his  best  to  describe  a  close  race  for  the  Kilmarnock 
Cup,  but  that  he  didn't  think  there  were  six  words 
properly  spelt  from  beginning  to  end,  and  that  if  he 
escaped  without  a  thrashing  he  would  treat  Nestie  to 
half  a  dozen  bottles  of  ginger-beer. 

Regarding  the  winner — for  that  was  the  other 
subject — there  was  a  unanimous  and  sad  judgment; 
that  Dune  Robertson  might  have  a  chance,  but  that 
Thomas  John,  the  head  of  the  Dowbiggins,  would 
carry  off  the  prize,  as  he  had  carried  off  all  the  other 


156     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

prizes ;  and  that,  if  so,  they  would  let  him  know  how 
they  all  loved  him  at  the  Town  Hall,  and  that  it 
would  be  wise  for  him  to  go  home  with  the  Count's 
prize  and  all  the  other  prizes  in  a  cab,  with  the  win- 
dows up. 

The  prize-giving  in  the  Town  Hall  was  one  of  the 
great  events  in  the  Muirtown  year,  and  to  it  the 
memory  of  a  Seminary  lad  goes  back  with  keen  in- 
terest. All  the  forenoon  the  Provost  and  the  bailies 
had  been  sitting  in  the  class-room  of  the  Seminary, 
holding  Latin  books  in  their  hands,  which  they 
opened  anywhere,  and  wagging  their  heads  in  solemn 
approval  over  the  translation  by  Thomas  John  and 
other  chosen  worthies,  while  the  parents  wandered 
from  place  to  place  and  identified  their  sons,  who 
refused  to  take  any  notice  of  them  unless  nobody  was 
looking.  What  mothers  endured  cannot  be  put  into 
words,  when  they  saw  their  darling  boys  (whom 
they  had  seen  dressed  that  morning  in  their  Sunday 
clothes,  and  sent  away  in  perfect  array,  with  direc- 
tions that  they  were  not  to  break  their  collars  nor  soil 
their  jackets,  nor  disarrange  their  hair  the  whole 
day,  or  they  need  not  come  home  in  the  evening) 
turn  up  in  a  class-room  before  the  respectables  of 
Muirtown  as  if  their  heads  had  not  known  a  brush 
for  six  months,  with  Speug's  autograph  upon  their 
white  collar,  a  button  gone  from  their  waistcoat,  and 
an  ounce  of  flour  in  a  prominent  place  on  their  once 
speckless  jacket. 


A    TOURNAMENT        157 

"Yes,"  said  one  matron  to  another,  with  the  calm- 
ness of  despair,  "that  is  my  Jimmy,  I  canna  deny  it; 
but  ye  may  well  ask,  for  he's  more  like  a  street  waufie 
than  onything  else.  On  a  day  like  this,  and  when  I 
see  what  a  sight  he's  made  of  himself  in  two  hours  I 
could  almost  wish  he  had  been  born  a  girl." 

"Losh  keep  us.  Mistress  Chalmers,  ye  maunna 
speak  like  that,  for  it's  no  chancy,  he  micht  be  taken 
away  sudden,  and  ye  would  have  regrets;  forbye 
your  laddie's  naithing  to  my  Archie,  for  the  last  time 
I  saw  him,  as  I'm  a  livin'  woman,  there  wasna  more 
than  two  inches  of  his  necktie  left,  and  he  was 
fishing  his  new  Balmoral  bonnet  out  of  the  water- 
barrel  in  the  playground.  Ye  needna  expect  peace 
if  the  Almichty  give  ye  laddies,  but  I  wouldna  change 
them  for  lassies — na,  na,  I'll  no'  go  that  length." 

And  the  two  matrons  sustained  themselves  with 
the  thought  that  if  their  boys  were  only  a  mere 
wreck  of  what  they  had  been  in  the  morning,  other 
people's  boys  were  no  better,  and  some  of  them  were 
worse,  for  one  of  them  had  inflicted  such  damages  on 
his  trousers  that,  although  he  was  able  to  face  the 
public,  he  had  to  retire  as  from  the  royal  presence; 
nor  was  it  at  all  unlike  the  motherly  mind  to  con- 
ceive a  malignant  dislike  to  the  few  boys  who  were 
spick  and  span,  and  to  have  a  certain  secret  pride 
even  in  their  boys'  disorder,  which  at  any  rate 
showed  that  they  were  far  removed  from  the  low 
estate  of  lassies. 


158    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

The  great  function  of  the  day  came  ofT  at  two 
o'clock,  and  before  the  hour  the  hall  was  packed 
with  fathers,  motliers,  sisters,  elder  brothers,  uncles, 
aunts,  cousins  and  distant  relatives  of  the  boys,  while 
the  boys  themselves,  beyond  all  control  and  more  dis- 
hevelled than  ever,  were  scattered  throughout  the 
crowd.  Some  were  sitting  with  their  parents  and 
enduring  a  rapid  toilet  at  the  hands  of  their  mothers ; 
others  were  gathered  in  clumps  and  arranging  a 
reception  for  the  more  unpopular  prize-winners; 
others  were  prowling  up  and  down  the  passages, 
exchanging  sweetmeats  and  responding  (very 
coldly)  to  the  greeting  of  relatives  in  the  seats,  for 
the  black  terror  that  hung  over  every  Seminary  lad 
was  that  he  would  be  kissed  publicly  by  a  maiden 
aunt.  Mr.  Peter  McGuffie  senior  came  in  with  the 
general  attention  of  the  audience,  and  seated  himself 
in  a  prominent  place  with  Speug  beside  him.  Not 
that  Mr.  McGuffie  took  any  special  interest  in  prize- 
givings,  and  certainly  not  because  Speug  had  ever 
appeared  in  the  character  of  a  prize-winner.  Mr. 
McGufRe's  patronage  was  due  to  his  respect  for  the 
Count  and  his  high  appreciation  of  what  he  con- 
sidered the  Count's  sporting  offer,  and  Mr.  McGuffie 
was  so  anxious  to  sustain  the  interest  of  the  proceed- 
ings that  he  was  willing,  although  he  admitted  that 
he  had  no  tip,  to  have  a  bet  with  anyone  in  his 
vicinity  on  the  winning  horse.  He  also  astonished 
his  son  by  offering  to  lay  a  sovereign  on  Nestie 


Before  the  hour  the  hall  was  packed. 


A    TOURNAMENT        159 

coming  in  first  and  half  a  length  ahead,  which  was 
not  so  much  based  upon  any  knowledge  of  Nestie's 
literary  qualifications  as  on  the  strange  friendship 
between  Nestie  and  his  promising  son.  As  the 
respectable  Free  Kirk  elder  who  sat  next  Mr. 
McGuffie  did  not  respond  to  this  friendly  offer,  Mr. 
McGuffie  put  a  straw  in  his  mouth  and  timed  the 
arrival  of  the  Provost. 

When  that  great  dignitary,  attended  by  the  bailies 
and  masters,  together  with  the  notables  of  Muirtown, 
appeared  on  the  platform,  the  boys  availed  them- 
selves of  the  license  of  the  day,  shouting,  cheering, 
yelling,  whistling  and  bombarding  all  and  sundry 
with  pellets  of  paper  shot  with  extraordinary  dex- 
terity from  little  elastic  catapults,  till  at  last  Bulldog, 
who  in  the  helplessness  of  the  Rector  always  con- 
ducted the  proceedings,  rose  and  demanded  silence 
for  the  Provost,  who  explained  at  wide  intervals  that 
he  was  glad  to  see  his  young  friends  (howls  from  the 
boys)  and  also  their  respected  parents  (fresh  howls, 
but  not  from  the  parents)  ;  that  he  was  sure  the 
fathers  and  mothers  were  proud  of  their  boys  to-day 
(climax  of  howls)  ;  that  he  had  once  been  a  boy 
himself  (unanimous  shout  of  "No"  from  the  boys)  ; 
that  he  had  even  fought  in  a  snowball  fight  (loud 
expressions  of  horror)  ;  that  he  was  glad  the  Semi- 
nary was  flourishing  (terrific  outburst,  during  which 
the  Provost's  speech  came  to  an  end,  and  Bulldog 
rose  to  keep  order). 


i6o    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

One  by  one  the  prize-winners  were  called  up,  from 
the  side  of  their  fond  parents,  and  if  they  were  liked 
and  had  won  their  prizes  with  the  g-oodwill  of  their 
fellows,  each  one  received  an  honest  cheer  which  was 
heartier  and  braver  than  any  other  cheer  of  the  day, 
and  loud  above  it  sounded  the  voice  of  Speug,  who, 
though  he  had  never  received  a  prize  in  his  life,  and 
never  would,  rejoiced  when  a  decent  fellow  like  Dune 
Robertson,  the  wicket-keeper  of  the  eleven  and  the 
half-back  of  the  fifteen,  showed  that  he  had  a  head 
as  well  as  hands.  When  a  prig  got  too  many  prizes 
there  was  an  eloquent  silence  in  the  hall,  till  at  last 
a  loud,  accurate  and  suggestive  "Ma-a-a-a!"  from 
Speug  relieved  the  feelings  of  the  delighted  school, 
and  the  unpopular  prize-winner  left  the  platform 
amid  the  chorus  of  the  farmyard — cows,  sheep, 
horses,  dogs,  cats  and  a  triumphant  ass  all  uniting 
to  do  him  honour.  It  was  their  day,  and  Bulldog 
gave  them  their  rights,  provided  they  did  not  con- 
tinue too  long,  and  every  boy  believed  that  Bulldog 
had  the  same  judgment  as  themselves. 

To-day,  however,  the  whole  gathering  was  hun- 
gering and  thirsting  for  the  declaration  of  the 
Count's  prize,  because  there  never  had  been  such  a 
competition  in  Muirtown  before,  and  the  Count  was 
one  of  our  characters.  When  he  came  forward,  won- 
derfully dressed,  with  a  rose  in  his  buttonhole  and 
waving  a  scented  handkerchief,  and  bowed  to  every- 
body in  turn,  from  the  Provost  to  Mr.  McGuffie,  his 


A    TOURNAMENT        i6i 

reception  was  monumental  and  was  crowned  by  the 
stentorian  approbation  of  Speug's  father.  Having 
thanked  the  company  for  their  reception,  with  his 
hand  upon  his  heart,  and  having  assured  the  charm- 
ing mothers  of  his  young  friends  of  his  (the 
Count's)  most  respectful  devotion,  and  declared  him- 
self the  slave  of  their  sisters,  and  having  expressed 
his  profound  reverence  for  the  magistrates  (at  which 
several  bailies  tried  to  look  as  if  they  were  only  men, 
but  failed),  the  Count  approached  the  great  moment 
of  the  day. 

The  papers,  he  explained  upon  his  honour,  were 
all  remarkable,  and  it  had  been  impossible  for  him 
to  sleep,  because  he  could  not  tear  himself  away  from 
the  charming  reflections  of  his  young  friends.  (As 
the  boys  recognised  this  to  be  only  a  just  compliment 
to  their  thoughtful  disposition  and  literary  genius, 
Bulldog  had  at  last  to  arise  and  quell  the  storm.) 
There  was  one  paper,  however,  which  the  Count 
compared  to  Mont  Blanc,  because  it  rose  above  all 
the  others.  It  was  "ravishing,"  the  Count  asserted, 
"superb";  it  was,  he  added,  the  work  of  "genius." 
The  river,  the  woods,  the  flowers,  the  hills,  the  beau- 
tiful young  women,  it  was  all  one  poem.  And  as  the 
whole  hall  waited,  refusing  to  breathe,  the  Count  en- 
joyed a  great  moment.  "The  writer  of  this  dis- 
tinguished poem — for  it  is  not  prose,  it  is  poetry — 
I  will  read  his  motto."  Then  the  Count  read,  "Faint 
Heart  never  Won  Fair  Lady,"  and  turning  to  the 


i62     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

Provost,  "I  do  myself  the  honour  of  asking  your 
Excellency  to  open  this  envelope  and  to  read  the 
name  to  this  distinguished  audience."  Before  the 
Provost  could  get  the  piece  of  paper  out  of  the  en- 
velope, Speug,  who  was  in  the  secret  of  the  motto, 
jumped  up  on  his  seat  and,  turning  with  his  face  to 
the  audience,  shouted  at  the  pitch  of  his  voice 
through  the  stillness  of  the  hall,  "Nestie  Molyneux." 
And  above  the  great  shout  that  went  up  from  the 
throat  of  the  Seminary  could  be  heard,  full  and  clear, 
the  view-hallo  of  Mr.  McGufifie  senior,  who  had 
guessed  the  winner  without  ever  seeing  the  paper. 


MOOSSY 
IX 

If  the  eyes  of  an  old  boy  do  not  light  up  at  the 
mention  of  "Moossy,"  then  it  is  no  use  his  pleading 
the  years  which  have  passed  and  the  great  affairs 
which  have  filled  his  life;  you  know  at  once  that  he 
is  an  impostor  and  has  never  had  the  privilege  of 
passing  through  Muirtown  Seminary.  Upon  the 
genuine  boy — fifty  years  old  now,  but  green  at  heart 
— the  word  is  a  very  talisman,  for  at  the  sound  of  it 
the  worries  of  life  and  the  years  that  have  gone  are 
forgotten,  and  the  eyes  light  up  and  the  face  relaxes, 
and  the  middle-aged  man  lies  back  in  his  chair  for 
the  full  enjoyment  of  the  past.  It  was  a  rough  life 
in  the  Seminary,  with  plain  food  and  strenuous 
games ;  with  well-worn  and  well-torn  clothes ;  where 
little  trouble  was  taken  to  give  interest  to  your  work, 
and  little  praise  awarded  when  you  did  it  well ;  where 
you  were  bullied  by  the  stronger  fellows  without  re- 
dress, and  thrashed  for  very  little  reason;  where 
there  were  also  many  coarsenesses  which  were  sick- 


i64     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

ening  at  the  time  to  any  lad  with  a  sense  of  decency, 
and  which  he  is  glad,  if  he  can,  to  forget;  but,  at 
least,  there  was  one  oasis  in  the  wilderness  where 
there  was  nothing  but  enjoyment  for  the  boys,  and 
that  was  the  "Department  of  Modern  Languages," 
over  which  Moossy  was  supposed  to  preside. 

Things  have  changed  since  Moossy's  day,  and  now 
there  is  a  graduate  of  the  University  of  Paris  and  a 
fearful  martinet  to  teach  young  Muirtown  French, 
and  a  Heidelberg  man  with  several  degrees  and  four 
swordcuts  on  his  face  to  explain  to  Muirtown  the 
mysteries  of  the  German  sentence.  Indignant  boys, 
who  have  heard  appetising  tales  of  the  days  which 
are  gone,  are  compelled  to  "swat"  at  Continental 
tongues  as  if  they  were  serious  languages  like  Latin 
and  Greek,  and  are  actually  kept  in  if  they  have  not 
done  a  French  verb.  They  are  required  to  write  an 
account  of  their  holidays  in  German,  and  are  directed 
to  enlarge  their  vocabulary  by  speaking  in  foreign 
tongues  among  themselves.  Things  have  come  to 
such  a  pass  it  is  said — but  I  do  not  believe  one  word 
of  this — that  the  modern  Speug,  before  he  pulls  off 
the  modern  Dowbiggin's  bonnet  and  flings  it  into  the 
lade,  which  still  runs  as  it  used  to  do,  will  be  careful 
to  say  "Erlauben  Sie  mir,"  and  that  the  modern 
Dowbiggin,  before  rescuing  his  bonnet,  will  turn  and 
inquire  with  mild  surprise,  "Was  wollen  Sie,  mein 
Freundf"  and  precocious  lads  will  delight  their 
parents  at  the  breakfast-table  by  asking  for  their 


MOOSSY  165 


daily  bread  in  the  language  and  accent  of  Paris,  be- 
cause for  the  moment  they  have  forgotten  English. 
It  is  my  own  firm  conviction,  and  nothing  can  shake 
it,  that  Muirtown  lads  are  just  as  incapable  of  ex- 
plaining their  necessary  wants  in  any  speech  except 
their  own  as  they  were  in  the  days  of  our  fathers,  and 
that  if  a  Seminary  boy  were  landed  in  Calais  to-day, 
he  would  get  his  food  at  the  buffet  by  making  signs 
with  his  fingers,  as  his  father  had  done  before  him 
and  as  becomes  a  young  barbarian.  He  would  also 
take  care,  as  his  fathers  did,  that  he  would  not  be 
cheated  in  his  change  nor  be  put  upon  by  any 
"Frenchy."  Foreign  graduates  may  do  their  best 
with  Seminary  lads — and  their  kind  elsewhere — 
but  they  will  not  find  it  easy  to  shape  their 
unruly  tongues;  for  the  Briton  is  fully  persuaded 
in  the  background  of  his  mind  that  he  belongs 
to  an  imperial  race  and  is  born  to  be  a  ruler, 
that  every  man  will  sooner  or  later  have  to  speak 
his  language,  and  that  it  is  undignified  to  condescend 
to  French.  The  Briton  is  pleased  to  know  that  for- 
eign nations  have  some  means  of  communication  be- 
tween themselves — as,  indeed,  the  lower  animals 
have,  if  you  go  into  the  matter;  but  since  the  Al- 
mighty has  put  an  English  (or  Scots)  tongue  in  his 
mouth,  it  would  be  flying  in  the  face  of  Providence 
not  to  use  it.  It  is,  however,  an  excellent  thing  to 
have  the  graduates,  and  the  trim  class-room,  and  the 
tables  of  the  foreign  verbs  upon  the  wall,  and  the 


i66     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

conversation  classes — Speiig  at  a  conversation  class ! 
— and  all  the  rest  of  it ;  but,  oh !  the  days  of  long  ago 
— and  Moossy! 

Like  our  only  other  foreigner,  the  Count,  Moossy 
v^as  a  nameless  man,  for  although  it  must  have  been 
printed  on  the  board  in  the  vestibule  of  the  school, 
which  had  a  list  of  masters  and  of  classes,  no  one  can 
now  hint  at  Moossy's  baptismal  name,  nor  even  sug- 
gest his  surname.  The  name  of  the  Count  had  been 
sunk  in  the  nobility  which  we  conferred  upon  him, 
and  which  was  the  tribute  of  our  respectful  admira- 
tion, but  "Moossy"  was  a  term  of  good-humoured 
contempt.  We  were  only  Scots  lads  of  a  provincial 
town,  and  knew  nothing  of  the  outside  world;  but 
yet,  with  the  instincts  of  a  race  of  Chieftains  and 
Clansmen,  we  distinguished  in  our  minds  between 
our  two  foreigners  and  placed  them  far  apart.  No 
doubt  the  Count  was  womanish  in  his  dress,  and  had 
fantastic  manners,  but  we  knew  he  was  a  gallant  gen- 
tleman, who  was  afraid  of  nobody  and  was  always 
ready  to  serve  his  friends ;  he  was  dcbonnaire,  and 
counted  himself  the  equal  of  anyone  in  Muirtown, 
but  Moossy  was  little  better  than  an  abject.  He  was 
a  little  man,  to  begin  with,  and  had  made  himself 
small  by  stooping  till  his  head  had  sunk  upon  his 
chest  and  his  shoulders  had  risen  to  his  ears ;  his  hair 
fell  over  the  collar  of  his  coat  behind,  and  his  ill- 
dressed  beard  hid  any  shirt  he  wore;  his  hands  and 
face  showed  only  the  slightest  acquaintance  with 


MOOSSY  167 


soap  and  water,  and  although  Speug  was  not  always 
careful  in  his  own  personal  ablutions,  and  more  than 
once  had  been  sent  down  to  the  lade  by  Bulldog  to 
wash  himself,  yet  Speug  had  a  healthy  contempt 
for  a  dirty  master.  Moossy's  clothes,  it  was  believed, 
had  not  been  renewed  since  he  came  to  the  Seminary, 
and  the  cloak  which  he  wore  on  a  winter  day  was  a 
scandal  to  the  town.  His  feet  were  large  and  flat, 
and  his  knees  touched  as  the  one  passed  the  other, 
and  the  Seminary  was  honestly  ashamed  at  the  sight 
of  him  shambling  across  the  North  Meadow.  He 
looked  so  mean,  so  ill  put  together,  so  shabby,  so 
dirty,  that  the  very  "Pennies"  hooted  at  him  and 
flung  him  in  our  faces.  The  Rector  was  also  careless 
of  his  dress,  and  mooned  along  the  road,  but  then 
everybody  knew  that  he  was  a  mighty  scholar,  and 
that  if  you  woke  him  from  his  meditation  he  would 
answer  you  in  Greek;  but  even  Speug  understood 
that  Moossy  was  not  a  scholar.  The  story  drifted 
about  through  Muirtown,  and  filtered  down  to  the 
boys,  that  he  was  a  bankrupt  tradesman  who  had 
fled  from  some  little  German  town  and  landed  in 
Muirtown,  and  that  because  he  could  speak  a  little 
English,  and  a  little  French,  as  German  tradesmen 
can,  he  had  been  appointed  by  an  undiscriminating 
Town  Council  to  teach  foreign  tongues  at  the 
Seminary.  It  is  certain  he  had  very  little  education 
and  no  confidence  in  himself,  and  so  he  was  ever 
cringing  to  the  bailies,  which  did  him  no  injury. 


i68      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

for  these  great  men  regarded  themselves  as  beings 
bordering  on  the  supernatural;  and  he  was  ever 
deferring  and  giving  in  to  the  boys,  which  was  the 
maddest  thing  that  any  master  could  do,  and  only 
confirmed  every  boy  in  his  judgment  that  Moossy 
was  one  of  the  most  miserable  of  God's  creatures. 

His  classes  met  in  the  afternoon,  and  were  re- 
garded as  a  pleasant  relaxation  after  the  labours  of 
the  day,  and  to  escape  from  the  government  of  Bull- 
dog to  the  genial  freedom  of  Moossy's  room  proved, 
as  we  felt  in  a  vague  way,  that  Providence  had  a 
tender  heart  towards  the  wants  and  enjoyments  of 
boys.  It  goes  without  saying  that  no  work  was  done, 
for  there  were  only  half  a  dozen  who  had  any  desire 
to  work,  and  they  were  not  allowed,  in  justice  to 
themselves  and  to  their  fellows,  to  waste  the  mercies 
which  had  been  provided.  Upon  Bulldog's  sugges- 
tion, Moossy  once  provided  himself  with  a  cane,  but 
it  failed  in  his  hands  the  first  time  he  tried  to  use  it, 
which  was  not  at  all  wonderful,  as  Jock  Howieson, 
who  did  not  approve  of  canes,  and  regarded  them  as 
an  invention  of  the  Evil  One,  had  doctored  Moossy's 
cane  with  a  horse-hair,  so  that  it  split  into  two  at  a 
stroke,  and  one  piece  flying  back  struck  Moossy  on 
the  face. 

"That'll  learn  him  to  be  meddling  with  canes.  It's 
plenty  that  Bulldog  has  a  cane,  without  yon  meeser- 
able  wretch" ;  and  that  was  the  last  effort  which 
Moossy  made  to  exercise  discipline. 


MOOSSY  169 


Every  afternoon  he  made  a  pitiable  appeal  that  the 
boys  would  behave  and  learn  their  verbs.  For  about 
ten  minutes  there  was  quietness,  and  then,  at  the 
sight  of  Thomas  John,  sitting  at  the  head  of  his  form 
and  working  diligently  upon  a  French  translation, 
which  he  could  do  better  than  Moossy  himself,  Speug 
would  make  a  signal  to  the  form,  and,  leading  off 
from  the  foot  himself,  the  form  would  give  one 
quick,  unanimous,  and  masterful  push,  and  Thomas 
John  next  instant  was  sitting  on  the  floor ;  while  if, 
by  any  possibility,  they  could  land  all  his  books  on 
him  as  he  lay,  and  baptise  him  out  of  his  own  ink- 
bottle,  the  form  was  happy  and  called  in  their  friends 
of  other  forms  to  rejoice  with  them.  Moossy,  at  the 
noise  of  Thomas  John's  falling,  would  hurry  over 
and  inquire  the  cause,  that  a  boy  so  exemplary  and 
diligent  should  be  sitting  on  the  floor  with  the 
remains  of  his  work  around  him;  and  as  Thomas 
John  knew  that  it  would  be  worth  his  life  to  tell  the 
reason,  Moossy  and  he  pretended  to  regard  it  as  one 
of  the  unavoidable  accidents  of  life,  and  after 
Thomas  John  had  been  restored  to  his  place,  and  the 
ink  wiped  off  his  clothes,  Moossy  exhorted  the  form 
to  quietness  and  diligence.  He  knew  what  had  hap- 
pened, and  would  have  been  fit  for  a  lunatic  asy- 
lum if  he  had  not ;  and  we  knew  that  he  knew,  and  we 
all  despised  him  for  his  cowardice.  Had  there  been 
enough  spirit  in  Moossy  to  go  for  Speug  (just  as 
Bulldog  would  have  done),  and  thrash  him  there  and 


I/O     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

then  as  he  sat  in  his  seat,  brazen  and  unashamed,  we 
would  all  have  respected  Moossy,  and  no  one  more 
than  Speug,  to  whom  all  fresh  exploits  would  have 
had  a  new  relish.  But  Moossy  was  a  broken-spirited 
man,  in  whom  there  was  no  fight,  who  held  a  post  he 
was  not  fit  for,  and  held  it  to  get  a  poor  living  for 
himself  and  one  who  was  dearer  to  him  than  his  own 
life.  So  helpless  was  he,  and  so  timid,  that  there 
were  times  when  the  boys  grew  weary  of  their  teas- 
ing and  disorder,  and  condescended  to  repeat  a  verb 
in  order  to  pass  the  time. 

When  the  spring  was  in  their  blood — for,  like  all 
young  animals,  they  felt  its  stirring — then  there 
were  wonderful  scenes  in  Moossy's  class-room.  He 
dared  not  stand  in  those  days  between  two  forms, 
with  his  face  to  the  one  and  his  back  to  the  other, 
because  of  the  elastic  catapults  and  the  sharp  little 
paper  bullets,  which,  in  spite  of  his  long  hair,  would 
always  find  out  his  ears;  and  if  he  turned  round  to 
face  the  battery,  the  other  form  promptly  unmasked 
theirs,  and  between  the  two  he  was  driven  to  the  end 
of  the  room ;  and  then,  in  his  very  presence,  without 
a  pretence  of  concealment,  the  two  forms  would  settle 
their  differences,  while,  in  guttural  and  uncultured 
German,  Moossy  prayed  for  peace.  Times  there 
were,  I  am  sorry  to  say,  when  at  the  sting  of  the  bul- 
let Moossy  said  bad  words,  and  although  they  were 
in  German,  the  boys  knew  that  it  was  swearing,  and 
Speug's  voice  would  be  loudest  in  horror. 


MOOSSY  171 


"Mercy  on  us,  lads !  this  is  awful  language  to  hear 
in  the  Seminary!  If  the  Town  Council  gets  word 
of  this,  there'll  be  a  fine  stramish.  For  masel'/' 
Speug  would  conclude  piously,  "I'm  perfectly 
ashamed."  And  as  that  accomplished  young  gentle- 
man had  acquired  in  the  stables  a  wealth  of  profanity 
which  was  the  amazement  of  the  school,  his  protest 
had  all  the  more  weight.  Poor  Moossy  would  apolo- 
gise for  what  he  had  said,  and  beseech  the  school 
neither  to  say  it  themselves  nor  to  tell  what  they  had 
heard;  and  for  days  afterwards  Speug  would  be 
warning  Thomas  John  that  if  he,  Speug — censor  of 
morals — caught  him  cursing  and  swearing  like 
Moossy,  he  would  duck  him  in  the  lake,  and  after- 
wards bring  him  before  the  Lord  Provost  and  magis- 
trates. 

There  was  no  end  to  the  devices  of  the  Seminary 
for  enjoying  themselves  and  tormenting  Moossy; 
and  had  it  not  been  for  Nestie,  who  had  some 
reserves  of  taste,  the  fun  would  have  been  much 
more  curious.  As  it  was,  Moossy  never  knew  when 
he  might  not  light  upon  a  frog,  till  it  seemed  as  if 
the  class-room  for  modern  languages  were  the  chosen 
home  for  the  reptiles  of  the  district.  One  morning, 
when  he  opened  his  desk,  a  lively  young  Scots  terrier 
puppy  sprang  up  to  welcome  him,  and  nearly 
frightened  Moossy  out  of  such  wits  as  he  possessed. 
He  had  learned  to  open  the  door  of  his  class-room 
cautiously,  not  knowing  whether  a  German  Diction- 


172     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

ary  might  not  be  ingeniously  poised  to  fall  upon  his 
head.  His  ink-bottle  would  be  curiously  attached  to 
his  French  Grammar,  so  that  when  he  lifted  the  book 
the  bottle  followed  it  and  sent  the  spray  of  ink  over 
his  person,  adding  a  new  distinction  of  dirtiness  to 
his  coat.  Boys  going  up  to  write  on  the  blackboard, 
where  they  never  wrote  anything  but  nonsense, 
would  work  symbols  with  light  and  rapid  touch  upon 
the  back  of  Moossy's  coat  as  they  returned ;  and  if 
one  after  the  other,  adding  to  the  work  of  art,  could 
draw  what  was  supposed  to  be  a  human  face  upon 
Moossy,  the  class  was  satisfied  it  had  not  lost  the 
hour.  There  were  times  when  Moossy  felt  the  hand 
even  on  the  looseness  of  that  foolish  coat,  and  turned 
suddenly;  but  there  was  no  shaking  the  brazen 
impudence  of  Muirtown,  and  Moossy,  looking  into 
the  stolid  and  unintelligent  expression  of  Howieson's 
face,  thought  that  he  had  been  mistaken.  If  one  boy 
was  set  up  to  do  a  verb,  the  form,  reading  from  their 
books  and  pronouncing  on  a  principal  of  their  own, 
would  do  the  verb  with  him  and  continue  in  a  loud 
and  sonorous  song,  till  Moossy  had  to  stop  them  one 
by  one,  and  then  they  were  full  of  indignation  at 
being  hindered  in  their  studies  of  the  German  lan- 
guage. 

Moossy  was  afraid  to  complain  to  the  Rector,  lest 
his  own  incompetence  should  be  exposed  and  his 
bread  be  taken  from  him;  and  of  this  the  boys, 


MOOSSY  173 


with  the  unerring  cunning  of  savages,  were  perfectly 
aware,  and  the  torture  might  have  gone  on  for  years 
had  it  not  been  for  the  intervention  of  Bulldog  and  a 
certain  incident.  As  the  French  class-room  was 
above  the  mathematical,  any  special  disturbance 
could  be  heard  in  the  quietness  below ;  and  whatever 
else  they  did,  the  students  of  foreign  languages  were 
careful  not  to  invite  the  attention  of  Bulldog.  In- 
deed, the  one  check  upon  the  freedom  of  Moossy's 
room  was  the  danger  of  Bulldog's  arrival,  who  was 
engaged  that  hour  with  the  little  boys  and  had  ample 
leisure  of  mind  to  take  note  of  any  outrageous  noise 
above,  and  for  want  of  occupation  was  itching  to 
get  at  old  friends  like  Howieson.  There  are  times, 
however,  when  even  a  savage  forgets  himself,  and 
one  spring  day  the  saturnalia  in  Moossy's  room 
reached  an  historical  height.  It  had  been  discovered 
that  any  dislike  which  Moossy  may  have  had  to  a 
puppy  in  his  desk,  and  a  frog  in  his  top-cloak  pocket, 
was  nothing  to  the  horror  with  which  he  regarded 
mice.  As  soon  as  it  was  known  that  Moossy  would 
as  soon  have  had  a  tiger  in  the  French  class-room  as 
a  mouse  upon  the  loose,  it  was  felt  that  the  study  of 
foreign  languages  should  take  a  new  departure.  One 
morning  the  boys  came  in  with  such  punctuality,  and 
settled  to  their  work  with  such  demure  diligence, 
that  even  IMoossy  was  suspicious  and  watched 
them  anxiously.    For  ten  minutes  there  was  nothing 


174     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

heard  but  the  drone  of  the  class  manghng  German 
sentences,  and  then  Howieson  cried  aloud  in  conster- 
nation, "A  mouse!" 

"Vat  ees  that  you  say?  Ah!  mices!  vere?" 
and  Moossy  was  much  shaken. 

"Yonder,"  said  Speug,  pointing  to  where  a  mouse 
was  just  disappearing  under  the  desk;  "and  there's 
another  at  the  fireplace.  Dod,  the  place  is  fair  swarm- 
ing, and,  Moossy,  there's  one  trying  to  run  up  your 
leg.    Take  care,  man,  for  ony  sake." 

"A  mices,"  cried  Moossy,  "vill  up  my  legs  go; 
I  vill  the  desk  ascend,"  and  with  the  aid  of  a  chair 
Moossy  scrambled  on  to  his  desk,  where  he  en- 
trenched himself  against  attack,  believing  that  at 
that  height  he  would  be  safe  from  "mices." 

Speug  suggested  that  as  this  plague  of  mice  had 
burst  upon  the  French  class-room  the  scholars  should 
meet  the  calamity  like  men,  and  asked  Moossy's  per-" 
mission  to  go  out  upon  the  chase.  For  once  Moossy 
and  his  pupils  had  one  mind,  and  the  school  gave 
itself  to  its  heart's  content,  and  without  a  thought  of 
consequences,  to  a  mouse  hunt.  Nothing  is  more 
difficult  than  to  catch  a  mouse,  and  the  difficulty  is 
doubled  when  no  one  wishes  to  catch  it ;  and  so  the 
school  fell  over  benches,  and  over  one  another,  and 
jumped  over  the  desks  and  scrambled  under  them, 
ever  pretending  to  have  caught  a  mouse,  and  really 
succeeding  once  in  smothering  an  unfortunate  animal 
beneath  the  weight  of  half  a  dozen  boys.     Thomas 


"Thk  school  fell  over  benches  and  over  one  another." 


MOOSSY  175 


John  was  early  smeared  with  ink  from  top  to  bottom 
by  an  accident  in  which  Howieson  took  a  leading 
part,  and  the  German  Dictionary  intended  for  a 
mouse  happened  to  take  Cosh  on  the  way,  which  led 
to  an  encounter  between  that  indignant  youth  and 
Bauldie,  in  which  mice  were  forgotten.  The  black- 
board was  brought  down  with  a  crash,  and  a  form 
was  securely  planted  on  its  ruins.  High  above  the 
babel  Moossy  could  be  heard  crying  encouragement, 
and  demanding  whether  the  "mices"  had  been 
caught,  but  nothing  would  induce  him  to  come  down 
from  his  fastness.  When  things  were  at  their  high- 
est, and  gay  spirits  like  Speug  were  beginning  to 
conclude  that  even  a  big  snow  fight  was  nothing  to 
a  mouse  hunt,  and  Howieson  had  been  so  lifted  that 
he  had  mounted  a  desk,  not  to  catch  a  mouse,  but  to 
give  a  cheer,  and  was  standing  there  without  collar 
or  tie,  dishevelled,  triumphant,  and  raised  above  all 
the  trials  of  life,  the  door  opened  and  Bulldog  en- 
tered. And  it  was  a  beautiful  tribute  to  the  person- 
ality of  that  excellent  man,  that  the  whole  room  crys- 
tallised in  an  instant,  and  everyone  remained  motion- 
less, frozen,  as  it  were,  in  the  act. 

Bulldog  looked  round  with  that  calm  composure 
which  sat  so  well  upon  him,  taking  in  Moossy 
perched  upon  his  desk,  Howieson  on  his  form, 
Speug  sitting  with  easy  dignity  on  the  top  of 
Thomas  John,  and  half  a  dozen  worthies  still  tied 
together  in  a  scrimmage,  as  if  this  were  a  sight  to 


176     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

which  he  was  accustomed  every  day  in  Muirtown 
Seminary. 

"Foreign  languages,"  he  began,  after  a  pause  of 
ten  seconds,  "is  evidently  a  verra  divertin'  subject 
of  study,  and  I  wonder  that  any  pupil  is  left  in  the 
department  of  mathematics,  I  was  not  aware,  Jock, 
that  ye  needed  to  stand  on  a  form  before  you  could 
do  your  German,  and  I  suppose  that  is  the  French 
class  in  the  corner.  Fm  sorry  to  intrude,  but  I'm 
pleased  to  see  a  class  in  earnest  about  its  work,  I 
really  am." 

"Mices!"  remarked  Bulldog  in  icy  tones,  as  poor 
Moossy  came  down  from  his  desk  and  began  to 
explain.  "My  impression  is  that  you  are  right,  as 
far  as  I  can  judge — and  I  have  some  acquaintance 
with  the  circumstances.  There  are  a  considerable 
number  of  mices  in  this  room,  a  good  many  more 
mices  than  were  brought  in  somebody's  pocket  this 
morning.  The  mices  I  see  were  in  my  class-room 
this  morning,  and  they  were  very  quiet  and  peaceable 
mices,  and  they'll  be  the  same  in  this  class-room  after 
this,  or  I'll  know  the  reason  why.  If  you'll  excuse 
me,"  and  Bulldog  embraced  the  whole  scene  in  a 
comprehensive  farewell,  "I'll  leave  the  foreign  class- 
room and  go  down  and  see  what  my  laddies  are 
doing  with  their  writing" ;  and  when  Bulldog  closed 
the  door  Howieson  realised  that  he  owed  his  escape 
to  Bulldog's  respect  for  another  man's  class-room, 


MOOSSY  177 


but  that  the  joyful  day  in  modern  languages 
had  come  to  an  end.  There  would  be  no  more 
"mices." 

Next  Saturday  afternoon  Speug  and  Nestie  were 
out  for  a  ramble  in  the  country,  and  turning  into  a 
lane  where  the  hedgerows  were  breaking  into  green, 
and  the  primroses  nestling  at  the  roots  of  the  bushes, 
they  came  upon  a  sight  which  made  them  pause  so 
that  they  could  only  stand  and  look.  Down  the  lane 
a  man  was  dragging  an  invalid-chair,  a  poor  and 
broken  thing  which  had  seen  its  best  days  thirty 
years  ago.  In  the  chair  a  woman  was  sitting,  or 
rather  lying,  very  plainly  but  comfortably  dressed, 
and  carefully  wrapped  up,  whose  face  showed  that 
she  had  suffered  much,  but  whose  cheeks  were  re- 
sponding to  the  breath  of  spring.  As  they  stood, 
the  man  stopped  and  went  to  the  bank  and  plucked 
a  handful  of  primroses  and  gave  them  to  the  woman ; 
and  as  he  bent  over  her,  holding  up  the  primroses 
before  her  eyes,  and  as  they  talked  together,  even 
the  boys  saw  the  grateful  pleasure  in  her  eyes.  He 
adjusted  the  well-worn  cloak  and  changed  her 
position  in  the  chair,  and  then  went  back  to  drag 
it,  a  heavy  weight  down  the  soft  and  yielding  track ; 
and  the  boys  stood  and  stared  and  looked  at  one 
another,  for  the  man  who  was  caring  so  gently  for 
this  invalid,  and  toiling  so  manfully  with  the  lumber- 
ing chair,  was  Moossy. 


1/8    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

"C-ciit  away,  Speug,"  said  Nestie;  "he  wouldn't 
like  us  to  see  him.  I  say,  he  ain't  a  bad  sort — 
Moossy — after  all.  Bet  you  a  bottle  of  g-ginger-beer 
that's  Moossy's  wife,  and  that's  why  he's  so  poor." 

They  were  leaving  the  lane  when  they  heard  an 
exclamation,  and  going  back  they  found  that  the 
miserable  machine  had  slipped  into  the  ditch  and 
there  stuck  fast  beyond  poor  Moossy's  power  of 
recovery.  With  many  an  "Ach!"  and  other  words, 
too,  he  was  bewailing  the  situation  and  hanging  over 
his  invalid,  while  she  seemed  to  be  cheering  him  and 
trying  if  she  could  so  lie  in  the  chair  as  to  lessen  the 
weight  upon  the  lower  side,  while  every  minute  the 
wheel  sank  deeper  in  the  soft  earth. 

"What  are  you  st-staring  at,  you  idle,  worthless 
v-vagabond?"  said  Nestie  to  Speug.  "Come  along 
and  give  a  hand  to  Moossy,"  who  was  so  pleased  to 
get  some  help  in  the  lonely  place  that  he  forgot 
the  revealing  of  his  little  secret.  With  Speug  in  the 
shafts,  who  had  the  strength  of  a  man  in  his  compact 
little  body,  and  Moossy  pulling  on  the  other  side, 
the  coach  was  soon  upon  the  road  again,  amid  a 
torrent  of  gratitude  from  Moossy  and  his  wife, 
partly  in  English,  but  mostly  in  German,  but  all  quite 
plain  to  the  boys,  for  gratitude  is  always  understood 
in  any  language.  They  came  bravely  along  the  lane, 
Speug  pulling,  Moossy  hanging  over  his  wife  to 
make  sure  she  had  not  been  hurt,  and  Nestie  plucking 
flowers  to  make  up  a  nosegay  in  memory  of  the  lane, 


MOOSSY  179 

while  Moossy  declared  them  to  be  "Zzvei  herzliche 
Knaben." 

When  they  came  to  the  main  road,  Speug  would 
not  give  up  his  work,  but  brought  the  carriage  man- 
fully to  the  little  cottage,  hidden  in  a  garden,  where 
Moossy  lodged.  When  she  had  been  carried  in — 
she  was  so  light  that  Moossy  could  lift  her  himself — 
she  compelled  the  boys  to  come  in,  too,  and  Moossy 
made  fragrant  coffee,  and  this  they  had  with  strange 
German  cakes,  which  were  not  half  bad,  and  to  which 
they  both  did  ample  justice.  Going  home,  Nestie 
looked  at  Speug,  and  Speug  looked  at  Nestie,  and 
though  no  words  passed  it  was  understood  that  the 
days  of  the  troubles  of  Moossy  in  the  Seminary  of 
Muirtown  were  ended. 

During  the  remaining  year  of  Moossy's  labours  at 
the  Seminary  it  would  not  be  true  to  say  that  he 
became  a  good  or  useful  master,  for  he  had  neither 
the  knowledge  nor  the  tact,  or  that  the  boys  were 
always  respectful  and  did  their  work,  for  they  were 
very  far  removed  from  being  angels ;  but  Moossy  did 
pluck  up  some  spirit,  and  Speug  saw  that  he  suffered 
no  grievous  wrong.  He  also  took  care  that  Moossy 
was  not  left  to  be  his  own  horse  from  day  to  day, 
but  that  the  stronger  varlets  of  the  Seminary  should 
take  some  exercise  in  the  shafts  of  Moossy's  coach. 
Howieson  was  a  young  gentleman  far  removed  from 
sentiment,  and  he  gave  it  carefully  to  be  understood 
that  he  only  did  the  thing  for  a  joke;  but  there  is 


i8o    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

no  question  that  more  than  once  Jock  brought 
Moossy's  carriage,  witli  Moossy's  wife  in  it,  success- 
fully along  that  lane  and  other  lanes,  and  it  is  a  fact 
that,  on  a  certain  Saturday,  Speug  came  out  with  one 
of  his  father's  traps,  and  Mistress  Moossy,  as  she  was 
called,  was  driven  far  and  wide  about  the  country 
around  Muirtown. 

"You  are  what  the  papers  call  a  ph-philanthropist, 
Speug,"  said  Nestie,  "and  I  expect  to  hear  that  you 
are  opening  an  orphan  asylum."  And  Speug 
promptly  replied  that,  if  he  did,  the  first  person  to 
be  admitted  would  be  Nestie,  and  that  he  would  teach 
him  manners. 

It  was  a  fortunate  thing  for  Moossy  that  some  one 
died  in  Germany  and  left  him  a  little  money,  so 
that  he  could  give  up  the  hopeless  drudgery  of  the 
Seminary  and  go  home  to  live  in  a  little  house  upon 
the  banks  of  the  Rhine.  His  wife,  who  had  been 
improving  under  Dr.  Manley's  care,  began  to  brisk 
up  at  once,  and  was  quite  certain  of  recovery  when 
one  afternoon  they  left  Muirtown  Station.  Some 
dozen  boys  were  there  to  see  them  ofif,  and  it  was 
Jock  and  Speug  who  helped  Moossy  to  place  her 
comfortably  in  the  carriage.  The  gang  had  pooled 
their  pocket-money — selling  one  or  two  treasures 
to  swell  the  sum — that  Moossy  and  his  wife  might 
go  away  laden  with  such  dainties  as  schoolboys  love, 
and  Nestie  had  a  bunch  of  flowers  to  place  in  her 
hands.     They  still  called  him  Moossy,  as  they  had 


MOOSSY  i8i 

done  before,  and  he  looked,  to  tell  the  truth,  almost 
as  shabby  and  his  hair  was  as  long  as  ever;  but  he 
was  in  great  spirits  and  much  touched  by  the  kind- 
ness of  his  tormentors.  As  the  English  mail  pulled 
out  of  Muirtown  Station  with  quickening  speed,  the 
boys  ran  along  the  platform  beside  the  carriage 
shaking  hands  with  Moossy  through  the  open  win- 
dow and  passing  in  their  gifts. 

"Take  care  o'  mices !"  shouted  Jock,  with  agree- 
able humour,  but  the  last  sight  Moossy  had  of 
Muirtown  was  Speug  standing  on  a  luggage-barrow 
and  waving  farewell. 


A    LAST    RESOURCE 
X 

That  the  Rector  should  be  ill  and  absent  from 
his  classes  from  time  to  time  was  quite  in  the  order 
of  things,  because  he  was  a  scholar  and  absent- 
minded  to  a  degree — going  to  bed  in  the  morning, 
and  being  got  out  of  bed  in  rather  less  than  time  for 
his  work;  eating  when  it  occurred  to  him,  but  pre- 
ferring, on  the  whole,  not  to  eat  at  all ;  wearing  very- 
much  the  same  clothes  summer  and  winter,  and  if  he 
added  a  heavy  top-coat,  more  likely  putting  it  on  in 
the  height  of  summer  and  going  without  it  when 
there  were  ten  degrees  of  frost.  It  was  not  for  his 
scholarship,  but  for  his  peculiarities,  that  the  school 
loved  him;  not  because  he  edited  a  "Caesar"  and 
compiled  a  set  of  Latin  exercises,  for  which  perfectly 
unnecessary  and  disgusting  labours  the  school  hated 
him,  but  because  he  used  to  arrive  at  ten  minutes 
past  nine,  and  his  form  was  able  to  jeer  at  Bulldog's 
boys  as  they  hastened  into  their  class-room  with 
much  discretion  at  one  minute  before  the  hour. 
Because  he  used  to  be  so  much  taken  up  with  a 


i84     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

happy  phrase  in  Horace  that  he  would  forget  the 
presence  of  his  class,  and  walk  up  and  down  before 
the  fireplace,  chortling  aloud ;  and  because  sometimes 
he  was  so  hoarse  that  he  could  only  communicate 
with  the  class  by  signs,  which  they  unanimously 
misunderstood.  Because  he  would  sometimes  be 
absent  for  a  whole  week,  and  his  form  was  thrown 
in  with  another,  with  the  result  of  much  enjoyable 
friction,  and  an  almost  perfect  neglect  of  work.  He 
was  respected  and  never  was  annoyed,  not  even  by 
ruffians  like  Howieson,  because  everyone  knew  that 
the  Rector  was  an  honourable  gentleman,  with  all 
his  eccentric  ways,  and  the  Muirtozvn  Advertiser  had 
a  leader  every  spring  on  the  achievements  of  his 
scholars.  Edinburgh  professors  who  came  to  exam- 
ine the  school  used  to  fill  up  their  speeches  on  the 
prize-day  with  graceful  compliments  to  the  Rector, 
supported  by  classical  quotations,  during  which  the 
boys  cheered  rapturously  and  the  Rector  looked  as 
if  he  were  going  to  be  hung.  He  was  one  of  the 
recognised  glories  of  Muirtown,  and  was  freely 
referred  to  at  municipal  banquets  by  bailies  whose 
hearts  had  grown  merry  within  them  drinking  the 
Queen's  health,  and  was  associated  in  the  peroration 
to  the  toast  of  "the  Fair  City"  with  the  North 
Meadow  and  the  Fair  Maid,  and  the  River  Tay  and 
the  County  Gaol. 

Bulldog  was  of  another  breed.     Whatever  fnay 
have  been  his  negligences  of  dress  and  occupation 


A    LAST    RESOURCE     185 

in  private  life — and  on  this  subject  Nestie  and  Speug 
told  fearful  lies — he  exhibited  the  most  exasperating 
regularity  in  public,  from  his  copper-plate  handwrit- 
ing to  his  speckless  dress,  but  especially  by  an  in- 
human and  absolutely  sinful  punctuality.  No  one 
with  a  heart  within  him  and  some  regard  to  the  com- 
fort of  his  fellow  creatures,  especially  boys,  had  any 
right  to  observe  times  and  seasons  with  such  exact- 
ness. During  all  our  time,  except  on  the  one  great 
occasion  I  wish  to  record,  he  was  never  known  to  be 
ill,  not  even  with  a  cold ;  and  it  was  said  that  he  never 
had  been  for  a  day  off  duty,  even  in  the  generation 
before  us.  His  erect,  spare  frame,  without  an  ounce 
of  superfluous  flesh,  seemed  impervious  to  dis- 
ease, and  there  was  a  feeling  in  the  background  of 
our  minds  that  for  any  illness  to  have  attacked  Bull- 
dog would  have  been  an  act  of  impertinence  which  he 
would  have  known  how  to  deal  with.  It  was  firmly 
believed  that  for  the  last  fifty  years — and  some  said 
eighty,  but  that  was  poetry — Bulldog  had  entered  his 
class-room  every  morning,  except  on  Saturdays, 
Sundays,  and  holidays,  at  8.50,  and  was  ready  to 
begin  work  at  the  stroke  of  nine.  There  was  a 
pleasant  story  that  in  the  days  of  our  fathers  there 
had  been  such  a  fall  of  snow  and  so  fierce  a  wind 
that  the  bridge  had  been  drifted  up,  and  no  one  could 
cross  that  morning  from  the  other  side.  The  boys 
from  the  south  side  of  the  town  had  brought  news 
of  the  drift  to  the  school,  and  the  earlier  arrivab^ 


i86     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

who  had  come  in  hope  of  a  snow-fight,  were  so 
mightily  taken  with  the  news  that  they  hurried  to 
the  Muirtown  end  of  the  bridge  to  look  at  the  drift, 
and  danced  with  joy  at  the  thought  that  on  the  other 
side  Bulldog  was  standing,  for  once  helpless  and  dis- 
mayed. Speug's  father,  true  ancestor  of  such  a  son, 
had  shouted  across  the  drift  invitations  for  Bulldog 
to  come  over,  secure  in  the  fact  that  he  could  not 
be  seen  across  its  height,  and  in  the  hope  that  Bull- 
dog would  not  know  his  voice.  When  they  were 
weary  celebrating  the  event,  and  after  a  pleasant  en- 
counter with  a  hastily  organised  regiment  of  mes- 
sage boys,  the  eager  scholars  sauntered  along  to  the 
school,  skirmishing  as  they  went,  just  to  be  ready 
for  the  midday  fight  with  the  "Pennies."  For  the 
pure  joy  of  it  they  opened  the  door  of  the  mathe- 
matical class-room,  merely  to  see  how  it  looked  when 
Bulldog  was  not  there,  and  found  that  estimable 
teacher  at  his  desk,  waiting  to  receive  them  with 
bland  courtesy.  Some  said  that  he  had  stayed  in 
Muirtown  all  night,  anticipating  that  drift,  others 
that  he  had  climbed  over  it  in  the  early  morning, 
before  Muirtown  was  awake;  but  it  was  found  out 
afterwards  that  he  had  induced  old  Duncan  Rorison, 
the  salmon-fisher,  to  ferry  him  across  the  flooded 
river,  that  it  took  them  an  hour  to  reach  the  Muir- 
town side,  and  that  they  had  both  been  nearly 
drowned  in  the  adventure. 

"Come  in,  my  boys,"  was  all  that  he  said.    "Ye're 


A    LAST    RESOURCE      187 

a  little  late,  but  the  roads  are  heavy  this  morning. 
Come  to  the  fire  and  warm  yir  hands  before  ye  begin 
yir  work.  It's  a  fine  day  for  mathematics,"  and 
Mr.  McGuffie  senior  used  to  tell  his  son  with  much 
relish  that  their  hands  were  warmed.  The  school 
was  profoundly  convinced  that  if  necessary  Bulldog 
would  be  prepared  to  swim  the  river  rather  than 
miss  a  day  in  the  mathematical  class-room. 

It  was  a  pleasant  spring  morning,  and  the  "mar- 
ble" season  had  just  begun,  when  Howieson,  after  a 
vicious  and  well-directed  stroke  which  won  him  three 
"brownies,"  inquired  casually  whether  anybody  had 
seen  Bulldog  go  in;  for,  notwithstanding  the  years 
which  came  and  went,  his  passing  in  was  always  an 
occasion.  Everyone  then  recollected  that  he  had  not 
been  seen,  but  no  one  for  a  moment  suggested  that 
he  had  not  arrived;  and  even  when  the  school 
trooped  into  the  class-room  and  found  Bulldog's  desk 
empty,  there  was  no  exhilaration  and  no  tendency  to 
take  advantage  of  the  circumstances.  No  one  knew 
where  he  might  be  lying  in  wait,  and  from  what 
quarter  he  might  suddenly  appear;  and  it  was  won- 
derful with  what  docility  the  boys  began  to  work 
under  the  mild  and  beneficent  reign  of  Mr.  Byles, 
who  had  not  at  that  time  joined  with  the  Dowbiggins 
in  the  unlawful  pursuit  of  game.  As  the  forenoon 
wore  on  there  was  certainly  some  curiosity,  and  Nes- 
tle was  questioned  as  to  Bulldog's  whereabouts ;  but 
it  was  understood  to  be  a  point  of  honour  with 


i88      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

Nestie,  as  a  member  of  his  household,  to  give  no  in- 
formation about  Bulldog's  movements,  and  so  the 
school  were  none  the  wiser.  There  was  some  wild 
talk  during  the  hour,  and  a  dozen  stories  were  afloat 
by  afternoon.  Next  morning  it  was  boldly  said  that 
Bulldog  was  ill,  and  some,  who  did  not  know  what 
truth  was,  asserted  that  he  was  in  bed,  and  chal- 
lenged Nestie  to  deny  the  slander.  That  ingenious 
young  gentleman  replied  vaguely  but  politely,  and 
veiled  the  whole  situation  in  such  a  mist  of  irrelevant 
detail  that  the  school  went  in  for  the  second  day  to 
the  class-room  rejoicing  with  trembling,  and  not  at 
all  sure  whether  Bulldog  might  not  arrive  in  a  car- 
riage and  pair,  possibly  with  a  large  comforter  round 
his  throat,  but  otherwise  full  of  spirits  and  perfectly 
fit  for  duty.  It  was  only  after  the  twelve  o'clock 
break  and  a  searching  cross-examination  of  Nestie 
that  the  school  could  believe  in  the  goodness  of  Prov- 
idence, and  felt  like  the  Children  of  Israel  on  the 
other  bank  of  the  Red  Sea.  Some  were  for  celebrat- 
ing their  independence  in  the  North  Meadow  and 
treating  Mr.  Byles  with  absolute  contempt;  but 
there  were  others  who  judged  with  some  acuteness 
that  they  could  have  the  North  Meadow  any  day,  but 
they  might  never  again  have  a  full  hour  in  the  mathe- 
matical class-room  without  Bulldog.  There  seemed 
a  certain  fitness  in  holding  the  celebration  amid  the 
scenes  of  labour  and  discipline,  and  the  mathematical 
class  went  in  to  wait  on  Mr.  Byles's  instruction  in 


A    LAST    RESOURCE      189 

high  spirits  and  without  one  missing.  It  is  true  that 
the  Dowbiggins  showed  for  the  first  time  some  re- 
luctance in  attending  to  their  studies,  but  it  was 
pointed  out  to  them  in  a  very  firm  and  persuasive 
way  by  Speug  that  it  would  be  disgraceful  for  them 
to  be  absent  when  Bulldog  was  ill,  and  that  the  class 
could  not  allow  such  an  act  of  treachery.  Speug  was 
so  full  of  honest  feeling  that  he  saw  Thomas  John 
safely  within  the  door,  and,  since  he  threatened  an 
unreasonable  delay,  assisted  him  across  the  threshold 
from  behind.  There  is  no  perfectly  full  and  accurate 
account  extant  of  what  took  place  between  twelve 
and  one  that  day  in  the  mathematical  class-room,  but 
what  may  be  called  contributions  to  history  oozed 
out  and  were  gratefully  welcomed  by  the  school.  It 
was  told  how  Bauldie,  being  summoned  by  Mr.  Byles 
to  work  a  problem  on  the  board,  instead  of  a  triangle 
drew  a  fetching  likeness  of  Mr.  Byles  himself,  and 
being  much  encouraged  by  the  applause  of  the  class, 
and  having  an  artist's  love  of  his  work,  thrust  a  pipe 
into  Mr.  Byles's  mouth  (pictorially),  and  blacked 
one  of  Mr.  Byles's  eyes  (also  pictorially),  and  then 
went  to  his  seat  with  a  sense  of  modest  worth.  That 
Mr.  Byles,  through  a  want  of  artistic  appreciation, 
resented  this  Bohemian  likeness  of  himself,  and, 
moved  by  a  Philistine  spirit,  would  have  wiped  it 
from  the  board ;  but  the  senior  members  of  the  class 
would  on  no  account  allow  any  work  by  a  young 
but  promising  master  to  be  lost,  and  succeeded  in  the 


I90     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

struggle  in  wiping  Mr.  Byles's  own  face  with  the 
chalky  cloth.  That  Mr.  Byles,  instead  of  entering 
into  the  spirit  of  the  day,  lost  his  temper  and  went 
to  Bulldog's  closet  for  a  cane;  whereupon  Speug, 
seizing  the  opportunity  so  pleasantly  afforded,  locked 
Mr.  Byles  in  that  place  of  retirement,  and  so  kept 
him  out  of  any  further  mischief  for  the  rest  of  the 
hour.  That  as  Mr.  Byles  had  been  deposed  from 
office  on  account  of  his  incapacity,  and  the  place  of 
mathematical  master  was  left  vacant,  Speug  was 
unanimously  elected  to  the  position,  and  gave  an  ad- 
dress, from  Bulldog's  desk,  replete  with  popular 
humour.  That  as  Thomas  John  did  not  seem  to  be 
giving  such  attention  to  his  studies  as  might  have 
been  expected,  Speug  ordered  that  he  be  brought  up 
for  punishment,  which  was  promptly  done  by 
Bauldie  and  Howieson.  That  after  a  long  review  of 
Thomas  John's  iniquitous  career,  Speug  gave  him 
the  tawse  with  much  faithfulness,  Bauldie  seeing 
that  Thomas  John  held  out  his  hand  in  a  becoming 
fashion;  then  that  unhappy  young  gentleman  was 
sent  to  his  seat  with  a  warning  from  Speug  that  this 
must  never  occur  again.  That  Nestie,  having  stealth- 
ily left  the  room,  gave  such  an  accurate  imitation 
of  Bulldog's  voice  in  the  passage — "Pack  of  little 
fiddlers  taking  advantage  of  my  absence;  but  I'll 
warm  them" — that  there  was  an  instantaneous  rush 
for  the  seats ;  and  when  the  door  opened  and  Nestie 
appeared,  the  mathematical  class-room  was  as  quiet 


A    LAST    RESOURCE      191 

as  pussy,  and  Speug  was  ostentatiously  working  at 
a  mathematical  problem.  There  are  men  living 
who  look  back  on  that  day  with  modest,  thankful 
hearts,  finding  in  its  remembrance  a  solace  in  old  age 
for  the  cares  of  life;  and  the  scene  on  which  they 
dwell  most  fondly  is  Nestie,  whose  face  had  been 
whitened  for  his  abominable  trick,  standing  on  the 
top  of  Bulldog's  desk,  and  singing  a  school  song  with 
the  manner  of  the  Count  and  the  accent  of  Moossy, 
while  Speug  with  a  cane  in  his  hand  compelled 
Dowbiggin  to  join  in  the  chorus,  and  Byles  could  be 
heard  bleating  from  the  closet.  Ah,  me!  how  soon 
we  are  spoiled  by  this  sinful  world,  and  lose  the  sweet 
innocence  of  our  first  years !  how  poor  are  the 
rewards  of  ambition  compared  with  the  simple  pleas- 
ures of  childhood ! 

It  could  not  be  expected  that  we  should  ever  have 
another  day  as  good  again,  but  everyone  had  a  firm 
confidence  in  the  originality  of  Speug  when  it  was  a 
question  of  mischief.  We  gathered  hopefully  round 
the  Russian  guns  next  morning — for,  as  I  have  said, 
the  guns  were  our  forum  and  place  of  public  address 
— and,  while  affecting  an  attitude  of  studied  indiffer- 
ence, we  waited  with  desire  to  hear  the  plan  of 
campaign  from  our  leader's  lips.  But  Speug,  like  all 
great  generals,  was  full  of  surprises,  and  that  morn- 
ing he  was  silent  and  unapproachable.  Various  sug- 
gestions were  made  for  brightening  the  mathemat- 
ical labours  and  cheering  up  Mr.  Byles,  till  at  last 


192     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 


Howieson,  weary  of  their  futility,  proposed  that  the 
whole  class  should  go  up  to  the  top  of  the  North 
Meadow  and  bathe  in  the  river,  and  then  Speug 
broke  silence. 

"Ye  may  go  to  bathe  if  ye  like,  Jock,  and  Cosh 
may  go  with  ye,  and  if  he's  drowned  it'll  be  no  loss, 
nor,  for  that  matter,  if  the  half  of  ye  are  carried 
down  the  river.  For  myself,  I'm  going  to  the 
mathematical  class,  and  if  onybody  meddles  wi'  Byles 
I'll  fight  him  in  the  back  yard  in  the  dinner-hour  for 
half  a  dozen  stone-gingers." 

"Is  there  onything  wrang  with  your  head, 
Speug?"  For  the  thought  of  Peter  busy  with  a  tri- 
angle under  the  care  and  pastoral  oversight  of  Mr, 
Byles  could  only  be  explained  in  one  way. 

"No,"  replied  Speug  savagely,  "nor  with  my  fists, 
either.  The  fact  is "  And  then  Speug  hesi- 
tated, realising  amid  his  many  excellences  a  certain 
deficiency  of  speech  for  a  delicate  situation.  "Nestie, 
what  are  ye  glowering  at?  Get  up  on  the  gun  and 
tell  them  aboot — what  ye  told  me  this  meenut."  And 
the  school  gathered  in  amazement  round  our  pulpit, 
on  which  Nestie  stood  quite  unconcerned. 

"It  was  very  good  fun-n  yesterday,  boys,  but  it 
won't  do  to-t-to-day.  Bully's  very  ill,  and  Doctor 
Manley  is  afraid  that  he  may — d-die,  and  it  would  be 
beastly  bad  form-m  to  be  having  larks  when  Bulldog 

is — maybe "     And  Nestie  came  down  hurriedly 

from  the  gun  and  went  behind  the  crowd,   while 


A    LAST    RESOURCE      193 

Speug  covered  his  retreat  in  an  aggressive  manner, 
all  the  more  aggressive  that  he  did  not  seem  himself 
to  be  quite  indifferent. 

Manley  said  it.  Then  every  boy  knew  it  must  be 
going  hard  with  Bulldog ;  for  there  was  not  in  broad 
Scotland  a  cleverer,  pluckier,  cheerier  soul  in  his 
great  profession  than  John  Manley,  M.D.,  of  Edin- 
burgh, with  half  a  dozen  honours  of  Scotland,  Eng- 
land, and  France.  He  had  an  insight  into  cases  that 
was  almost  supernatural,  he  gave  prescriptions  which 
nobody  but  his  own  chemist  could  make  up,  he  had 
expedients  of  treatment  that  never  occurred  to  any 
other  man,  and  then  he  had  a  way  with  him  that 
used  to  bring  people  up  from  the  gates  of  death  and 
fill  despairing  relatives  with  hope.  His  arrival  in  the 
sick  room,  a  little  man,  with  brusque,  sharp,  straight- 
forward manner,  seemed  in  itself  to  change  the  whole 
face  of  things  and  beat  back  the  tides  of  disease.  He 
would  not  hear  that  any  disease  was  serious,  but  he 
treated  it  as  if  it  were ;  he  would  not  allow  a  gloomy 
face  in  a  sick  room,  and  his  language  to  women  who 
began  to  whimper,  when  he  got  them  outside  the 
room,  was  such  as  tom  cats  would  be  ashamed  of; 
and  he  regarded  the  idea  of  any  person  below  eighty 
dying  on  his  hands  as  a  piece  of  incredible  imperti- 
nence. All  over  Perthshire  country  doctors  in  their 
hours  of  anxiety  and  perplexity  sent  for  Manley ;  and 
when  two  men  like  William  McClure  and  John 
Manley  took  a  job  in  hand  together,  Death  might  as 


194     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

well  leave  and  go  to  another  case,  for  he  would  not 
have  a  look  in  with  those  champions  in  the  doorway. 
English  sportsmen  in  lonely  shooting-boxes  sent  for 
the  Muirtown  crack  in  hours  of  sudden  distress,  and 
then  would  go  up  to  London  and  swear  in  the  clubs 
that  there  was  a  man  down  there  in  a  country  town 
of  Scotland  who  was  cleverer  than  all  the  West  End 
swell  doctors  put  together.  He  would  not  allow  big 
names  of  diseases  to  be  used  in  his  hearing,  believing 
that  the  shadow  killed  more  people  than  the  reality, 
and  fighting  with  all  his  might  against  the  melan- 
choly delight  that  Scots  people  have  in  serious  sick- 
ness and  other  dreary  dispensations.  When  Manley 
returned  one  autumn  from  a  week's  holiday  and 
found  the  people  of  the  North  Free  Kirk  mourning 
in  the  streets  over  their  minister,  because  he  was 
dying  of  diphtheria,  and  his  young  wife  asking  grace 
to  give  her  husband  up  if  it  were  the  will  of  God, 
Manley  went  to  the  house  in  a  whirlwind  of  indigna- 
tion, declaring  that  to  call  a  sore  throat  diphtheria 
was  a  tempting  of  Providence,  and  that  it  was  a  mere 
mercy  that  they  hadn't  got  the  real  disease  "just  for 
a  judgment."  It  happened,  however,  that  his  treat- 
ment was  exactly  the  same  as  that  for  diphtheria, 
and  although  he  remarked  that  he  didn't  know 
whether  it  was  necessary  for  him  to  come  back  again 
for  such  an  ordinary  case,  he  did  drop  in  by  a  series 
of  accidents  twice  a  day  for  more  than  a  week ;  and 
although  no  one  dared  to  whisper  it  in  his  presence, 


A    LAST    RESOURCE        195 

there  are  people  who  think  to  this  day  that  the  min- 
ister had  diphtheria.  As  Manley,  however,  insisted 
that  it  was  nothing  but  a  sore  throat,  the  minister 
felt  bound  to  get  better,  and  the  whole  congregation 
would  have  thanked  Manley  in  a  body  had  it  not  been 
that  he  would  have  laughed  aloud.  Many  a  boy  re- 
membered the  day  when  he  had  been  ill  and  sweating 
with  terror  lest  he  should  die — although  he  wouldn't 
have  said  that  to  any  living  creature — and  Manley 
had  come  in  like  a  breeze  of  fresh  air,  and  declared 
that  he  was  nothing  but  a  "skulking  young  dog," 
with  nothing  wrong  about  him,  except  the  desire  to 
escape  for  three  days  from  Bulldog. 

"Well,  Jimmie,  ye  don't  deserve  it,  for  you're  the 
most  mischievous  little  rascal,  except  Peter  McGuffie, 
in  the  whole  of  Muirtown;  but  I'll  give  you 
three  days  in  bed,  and  your  mother  will  let  you  have 
something  nice  to  eat,  and  then  out  you  go  and  back 
to  the  Seminary,"  and  going  out  of  the  door  Manley 
would  turn  round  and  shake  his  fist  at  the  bed,  "just 
a  trick,  nothing  else."  It  might  be  three  weeks  be- 
fore the  boy  was  out  of  bed,  but  he  was  never  afraid 
again,  and  had  some  heart  to  fight  his  disease. 

Boys  are  not  fools,  and  the  Seminary  knew  that, 
if  Manley  had  allowed  death  to  be  even  mentioned 
in  connexion  with  Bulldog,  it  was  more  than  likely 
that  they  would  never  see  the  master  of  the  mathe- 
matical department  again.  And  boys  are  a  perfect 
absurdity,   for — as  sure  as  death — they  were  not 


196     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

glad.  Bulldog  had  thrashed  them  all,  or  almost  all, 
with  faithfulness  and  perseverance,  and  some  of 
them  he  had  thrashed  many  times;  he  had  never 
petted  any  of  them,  and  never  more  than  six  times, 
perhaps,  said  a  kind  word  to  them  in  public.  But 
that  morning,  as  they  stood  silent,  awkward  and 
angry,  round  the  guns,  there  is  no  doubt  about  it, 
the  Seminary  knew  that  it  loved  Bulldog.  Never  to 
see  his  erect  figure  and  stern  face  come  across  the 
North  Meadow,  never  to  hear  him  say  again  from 
the  desk,  "Attention  to  your  work,  you  little  fiddlers" ; 
never  to  watch  him  promenading  down  between  the 
benches,  overseeing  each  boy's  task  and  stimulating 
the  negligent  on  some  tender  part  of  their  bodies; 
never  to  be  thrashed  by  him  again !  At  the  thought 
of  this  calamity  each  boy  felt  bad  in  his  clothes,  and 
Speug,  resenting  what  he  judged  the  impertinent 
spying  of  Cosh,  threatened  to  punch  his  head,  and 
"learn  Cosh  to  be  watching  him."  As  everybody 
knows,  boys  have  no  sentiment  and  no  feeling,  so  the 
collapse  of  that  morning  miist  be  set  down  to  pure 
cussedness;  but  the  school  was  so  low  that  Byles 
ruled  over  them  without  resistance,  and  might  have 
thrashed  them  if  he  had  so  pleased  and  had  not 
ventured  to  use  Bulldog's  cane. 

Had  they  not  been  boys,  they  would  have  called  at 
Bulldog's  to  learn  how  he  was.  Being  boys,  they 
avoided  his  name  and  pretended  they  were  indiffer- 


A    LAST    RESOURCE      197 

ent;  but  when  they  met  Manley  on  the  bridge  that 
afternoon,  and  judged  he  had  come  from  Bulldog's, 
they  studied  his  face  with  the  skill  of  wild  animals, 
and  concluded  each  one  for  himself  that  things  were 
going  badly  with  the  master.  They  picked  up  every 
scrap  of  information  from  their  fathers  in  the  even- 
ing, although  they  fiercely  resented  the  suggestion  of 
their  mothers  that  they  would  be  concerned  about 
"Mr.  MacKinnon's  illness" — as  if  they  cared 
whether  a  master  were  ill  or  well,  as  if  it  were  not 
better  for  them  that  he  should  be  ill,  especially  such 
an  old  brute  as  Bulldog.  And  the  average  mother 
was  very  much  disappointed  by  this  lack  of  feeling, 
and  said  to  her  husband  at  night  that  she  had  ex- 
pected better  things  from  Archibald ;  but  if  she  had 
gone  suddenly  into  Bauldie's  room — for  that  was  his 
real  name,  Archibald  being  only  the  thing  given  in 
baptism — she  would  have  found  that  truculent 
worthy  sobbing  aloud  and  covering  his  head  with 
the  blankets,  lest  his  elder  brother,  who  slept  in  the 
same  room,  should  hear  him.  You  have  no  reason 
to  believe  me,  and  his  mother  would  not  have  be- 
lieved me,  but — as  sure  as  death — Bauldie  was  cry- 
ing because  Bulldog  was  sick  unto  death. 

Next  morning  Speug  and  a  couple  of  friends 
happened  by  the  merest  accident  to  be  loitering  at 
Bailie  MacFarlane's  shop  window,  and  examining 
with  interest  the  ancient  furniture  exposed,  at  the 


198    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

very  time  when  that  worthy  magistrate  came  out  and 
questioned  Dr.  Manley  "How  things  were  going  up- 
bye  wi'  the  maister?" 

"Not  well,  bailie,  not  well  at  all.  I  don't  like  the 
case;  it  looks  bad,  very  bad  indeed,  and  I'm  not  a 
croaker.  Disease  is  gone,  and  he's  a  strong  man, 
not  a  stronger  in  Muirtown  than  MacKinnon;  but 
he  has  lost  interest  in  things,  and  isn't  making  an 
effort  to  get  better;  just  lying  quiet  and  looking  at 
you — says  he's  taking  a  rest,  and  if  we  don't  get  him 
waked  up,  I  tell  you.  Bailie,  it  will  be  a  long  one." 

"Michty,"  said  the  Bailie,  overcome  with  astonish- 
ment at  the  thought  of  Bulldog  dying,  as  it  were,  of 
gentleness. 

"Yes,  yes,"  said  Manley;  "but  that's  just  the  way 
with  those  strong,  healthy  men,  who  have  never 
known  a  day's  sickness  till  they  are  old ;  they  break 
up  suddenly.  And  he'll  be  missed.  Bailie,  Bulldog 
didn't  thrash  you  and  me,  else  we  would  have  been 
better  men;  but  he  has  attended  to  our  boys." 

"He  has  been  verra  conscientious,"  and  the  Bailie 
shook  his  head,  sadly  mourning  over  a  man  who  had 
laid  down  his  life  in  discharge  of  discipline.  But  the 
boys  departed  without  remark,  and  Speug  loosened 
the  strap  of  Bauldie's  books,  so  that  they  fell  in  a 
heap  upon  the  street,  whereat  there  was  a  brisk  inter- 
change of  ideas,  and  then  the  company  went  on  its 
way  rejoicing.    So  callous  is  a  boy. 

Nestie  was  not  at  school  that  day,  and  perhaps 


A    LAST    RESOURCE      199 

that  was  the  reason  that  Speug  grew  sulky  and  ill- 
tempered,  taking  offence  if  anyone  looked  at  him, 
and  picking  quarrels  in  the  corridors,  and  finally  dis- 
appearing during  the  dinner-hour.  It  was  supposed 
that  he  had  broken  bounds  and  gone  to  Woody 
Island,  that  forbidden  Paradise  of  the  Seminary,  and 
that  while  the  class  was  wasting  its  time  with  Byles, 
Peter  was  playing  the  Red  Indian.  He  did  not  deny 
the  charge  next  day,  and  took  an  hour's  detention  in 
the  afternoon  with  great  equanimity,  but  at  the  time 
he  was  supposed  to  be  stalking  Indians  behind  the 
trees,  and  .shooting  them  as  they  floated  down  the 
river  on  a  log,  he  was  lying  among  the  hay  in  his 
father's  stable,  hidden  from  sight,  and — as  sure  as 
death — Speug  was  trying  to  pray  for  Bulldog. 

The  virtues  of  Mr.  McGuffie  senior  were  those  of 
the  natural  man,  and  Mr.  McGuffie  junior  had  never 
been  present  at  any  form  of  family  prayers,  nor  had 
he  attended  a  Sunday-school,  nor  had  he  sat  under 
any  minister  in  particular.  He  had  no  training  in 
devotional  exercises,  although  he  had  enjoyed  an 
elaborate  education  in  profanity  under  his  father  and 
the  grooms,  and  so  his  form  of  prayer  was  entirely 
his  own. 

"God,  I  dinna  ken  how  to  call  You,  but  they  say 
Ye  hear  onybody.  I'm  Peter  McGuffie,  but  mebbe 
Ye  will  ken  me  better  by  Speug.  I'm  no'  a  good 
laddie  like  Nestie,  and  I'm  aye  gettin'  the  tawse,  but 
I'm  awful  fond  of  Bulldog.     Dinna  kill  Bulldog, 


200    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

God ;  dinna  kill  Bulldog !  If  Ye  let  him  aff  this  time 
I'll  never  say  any  bad  words  again — as  sure  as  death 
— and  I'll  never  play  truant,  and  I'll  never  slap  Dow- 
biggin's  face,  and  I'll  never  steal  birds'  eggs,  and  I'll 
never  set  the  terrier  on  the  cats.  I'll  wash  my  face 
and — my  hands,  too,  and  I'll  go  to  the  Sabbath- 
schule,  and  I'll  do  onything  Ye  ask  me  if  Ye'll  let 
off  Bulldog.     For  ony  sake,  dinna  kill  Bulldog." 

When  Dr.  Manley  came  out  from  the  master's 
garden  door  that  evening  he  stumbled  upon  Speug, 
who  was  looking  very  miserable,  but  began  to  whistle 
violently  the  moment  he  was  detected,  and  denied 
that  he  had  come  to  ask  for  news. 

"You  did,  you  young  limmer,  and  you  needn't  tell 
me  lies,  for  I  know  you,  Speug,  and  your  father 
before  you.  I  wish  I'd  good  news  to  give  you,  but 
I  haven't.  I  fear  you've  had  your  last  thrashing 
from  Bulldog." 

For  a  moment  Speug  kicked  at  a  stone  on  the 
road  and  thrust  his  hands  deep  into  his  pockets; 
then  the  corners  of  his  mouth  began  to  twitch,  and 
turning  round  he  hid  his  face  upon  the  wall,  while 
his  tough  little  body  that  had  stood  many  a  fight 
shook  all  over.  Doctor  Manley  was  the  first  person 
that  had  seen  Speug  cry,  and  he  stood  over  him 
to  protect  him  from  the  gaze  of  any  wandering  mes- 
sage boys  who  might  come  along  the  lane.  By  and 
by  Speug  began  to  speak  between  his  sobs. 

"It  was  a  lee,  Doctor,  for  I  did  come  up  to  ask,  but 


A    LAST    RESOURCE     201 

I  dinna  like  to  let  on. ...  I  heard  ye  say  that  ye 
couldna  rouse  Bulldog  to  take  an  interest  in  ony- 
thing,  and  I  thought  o'  something." 

"What  was  it,  Speug?"  and  the  doctor  laid  his 
hands  on  the  boy's  shoulder  and  encouraged  him  to 
proceed.     "I'll  never  tell,  you  may  trust  me." 

"Naething  pleased  Bulldog  sae  weel  as  givin'  us  a 
lickin';  if  he  juist  had  a  cane  in  his  hands  and  a 
laddie  afore  him,  Bulldog  would  sune  be  himsel' 
again,  and — there's  no  a  laddie  in  schule  he's  licked 

as  often  as  me.     And  I  cam  up "  and  Speug 

stuck. 

"To  offer  yourself  for  a  thrashing,  you  mean. 
You've  mentioned  the  medicine;  'pon  my  word,  I 
believe  it's  just  the  very  thing  that  will  do  the  trick. 
Confound  you,  Speug!  if  you  haven't  found  out  what 
I  was  seeking  after,  and  I've  been  doctoring  those 
Muirtown  sinners  for  more  than  thirty  years.  Come 
along,  laddie;  we've  had  our  consultation,  and  we'll 
go  to  the  patient."  And  Manley  hurried  Speug 
through  the  garden  and  into  the  house.  "Wait  a 
minute  here,"  said  the  doctor,  "and  I'll  come  back 
to  you."  And  in  a  little  while  Nestie  came  down- 
stairs and  found  his  friend  in  the  lobby,  confused 
and  frightened  for  the  first  time  in  his  life,  and  Nestie 
saw  the  marks  of  distress  upon  his  face.  "Doctor 
M-Manley  told  me,  Speug,  and"  (putting  an  arm 
round  his  neck)  "you're  the  g-goodest  chap  in  Muir- 
town.   It's  awfully  d-decent  of  you,  and  it'll  p-please 


202     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

Bully  tremendous,"  And  then  Speug  went  up  as 
consulting  physician  to  visit  Bulldog.  Nestie  brought 
him  forward  to  the  bedside,  and  at  last  he  had 
courage  to  look,  and  it  took  him  all  his  time  to  play 
the  man  when  he  saw  Bulldog  so  thin,  so  quiet,  so 
gentle,  with  his  face  almost  as  white  as  the  pillow, 
and  his  hands  upon  the  bedclothes  wasted  like  to  the 
hands  of  a  skeleton.  The  master  smiled  faintly,  and 
seemed  to  be  glad  to  see  the  worst  of  all  his  scholars, 
but  he  did  not  say  anything.  Dr.  Manley  kept  in 
the  background  and  allowed  the  boys  to  manage  their 
own  business,  being  the  wisest  of  men  as  well  as  the 
kindliest.  Although  Nestie  made  signs  to  Speug 
and  gave  him  every  encouragement,  Peter  could  not 
find  a  word,  but  stood  helpless,  biting  his  lip  and 
looking  the  very  picture  of  abject  misery. 

"Peter  has  come,  sir,"  said  Nestie,  "to  ask  for  you. 
He  is  very  sorry  that  you  are  ill,  and  so  are  all  the 
boys.  Peter  thought  you  might  be  wearying  to — to 
use  the  c-cane,  and  Peter  is  wearying,  too.  Just  a 
little  one,  sir,  to  p-please  Speug,"  and  Nestie  laid 
an  old  cane  he  had  hunted  up,  a  cane  retired  from 
service,  upon  the  bed  within  reach  of  Bulldog's  hand. 
A  twinkle  of  amusement  came  into  the  master's  eye, 
the  first  expression  of  interest  he  had  shown  during 
his  illness.  He  turned  his  head  and  looked  at  Peter, 
the  figure  of  chastened  mischief.  The  remembrance 
of  the  past— the  mathematical  class-room,  the  black' 
board  with  its  figures,  the  tricks  of  the  boys,  the 


His    HAND    CLOSED    AGAIN    UPON    THE    SCEPTRE    OF    AUTHORITY. 


A    LAST    RESOURCE     203 

scratching  of  the  pens,  came  up  to  him,  and  his  soul 
was  stirred  within  him.  His  hand  closed  again  upon 
the  sceptre  of  authority,  and  Peter  laid  a  grimy  paw 
open  upon  the  bedclothes.  The  master  gave  it  one 
little  stroke  with  all  the  strength  he  had.  "The 
fiddlers,"  he  said  softly,  "the  little  fiddlers  can't  do 
without  me,  after  all."  A  tear  gathered  in  his  eye 
and  overflowed  and  rolled  down  Bulldog's  cheek. 
Manley  hurried  the  boys  out  of  the  room,  who  went 
into  the  garden,  and,  being  joined  by  the  master's 
dog,  the  three  together  played  every  monkey  trick 
they  knew,  while  upstairs  in  the  sick-room  Manley 
declared  that  Bulldog  had  turned  the  corner  and 
would  soon  be  back  again  among  his  "fiddlers." 

The  doctor  insisted  upon  driving  Peter  home  to 
his  native  stable-yard,  for  this  was  only  proper 
courtesy  to  a  consulting  physician.  He  called  him 
"Doctor"  and  "Sir  Peter"  and  such  like  names  all 
the  way,  whereat  Peter  was  so  abashed  that  friends 
seeing  him  sitting  in  Manley's  phaeton,  with  such  an 
expression  on  his  face,  spread  abroad  the  tale  that 
the  doctor  was  bringing  him  home  with  two  broken 
legs  as  the  result  of  riding  a  strange  horse.  The 
doctor  bade  him  good-bye  in  the  presence  of  his 
father,  tipping  him  ten  shillings  to  treat  the  school 
on  the  news  of  Bulldog's  convalescence,  and  next 
day  stone-ginger  was  flowing  like  water  down  the 
throats  of  the  Seminary. 


A    PLEASANT    SIN 
XI 

Captious  people,  such  as  ministers  of  religion  and 
old  maids  of  the  precise  kind,  considered  that  the 
Seminary  were  guilty  of  many  sins  and  mentioned 
them  freely ;  but  those  excellent  people  erred  through 
lack  of  vision.  Hunting  mice  in  Moossy's  class- 
room, putting  the  Dowbiggins'  clothes  into  a  state 
of  thorough  repair,  raiding  the  territory  of  the  "Pen- 
nies," having  a  stand-up  fight  between  two  well- 
matched  champions,  say,  once  a  month,  and  "rag- 
ging" Mr.  Byles,  might  have  an  appearance  of  evil, 
but  were  in  reality  disguised  virtues,  feeding  the 
high  spirit  of  those  who  were  active,  and  teaching 
the  Christian  grace  of  meekness  to  those  who  were 
passive.  There  was  only  one  act  which  the  Seminary 
knew  it  ought  not  to  do,  and  which  all  the  boys 
wanted  to  do,  which  they  enjoyed  very  much  in  do- 
ing, and  were  quite  willing  to  be  punished  for  doing. 
The  besetting  sin  of  a  school — a  country  school — 


2o6     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

which  will  remain  its  sin  until  the  days  of  the  mil- 
lennium have  fairly  set  in,  was  playing  truant. 

This  crime  was  equivalent  to  high  treason  in  the 
State,  and  consisted  in  a  boy  absenting  himself  from 
school  without  the  knowledge  of  his  parents,  and 
without  the  consent  of  his  master,  for  a  day  or  half 
of  a  day.  The  boy  did  not  disappear  because  he  was 
ill,  for  he  was  on  such  occasions  outrageously  well : 
nor  because  he  was  overburdened  by  work,  for  the 
truants  always  guarded  themselves  against  brain 
fag ;  nor  because  he  wanted  to  hang  about  the  streets, 
or  smoke  in  secret  places.  He  was  simply  seized  with 
the  passion  of  the  open  air  and  of  the  country.  To 
tramp  through  the  bosky  woods,  hunting  for  birds' 
eggs  and  watching  the  ways  of  wild  animals ;  to  gud- 
dle  for  trout  under  the  stones  of  some  clear  run- 
ning mountain  burn,  or  to  swim  in  the  cool  water  on 
a  summer  day,  or  to  join  the  haymakers  on  a  farm, 
and  do  a  full  day's  work,  as  long  as  lesson  time  and 
harder.  There  was  a  joy  in  escaping  from  bounds, 
as  if  an  animal  had  broken  out  from  a  menagerie; 
there  was  joy  in  thinking,  as  you  lay  beside  your 
burn  or  under  the  shadow  of  a  tree,  of  the  fellows 
mewed  up  in  the  hot  class-room  and  swatting  at  their 
sums,  under  Bulldog's  eye;  and  joy  in  coming  home 
in  the  evening,  tired,  but  satisfied,  and  passing  the 
empty  Seminary  with  defiance.  There  is  no  joy — 
I  mean  sin — ^but  has  its  drawbacks,  and  there  were 
clouds  in  the  truant's  sky.     Country  folk  had  their 


A    PLEASANT    SIN        207 

own  suspicions  when  they  came  on  a  couple  of  boys 
going  at  large  on  a  working  day,  when  the  school 
was  in  session,  as  one  might  have  a  shrewd  guess 
if  he  came  upon  two  convicts  in  their  professional 
dress  fishing  in  some  lonely  spot  on  Dartmoor.  But 
there  is  a  charitable  sympathy  with  all  animals  who 
have  escaped  from  a  cage,  unless  it  be  a  tigress  look- 
ing for  her  dinner,  and  no  one  would  have  thought 
of  informing  on  the  boys,  except  one  bad  man ;  and 
Providence,  using  Speug  as  an  instrument,  punished 
him  for  his  evil  doings — as  I  shall  tell. 

"Well,  laddies,"  some  honest  farmer  would  say, 
as  he  came  upon  them  sitting  by  the  burnside  eating 
bread  and  cheese  and  counting  up  their  trout,  "I'm 
judgin'  it  will  be  a  holiday  at  the  Seminary  the  now, 
or  mebbe  the  maister's  given  ye  a  day's  leave  for  yir 
health.  Or  is  this  the  reward  for  doing  yir  work  so 
well  ?  Ye  have  all  the  appearance  of  scholars."  And 
then  the  good  man  would  laugh  at  the  simple  raillery 
and  the  confusion  of  the  boys. 

"Dinna  answer,  laddies;  for  least  said  soonest 
mended,  and  ye  mind  where  leears  go  to.  But  I'm 
thinkin'  ye  wadna  be  the  worse  for  a  jug  of  milk  to 
wash  down  your  dinner,  and  there's  some  straw- 
berries in  the  garden  up  by,  just  about  ripe." 

So  they  all  went  up  to  the  farm  kitchen  and 
had  a  glorious  tuck  in,  and  were  afterwards  turned 
loose  among  the  strawberries,  while  the  farmer 
watched  them  with  keen  delight  and  a  remembrance 


2o8      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

of   past   days.     Whose   place   in   heaven    for   such 
deeds  of  charity  is  already  secure. 

The  authorities  at  home  were  not  so  lenient,  and 
the  experienced  truant  was  careful,  when  he  could, 
to  time  his  arrival  home  about  five  o'clock  in  the 
afternoon,  which  allowed  for  the  school  hours  and 
one  hour  more  of  special  confinement.  According 
to  the  truant's  code  he  was  not  allowed  to  tell  a 
lie  about  his  escapade,  either  at  home  or  at  school, 
but  he  was  not  obliged  to  offer  a  full  and  detailed 
statement  of  the  truth.  If  his  father  charged  him 
with  being  kept  in  at  school  for  not  having  done  his 
work,  and  rebuked  him  for  his  laziness,  he  allowed 
it  to  go  at  that,  and  did  not  accuse  his  father  of  inac- 
curacy. When,  however,  a  boy  was  by  habit  and 
repute  a  truant,  his  father  learned  by  experience 
and  was  apt  to  watch  him  narrowly.  If  the  boy  had 
an  extra  touch  of  the  sun  on  his  face,  and  his  clothing 
was  disorderly  beyond  usual,  and  his  manner  was 
especially  unobtrusive,  and  his  anxiety  to  please 
every  person  quite  remarkable,  and  if  in  moments  of 
unconsciousness  he  seemed  to  be  chewing  the  cud  of 
some  recent  pleasure,  the  father  was  apt  to  subject 
him  to  a  searching  cross-examination.  And  his 
mother  had  to  beg  the  boy  off  with  many  a  plea,  such 
as  mothers  know  how  to  use;  and  if  the  others  did 
not  succeed,  and  the  appeal  to  the  heart  was  in  vain, 
she  could  always  send  the  good  man  back  upon  his 
memory,  and  put  it  to  his  conscience  whether  he 


A    PLEASANT    SIN        209 

ought  to  visit  too  severely  upon  his  son  the  sin  the 
boy  had  inherited  from  himself. 

It  was  next  morning  that  the  truant  really  paid 
for  his  pleasure;  and  the  price  was  sharp,  for  there 
was  no  caning  to  be  compared  with  that  which 
followed  a  day  in  the  country.  It  was  a  point  of 
honour  that  no  boy  should  show  distress;  but  even 
veterans  bit  their  lips  as  the  cane  fell  first  on  the 
right  hand  and  then  on  the  left,  and  right  across  the 
palm,  and  sometimes  doubling  on  the  back  of  the 
hand,  if  the  cane  was  young  and  flexible.  Speug, 
though  a  man  of  war  and  able  to  endure  anything, 
used  to  warm  his  hands  at  the  fire,  if  the  weather 
was  cold,  before  going  in  to  the  inquisition,  and 
after  he  had  received  a  switching  of  the  first  order 
he  would  go  down  to  the  lade  and  cool  his  hands  in 
the  running  water.  It  was  an  interesting  spectacle 
to  see  four  able-bodied  sinners,  who  yesterday 
had  given  themselves  to  the  study  of  Nature,  now 
kneeling  together,  to  efface  their  penalty  in  our 
waters  of  Lethe;  but  you  must  remember  that  they 
made  no  moan  before  the  boys,  and  no  complaint 
against  the  master.  The  school  received  them  with 
respect  when  they  came  out,  and  Speug  would 
indicate  with  a  wink  and  a  jerk  of  his  head  that 
Bulldog  had  exceeded  himself;  but  he  was  not  to 
be  trifled  with  for  an  hour  or  two,  and  if  any  ill- 
mannered  cub  ventured  to  come  too  near  when  Peter 
was  giving  his  hands  a  cold  bath,  the  chances  are  that 


2IO     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

Peter  gave  the  cub  a  bath,  too,  "just  to  teach  him  to 
be  looking  where  he  had  no  business." 

Possibly  fear  of  consequences  might  hinder  some 
weak-hearted  boys,  but  it  never  prevented  any  of  the 
hardy  ruffians  from  having  their  day  out  when  the 
fever  seized  them.  Playing  truant  was  the  same 
thing  for  a  boy  as  bolting  for  a  high-spirited  horse; 
done  once,  the  animal  is  bound  to  try  it  again,  and  to 
both,  the  joy  of  their  respective  sins  must  be  very 
much  the  same.  Boys  did  not  plan  a  week  ahead 
and  then  go  astray  in  cold  blood,  because  this  sin  was 
not  an  act  of  malice  aforethought — it  was  a  sudden 
impulse,  not  a  matter  of  the  will  so  much  as  of  the 
blood.  Had  one  determined  on  Tuesday  night  to 
take  Wednesday,  it  might  have  turned  out  in  our 
fickle  climate  a  cheerless  day,  when  a  boy  would  as 
soon  be  playing  marbles  in  the  breaks,  or  cricket  in 
the  dinner-hour,  or,  for  that  matter,  amusing  himself 
in  Moossy's  class.  No;  a  boy  rose  in  the  morning 
ready  to  go  to  school,  without  a  thought  of  wood  or 
water — arranging  his  marbles,  in  fact,  for  the  day, 
and  planning  how  to  escape  a  lesson  he  had  not  pre- 
pared ;  but  he  was  helpless  against  Nature  if  she  set 
herself  to  tempt  him.  No  sooner  had  he  put  his  nose 
outside  the  door  than  the  summer  air,  sweet  and 
fresh,  began  to  play  upon  his  face  and  reminded  him 
of  a  certain  wood.  As  he  went  through  the  streets 
of  the  town,  a  glimpse  of  the  river,  steely  blue  that 
morning  in  the  sunshine,  brought  up  a  pool  where  a 


A    PLEASANT    SIN        211 

fat  trout  was  sure  to  be  lying.  As  he  crossed  the 
North  Meadow,  the  wind  was  blowing  free  from  the 
Highlands,  and  was  laden  with  the  scent  of  hay  and 
flowers, and  sent  his  blood  a-tingling.  Thebooksupon 
his  back  grew  woefully  heavy,  and  the  Seminary  re- 
minded him  of  the  city  gaol  frowning  out  on  the 
fields  with  its  stately  and  unrelenting  face.  He  loi- 
tered by  the  lade  and  saw  the  clear  water  running 
briskly,  and  across  the  meadow  he  could  catch  a 
glimpse  of  the  river,  and  in  the  distance  the  Kil- 
spindie  Woods  with  their  mysterious  depths,  and 
rising  high  above  the  houses  on  the  other  side  of  the 
river  was  the  hill  where  he  spent  last  Saturday.  The 
bell  rings  and  he  goes  in,  but  not  to  work ;  the  river 
is  running  through  his  heart,  and  the  greenery  is  be- 
fore his  eyes,  and  the  wind  coming  in  pufifs  through 
the  open  window  awakens  the  instinct  of  the  wild 
animal  in  his  breast  and  invites  him  to  be  free. 
Speug  has  a  slate  before  him,  but  he  is  not  pretend- 
ing to  do  anything,  he  is  looking  out  on  the  Meadow, 
and  sniffing  the  air,  just  like  a  horse  about  to  make 
its  bolt.  He  catches  Howieson's  eye  and  reads  that 
Jock  is  ready.  Howieson  inquires  by  signal  of  Baul- 
die  whether  he  prefers  compound  fractions  to  a 
swim,  and  Bauldie  explains,  also  by  signal,  that, 
much  as  he  loves  fractions,  he  will  be  obliging  that 
afternoon  and  join  them  in  their  swim.  A  fourth 
would  complete  the  party ;  and  when  Speug  lifts  his 
eyebrows  with  great  dramatic  art  to  "Piggie"  Mitch- 


212     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

ell,  three  desks  off,  "Piggie,"  like  the  gallant  spirit 
that  he  was,  answers  with  a  nod  that  he  will  not  be 
found  wanting.  Not  a  word  has  been  said,  and  no 
one  will  say  "Truant"  at  any  time,  but  at  the  next 
break  the  four  separate  themselves  quietly  and  unob- 
trusively from  their  fellows,  and  by  the  time  the  last 
boy  has  gone  through  the  door,  they  are  scudding 
across  the  meadow  to  Speug's  stable-yard,  where 
they  will  make  their  preparations.  Sometimes  noth- 
ing more  is  needed  than  a  hunch  of  bread  and  some 
fish-hooks;  but  as  they  ran  Speug  had  dropped  the 
word  Woody  Island,  and  a  day  on  Woody  Island 
was  a  work  of  art.  It  lay  a  couple  of  miles  above  the 
town,  long  and  narrow,  formed  with  a  division  of 
the  river  into  its  main  current  and  a  sluggish  back- 
water. It  was  covered  with  dense  brushwood,  ex- 
cept where  here  and  there  a  patch  of  green  turf  was 
left  bare,  and  the  island  was  indented  with  little  bays 
where  the  river  rippled  on  clean  sand  and  gravel. 
It  was  only  a  little  island,  but  yet  you  could  lose  your- 
self in  it,  so  thick  was  the  wood  and  so  mazy,  and 
then  you  had  to  find  your  comrades  by  signal ;  and 
it  had  little  tracks  through  it,  and  there  was  one 
place  where  you  could  imagine  a  hole  in  the  bank  to 
be  a  cave,  and  where  certainly  two  boys  could  get 
out  of  sight  if  they  lay  very  close  together  and  did 
not  mind  being  half  smothered.  When  you  went 
to  Woody  Island,  and  left  the  mainland,  you  were 
understood  to  blot  out  the  Seminary  and  Muirtown 


A    PLEASANT    SIN        213 

and  Scotland  and  civilisation.  Woody  Island  was 
somewhere  in  the  wild  West,  and  was  still  in  the 
possession  of  the  children  of  the  forest;  the  ashes 
of  their  fires  could  be  seen  any  day  there,  and  you 
could  come  upon  their  wigwams  in  one  of  the  open 
spots.  There  was  a  place  where  they  had  massa- 
cred three  trappers  and  taken  their  scalps,  and  in  that 
cave  "Bull's-eye  Charlie,"  the  famous  Indian  scout, 
lying  curled  up  like  a  ball,  and  with  only  the  mouth 
of  his  rifle  peeping  out,  had  held  twenty  of  the  red- 
skinned  braves  at  bay  for  a  whole  day.  It  was  a 
fairy  world  in  which  our  Indian  tales  could  be  repro- 
duced upon  the  stage,  and  we  ourselves  could  be  the 
heroes  we  had  so  often  admired.  The  equipment  for 
the  day  consisted  of  four  tomahawks  (three  axes  out 
of  small  tool  chests  and  one  axe  for  breaking  coals 
which  "Piggie"  used  to  steal  for  the  day)  two  pistols 
(one  belonging  to  Speug  and  the  other  to  Bauldie)  ; 
a  couple  of  toy  rifles — not  things  for  kids,  mark  you, 
but  long  rifles  with  bayonets,  and  which  could  fire 
caps;  a  tent,  which  was  in  reality  an  old  carriage 
cloth  from  Peter's  yard;  and  a  kettle  for  boiling 
water — I  mean  cooking  the  game — which  Jock 
Howieson  abstracted  from  his  kitchen.  Each  boy 
had  to  visit  his  home  on  pretence  of  returning  for  a 
book,  and  bring  away  the  necessary  articles  of  war 
and  as  much  food  as  he  could  steal  from  the  pantry ; 
and  then  everything,  axes  included,  and,  if  possible, 
the  rifles  had  to  be  hidden  away  about  their  persons 


214     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

until  the  four,  skulking  by  back  lanes,  and  separat- 
ing from  one  another,  reached  the  top  of  the  North 
Meadow,  after  which  they  went  up  the  bank  of  the 
river,  none  daring  to  make  them  afraid.  They  were 
out  of  bounds  now,  and  the  day  was  before  them  for 
weal  or  woe,  and  already  Speug  was  changing  into 
an  Indian  trapper,  and  giving  directions  about  how 
they  must  deal  with  the  Seminoles  (see  Mayne 
Reid),  while  Howieson  had  begun  to  speculate 
whether  they  would  have  a  chance  of  meeting  with 
the  famous  chief,  Oceola.  "Piggie"  might  want  to 
try  a  cap  on  his  rifle,  but  Speug  would  not  allow  him, 
because,  although  they  had  not  yet  entered  the  Indian 
territory,  the  crafty  foe  might  have  scouts  out  on 
this  side  of  the  river,  and  in  that  case  there  was  no 
hope  of  Woody  Island.  The  Indians  would  be  in 
ambush  among  the  trees  on  the  bank,  and  the  four 
would  be  shot  down  as  they  crossed. 

Their  first  enemy,  however,  was  not  Oceola's 
Indians,  but  a  white  man — a  renegade — who,  to  his 
shame,  was  in  alliance  with  the  Indians  and  was 
always  ready  to  betray  the  trappers  into  their  hands. 
This  miscreant  was  a  farmer  on  the  mainland,  who 
was  the  tenant  of  Woody  Island,  and  had  a  deter- 
mined objection  to  any  boys,  or  other  savages, 
except,  as  I  have  said,  the  Seminole  tribe  living  on 
the  island,  and  who  used  to  threaten  pains  and  pen- 
alties against  anyone  whom  he  caught  on  his  land. 
One  never  knew  when  he  might  be  about,  and  it 


A    PLEASANT   SIN        215 

was  absolutely  necessary  to  reach  the  island  without 
his  notice.  There  was  a  day  in  the  past  when  Speug 
used  to  watch  till  the  farmer  had  gone  into  his  mid- 
day dinner,  and  then  creep  along  the  bank  of  the 
river  and  ferry  himself  across  with  the  other  trappers 
in  the  farmer's  boat,  which  he  then  worked  round  to 
the  other  side  of  the  island  and  kept  there  for  the 
return  voyage  in  the  evening,  so  that  the  farmer  was 
helpless  to  reach  the  island,  and  could  only  address 
the  unseen  trespassers  in  opprobrious  language  from 
the  bank,  which  was  sent  back  to  him  in  faithful 
echo.  This  forenoon  the  farmer  happened  to  be 
hoeing  turnips  with  his  people  in  a  field  opposite  the 
island,  and  Speug  was  delighted  beyond  measure, 
for  now  the  four  had  to  drop  down  and  crawl  along 
through  the  thick  grass  by  the  river's  edge,  availing 
themselves  of  every  bush  and  little  knoll  till  they  lay, 
with  all  their  arms,  the  tent,  and  the  food,  concealed 
so  near  the  farmer  that  they  could  hear  him  speak 
and  hear  the  click  of  the  hoes  as  the  people  worked 
in  their  drills.  If  you  raised  your  head  cautiously 
and  looked  through  between  the  branches  of  a  shrub, 
you  could  see  him,  and  Bauldie  actually  covered  him 
with  his  rifle.  The  unconscious  farmer  knew  not 
that  his  life  hung  upon  a  thread,  or,  rather,  upon 
Bauldie's  trigger.  Bauldie  looked  inquiringly  to  his 
chief,  for  he  would  dearly  have  loved  to  fire  a  cap, 
but  Speug  shook  his  head  so  fiercely  that  the  trapper 
dropped  down  in  his  lair,  and  Speug  afterwards 


2i6     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

explained  that  the  renegade  had  certainly  deserved 
death,  but  that  it  was  dangerous  to  fire  with  so  many 
of  his  gang  present,  and  the  Seminoles  on  the  other 
side  of  the  river.  By  and  by  the  farmer  and  his 
people  had  worked  themselves  to  the  other  end  of 
the  field,  and  the  trappers,  having  ascertained  that 
there  were  no  Indians  watching  them,  prepared  to 
cross.  Speug,  who  had  reached  the  boat,  spoke  out 
suddenly  and  unadvisedly,  for  the  farmer  had 
chained  and  padlocked  the  boat.  It  would  not  have 
mattered  much  to  the  boys  in  ordinary  circumstances, 
for  they  would  have  stripped  and  swum  across,  and 
back  again  when  they  were  tired  of  the  other  side, 
for  every  one  of  them  could  swim  like  an  otter ;  but 
that  day  they  were  trappers,  with  arms,  and  food, 
and  a  tent,  and  powder  which  must  be  kept  dry,  to 
say  nothing  of  the  kettle.  There  was  a  brief  consul- 
tation, and  Bauldie  regretted  that  he  did  not  shoot 
the  farmer  dead  on  the  spot,  and  as  many  of  his 
people  as  they  could.  Speug,  who  had  been  prowling 
around — though  cautiously,  mind  you,  and  ever 
watching  for  a  sign  of  the  Seminoles — gave  a  low, 
mysterious  whistle,  which  was  one  of  the  signs 
among  the  trappers;  and  when  the  others  joined 
him  he  pointed  and  whispered,  "A  Seminole  canoe." 
It  was  an  ancient  boat  which  the  farmer's  father  had 
used,  and  which  had  lain  for  years  upon  the  bank, 
unused.  Its  seats  were  gone,  its  planks  were  leaking, 
it  had  two  holes  at  least  in  it,  and  there  were  no  oars. 


A    PLEASANT   SIN        217 

It  was  a  thing  which,  in  the  farmer's  hand,  would 
have  sunk  six  yards  from  the  shore,  but  it  had  the 
semblance  of  a  boat,  and  it  was  enough  for  the  hardy- 
trappers.  Very  carefully  did  they  work  it  to  the 
bank,  lest  it  should  slip  a  whole  plank  on  the  road, 
and  very  gently  did  they  drop  it  in,  lest  the  Semi- 
noles  should  hear.  'Tiggie"  stuffed  one  hole  with 
his  bonnet,  and  Bauldie  the  second  with  his;  Jock 
spread  his  jacket  over  an  oozy  part.  They  shipped 
all  their  stores,  and  one  of  them  got  in  to  bale,  and 
the  others,  stripping  off  their  clothes  and  adding 
them  to  the  cargo  of  the  boat,  pushed  out  the  boat 
before  them,  swimming  by  its  side.  It  was  a  mere 
question  of  time  whether  the  boat  would  go  down  in 
mid-channel;  but  so  splendidly  did  "Piggie"  bale, 
ready  at  any  moment  to  swim  for  his  life,  and  so 
powerfully  did  the  others  push,  swimming  with  their 
feet  and  one  hand,  and  with  the  other  hand  guiding 
the  boat,  that  they  brought  it  over  safely  to  the  other 
side;  and  the  fact  that  half  their  clothes  were  wet 
through  mattered  little  to  men  who  had  often  hidden 
from  the  Indians  in  the  water,  with  nothing  but  their 
eyes  and  nose  out;  and,  at  any  rate,  the  food  was 
safe.  The  matches  and  the  percussion  caps  also  were 
dry,  for  "Piggie"  had  taken  care  of  that,  and,  in  the 
worst  emergency,  they  would  have  been  carried  on 
the  top  of  his  head  if  he  also  had  been  obliged  to 
swim.  They  brought  the  boat  into  a  little  creek,  and, 
communicating  by  signs  to  one  another — for  they 


2i8     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

were  too  old  hunters  to  be  speaking  now,  when  there 
might  be  a  party  of  Seminoles  in  that  very  wood — 
Speug  and  Jock  hid  themselves  each  behind  a  tree 
with  rifle  in  hand,  to  cover  the  others,  while  "Piggie" 
and  Bauldie  drew  the  boat  up  under  cover  of  the 
bushes,  and  hid  it  out  of  sight,  so  that  even  a  Semi- 
nole's keen  eyes  would  not  have  been  able  to  detect 
it.  The  trappers  made  another  hiding-place,  and  left 
there  the  superfluous  garments  of  civilisation,  con- 
fining themselves  to  a  shirt  and  trousers,  and  a  belt 
which  holds  the  pistol  and  tomahawk.  Speug  and 
Jock,  as  the  two  veterans  who  could  discover  the 
trail  of  the  Seminoles  by  a  twisted  leaf  on  a 
branch,  or  a  broken  stick  on  the  ground,  warned  their 
friends  to  lie  low,  and  they  themselves  disappeared 
into  the  brushwood.  They  had  gone  to  scout,  and  to 
make  sure  that  no  wandering  party  of  Indians  was 
in  the  vicinity.  By  and  by  a  wood-pigeon  cooed 
three  times,  "Piggie"  nodded  to  Bauldie,  and  Bauldie 
hooted  like  an  owl,  then  they  knew  that  it  was 
safe  to  advance.  The  two  rejoined  the  scouts,  whom 
they  found  on  the  edge  of  a  clearing,  leaning  on  their 
rifles  in  a  picturesque  attitude.  "Bull's-eye  Char- 
lie" led,  and  the  others  followed,  pausing  now  and 
again  at  a  sound  in  the  woods,  and  once  at  a  signal 
from  "Bull's-eye"  they  separated  swiftly,  and  each 
took  up  his  position  behind  a  tree.  But  it  was  a  false 
alarm.  Then  they  went  on  as  before,  till  they  came 
to  a  pretty  spot  on  the  other  side  of  the  island,  where 


'  They  drank  without  any  cup." 


A    PLEASANT    SIN        219 

they  made  their  camp,  cutting  a  pole  for  the  tent, 
lighting  a  fire,  which  they  did  with  immense  suc- 
cess, and  proceeding  to  cook  dinner.  As  they 
had  been  afraid  to  fire,  for  fear  of  attracting  any 
wandering  Indian's  notice,  they  had  no  deer  nor  wild 
turkey,  which,  in  other  circumstances,  would  have 
been  their  food;  but  they  made  tea  (very  badly,  and 
largely  because  they  wished  to  use  the  kettle),  and 
they  had  bread  and  butter,  which  had  turned  into  oil 
through  the  warmth  of  Bauldie's  person,  a  half  ham 
which  Speug  contributed,  a  pot  of  jam  for  which 
"Piggie"  will  have  to  account  some  day,  and 
six  jam  tarts  which  Howieson  bought  with  his  last 
farthing,  and  which  had  been  reduced  practically  to 
one  in  Jock's  pocket.  Speug  had  managed  two  bot- 
tles of  stone  ginger-beer,  which  were  deeply  valued, 
and  afforded  them  a  big  mouthful  each,  as  they 
drank  without  any  cup,  and  shared  honestly  by 
calculation  of  time. 

What  a  day  they  had !  They  fought  Indians  from 
one  end  of  the  island  to  the  other,  killing  and  scalp- 
ing twenty-nine.  They  bathed  in  the  quieter  current 
on  the  other  side,  and  they  dried  themselves  in  the 
sun,  and  in  the  sun  they  slept  till  they  were 
burned  red ;  and  then  just  as  they  were  thinking  that 
it  was  time  to  go  back  to  the  camp  and  gather  to- 
gether their  belongings  and  set  off  for  home,  Speug 
gave  a  whistle  that  had  in  it  this  time  no  pretence  of 
danger,   and   bolted   into   the   wood,    followed   by 


220     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

the  other  three.  Whether  he  had  heard  the  firing, 
or  the  Seminoles  had  sent  a  message,  they  never 
knew,  but  the  farmer  was  on  the  island  and  proceed- 
ing in  their  direction  through  the  brushwood.  Speug 
did  not  think  that  he  had  seen  them,  and  he  would 
not  quite  know  where  they  were,  and  in  an  instant 
that  leader  of  men  had  formed  what  he  thought  the 
best  of  all  his  plans.  He  gave  his  directions  to  the 
other  three,  who  executed  a  war-dance  at  the  mere 
thought  of  the  strategy,  and  then  departed  hurriedly 
for  the  camp;  but  Speug,  who  was  naked,  and  not 
ashamed,  started  rapidly  in  an  opposite  direction, 
and  just  gave  the  farmer  a  glimpse  of  him  as  he  hur- 
ried up  the  island. 

"Ye're  there,  are  ye,  ye  young  blackguards !  Wait 
till  I  catch  ye;  trespassin'  and  lightin'  fires,  I'll  be 
bound;  it's  Perth  gaol  ye'll  be  in  the  nicht,  or  I'm  no 
farmer  of  Middleton.  Ye  may  hide  if  ye  please,  but 
I'll  find  ye,  and  ye'll  no  get  the  old  boat  to  go  back 
in,  for  I've  found  that,  clever  as  ye  thought  your- 
selves, and  knocked  the  bottom  oot  o'  it." 

It  was  twenty  minutes  before  he  discovered  Speug, 
^and  then  Speug  was  standing  on  the  edge  of  the 
water  at  the  top  of  the  island,  where  the  current  runs 
swift  and  strong  towards  the  other  side. 

"Was  it  me  ye  were  seekin'  ?"  said  Speug,  rosy  red 
all  over,  but  not  with  modesty.  "I  thought  I  heard 
somebody  crying.  We're  glad  to  see  ye  on  the 
island.     Have  ye  come  to  bathe?'* 


A    PLEASANT    SIN        221 

"Wait  till  I  get  a  grip  of  ye,  ye  impident  little 
deevil,  and,  my  word,  I'll  bathe  ye,"  and  the  fanner 
made  for  Speug. 

"I'll  bathe  mysel',"  said  Speug,  when  the  enemy 
almost  had  his  hands  on  him,  and  dived  into  the 
river,  coming  up  nearly  opposite  the  horrified  man; 
and  then,  as  he  went  down  with  the  current  which 
took  him  over  to  the  opposite  side,  he  invited  the 
farmer  to  come  in.  When  he  landed  Speug  bade 
the  farmer  good-bye  with  much  courtesy,  and  hoped 
he  would  enjoy  himself  among  his  Indian  friends. 

"Wait  till  I  cross,"  shouted  the  farmer,  "and  I'll 
be  after  ye,  and  though  I  ransack  Muirtown  I'll  find 
ye  out.  Ye're  a  gey  like  spectacle  to  go  back  to  the 
town.  Ye'll  no  escape  me  this  time,  whoever  ye  be," 
and  the  farmer  hurried  down  the  island  to  his  boat, 
which  he  had  loosely  fastened  to  one  of  the  trees. 
When  he  reached  the  spot  it  was  not  to  be  found, 
but  he  could  see  his  boat  lying  in  its  accustomed 
place  on  the  other  side,  chained  and  padlocked.  For 
the  other  three  trappers  had  gathered  all  their 
possessions  and  clothed  themselves  like  gentlemen, 
and  taking  Speug's  clothes  with  them,  ferried  them- 
selves across  with  rapidity  and  dignity.  Once  more 
Speug  bade  the  farmer  good-night,  extending  both 
hands  to  him  in  farewell,  but  now  the  one  hand  was 
in  front  of  the  other,  and  the  thumb  of  the  inner 
hand  attached  to  Speug's  nose.  He  thoughtfully 
offered  to  take  any  message  to  Muirtown  gaol  or  to 


222     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

the  Provost  that  the  farmer  desired,  and  departed, 
wishing  him  a  pleasant  night  and  telHng  him  where 
he  would  find  the  shank  of  a  ham.  As  Peter  dressed 
himself,  his  friends  could  only  look  at  him  in  silent 
admiration,  till  at  the  thought  of  the  renegade 
trapped  so  neatly  and  confined  for  at  least  a  night 
on  his  own  island,  Howieson  slapped  his  legs  and 
triumphed  aloud.  And  the  four  returned  to  Muir- 
town  and  to  civilisation  full  of  joy. 


GUERILLA    WARFARE 
XII 

There  is  no  person  in  a  Scots  country  town  to 
be  compared  with  a  Bailie  for  authority  and 
dignity,  and  Bailie  MacConachie,  of  Muirtown, 
was  a  glory  to  his  order.  Provosts  might  come 
and  go — creatures  of  three  years — but  this  man  re- 
mained in  office  for  ever,  and  so  towered  above  his 
brethren  of  the  same  kind,  that  the  definite  article 
was  attached  to  his  title,  and  to  quote  "the  Bailie" 
without  his  name  was  the  recognised  form  and  an 
end  to  all  controversy.  Nature  had  been  kind  to 
him,  and,  entering  into  the  designs  of  Providence, 
had  given  him  a  bodily  appearance  corresponding 
to  his  judicial  position.  He  stood  six  feet  in  his 
boots,  and  his  erect  carriage  conveyed  the  impres- 
sion of  six  inches  more.  His  waistband  passed 
forty-eight  inches ;  but,  to  do  the  great  man  justice, 
his  chest  measure  was  forty-two.  His  chin  rested 
in  folds  upon  his  stock,  and  his  broad,  clean- 
shaven, solemn,  immovable  countenance  sug- 
gested unfathomable  depths  of  wisdom.  His  voice 
was  deep  and  husky,  and  the  clearance  of  his  throat 
with  which  he  emphasised  his  deliverances  could  be 


224     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

heard  half  a  street  away  and  was  Hke  the  seaHng  of 
a  legal  deed.  Never  since  he  became  a  Bailie  had 
he  seen  his  boots — at  least  upon  his  feet — and  his 
gait,  as  became  his  elevation,  was  a  stately  amble, 
as  when  a  huge  merchant-man  puts  out  to  sea, 
driving  the  water  before  her  bow  and  yet  swaying 
gently  from  side  to  side  in  her  progress.  Sunday 
and  Saturday — ex»cept  when  officiating  at  the  Sac- 
rament, and  of  course  he  was  then  in  full  blacks — 
the  Bailie  wore  exactly  the  same  kind  of  dress — a 
black  frock-coat,  close  buttoned,  and  grey  trousers, 
with  a  dark  blue  stock,  his  one  concession  to 
colour.  As  his  position  was  quite  assured,  being, 
in  the  opinion  of  many,  second  only  to  that  of  the 
Sheriff  and  the  Fiscal,  he  could  afiford  to  wear  his 
clothes  to  the  bone,  and  even  to  carry  one  or  two 
stains  upon  his  paunch  as  a  means  of  identification. 
Walking  through  the  town,  he  stood  at  his  full 
height,  with  his  hands  folded  upon  the  third  button 
of  his  coat;  but  when  he  reached  the  North 
Meadow,  on  his  way  home,  and  passed  the  Sem- 
inary, he  allowed  his  head  to  droop,  and  clasped 
his  hands  behind  after  the  manner  of  the  great 
Napoleon,  and  then  it  was  understood  that  the 
Bailie's  mind  was  wrestling  with  the  afifairs  of 
State.  People  made  way  for  him  upon  the  streets 
as  he  sailed  along,  and  were  pleased  with  a  recogni- 
tion, which  always  took  the  form  of  a  judgment 
from  the  Bench,  even  though  it  dealt  only  with  the 
weather  or  the  crops. 


GUERILLA    WARFARE     225 

There  was  no  occasion,  either  in  the  Council  or 
in  the  Presbytery,  when  the  Bailie  did  not  impress; 
but  every  one  agreed  that  he  rose  to  his  height  on 
the  Bench.  No  surprise,  either  of  evidence  or  of 
law,  could  be  sprung  on  him,  no  sensational  in- 
cident ever  stirred  him,  no  excitement  of  the  people 
ever  carried  him  away.  He  was  the  terror  of  the 
publicans,  and  would  refuse  a  license  if  he  saw  fit 
without  any  fear;  but  if  the  teetotalers  tried  to  dic- 
tate to  him,  he  would  turn  upon  them  and  rend  his 
own  friends  without  mercy.  When  any  Muirtown 
sinner  was  convicted  in  his  court  he  would  preface 
his  sentence  with  a  ponderous  exhortation,  and  if 
the  evidence  were  not  sufficient  he  would  allow  the 
accused  to  go  as  an  act  of  grace,  but  warn  him 
never  to  appear  again,  lest  a  worse  thing  should  be- 
fall him.  There  are  profane  people  in  every  com- 
munity, and  there  were  those  in  Muirtown  who 
used  to  say  in  private  places  that  the  Bailie  was 
only  a  big  drum,  full  of  emptiness  and  sound;  but 
the  local  lawyers  found  it  best  to  treat  him  with 
respect;  and  until  the  Seminary  boys  took  his 
Majesty  in  hand  he  had  never  been  worsted.  No 
doubt  an  Edinburgh  advocate,  who  had  been  im- 
ported into  a  petty  case  to  browbeat  the  local 
Bench,  thought  he  had  the  Bailie  on  the  hip  when 
that  eminent  man,  growing  weary  of  continual  al- 
lusions to  "the  defunct,"  said  that  if  he  heard  any- 
thing more  about  "the  defunct"  he  would  adjourn 
the  case  for  a  week,  and  allow  him  to  appear  in  his 


226     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

own  interests.  Then  the  advocate  explained  with 
elaborate  politeness  that  he  was  afraid  that  even  the 
summons  of  the  Muirtown  Bench  could  not  pro- 
duce this  party,  and  that  his  appearance,  if  he  came, 
might  secure  the  court  to  himself. 

"You  mean,"  said  the  Bailie,  eyeing  the  advo- 
cate with  unmoved  dignity,  "that  the  man  is  dead. 
Quite  so !  Quite  so  !  But  let  me  tell  you  that  if  you 
had  been  a  Muirtown  solicitor  you  would  have  had 
your  case  better  prepared,  and  not  wasted  our  time 
with  the  talk  of  dead  people.  You  are  still  young, 
and  when  you  have  had  more  experience  you  will 
know  that  it  is  only  the  evidence  of  living  witnesses 
that  can  be  received  in  a  court  of  justice.  Proceed 
with  your  case  and  confine  yourself  to  relevant  evi- 
dence— yes,  sir,  relevant  evidence." 

It  only  shows  the  inherent  greatness  of  the  man, 
that  in  private  life  the  Bailie  followed  the  calling  of 
an  Italian  warehouseman,  which  really,  in  plain 
words,  was  the  same  thing  as  a  superior  grocer, 
nor  was  he  above  his  trade  for  eight  hours  of  the 
day.  When  not  engaged  in  official  work,  he  could 
be  found  behind  his  counter,  and  yet  even  there  he 
seemed  to  be  upon  the  Bench.  His  white  apron 
he  wore  as  a  robe  of  office,  he  heard  what  the  ladies 
had  to  say  with  a  judicial  air,  correcting  them  if 
they  hinted  at  any  tea  costing  less  than  four  and 
sixpence  per  pound,  commanding  a  cheese  to  be 
brought  forward  for  inspection,  as  if  it  had  been  a 


GUERILLA    WARFARE     227 

prisoner  in  the  dock,  probing  it  with  searching 
severity  and  giving  a  judgment  upon  it  from. 
which  there  was  no  appeal.  He  distinguished  be- 
tween customers,  assigning  to  each  such  provisions 
as  were  suitable  for  their  several  homes,  inquiring 
in  a  paternal  manner  after  the  welfare  of  their 
children,  and  when  the  case  was  concluded — that  is 
to  say,  the  tea  and  the  sugar  bought — even  con- 
descending to  a  certain  high  level  of  local  gossip. 
When  the  customer  left  the  shop  it  was  with  a 
sense  of  privilege,  as  if  one  had  been  called  up  for 
a  little  to  sit  with  the  judge.  It  was  under- 
stood that  only  people  of  a  certain  standing  were 
included  among  the  Bailie's  customers,  and  the 
sight  of  the  Countess  of  Kilspindie's  carriage  at  his 
door  marked  out  his  province  of  business.  Yet  if 
a  little  lassie  stumbled  into  the  shop  and  asked  for 
a  pennyworth  of  peppermints,  he  would  order  her 
to  be  served,  adding  a  peppermint  or  two  more, 
and  some  good  advice  which  sent  away  the  little 
woman  much  impressed ;  for  though  the  Bailie 
committed  one  big,  blazing  indiscretion,  and  suf- 
fered terribly  in  consequence  thereof,  he  was  a 
good  and  honest  man. 

The  Bailie  made  only  one  public  mistake  in  his 
life,  but  it  was  on  the  largest  scale,  and  every  one 
wondered  that  a  man  so  sagacious  should  have  de- 
liberately entered  into  a  feud  with  the  boys  of  the 
Seminary.     The  Bailie  had  battled  in  turn  with  the 


228     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

Licensed  Victuallers,  who  as  a  fighting  body  are 
not  to  be  despised,  and  with  the  Teetotalers,  whom 
every  wise  man  who  loves  peace  of  mind  leaves 
alone;  with  the  Tories,  who  w^ere  his  opponents, 
and  with  the  Liberals,  his  own  party,  when  he  hap- 
pened to  disagree  with  them;  with  the  Town  Coun- 
cil, whom  he  vanquished,  and  with  the  Salmon 
Fishery  Board,  whom  he  brought  to  terms;  but 
all  those  battles  were  as  nothing  to  a  campaign 
with  the  boys.  There  is  all  the  difference  in  the 
world  between  a  war  with  regulars,  conducted  ac- 
cording to  the  rules  of  military  science,  and  a  series 
of  guerilla  skirmishes,  wherein  all  the  chances  are 
with  the  alert  and  light-armed  enemy.  Any  per- 
sonage who  goes  to  war  with  boys  is  bound  to  be 
beaten,  for  he  may  threaten  and  attack,  but  he  can 
hardly  ever  hurt  them,  and  never  possibly  can  con- 
quer them;  and  they  will  buzz  round  him  like 
wasps,  will  sting  him  and  then  be  off,  will  put  him 
to  shame  before  the  public,  will  tease  him  on  his 
most  sensitive  side,  will  lie  in  wait  for  him  in  unex- 
pected places  with  an  ingenuity  and  a  perseverance 
and  a  mercilessness  which  are  born  of  the  Devil, 
who  in  such  matters  is  the  unfailing  ally  of  all 
genuine  boys. 

It  was  no  doubt  annoying  to  a  person  of  the 
Bailie's  dignity  and  orderliness  to  see  the  terrace 
in  which  the  Seminary  stood,  and  which  had  the 
honour  of  containing  his  residence,  turned  into  a 


GUERILLA     WARFARE     229 

playground,  and  outrageous  that  Jock  Howieson, 
playing  rounders  in  front  of  a  magistrate's  resi- 
dence, should  send  the  ball  crack  through  the  plate- 
glass  window  of  a  magistrate's  dining-room.  It 
was  fearsome  conduct  on  the  part  of  Jock,  and 
even  the  ball  itself  should  have  known  better;  but 
the  Bailie  might  have  been  certain  that  Jock  did 
not  intend  to  lose  his  ball  and  his  game  also,  and 
the  maddest  thing  the  magistrate  could  do  was  to 
make  that  ball  a  cause  of  war.  It  was  easy  enough 
to  go  to  Bulldog's  class-room  and  lodge  a  com- 
plaint, but  as  he  could  not  identify  the  culprit,  and 
no  one  would  tell  on  Jock,  the  Bailie  departed 
worsted,  and  the  address  which  he  gave  the  boys 
was  received  with  derision.  When  he  turned  from 
the  boys  to  the  master,  he  fared  no  better,  for  Bull- 
dog who  hated  tell-tales  and  had  no  particular  re- 
spect for  Bailies,  told  the  great  man  plainly  that  his 
(Bulldog's)  jurisdiction  ceased  at  the  outer  door  of 
the  Seminary,  and  that  it  was  not  his  business  to 
keep  order  in  the  Terrace.  Even  the  sergeant, 
when  the  Bailie  commanded  him  to  herd  the  boys 
in  the  court-yard,  forgot  the  respect  due  to  a  magis- 
trate, and  refused  point-blank,  besides  adding  a 
gratuitous  warning,  which  the  Bailie  deeply  re- 
sented, to  let  the  matter  drop,  or  else  he'd  repent 
the  day  when  he  interfered  with  the  laddies. 

"I  was  a  sergeant  in  the  Black  Watch,  Bailie,  and 
I  was  through  the  Crimean  War — ye  can  see  my 


230     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

medals;  but  it  takes  me  all  my  time  to  keep  the 
pack  in  hand  within  my  ain  jurisdiction;  and  if  ye 
meddle  wi'  them  outside  yir  jurisdiction,  I  tell  ye, 
Bailie,  they'll  mak'  a  fool  o'  ye  afore  they're  done 
w'  ye  in  face  o'  all  Muirtown.  There's  a  way  o' 
managin'  them,  but  peety  ye  if  ye  counter  them. 
Noo,  when  they  broke  the  glass  in  the  Count's 
windows,  if  he  didna  pretend  that  he  couldna 
identify  them  and  paid  the  cost  himself!  He  may 
be  French,  but  he's  long-headed,  for  him  and  the 
laddies  are  that  friendly  there's  naething  they 
woudna  do  for  him.  As  ye  value  yir  peace  o' 
mind,  Bailie,  and  yir  poseetion  in  Muirtown,  dinna 
quarrel  Avi'  the  Seminary.  They're  fine  laddies  as 
laddies  go;  but  for  mischief,  they're  juist  born 
deevils." 

There  is  a  foolish  streak  in  every  man,  and  the 
Bailie  went  on  to  his  doom.  As  the  authorities  of 
the  Seminary  refused  to  do  their  duty — for  which 
he  would  remember  them  in  the  Council  when 
questions  of  salary  and  holidays  came  up — the 
Bailie  fell  back  on  the  police,  who  had  their  own 
thoughts  of  his  policy,  but  dared  not  argue  with  a 
magistrate;  and  one  morning  an  able-bodied  con- 
stable appeared  on  the  scene  and  informed  the 
amazed  school  that  he  was  there  to  prevent  them 
playing  on  the  Terrace.  No  doubt  he  did  his 
duty  according  to  his  light,  but  neither  he  nor  six 
constables  could  have  quelled  the  Seminary  any 


GUERILLA    WARFARE     231 

more  than  you  can  hold  quicksilver  in  your  hand. 
When  he  walked  with  stately  step  up  and  down  the 
broad  pavement  before  Bulldog's  windows,  the 
Seminary  went  up  and  played  opposite  the  Bailie's 
house,  introducing  his  name  into  conversation,  with 
opprobrious  remarks  regarding  the  stoutness  of 
his  person,  and  the  emptiness  of  his  head,  and  finally 
weaving  the  story  of  his  life  into  a  verse  of  poetry 
which  was  composed  by  Speug,  but  is  not  suitable 
for  a  book  of  family  reading.  If  the  constable, 
with  the  fear  of  the  magistrate  before  his  eyes,  went 
up  to  stand  as  a  guard  of  honour  before  the  Bailie's 
house,  the  school  went  down  then  to  the  Russian  guns 
and  held  a  meeting  of  triumph,  challenging  the 
constable  to  come  back  to  the  Seminary,  and  telling 
him  what  they  would  do  to  him.  They  formed  a 
bodyguard  round  him  some  days,  keeping  just  out 
of  reach,  and  marched  along  with  him,  backward 
and  forward ;  other  days  they  chafTed  and  teased  him 
till  his  life  was  a  burden  to  him,  for  he  had  no  power 
,to  arrest  them,  and  in  his  heart  he  sympathised 
with  them.  And  then,  at  last,  being  weary  of  the 
constable,  the  school  turned  its  attention  to  the 
Bailie. 

One  afternoon  a  meeting  of  choice  spirits  was 
held  in  the  North  Meadow,  beyond  the  supervision 
of  the  constable,  and  after  the  Bailie  had  been 
called  every  name  of  abuse  known  to  the  Seminary, 
and  Speug  had  ransacked    the    resources  of   the' 


232      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

stable  yard  in  profanity,  he  declared  that  the  time 
had  now  come  for  active  operation,  and  that  the 
war  must  be  carried  into  the  enemy's  country. 
Speug  declared  his  conviction  in  the  vernacular  of 
the  school,  which  is  here  translated  into  respectable 
language,  that  the  Bailie  was  a  gentleman  of  doubt- 
ful birth  and  discreditable  pedigree,  that  his  con- 
duct as  a  boy  was  beyond  description,  and  that  his 
private  life  was  stained  with  every  vice;  that  his  in- 
tellect would  give  him  a  right  to  be  confined  in  the 
county  asylum,  and  that  he  had  also  qualified  by 
his  way  of  living  for  the  county  gaol;  that  he  didn't 
wash  more  than  once  a  year,  and  that  the  smell  of 
him  was  like  to  that  from  a  badger's  hole;  that  it 
was  a  pity  he  didn't  attend  to  his  own  business,  and 
that  he  had  very  little  business  to  do;  that  he  would 
soon  be  bankrupt,  and  that  if  he  wasn't  bankrupt 
already  it  was  only  because  he  cheated  with  his 
change;  that  he  sanded  his  sugar,  and  that  his 
weights  and  measures  were  a  scandal;  but  that  the 
Seminary  must  do  what  they  could  to  lead  him  to 
honest  ways  and  teach  him  industry,  and  that  he 
(Speug)  with  the  aid  of  one  or  two  friends 
would  do  his  best  for  the  reformation  of  Bailie 
MacConachie,  and  in  this  way  return  good  for  evil, 
as  Mr.  Byles,  assistant  in  the  department  of  mathe- 
matics, used  to  teach.  And  the  school  waited  with 
expectation  for  the  missionary  effort  upon  which 
Speug  with  the  assistance  of  Howieson  and  Bauldie, 
was  understood  to  be  engaged. 


GUERILLA    WARFARE     233 

Next  Friday  evening  an  art  committee  met  in  a 
stable-loft  on  the  premises  of  Mr,  McGufifie  senior, 
and  devoted  their  skill — which  was  greater  than 
they  ever  showed  in  their  work — to  the  elaboration 
of  a  high-class  advertisement  which  was  to  be 
shown  round  a  certain  district  in  Muirtown,  and 
which  they  hoped  would  stimulate  the  custom  at 
Bailie  MacConachie's  shop.  Howieson  had  pro- 
vided two  large  boards  such  as  might  be  hung  one 
on  the  breast  and  one  on  the  back  of  a  man,  and 
those  Speug  had  cut  to  the  proper  size  and  pasted 
over  with  thick  white  paper.  Upon  them  Bauldie, 
who  had  quite  a  talent  for  drawing,  wrought  dili- 
gently for  a  space  of  two  hours,  with  the  assist- 
ance and  encouragement  of  his  friends,  and  when 
they  set  the  boards  up  against  the  wall  the  com- 
mittee was  greatly  pleased.  Speug  read  aloud  the 
advertisement  with  much  unction — 

CHEAP  TEA!    CHEAP  TEA!    CHEAP  TEA! 

Sale  of  Bankrupt  Stock 

AT 

BAILIE  MACCONACHIE'S 

THE    FAMOUS    ITALIAN     WAREHOUSEMAN, 

49,  St.  Andrew  Street. 


ELEVENPENCE-HALFPENNY  PER  POUND. 


Sale  Begins  at  One  o'clock  on  Saturday. 

Glass  of  Whisky  Free  to  all  Purchasers. 

Poor  People  Specially  Invited. 

Be  early.  Be  early. 

BAILIE  MACCONACHIE'S 

CHEAP  TEA!    CHEAP  TEA!    CHEAP  TEA  I 


234    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

The  three  artists  contained  themselves  till  they 
came  to  the  last  "Cheap  Tea!"  then  Jock  knocked 
Bauldie  down  among  the  hay,  and  Speug  fell 
on  the  top  of  them,  and  they  rolled  in  one 
bundle  of  delight,  arising  from  time  to  time  to 
study  the  advertisement  and  taste  its  humour. 

"  'Bankrupt  stock !'  "  cried  Bauldie,  "and  him  an 
Elder  of  the  Kirk!  That'll  learn  him  to  be  com- 
plaining of  his  windows." 

"  'Poor  people  specially  invited,'  and  calls  him- 
self an  Italian  warehouseman.  I  would  give  half 
a  dozen  ginger-beer  to  see  Lady  Kilspindie  there," 
stammered  Jock  with  delight. 

"  'Glass  of  whisky  free !'  " — and  Speug  took  a 
fresh  turn  in  the  hay — "it's  against  law  to  drink 
whisky  in  a  grocer's  shop — and  him  a  magistrate ! 
He'll  no  meddle  wi'  the  Seminary  again." 

"Be  early!'"  chanted  Jock,  "'be  early!'  My 
word !  They'll  be  there,  all  the  waufies  of  Muir- 
town;  there'll  no  be  room  in  the  street.  'Glass  of 
whisky  free!'"  and  Jock  wiped  his  eyes  with  his 
knuckles. 

Upon  Saturday,  at  noon,  just  as  the  Bailie  was 
going  along  the  Terrace  to  his  house  and  congratu- 
lating himself  that  on  that  day  at  least  he  was  free 
from  all  annoyance  by  the  way,  another  character 
of  Muirtown  had  started  out  through  a  very  dif- 
ferent part  of  the  fair  city.  London  John  was  as 
vyrell  known  in  Muirtown  as  the  Bailie  himself,  and 


GUERILLA    WARFARE     235 

in  his  way  was  quite  as  imposing.  Tall  and  gaunt, 
without  an  ounce  of  superfluous  flesh,  and  with  an 
inscrutable  countenance,  dressed  in  a  long  frock- 
coat  which  he  had  worn  for  at  least  a  quarter  of  a 
century,  and  a  tall  hat  which  he  had  rescued  from 
an  ashpit,  with  the  remains  of  a  pair  of  trousers, 
and  something  in  the  form  of  a  shirt  which  was 
only  seen  when  he  laid  aside  the  outer  garment  for 
active  service,  London  John  stalked  with  majesty 
through  the  streets  of  Muirtown.  He  earned  his 
living  as  a  sandwich  man,  or  by  carrying  in  coals, 
or  by  going  errands,  or  by  emptying  ashpits.  He 
could  neither  read  nor  write,  but  he  remembered  a 
number  and  never  forgot  what  was  due  to  him,  and 
the  solitary  subject  on  which  he  spoke  was  the 
wonders  of  London,  where  it  was  supposed  he  had 
lost  such  reason  as  he  had  at  once  possessed.  His 
coming  was  always  welcome  in  the  poorer  parts  of 
the  town,  for  the  sake  of  his  discourse  on  London, 
but  never  had  he  received  such  an  ovation  before 
in  the  Vennel,  which  was  largely  inhabited  by 
tramps  and  tinkers,  unskilled  labourers  and  casuals 
of  all  kinds.  The  cheap  tea  might  not  have 
aroused  their  enthusiasm,  but  at  the  mention  of  a 
free  glass  of  whisky  the  deepest  emotions  of  the 
Vennel  were  stirred. 

"Tea  at  elevenpence  halfpenny,"  cried  Tinkler 
Tam,  who  jogged  round  the  country  with  petty 
wares,  which  he  sold  in  exchange  for  rabbit-skins, 


236     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

old  clothes,  and  other  debris  of  a  house,  "and  a 
glass  of  whisky  free !  Ma  certes?  let  me  get  a  sight 
o'  that,"  and  London  John  was  brought  to  a  stand- 
still while  Tarn  read  aloud  the  advertisement  to  a 
crowd  who  could  appreciate  the  cheapness  of  the 
tea,  and  whose  tongues  began  to  hang  out  at  the 
very  thought  of  the  whisky. 

"A  lee !"  cried  the  travelling  merchant,  touched  at 
the  suggestion  of  such  deceit.  "He  daurna  do  sic 
a  thing,  else  his  shop  would  be  gutted.  Na,  na,  it 
reads  plain  as  a  pikestafT;  ye  pay  elevenpence  half- 
penny and  ye  get  a  pound  of  tea  and  a  glass  of 
whisky.  I  count  it  handsome  o'  the  Bailie;  and  if 
they  didna  say  he  was  a  teetotaler !  It's  awfu'  how 
a  man  is  abused." 

"He  gave  me  six  days  in  the  court,"  said  Jess 
Mitchell,  who  had  had  a  difiference  of  opinion  with 
another  lady  in  the  Vennel  and  received  the  Bailie's 
best  attention  from  the  Bench,  "and  if  I  hadna  to 
hear  him  preach  a  sermon  as  long  as  my  leg  besides 
— confound  him  for  a  smooth-tongued,  psalm- 
singin',  bletherin'  old  idiot!  But  I  bear  him  no 
grudge;  I'll  hae  a  taste  o'  that  whisky,  though  I'm 
no  mindin'  so  much  about  the  tea.  The  sooner 
we're  at  the  place  the  better,  for  I'll  be  bound 
there'll  be  more  tea  bought  this  day  in  Muirtown 
than  a'  the  last  year."  And  there  was  a  general 
feeling  that  the  Vennel  had  better  make  no  delay, 


GUERILLA    WARFARE     237 

lest  some  other  locality  should  obtain  the  first 
call. 

As  London  John  went  on  his  way  the  news 
spread  through  the  back  streets  and  closes,  and  the 
Bailie's  generous  invitation  fell  on  responsive  ears. 
And  if  any  person  was  inclined  to  doubt  there  was 
the  advertisement  in  plain  terms,  and  over  the 
board  with  its  engaging  news  the  austere  and  un- 
moved countenance  of  London  John.  That 
worthy  could  give  no  information  about  the  re- 
markable placard,  not  even  from  whom  he  received 
it;  but  he  was  quite  sure  that  he  was  to  take  it 
through  the  Vennel  and  neighbouring  streets  for 
two  hours,  and  that  he  had  received  a  shilling  for 
his  labour,  which  he  proposed  to  spend  at  Bailie 
MacConachie's  when  his  task  was  done.  He  also 
explained  that  in  London,  where  he  used  to  reside, 
whisky  ran  like  water,  and  tea  could  be  had  for  the 
asking.  But  his  hearers  had  no  interest  that  day 
in  London. 

It  struck  the  Bailie  as  he  returned  from  midday 
dinner,  and  long  before  he  reached  St.  Andrew's 
Street,  that  something  was  happening,  and  he  won- 
dered whether  they  were  changing  the  cavalry  at 
the  barracks.  People  looked  curiously  at  him,  and 
having  made  as  though  they  would  have  spoken, 
passed  on,  shaking  their  heads.  When  he  turned 
into  the  familiar  street,  down  which  he  was  accus- 


238      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

tomed  to  parade  with  a  double  weight  of  dignity, 
an  enlivening  spectacle  met  his  eyes.  Every  shop- 
keeper was  out  at  his  door,  and  would  indeed  have 
been  along  the  street,  had  he  not  judged  it  wiser 
to  protect  his  property,  and  the  windows  above  the 
shop  were  full  of  faces.  Opposite  his  own  most  re- 
spectable place  of  business  the  street  was  crammed 
from  side  to  side  with  a  seething  mob,  through 
which  Mr.  McGufjfie  senior  was  striving  to  drive  a 
dogcart  with  slender  success  and  complaining 
loudly  of  obstruction.  Respectable  working  women 
were  there,  together  with  their  husbands,  having 
finished  the  day's  work;  country  folk  who  dropped 
into  town  on  the  Saturday  had  been  attracted 
to  the  scene;  the  riff-rafif  of  Muirtown  had  come 
out  from  their  dens  and  lodging-houses,  together 
with  that  casual  population  which  has  nothing  par- 
ticular to  do  and  is  glad  of  any  excitement.  They 
were  of  various  kinds  and  different  degrees  of  re- 
spectability, but  they  were  all  collected  in  answer 
to  Bailie  MacConachie's  generous  offer;  they  were 
also  all  ready  to  buy  the  tea,  and  a  large  number  of 
them  particularly  ready  for  the  whisky.  The  first 
to  arrive  on  the  scene  had  been  Tinkler  Tam,  who 
put  down  elevenpence-halfpenny  in  copper  money 
upon  the  counter  with  a  crash,  and  informed  the 
Bailie's  senior  assistant  that  to  save  time  he  would 
just  take  the  whisky  while  they  were  making  up 
the  tea,  and  was  promptly  ordered  out  of  the  shop 


GUERILLA    WARFARE     239 

for  an  impudent,  drunken  blackguard.  Thomas, 
in  the  course  of  a  varied  Hfe,  was  not  unaccustomed 
to  be  called  disrespectful  names,  and  it  was  not  the 
tirst  time  he  had  been  requested  to  leave  high  class 
premises;  but  for  once,  at  least,  he  had  a  perfectly 
good  conscience  and  a  strong  ground  of  com- 
plaint. 

"Impident,  am  I,  and  drunken,  did  ye  say,  ye 
meeserable,  white-faced  effeegy  of  a  counter- 
jumper?  If  I  werena  present  on  business  I  would 
put  such  a  face  on  you  that  yir  mother  wouldna 
know  you;  but  I'm  here  wi'  my  friends"  (great 
applause  from  the  doorway,  where  the  crowd  was 
listening  to  the  interview)  "for  a  commercial 
transaction.  Div  ye  no  ken,  3^e  misshapen  object, 
that  we're  here  on  a  special  invitation  of  yir  master, 
sent  this  mornin'  to  the  Vennel?"  (strong  confir- 
mation given  under  oath  by  Jess  Mitchell),  "and 
I'll  juist  give  you  the  terms  thereof,  ye  two-faced, 
leein',  unprincipled  wratch"  (enthusiastic  support 
from  the  street). 

The  ambassador  of  the  proletariat — whose  con- 
stituency filled  the  outer  part  of  the  shop,  pressed 
their  faces  against  the  window  and  swayed  with  im- 
patience across  the  street,  and  also  seized  a  lamp- 
post for  purposes  of  observation — rehearsed  the 
terms  of  the  advertisement  with  considerable  ac- 
curacy and  expounded  them  with  various  figures  of 
speech,  and  then  issued  his  ultimatum. 


240     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

"Ye  have  heard  the  invitation  sent  oot  by  a 
magistrate  o'  Perth,  and  a  man  whom  I've  met  on 
pubHc  occasions"  (Tam  had  been  prosecuted  be- 
fore the  BaiHe  under  the  Game  Acts)  :  "we're  here 
in  response  to  a  pubhc  advertisement  in  terms 
thereof,  and  my  money  is  on  the  counter.  I  call 
these  persons  present  to  witness  that  I've  fulfilled 
my  side  of  the  covenant,  and  I  here  and  now  before 
these  witnesses  demand  the  tea  and  the  whisky  as 
above  stated"  (howls  from  the  crowd,  who  were 
greatly  impressed  by  this  judicial  effort,  and  were 
getting  every  minute  more  thirsty). 

"It's  maist  extraordinary  that  the  Bailie  is  no 
here  himsel'  to  receive  his  friends;  but  what  is  done 
by  the  servant  is  done  by  the  master — that's  good 
law"  (vehement  support  from  Jess  Mitchell,  who 
at  the  smell  of  the  shop  was  getting  beyond  con- 
trol); "and  I  give  ye  two  meenuts,  my  dainty 
young  friend,  and  if  the  material  be  not  forthcom- 
ing at  the  end  of  that  time,  the  law  will  allow  us  to 
help  ourselves,  and  gin  ye  offer  ony  resistance  I'll 
pit  ye  and  yir  neebour  inside  the  sugar-cask."  And 
it  was  fortunate  for  every  person  concerned  that 
the  police,  who  had  been  somewhat  perplexed  by 
the  circumstances,  arrived  at  the  scene,  and  turned 
Tinkler  Tam  and  his  friends  into  the  street  and 
themselves  stood  guard  over  the  shop.  It  was  at 
this  point  that  the  Bailie  arrived  and  was  received 
with  frantic  applause  and  a  Babel  of  appeal. 


"Before  iiim  stood  London  John  bearing  the 
seductive  advertisement." 


GUERILLA    WARFARE     241 

"Hurrah  for  the  BaiHe !  Come  awa'  man,  quick, 
else  yir  shop  will  be  wreckit.  Where  ha'  ye  been? 
The  folk  are  cryin'  oot  for  ye.  It's  time  ye  started 
on  the  tea  and  the  whisky.  Make  way  for  the  Bailie. 
He's  coming  to  start  the  auction.  Three  cheers  for 
Bailie  MacConachie!"  And  the  Bailie,  limp  and 
dishevelled,  amazed  and  furious,  was  hustled 
through  the  crowd  to  see  the  Italian  warehouse 
guarded  by  the  police,  and  the  mob  of  Muirtown 
clamouring  for  tea  and  whisky  at  his  hand,  while 
face  to  face  with  him  stood  London  John,  who  had 
now  been  produced  for  the  occasion,  bearing  on  his 
back  and  breast  the  seductive  advertisement. 

'Tt's  a  brazen  He !"  And  the  enraged  Bailie  lost 
all  self-control  as  he  read  the  legend  on  the  board. 
"A  low,  mean,  dirty  trick,  a  deliberately  planned 
fraud.  It's  perfectly  iniquitous,  in  fact,  juist — 
juist  damnable!  Bankrupt — who  is  bankrupt? 
Is't  me?"  And  the  veins  on  the  Bailie's  neck 
swelled  visibly.  "Tea  at  elevenpence-halfpenny! 
I  never  had  such  trash  in  my  shop.  Three  shil- 
lings is  the  lowest,  and  I  never  recommended  it. 
Whisky ! — there  is  not  a  drop  in  the  shop.  Who 
dare  say  I  would  turn  this  shop  into  a  public- 
house?  I'll  be  at  the  bottom  of  this,  though  it  cost 
me  a  thousand  pounds.  Who  hired  ye  to  carry 
round  the  board,  ye  peetiful  creature?  If  ye  don't 
tell  the  truth  I'll  commit  ye  to  gaol  this  very 
meenute."     And  the  Bailie  turned  the  battery  of 


242     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

his  wrath  upon  London  John,  who  was  greatly  flat- 
tered by  his  own  prominent  position,  and  not  at  all 
concerned  about  the  Bailie's  threat. 

"It  was,"  replied  the  Mercury  of  the  Vennel, 
with  great  composure,  "a  big,  stout  man  like  yir- 
sel'.  Bailie,  that  gied  me  the  boards  and  a  shillin'; 
or,  noo  that  I  think  about  it,  he  wasna  so  big,  he 
was  a  little  man,  and  gey  shilpit  (thin)  about  the 
neck.  Dod !  I'm  no  very  sure,  though,  but  that 
is  was  a  woman  wi'  a  red  face  and  a  shepherd's  tar- 
tan plaid;  at  ony  rate,  if  it  wasna  her  it  micht  be  a 
bit  lassie  wi'  bare  head  and  feet;  and  I'm  thinkin' 
noo.  Bailie,  it  was  a  bit  lassikie,  for  she  said  to  me, 
'Have  ye  ever  been  in  London?'  Noo,  Bailie,  I 
would  like  to  tell  you  about  London."  And  if  the 
police  had  not  silenced  London  John,  the  Bailie 
at  that  moment  would  have  had  a  fit  of  apoplexy, 
for  it  was  evident  that  the  trail  was  blind  and  there 
was  no  getting  to  the  rear  person  behind  London 
John. 

The  crowd  had  listened  with  considerable  pa- 
tience and  self-restraint  to  this  conversation,  but 
as  soon  as  the  hope  of  tea  and  refreshment  died 
away,  and  they  realised  that  some  one  had  fooled 
them,  they  looked  out  for  a  victim,  and  settled 
upon  the  Bailie. 

"Ye  should  be  ashamed  of  yourself,"  and  Tinklef 
Tam,  standing  out  from  the  midst  of  the  crowd. 


GUERILLA    WARFARE     243 

and  sitting  as  it  were  upon  the  bench  sentenced  the 
Bailie  in  the  dock.  "It's  a  fine  business  to  be  play- 
ing tricks  on  the  poor  folk  o'  Muirtown,  wilin' 
them  from  their  work  to  waste  their  time  at  your 
shop-door  and  sendin'  them  awa'  empty-handed.  If 
it  had  been  the  first  o'  April,  and  ye  had  been  a  lad- 
die, I  wouldna  hev  said  much  aboot  it;  but  at  your 
age,  and  you  a  magistrate,  to  play  sic  a  trick,  it's 
perfectly  disgraceful.  Ye  ought  to  get  a  month's 
hard  labour,  but  aye  thing's  sure,  ye'll  no  long  be 
a  Bailie  o'  Muirtown.  It  was  fearsome  to  hear  ye 
askin'  London  John  who  gave  him  the  shillin' 
when  he  describit  ye  juist  as  ye  are  standing;  then 
the  puir  body,  when  ye  threatened  him,  brought  in 
the  lassie.  Man,  though  ye're  a  Bailie  and  I'm 
naething  but  Tinkler  Tani,  I  would  scorn  to  make 
use  of  a  poor  natural  that  hasna  his  wits,  juist  to 
feed  my  vanity  and  gither  a  crowd  round  my  shop." 
Then  the  crowd  united  in  three  long  groans,  and 
possibly  might  have  shown  their  indignation  in  a 
still  more  pronounced  form,  but  the  police,  being 
still  further  reinforced,  drove  them  along  the 
streets,  while  the  Bailie  hid  himself  in  the  recesses 
of  his  shop. 

Three  minutes  later  Speug  sauntered  into  the 
shop  with  Howieson  and  Bauldie,  and  demanded  a 
pennyworth  of  peppermint  drops.  He  also  re- 
marked to  Jock,  as  they  were  being  folded  up,  "If 


244    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

there  be  as  mony  o'  the  Bailie's  friends  callin'  at 
the  shop  on  Monday,  I  doubt  the  police  will  no  be 
able  to  spare  a  constable  to  keep  order  on  the  Ter- 
race." And  as  a  matter  of  fact  the  offensive  patrol 
was  withdrawn,  and  the  Seminary  resumed  posses- 
sion of  the  debatable  ground. 


THE    FALL    OF    GOLIATH 
XIII 

Bailie  Macconachie  made  a  mistake  when  he 
risked  a  war  with  the  boys  of  the  Seminary,  and  it 
was  colossal  folly  on  his  part  to  continue  the  war 
after  his  first  defeat  in  the  afifair  of  the  advertise- 
ment. No  doubt  it  was  humiliating  to  have  his 
respectable  place  of  business  filled  with  the  mob  of 
Muirtown  demanding  whisky  as  a  right,  and 
threatening  him  with  penalties  as  a  covenant- 
breaker  when  they  did  not  get  it;  he  had  also  very 
good  reasons  for  believing  that  the  unholy  inspira- 
tion which  gathered  the  vagrants  to  his  shop  came 
from  the  Seminary.  His  best  policy,  however, 
would  have  been  to  treat  the  matter  as  a  joke;  and 
if  the  Bailie  had  stopped  on  his  way  to  dinner,  and 
told  the  boys  plainly  that  he  knew  quite  well  they 
were  at  the  bottom  of  the  affair,  that  they  were  a  set 
of  confounded  young  rascals,  that  he  had  intended 
to  hang  six  of  them  and  send  the  rest  to  penal  servi- 
tude, that  he  was  going  to  forgive  them  for  the 
sake  of  their  unhappy  parents,  and  because  it  had 
not  been  half  bad  fun  after  all,  that  there  would  be 


246     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

no  more  policemen  before  the  Seminary,  and  there 
mAist  be  no  more  windows  smashed  in  his  (the 
Bailie's)  house — the  Seminary,  which  always  re- 
spected a  fellow  who  took  his  licking  with  good 
humour  and  didn't  squeal,  would  have  given  the 
Bailie  the  best  cheer  he  ever  got  in  his  public 
career,  and  a  covenant  of  peace  would  have  been 
made  between  him  and  the  boys  which  would  never 
have  been  forgotten.  Had  another  pane  of  glass 
been  broken  by  a  Seminary  ball,  the  value  thereof 
in  a  packet  of  halfpence,  with  an  expression  of  re- 
gret, would  have  been  handed  in  before  evening. 
The  honorary  freedom  of  the  school  would  have 
been  conferred  on  the  Bailie,  without  any  public 
ceremony,  but  with  immense  practical  advantage, 
and  although  the  Bailie  was  surfeited  with  civic 
honours,  yet  even  he  might  have  tasted  a  new 
pleasure  as  he  passed  along  the  terrace  to  see  the 
boys  suspend  a  game  for  an  instant  to  let  him  pass 
in  stately  walk,  and  to  hear  Speug  cry,  "Oot  o'  the 
Bailie's  road,"  and  to  receive  a  salute  from  tailless 
Highland  bonnets  that  were  touched  to  none  out- 
side the  school,  except  to  the  Count  and  Dr.  Man- 
ley.  If  Providence  had  given  a  touch  of  imagina- 
tion to  the  Bailie,  and  his  head  had  not  been  swollen 
by  a  position  approaching  that  of  the  angels,  he 
would  have  come  to  terms  at  once  with  the  boys, 
in  which  case  bygones  would  have  been  bygones, 
and  he  would  have  been  spared  much  humiliation. 


THE  FALL  OF  GOLIATH      247 

Unfortunately  the  Bailie  allowed  his  temper  to 
get  the  better  of  him,  raging  furiously  in  public 
places,  and  breathing  forth  threatenings  about 
what  he  would  do  to  the  plotter,  till  all  Muirtown, 
which  otherwise  might  have  pitied  him,  held  its 
sides.  He  kept  our  single  detective  at  work  for  a 
fortnight,  who  finally  extracted  from  London  John 
that  the  "boardies"  containing  the  shameful  adver- 
tisement had  been  given  him  by  a  man  un- 
commonly like  the  detective  himself  and  that 
the  said  "boardies"  were  not  to  be  compared 
with  those  he  used  to  carry  in  London.  The 
detective  also  learned,  on  a  somewhat  risky 
visit  to  Mr.  McGuffie's  stables,  that  the  Speug 
had  spent  the  whole  day  of  that  historical  Satur- 
day till  the  hour  of  two — when  he  called  for  pep- 
permints at  the  Bailie's  shop — in  cleaning  out  his 
rabbit-hutch  and  other  domestic  duties — this  on 
the  testimony  of  three  of  Mr.  McGufHe's  grooms, 
each  of  whom  was  willing  to  swear  the  same  any- 
where, or  fight  the  detective,  with  gloves  or  with- 
out gloves,  in  the  stable-yard  or  any  other  place 
which  might  be  agreed  upon.  The  Bailie  also,  go- 
ing from  bad  to  worse,  offered  a  reward  of  £5  for 
any  information  which  would  lead  to  the  convic- 
tion of  the  offender,  and  received  thirty  letters — so 
many  anonymous,  attacking  his  character,  public 
and  private,  and  so  many  signed,  from  various 
cranks  in  Muirtown,  in  which  the  crime  was  as- 


248      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

signed  to  Irish  Roman  Catholics,  to  the  PubUcans, 
to  the  Morisonians,  and  to  a  tribe  of  gypsies  camped 
outside  the  city.  They  were  all  annoying,  but 
there  were  two  which  cut  the  Bailie  to  the  quick. 
One  was  written  from  the  security  of  Glasgow,  in 
which  the  writer  promised,  on  receipt  of  the  re- 
ward, to  send  a  full  account  of  the  conspiracy,  and, 
having  got  the  money,  replied  briefly  that  he  left 
the  matter  to  the  Bailie's  own  conscience;  and  the 
second,  which  asked  for  no  reward  except  the 
writer's  sense  of  having  done  his  duty,  and  which 
hinted  that  if  the  Bailie  put  the  question  straight 
to  his  senior  assistant,  he  might  find  he  had  been 
nourishing  a  viper  in  his  bosom,  and  that  a  young 
man  with  such  a  smug  appearance  could  be  little 
else  than  a  rascal.  This  letter,  which  was  written 
in  a  schoolboy  hand,  and  had  five  words  misspelt, 
was  signed,  "An  Elder  of  the  Free  Kirk."  None 
of  the  letters  seemed  to  help  the  matter  forward, 
and  life  at  the  Bailie's  residence  was  very  troubled 
during  those  weeks. 

When  news  of  the  Bailie's  vindictive  spirit  spread 
through  the  Seminary,  the  boys  were  much  pained, 
for  it  was  sad  to  see  an  old  man  forgetting  himself 
and  harbouring  a  spirit  of  revenge.  It  seemed,  in- 
deed, as  if  all  they  had  done  for  the  Bailie  was 
simply  love's  labour  lost,  and  that  they  must  begin 
again  to  bring  him  to  a  proper  state  of  mind.  The 
Seminary  loved  peace  and  hated  war,  being  a  body 


THE  FALL  OF  GOLIATH      249 

of  quiet,  well-behaved,  hard-working  lads.  Still, 
if  war  was  forced  upon  them,  and  detectives  set 
upon  their  track,  it  was  a  duty  to  themselves  and 
their  families  to  meet  the  situation  bravely.  Noth- 
ing could  have  been  more  successful  than  the  last 
campaign;  and,  although  Speug  had  never  boasted, 
and  none  dared  say  that  he  had  anything  to  do 
with  it,  there  was  a  feeling  in  the  Seminary  that  the 
conduct  of  the  next  campaign  was  safe  in  his  hands. 
As  it  turned  out,  it  was  certainly  safe,  and  one 
ought  not  to  detract  from  genius,  but  there  can  be 
no  doubt  that  Fortune  played  into  the  hands  of 
Speug. 

Much  may  be  allowed  to  a  broad  sense  of  humour, 
and  the  walk  of  the  Bailie  was  marvellous  to  behold ; 
but  it  was  rather  poor  business  for  Speug  to  walk 
half  the  length  of  the  Terrace  a  yard  behind  the 
Bailie  in  an  exact  imitation  of  the  magistrate's 
manner,  although  the  school  was  hugely  delighted. 
If  the  Bailie  had  taken  no  notice,  the  score  had 
been  on  his  side;  but  when  he  turned  round  and 
gave  Speug  a  sound  box  on  the  side  of  the  head,  he 
lost  himself,  and  out  of  that  single  mistake,  by  a 
chain  of  consequences,  arose  the  scandal  which 
almost  drove  the  Bailie  from  Muirtown.  Speug 
could  not  have  hoped  for  anything  so  good  as  that 
foolish  blow,  and  the  moment  that  it  came  he  saw 
his  opportunity.  Many  a  stroke  had  he  endured 
in  his  day,  from  his  father  and  from  the  grooms, 


250     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

when  his  mischief  was  beyond  endurance,  and  from 
Bulldog  when  he  caught  him  red-handed,  and  from 
the  boys  in  a  fight,  and  there  was  no  one  of  his  age 
so  indifferent  to  such  af^ictions.  Had  the  hand 
been  any  other  than  that  of  Bailie  MacConachie, 
Speug  would  have  made  derisive  gestures  and  in- 
vited the  second  stroke.  As  it  was,  he  staggered 
across  the  pavement  and  fell  with  a  heavy  thud 
upon  the  street,  where,  after  one  sharp,  piercing 
cry  of  pain,  he  lay  montionless,  but  his  moans 
could  be  heard  along  the  Terrace.  His  one  hope 
was  that,  when  he  had  seized  the  occasion  with 
such  dramatic  success,  the  Seminary  would  not  fail 
to  play  up  and  support  his  role,  and,  although  they 
were  cleverer  at  reality  than  acting  they  entered 
heartily  into  their  opportunity. 

"Are  ye  conscious,  Peter?"  inquired  Howieson 
tenderly,  as  he  stooped  over  the  prostrate  figure. 
"Div  ye  hear  us  speakin'  to  ye?  Dinna  moan  like 
that,  but  tell  us  where  ye're  hurt.  What  are  ye 
gatherin'  round  like  that  for  an  keepin'  away  the 
air?  Hold  up  his  head,  Bauldie?  Some  o'  ye  lift 
his  feet  out  o'  the  gutter?  Run  to  the  lade,  for 
ony's  sake,  and  bring  some  water  in  yir  bonnets." 

It  was  pretty  to  see  Jock  and  Bauldie  lifting  the 
unconscious  form  of  their  beloved  friend,  and  carry- 
ing him  carefully  across  the  pavement,  and  placing 
Speug  in  a  sitting  position  against  the  railing,  and 
then  rendering  what  would  now  be  called  first  aid 


THE  FALL  OF  GOLIATH       251 

to  the  wounded,  while  that  ingenuous  youth  kept 
his  eyes  tightly  closed  and  moaned  occasionally,  to 
show  that  he  was  still  living.  Never  in  his  life  had 
Providence  given  him  a  chance  of  playing  so  much 
mischief,  and  he  was  not  going  to  be  disobedient. 
They  opened  his  shirt  at  the  breast  to  give  him  air, 
they  anxiously  searched  the  side  of  his  head  for  the 
wound,  and  washed  away  imaginary  blood  with 
very  dirty  pocket-handkerchiefs.  They  bathed  his 
forehead  with  such  profuseness  that  the  water  ran 
down  his  chest,  whereat  Speug  expressed  himself 
in  low  but  stern  tones,  so  Nestie  advised  them  to 
stick  to  his  head;  and  some  of  the  smaller  boys 
were  only  prevented  from  taking  ofif  his  boots  by  a 
seasonable  warning  from  Bauldie  and  a  reasonable 
fear  of  consequences.  The  Seminary  circle  was  re- 
inforced by  all  the  message-boys  within  sight,  and 
several  ladies  who  were  coming  home  from  the 
shops.  Two  maiden  ladies,  against  whose  railings 
Peter  had  been  propped  in  the  hour  of  his  distress, 
came  out — their  hearts  full  of  compassion  and  their 
hands  of  remedies.  As  Jock  and  Bauldie  did 
not  consider  it  safe  that  Peter  should  be  moved  at 
once,  one  maiden  lady  placed  a  cushion  between  his 
head  and  the  railings,  while  the  other  chafed  his 
forehead  with  scent,  and  both  insisted  that  Dr. 
Manley  should  be  sent  for  at  once.  This  was  the 
first  suggestion  which  seemed  to  have  any  efifect  on 
Peter,  for  it  would  not  at  all  have  suited  his  plans 


252     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

that  that  matter-of-fact  physician  should  have  ar- 
rived on  the  spot.  And  when  a  bottle  of  ferocious 
smelling-salts  was  held  to  the  patient's  nose,  Speug 
showed  signs  of  returning  consciousness. 

"Poor  dear!"  said  one  lady;  *'what  a  mercy  he 
wasn't  killed.  A  blow  behind  the  ear  is  often  fatal. 
He's  coming  round  nicely.  The  colour  is  return- 
ing to  his  cheeks.  Bailie  MacConachie,  did  you 
say?"  as  Jock  Howieson  unfolded  to  the  ladies  in 
simple,  straightforward,  truthful  words  the  story 
of  the  murderous  attack.  "I  can't  believe  that  any 
man  would  so  abuse  a  poor  helpless  child."  (At 
this  moment  Peter,  who  had  been  reconnoitring 
the  whole  scene  through  his  half-closed  eyes, 
seized  the  opportunity  to  wink  to  the  mourners 
with  such  irresistible  effect  as  to  prove  once  again 
the  close  connection  between  tears  and  laughter.) 
"And  him  a  magistrate,"  concluded  the  sympa- 
thetic female.  "He  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  him- 
self; but  if  I  were  the  laddie's  friends,  I  would  make 
the  Bailie  hear  about  it  on  the  deaf  side  of  his 
head." 

Upon  a  sign  from  Speug,  who  was  getting  a  little 
weary  of  inaction,  he  was  helped  to  his  feet,  and 
after  one  or  two  staggers  seemed  to  come  to  him- 
self, and  submitted  with  agreeable  humour  to  the 
attention  of  his  friends,  who  dusted  him  from  head 
to  foot,  under  the  superintendence  of  the  ladies  and 
to  the  huge  delight  of  the  message-boys,  who  were 


"A  Bottle  of  ferocious  smelling-salts  was  held  to 

THE  patient's   NOSE." 


THE  FALL  OF  GOLIATH       253 

now  entering  into  the  meaning  of  the  scene.  His 
bonnet,  which  had  been  thoughtfully  used  as  a 
water-can,  was  placed  wrong  end  foremost  upon  his 
head,  but  Peter  resisted  the  proposal  to  tie  up  his 
head  in  Bauldie's  handkerchief,  partly  because 
there  was  a  limit  even  to  his  endurance,  and  be- 
cause Bauldie's  handkerchief  served  many  a  pur- 
pose in  the  course  of  the  day.  The  maiden  ladies 
were  anxious  that  he  should  rest  in  their  house,  but 
Speug  indicated  that  he  preferred  to  be  taken  home, 
where  he  could  break  the  news  himself  to  his 
anxious  father.  And  so  an  impressive  procession 
was  formed,  with  so  many  boys  in  front  to  clear  the 
way,  and  then  Speug,  upheld  on  the  one  hand  by 
Nestie,  and  on  the  other  by  Jock,  while  Bauldie 
commanded  the  rearguard  and  kept  the  message- 
boys  at  a  distance,  in  order  to  secure  due  respect 
for  the  sufferer.  It  was  with  difficulty  that  Speug 
could  sustain  his  role  until  he  and  his  friends  got 
safely  within  the  shelter  of  the  stable-yard,  when 
they  plunged  into  a  straw-shed  and  rolled  together 
in  one  heap  of  triumphant  mischief. 

"You're  a  g-genius,  Peter,"  said  Nestie,  "and  it 
would  be  pure  waste  for  you  to  be  a  h-horsedealer. 
You  must  go  on  the  st-stage.  The  way  you  came 
whack  on  the  pavement  was  j-just  immense;  and 
do  you  know,  Peter,  you  looked  quite  nice  when 
you  lay  f-fainting.  One  lady  called  you  a  pretty 
boy,  and  I  was  quite  sorry  you  were  unconscious." 


254    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

"Ye' re  a  disgustin'  liar,  Nestie,  besides  being  an 
impident  young  brat.  I  heard  every  word,  and  she 
never  said  'pretty';  but,"  and  Speug  looked  round 
thoughtfully,  "if  I  knew  which  o'  ye  emptied  the 
water  down  my  breast,  I'd  give  him  something  to 
remember.  I'm  wet  to  the  skin,"  and  Speug  made 
a  drive  at  Bauldie,  who  caught  Howieson  by  the 
leg,  who  pulled  down  Nestie  by  the  hair  of  the 
head,  and  they  all  fought  together  in  high  glee. 
Speug  extricated  himself  and  demanded  news  of 
the  Bailie.  Then  the  three  told  Speug  the  story 
together  in  bits,  one  beginning  where  another 
left  ofT. 

"He  was  that  astonished  when  ye  coupit  over 
that  he  couldna  speak,  and  Jock  cried,  'The  Bailie 
has  killed  Speug.'  "  "He  was  wantin'  to  lift  ye  up, 
but  Bauldie  gets  in  afore  him  and  dares  him  to 
strike  ye  a  second  time."  "It  would  have  done 
you  good,  Peter,  to  see  the  Bailie  walking  along  to 
his  house,  just  like  an  ordinary  man,  all  the  s-starch 
out  of  him,  and  taking  a  look  back  to  see  what  was 
h-happening."  "Aye,  and  he  stoppit  opposite  the 
lade  to  get  another  look,  and  if  Cosh  didna  empty 
a  cupful  of  water  on  his  legs  by  mistake !  I  didna 
think  Cosh  had  the  spirit."  "He  was  ashamed  to 
stand  at  the  w-window,  but  I  saw  him  p-peeping  out 
behind  the  curtains,  just  to  find  out  whether  you 
were  Hving."  "If  his  servant  lass  didna  follow  us 
across  the  meadow,  and,  my  word,  she's  back  to  the 


THE  FALL  OF  GOLIATH      255 

Bailie  with  a  fine  story."  "He's  sweatin'  the  now 
for  fear  he  be  taketi  up  for  assault,  and  maybe  man- 
slaughter." ''What  w-would  you  say,  Peter,  just 
to  die  altogether,  and  we  would  gi-give  you  an  Ai 
funeral?  If  you'll  just  be  g-good-natured  and  do 
it,  I'll  write  your  1-life  myself.  It's  perfectly 
sc-scrummageous."  And  then  Peter  fell  on  Nes- 
tle, and  Howieson  on  Bauldie,  and  they  rejoiced 
together  once  more  in  the  straw. 

"You're  'avin'  an  'igh  'ole  time  in  'ere,  young 
gentlemen,"  and  Mr.  McGuffie's  English  groom 
looked  down  on  the  boys;  "but  you're  missin'  the 
Derby,  that's  what  you  are.  Hold  Pompous  has 
come  'isself,  and  if  he  ain't  been  hexplainin'  to  the 
master  'ow  he  'appened  to  knock  Speug  down. 
He's  out  o'  breath  now,  and  the  master  he's  took 
up  the  runnin',  and — my  eye  and  Betty  Martin — 
ain't  he  talkin' !  Not  cussin' — no,  not  one  swear 
word  has  he  let  go.  Young  gentlemen,  upon  my 
Alfred  David,  if  the  master  ain't  preachin'  for  all 
the  world  as  if  he  was  a  blessed  beak  on  the  Bench 
and  old  Pompous  was  a  'habit  and  repute.'  It's  as 
good  as  a  circus;  you  just  go  and  'ear  'im,"  and 
in  exactly  one  and  a  quarter  seconds  the  boys  were 
an  unseen  audience  when  Mr.  Peter  McGuffiie 
senior  gave  his  opinion  of  the  conduct  of  Bailie 
MacConachie,  which  he  had  been  doing  already  for 
some  time  with  much  effect. 

"Imitatin'  ye,  was  he,  and  followin'  ye  along  the 


256     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

street,  walkin'  as  ye  walk,  and  so  ye  knocked  him 
down  in  open  day?  Why  should  he  not  be  doing 
as  ye  did?  Is  yir  walk  protected  by  law,  that 
nobody  dare  step  the  same  way  on  the  streets  of 
Muirtown?  Answer  me  that,  if  ye  please.  Bailies 
are  pretty  high  and  mighty  in  this  town,  they  are; 
but  I  never  heard  yet  that  the  street  belonged  to 
them,  and  that  a  laddie  was  in  danger  of  death  if 
he  followed  in  their  steps.  That  would  be  a  fine 
pass.  Aren't  boys  always  imitatin'  somebody? 
Why,  you  stupid  old  fool,  half  the  laddies  in  this 
district  try  to  imitate  me;  and,  as  sure  as  ye'rc 
standing  there,  I've  seen  half  a  dozen  of  them,  each 
one  with  a  straw  in  his  mouth,  and  the  bit  legs  of 
him  straddled,  and  his  bonnet  on  the  side  of  his 
head,  and  the  belly  of  him  stuck  out  like  a  pillow, 
just  the  eemage  of  myself.  What  would  ye  think 
of  me  if  I  knockit  one  of  them  down,  ye  double- 
distilled  old  fool? 

"I'm  astonished  at  ye,  for  ye  might  be  pleased 
to  think  that  the  laddies,  instead  of  copying  a  horse- 
dealer,  are  trying  to  be  magistrates.  Didna  the 
Provost  tell  the  laddies  the  last  time  he  gave  the 
prizes  to  'take  notice  of  my  freend  Bailie  Mac- 
Conachie,  and  try  to  be  like  him  ?'  And  now,  when 
one  of  them  has  taken  his  advice,  if  ye  dinna  turn 
round  on  the  street  and  half  kill  him,  till  he  had  to 
be  brought  home  half  faintin'  to  his  father's  house ! 


THE  FALL  OF  GOLIATH      257 

Fine-like  conduct  for  a  magistrate!  Ye  blood- 
thirsty old  ruffian ! 

"Came  to  make  inquiries,  did  ye?  Ye  made 
enough  inquiries,  by  all  accounts,  on  the  Terrace. 
Expression  of  regret,  was  it?  We  don't  want  yir 
regret,  ye  hypocritical  Pharisee!  Present  of  a  top? 
I  wonder  ye  have  the  face!  Ye  break  a  laddie's 
head  and  then  offer  him  a  top !  I  can  buy  tops  my- 
self for  ray  family.  Confound  ye !  to  think  ye're 
standing  there  after  manglin'  a  poor,  defenceless, 
harmless,  motherless  laddie!  Ye  should  be 
ashamed  to  show  yir  face  in  Muirtown;  and  if  there 
was  any  public  spirit  in  this  town,  ye  would  be 
drummed  out  o'  the  place ! 

"Look  ye  here.  Bailie  MacConachie" — and  Mr. 
McGuffie  adopted  a  conciliatory  tone — "the  best  of 
us  will  make  mistakes,  and  ye've  made  a  particu- 
larly big  one  when  ye  knockit  down  Peter  McGuf- 
fie in  the  face  of  the  public  of  Muirtown.  Ye  may 
bet  on  that  and  take  my  tip  for  it.  Let's  settle  this 
matter  fair  and  sure  as  between  man  and  man.  Ye 
say  ye're  sorry,  and  ye  don't  want  any  noise  made 
about  it.  Well,  now,  I've  lived  here  man  and  boy 
for  fifty  years,  and  any  man  in  Muirtown  will  tell 
you  I'm  straight.  If  I  give  a  warranty  with  any 
horse,  ye  needn't  be  afraid  to  buy  that  horse,  and 
I'll  deal  with  ye  on  the  square. 

"Ye  and  me  are  about  an  age  of  and  on,  and  we 


258     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

ought  to  be  pretty  even  as  fighting  men.  Ye  have 
the  pull  of  me  in  height,  but  I  would  say  that  I  am 
nimbler  on  my  legs.  Ye  might  be  called  a  heavy 
weight,  and  I  am  a  middle  weight,  but  there  isn't 
much  in  that.  We  could  meet  pretty  level  with 
the  gloves. 

"Suppose,  now,  we  just  went  into  the  straw-shed 
here,  and  stripped  and  fought  the  matter  of  six 
rounds,  easy  and  quiet?  There  would  be  no  mis- 
chief done,  and  no  bad  blood  left,  and  that  would 
be  the  end  of  the  matter. 

"Magistrate,  did  ye  say,  and  elder  in  the  Kirk. 
What  do  ye  take  me  for?  Do  ye  mean  to  say  I'd 
split  on  ye,  and  go  round  Muirtown  saying  that 
Bailie  MacConachie  and  me  had  a  friendly  turn 
with  the  gloves !  Ye  don't  do  me  justice.  Why, 
there's  nobody  outside  this  stable-yard  would  ever 
hear  tell  of  it;  and  if  they  did,  they  would  respect 
ye,  and  count  ye  an  able-bodied  man,  which  is 
more  than  a  Bailie  any  day.  Is  it  a  deal,  Bailie? 
Ye  won't,  won't  ye,  and  I  ought  to  be  ashamed  of 
myself,  ought  I?  And  a  prizefight  would  be  a  dis- 
grace to  Muirtown,  would  it?  Muirtown  is  pretty 
easy  disgraced,  then.  Who's  speaking  about  a 
prizefight,  ye  haverin'  old  body?  But  I  see  how 
the  wind  blows.  If  the  other  man  stands  a  bare 
five  feet,  and  ye  can  get  at  him  before  he's  ready, 
ye're  mighty  handy  with  yir  fists.  Ye  cowardly 
old  sneak?     But  when  ye're  ofifered  the  chance  of 


THE  FALL  OF  GOLIATH      259 

facing  a  man  about  yir  own  size,  ye  count  it  a  dis- 
grace. My  opinion  is,  ye  havna  the  spirit  of  a 
mouse  in  yir  body!  I'm  ashamed  to  think  ye' re 
a  magistrate  of  Muirtown!  Dinna  speak  to  me, 
MacConachie,  for  I  might  lose  control  and  send  ye 
out  of  the  stable-yard,  with  my  foot  foUowin' !  My 
advice  is  to  be  ofT  as  quick  as  ye  can,  for  if  some  of 
the  grooms  got  hold  of  ye  they  would  make  an 
awful  mess  of  ye — they're  not  just  particularly  fond 
of  magistrates,  and  they've  a  great  notion  of  Peter, 
"One  word  before  we  part,  Bailie,"  and  the 
Bailie  took  that  word  walking,  "So  far  as  I  under- 
stand, ye  might  be  arrested  for  assault,  and  I  might 
prosecute  ye  for  damages;  but  I  will  let  ye  off  just 
this  once  with  a  word  of  solemn  advice.  Ye're  a 
Bailie  of  Muirtown,  and  ye're  an  elder  in  the  Kirk, 
and  ye're  an  Italian  warehouse-man;  but  for  all 
that,  MacConachie,  remember  ye're  just  a  man. 
Ye're  swollen  up  and  fozzy  with  pride  and  vanity, 
and  ye  pace  down  the  streets  like  an  elephant  let 
loose  from  a  menagerie;  but,  MacConachie,  con- 
sider ye're  just  a  man.  Ye're  wily  and  cunning  and 
pawky  and  long-headed,  and  ye're  got  yir  own  way 
in  this  town  for  many  a  year;  but  lay  it  to  heart, 
ye're  just  a  man.  Ye've  sat  on  the  Bench  and  laid 
down  the  law,  and  when  ye  wagged  yir  head  every- 
body kept  quiet,  and  when  ye've  scrapit  yir  throat 
they  thought  it  was  Gospel;  but,  MacConachie, 
dinna  forget  it,    ye're   just    a    man.     Ye    needna 


26o     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

hurry,"  and  Mr.  McGuffie,  standing  in  the  gateway 
of  the  stable-yard,  pursued  the  Baihe  along  the 
street  with  exhortations.  "I've  said  all  I  wanted 
to  say,  and  I've  just  one  word  more.  Ye've  fought 
with  the  Tories  and  ye've  fought  with  the  Publi- 
cans, ye've  fought  with  this  body  and  with  that 
body,  and  ye've  beaten  them,  and  ye  thought  ye 
were  cock  of  the  roost  in  Muirtown;  but  ye  med- 
dled with  the  laddies,  and  they've  licket  ye  once. 
Bailie,  and  they've  licket  ye  twice.  Bailie,  and  if  ye 
dinna  cry  'Peace,'  they'll  lick  ye  again,  and  that'll 
be  the  end  of  ye.  Bailie  MacConachie." 

When  Mr.  McGufifie  returned  to  the  stable-yard 
he  called  for  his  son,  and  passed  a  careful  hand  over 
Peter's  head,  and  then  he  declared  that  Speug  was 
a  chip  of  the  old  block  and  prophesied  aloud  that 
there  lay  before  him  a  long  and  useful  life. 


THE    BAILIE'S    DOUBLE 
XIV 

MuiRTOWN  is  not  a  large  city,  and  schoolboys  of 
high  principle  and  domestic  habits  used  to  go 
home  in  the  dinner-hour  and  take  the  meal  with 
their  anxious  mothers,  who  seized  the  opportunity 
of  repairing  the  rents  made  in  their  clothes  since 
morning,  and  giving  them  good  advice  on  their  be- 
haviour. Thoroughly  good  boys,  who  had  been 
tossed  to  and  fro,  much  against  their  will,  in  the 
tempest  of  morning  play,  were  glad  to  go  into  har- 
bour and  come  back  at  two  o'clock,  not  only  re- 
victualled,  but  also  re-fitted  and  re-painted  for  the 
troubled  voyage  of  the  afternoon;  and  boys  not  so 
entirely  good  as  the  Dowbiggins,  and  other  models 
of  propriety,  still  appreciated  the  home  trip,  be- 
cause, although  there  might  be  an  embarrassing 
review  of  garments,  and  awkward  questions  might 
be  asked  about  a  mark  on  the  face,  there  was  al- 
ways a  toothsome  dainty  for  a  growing  laddie, 
weary  with  intellectual  work  and  the  toils  of  a 
snow-fight.     As    the    business    of    a    horsedealer 


262      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

took  Mr.  McGuffie  senior  in  various  directions, 
and  as  in  no  case  were  the  arrangements  of  his 
house  since  Mrs.  McGuffie's  death  of  an  extremely 
regular  character,  there  was  no  meal  to  which  his 
promising  son — Speug — could  return  with  any 
confidence;  and  therefore  Peter  did  not  make  a 
practice  of  going  home  at  one  o'clock,  unless  there 
was  a  special  event  at  the  stables,  such  as  the  arrival 
of  a  new  horse,  in  which  case  he  invited  a  few 
friends  to  an  inspection,  with  light  refreshments; 
or  unless,  having  racked  his  brain  to  the  utmost  for 
four  hours,  he  was  still  in  sheer  despair  of  mischief. 
With  one  or  two  other  young  friends  of  a  like 
mind,  he  was  accustomed  to  spend  the  dinner-hour 
in  what  might  be  called  extramural  studies — row- 
ing over  to  the  island  below  the  bridge  against  the 
tide  and  coming  back  gloriously  with  the  current; 
assisting  the  salmon-fishers  to  draw  their  nets  and 
gather  the  silver  spoil;  in  the  happy  snow-time 
raiding  the  playground  of  a  rival  school  when  the 
boys  were  away,  and  leaving  insulting  remarks 
wrought  in  snow;  or  attending  the  drill  of 
the  cavalry  on  the  South  Meadow.  Like  other 
guerillas,  he  carried  his  biltong  and  mealies  with 
him,  and  took  his  meal  anywhere  and  by  preference 
when  on  the  run.  Perhaps  that  was  one  reason 
why  Speug  in  after  years  made  one  of  the  best 
of  South  African  fighters. 

When  Speug  was  disinclined  for  active  occupa- 


THE  BAILIE'S  DOUBLE     263 

tion,  and  desired  to  improve  his  mind  by  contact 
with  the  greater  world,  he  took  a  cab,  or  hotel  'bus 
(the  box-seat  of  every  one  in  Muirtown  was  at 
Speug's  disposal,  and  his  edifying  conversation  was 
much  enjoyed  by  the  driver),  and  went  to  spend  his 
hour  at  Muirtown  Station,  which,  as  everybody 
knows,  is  at  the  shooting  season  a  spectacle  to  be 
classed  with  Niagara  or  the  Jungfrau  for  interest, 
and  at  any  time  is  worth  seeing.  It  pleased  Speug, 
whose  interests  were  varied  and  human  rather  than 
classical  and  literary,  to  receive  the  English  ex- 
press, or  even  one  from  Edinburgh,  as  it  swept  into 
the  station;  or  to  see  the  Aberdeen  fast  train  fairly 
off;  to  watch  a  horse  safely  entrained,  and  if  neces- 
sary to  give  understanding  assistance;  and  to  pass 
the  time  of  day  with  the  guards,  ticket-collectors, 
and  carriage-cleaners,  the  last  of  whom  would  allow 
him  as  a  favour  to  see  the  inside  of  the  huge  mail- 
carriage,  with  its  pigeon-holes  and  its  ingenious 
apparatus  for  delivering  letters  at  roadside  stations 
while  the  train  passed  at  full  speed.  It  was  an  hour 
of  what  might  be  called  irregular  study,  but  one 
never  knows  what  he  may  pick  up  if  he  only  keeps 
his  eyes  open  (and  the  eyes  of  Speug  were  as  open 
as  a  savage's),  and  it  was  on  a  visit  to  Muirtown 
railway  station  that  Peter  found  the  oportunity  for 
what  he  ever  considered  his  most  successful 
achievement  at  the  Seminary,  and  one  on  which  the 
recollection  of  his  companions  still  fondly  dwells. 


264     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

When  a  cab  passed  the  Muirtown  Arms  'bus  at 
the  entrance  to  the  station,  and  the  cabman  sig- 
nalled to  Peter  on  the  box-seat,  and  referred  to  the 
contents  with  an  excited  thumb  and  great  joy  on 
his  face,  Peter  knew  that  there  would  be  something 
worth  seeing  when  the  cab  emptied  at  the  ticket- 
ofifice;  but  he  could  not  have  imagined  anything 
so  entirely  satisfying.  First,  Bailie  MacConachie 
emerged,  dressed  in  the  famous  frock-coat  and 
grey  trousers,  in  the  high  collar  and  magisterial 
stock,  but  without  his  usual  calm  and  dignity. 
His  coat  was  only  half  buttoned,  his  tie  was  sHghtly 
awry,  and  although  his  hat  had  been  distinctly 
tilted  to  the  side  on  getting  out  of  the  cab,  he  was 
too  much  occupied  to  set  it  right.  Instead  of 
clearing  his  throat  as  he  alighted  among  the  wait- 
ing porters,  and  giving  them,  as  it  were,  the  chance 
of  honouring  a  live  Bailie  going  forth  upon  his 
journey,  he  did  not  seem  to  wish  for  any  public  re- 
ception, or,  indeed,  for  any  spectators,  and  in  fact 
had  every  sign  of  a  man  who  desired  to  be 
incognito. 

"No,  no,  I've  no  luggage  to-day,"  the  Bailie 
hastily  explained  to  an  obliging  porter,  and  he 
stood  between  the  man  and  the  cab  so  as  to  block 
all  vision.  "Just  running  down  to  Dundee  on  busi- 
ness and. .  .seeing  a  friend  of¥." 

As  the  embarrassed  magistrate  endeavoured  to 
disperse  the  porters,  the  driver,  leaning  over  the 


THE   BAILIE*S  DOUBLE     265 

roof  of  the  cab,  winked  with  much  unction  to  Peter, 
and  indicated  to  that  ingenuous  youth  that  it  would 
be  worth  while  for  him  to  wait  and  see  the  mys- 
terious friend.  Speug,  in  fact,  understood  from 
all  this  telegraphic  communication  that  there  were 
going  to  be  circumstances  of  a  quite  remarkable 
character,  and  in  which  he — Peter  McGuffie — was 
expected  to  be  personally  interested.  He  dragged 
Jock  Howieson,  who  was  spending  the  hour  with 
him,  behind  a  pile  of  luggage,  and  from  their  hid- 
ing-place they  saw,  to  their  utter  amazement,  a 
second  Bailie  come  slowly  and  gingerly,  but  yet 
withal  triumphantly,  out  of  the  cab.  The  same 
height  as  the  great  man  himself,  and  built  after  the 
same  pattern;  a  perfect  reproduction  also  in  dress, 
except  that  the  trousers  were  baggier,  and  the  coat 
shabbier,  and  the  collar  frayed  at  the  edges,  and 
the  hat  had  the  appearance  of  having  been  used 
either  as  a  seat  or  as  a  pillow,  or  perhaps  for  both 
purposes,  at  different  times;  and  the  air  of  this 
second,  but  by  no  means  ghostly.  Bailie  was  like 
that  of  the  first,  as  confident,  as  mighty,  as  know- 
ing, with  the  addition  of  a  certain  joviality  of  ex- 
pression and  benignant  humanity,  and  a  certain  in- 
difference to  all  the  trials  and  difficulties  of  life 
which  is  characteristic  of  a  man  who  has  been 
"tasting,"  not  wisely,  but  too  well. 

"Lean  on  me,  James,"  said  the  Bailie,  nervously, 
as  the  figure  came  with  a  heavy  lurch  on  the  pave- 


266     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

ment.  "The  faintness  may  pass  off.  Take  care  of 
your  feet,"  and  the  Bailie  shouldered  his  double  to 
the  ticket-office  and  propped  it  against  the  wall 
while  he  went  to  take  the  tickets. 

It  might  have  been  ill,  and  the  remarkable  walk 
might  have  been  due  to  weakness  of  the  heart,  for 
you  never  can  tell,  and  one  ought  to  be  charitable; 
but  there  was  no  sign  of  an  invalid  about  this  new 
Bailie,  nor  was  he  at  all  too  exhausted  for  genial 
conversation.  He  explained  during  the  other 
Bailie's  brief  absence,  to  all  who  were  willing  to 
listen,  in  a  style  that  was  rather  suggestive  than 
exhaustive,  that  he  had  been  paying  a  visit  to  Muir- 
town  for  the  good  of  his  health,  and  that  he  felt 
better — in  fact,  very  much  better;  that  where  he 
lived  the  supply  of  liquid  refreshment  was  limited, 
and  that  in  consequence  he  had  suffered  through 
weakness  of  the  heart;  that  he  had  intended  to  stay 
longer  in  a  place  where  there  was  every  comfort  of 
life,  and  that  nothing  would  have  induced  him  to 
leave  but  the  immoral  conduct  of  his  twin  brother; 
that  Bailie  MacConachie,  he  was  sorry  to  say,  be- 
ing his  brother,  was  fearfully  given  to  drink,  and 
that  he,  James  MacConachie,  could  no  longer  stay 
with  him;  that  he,  his  brother,  was  not  fit  to  be  a 
Bailie,  and  that  he  was  a  hypocrite  whose  judgment 
would  not  tarry,  and  indeed,  according  to  his  lan- 
guage, was  already  pronounced.  He  also  gave  a 
certificate  of  character  to  the  refreshment  to  be  ob- 


THE   BAILIE'S  DOUBLE     267 

tained  at  the  Black  Bull,  Muirtown,  and  cheerfully 
invited  any  person  who  had  a  friendly  heart  to  go 
vvithhimthereand  then  to  drink  the  Queen's  health. 
On  seeing  his  brother  returning,  the  figure  con- 
cluded his  address — which  had  been  mightily  en- 
joyed by  three  porters,  a  couple  of  Highland 
drovers,  a  Perth  loafer,  who  had  once  passed 
through  the  police-court  when  the  Bailie  was  on 
the  Bench,  and  an  elderly  lady,  who  was  anxious 
that  a  doctor  should  be  sent  for — by  explaining 
once  more  that  his  brother  was  a  gentleman  beside 
whom  the  Pharisees  were  straightforward  and 
honourable  members  of  society. 

As  the  procession  was  again  re-formed,  and  the 
two  Bailies  left  the  ticket-office  together,  one  of 
them  waving  a  regretful  farewell  to  his  sympathetic 
congregation,  the  boys  executed  a  war-dance  of 
triumph;  for  the  contrast  between  the  twin  breth- 
ren afforded  just  that  kind  of  comedy  which  ap- 
peals to  a  boy's  heart,  and  because  they  had  an  in- 
stinct that  the  incident  would  be  of  service  in  the 
war  between  the  Bailie  and  the  Seminary,  which 
had  gone  on  for  a  year  and  showed  no  signs  of 
closing. 

"The  Bailie  keeps  him  oot  o'  sight  somewhere  in 
the  country,  I'll  warrant,"  said  Speug  to  Jock,  in 
great  spirits,  "and  there's  naebody  in  Muirtown  kens 
he's  got  a  twin  brother.  Dod,  Jock,  he's  juist  the 
very  eemage  of  him,  and  he's  got  a  suit  o'  his  auld 


268     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

clothes  on.  It  would  take  Dr.  Manley  himself  or 
the  Chief  Constable  to  tell  the  one  from  the  ither. 
Jock  Howieson,  if  you  and  me  could  get  the  use  o' 
that  lad,  we  would  have  a  michty  time.  I  would 
give  my  four  rabbits  and ....  and  my  skye  terrier 
pup  just  for  an  hour  of  him."  And  although  they 
had  no  hope  that  circumstances  would  deal  so 
kindly  with  them,  yet  they  went  on  to  the  platform 
to  see  the  last  of  the  two  Bailies. 

Under  the  influence  of  the  senior  Bailie's  chasten- 
ing conversation,  who  at  first  reminded  his  brother 
of  a  drunkard's  end,  which  had  no  effect,  and  then 
threatened  to  cut  of¥  his  modest  weekly  allowance, 
which  had  an  immediate  effect,  the  figure  consented 
to  be  taken  along  the  platform,  and  might  even  have 
been  safely  deposited  in  its  carriage,  had  not  the 
word  ''Refreshment-room,"  printed  in  absurdly 
large  type,  attracted  his  attention. 

"Div  ye  see  that,  man?"  said  the  figure,  pointing 
jubilantly  to  the  board.  **I  declare  it  juist  a  Provi- 
dence. It's  no  that  I'm  thirsty.  Bailie,  and  I  canna 
bear  drinkin';  that's  never  been  a  fault  o'  mine, 
though  I  doubt  ye're  fallin'  into  the  habit  yirsel'. 
No,  I'm  no  thirsty,  but  I've  a  sinkin'  at  the  heart. 
Ye'll  come  in,  and  we'll  taste  together  afore  we 
part.  I  forgive  ye  onything  ye  said.  I  bear  no 
grudge,  and  I'll  let  ye  pay.  Bailie."  And  the  figure 
had  the  Bailie  almost  at  the  door  of  the  refresh- 
ment-room before  he  could  make  a  stand. 


THE    BAILIE'S  DOUBLE     269 

"Mair  than  I  can  carry  already,  Bailie,  did  ye 
say?  Gude  forgie  ye.  I  wonder  ye're  not  black 
ashamed  to  say  sic  a  word,  and  me  draggin'  ye 
along  the  platform  and  holdin'  ye  up,  juist  to  cover 
yir  character.  Well,  well,  I  canna  fecht  wi'  ye,  for 
I'm  no  the  man  I  was  once.  The  fact  is,  I  havna 
strength  to  go  another  step,  and  if  ye'll  no  let  me 
get  a  cordial,  I'll  juist  have  to  sit  down  on  the  plat- 
form." And  the  horrified  Bailie  had  to  accept  the 
assistance  of  a  porter  to  support  his  exhausted 
brother  and  to  guide  him  to  his  carriage. 

From  an  adjacent  third  class  compartment, 
where  Speug  and  Jock  promptly  secreted  them- 
selves, they  heard  the  senior  Bailie's  exhortation  to 
his  frail  kinsman — that  he  must  on  no  account 
come  out  of  the  carriage;  that  he  must  hold  his 
tongue  and  not  talk  nonsense  to  his  fellow  travel- 
lers; that  he  must  not  mention  his — the  Bailie's — 
name,  nor  claim  to  be  connected  with  him;  and 
that  he  must  not  come  back  to  Muirtown  again  un- 
til the  Bailie  sent  for  him ;  and  r.ll  this  he  must  lay  to 
heart  as  he  valued  his  weekly  allowance.  The 
Bailie  also  expressed  his  deep  regret,  which,  in- 
deed, seemed  to  be  very  sincere,  that  he  had  to  leave 
by  the  Dundee  train  before  the  departure  of  the 
slow  Fife  train  by  which  his  double  travelled.  And 
when  this  fact  emerged — that  the  other  Bailie  was 
to  be  left  even  for  five  minutes  at  their  disposal — 
Speug  threw  Howieson's  bonnet  to  the  end  of  the 


270    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

compartment,  with  his  own  following  in  a  rapture 
of  joy. 

"Dinna  be  afraid,"  said  the  figure  in  the  compart- 
ment to  the  Bailie  on  the  platform,  who  was  torn 
between  his  profitable  business  engagement  at 
Dundee  and  the  fear  of  leaving  his  brother  to  his 
own  devices.  "After  the  way  ye've  treated  me  and 
put  me  to  shame  afore  the  platform,  I  wouldna  stay 
another  day  in  Muirtown  for  a  thousand  pounds. 
I  am  no  angry,  Bailie,"  the  figure  continued  with 
mournful  dignity,  "for  that's  no  my  speerit,  but  I'm 
hurt  at  yir  conduct.  Weel,  if  ye  maun  go,  ye  maun, 
and  I  heard  the  Dundee  engine  whistlin';  but  for 
ony  sake  dinna  be  tastin'  in  Dundee  and  disgracin' 
the  family.  Drink  is  an  awfu'  failin',  but  ye  canna 
say  I  havna  warned  ye."  And  as  the  Bailie  hurried 
to  catch  the  Dundee  train  the  figure  shook  its  head 
mournfully,  with  the  air  of  one  who  hopes  for  the 
best,  but  who  has  had  too  good  reason  to  expect 
the  worst. 

"Bailie,"  said  Speug,  presenting  himself  with  a 
fine  mixture  of  haste  and  importance  before  the 
figure  which  was  still  moralising  to  itself  on  the 
evils  of  drink,  "div  ye  no  mind  that  the  Rector  o' 
the  Seminary  is  expectin'  ye  to  address  the  laddies 
this  afternoon,  and  they'll  be  waitin'  this  very 
meenut  in  the  Latin  class-room?"  and  Speug  made 
signs  that  he  should  come  at  once,  and  offered  to 
secure  a  cab.     The  figure  could  only  shake  its  head 


THE  BAILIE'S  DOUBLE     271 

and  explain  that  on  account  of  the  disgraceful  con- 
duct of  a  relative,  who  had  given  way  to  drink,  it 
had  no  heart  for  public  appearances;  but  the  idea 
of  a  return  to  the  enjoyment  of  Muirtown  was  evi- 
dently filtering  in. 

"Are  ye  no  Bailie  MacConachie?"  demanded 
Speug.  "A  porter  threipit  (insisted)  that  he  had 
seen  the  BaiHe  in  the  Dundee  train,  but  naebody 
can  mistake  Bailie  MacConachie.  The  school  will 
be  terrible  pleased  to  see  ye,  Bailie." 

"Who  said  I  wasna  Bailie  MacConachie?"  and 
the  figure  was  plainly  roused.  "Him  in  the  Dun- 
dee train?  Laddies,  there's  a  black  sheep  in  every 
family,  and  that  man  is  a  poor,  helpless  brother  o' 
mine  that's  taken  to  bad  habits,  and  I've  juist  to 
support  him  and  keep  him  oot  o'  sicht.  It's  an 
awfu'  trial,"  and  the  figure  wept,  but  immediately 
brisked  itself  up  again.  "Of  course  I'm  Bailie 
MacConachie.  Laddies,  was't  at  the  Black  Bull 
they're  expectin'  me?" 

"The  very  place,  Bailie;  but  ye  maun  say  juist  a 
word  at  the  Seminary  in  passin',"  and  Speug  sig- 
nalled to  a  ticket-collector  who  had  just  come  upon 
the  scene. 

"Would  ye  mind  helpin'  Bailie  MacConachie  oot 
o'  the  carriage,  for  he's  forgotten  an  engagement  at 
the  Seminary,  and  he's  juist  a  wee  thingie  faint  with 
the  heat?" 

"It's  no  the  heat,  man,"  as  the  amazed  collector 


2/2    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

helped  the  magistrate  on  to  the  platform,  ''it's 
family  trouble.  Are  ye  connected  with  the  Black 
Bull?  Well,  at  any  rate,  ye  seem  a  well-behaved 
young  man,  and  these  are  twa  fine  laddies."  And 
outside  the  station,  surrounded  by  a  sympathising 
circle  of  drivers,  who  were  entering  into  the  spirit 
of  Speug's  campaign,  this  astonishing  Bailie  warned 
every  one  to  beware  of  strong  drink,  and  urged 
them  to  take  the  pledge  without  delay.  He  also 
inquired  anxiously  whether  there  was  a  cab  there 
from  the  Black  Bull  and  explained  that  the  Rector 
of  the  Seminary,  with  his  laddies,  was  waiting  for 
him  in  that  place  of  hospitality.  He  added  that  he 
had  been  on  his  way  to  the  General  Assembly  of 
the  Kirk,  where  he  sat  as  a  ruling  elder,  and  he 
warmly  denounced  the  spread  of  false  doctrine. 
But  at  last  they  got  him  into  the  cab,  where,  after 
a  pathetic  appeal  to  Speug  and  his  companion  to 
learn  the  Catechism  and  sing  the  Psalms  of  David, 
he  fell  fast  asleep. 

By  a  happy  stroke  of  strategy,  Howieson  en- 
gaged the  attention  of  the  sergeant  in  the  back- 
yard, who  considered  that  Jock  was  playing  truant 
and  was  anxious  to  arrest  him,  while  the  cabman, 
fortunately  an  able-bodied  fellow,  with  Speug's  as- 
sistance induced  the  Bailie  to  leave  the  cab  and 
convoyed  him  upstairs  and  to  the  door  of  the  Rec- 
tor's class-room.  At  this  point  the  great  man  fell 
into  low  spirits,   and   bemoaned   the   failure  of  a 


THE   BAILIE'S  DOUBLE     273 

strenuous  life,  in  which  he  had  vainly  fought  the 
immorality  of  Muirtovvn,  and  declared,  unless  he 
obtained  an  immediate  tonic,  he  would  succumb  to 
a  broken  heart.  He  also  charged  Speug  with 
treachery  in  having  brought  him  to  the  County 
Gaol  instead  of  to  the  Black  Bull.  It  was  pain- 
fully explained  him  that  he  was  now  in  the 
Seminary,  and  within  that  door  an  anxious  school 
was  waiting  for  him — Bailie  MacConachie — and 
his  address. 

"Who  said  I  wasna  Bailie  MacConachie,  and  that 
I  was  a  drunken  body?  I'll  teach  them  to  smuggle 
me  oot  o'  Muirtown  as  if  I  was  a  waufie  (dis- 
reputable character).  He  thinks  I'm  at  Leuchars, 
but  I'm  here"  (with  much  triumph),  "and  I'm 
Bailie  MacConachie"  (with  much  dignity).  And 
the  Bailie  was  evidently  full  awake. 

"Losh  keeps,  laddies,  what  am  I  saying?  Family 
troubles  shakes  the  mind.  Take  the  pledge  when 
ye're  young,  laddie,  and  ye'll  no  regret  it  when  ye're 
old.  I've  been  an  abstainer  since  the  age  of  ten. 
Noo,  laddie"  (with  much  cunning),  "If  I  am  to 
address  the  school,  what  think  ye  would  be  a  fine 
subject,  apairt  from  the  Catechism?  for  it's  a  re- 
sponsibility, especially  me  being  a  Bailie.  If  ye  can 
rnind  onything,  laddie,  I'll  give  ye  sixpence  next 
time  we  meet." 

Although  Speug  was  reticent  in  the  class,  for 
reasons  that  commended  themselves  to  his  practi- 


274     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

cal  judgment,  he  had  a  rich  wealth  of  speech  upon 
occasion,  and  he  fairly  drilled  into  the  head  of 
Bailie  MacConachie's  double  that  it  had  been  a 
very  foolish  thing  for  him — the  Bailie — to  quarrel 
with  the  Seminary  about  their  playground  upon 
the  Meadow,  and  an  act  of  an  unchristian  bitterness 
to  strike  him — the  Speug — upon  the  head  and 
nearly  injure  him  for  life,  but  that  he — the  Bailie — 
was  sorry  for  all  his  bad  conduct,  and  that  he  would 
never  do  the  like  again  as  long  as  he  was  Bailie  of 
Muirtown;  and  Speug  concluded,  while  the  cab- 
man stood  open-mouthed  with  admiration,  "Ye 
micht  juist  say  that  ye  have  an  awfu'  respect  for 
me — Speug — ye  know." 

"I'll  be  sure  to  do  that,"  said  the  delighted  Bailie, 
"for  it's  a  fact.  Ye're  a  fine  laddie  and  have  a  fear- 
some power  o'  the  gab  (mouth);  I  expect  to  see 
ye  in  the  pulpit  yet;  but  keeps  a'  it's  time  I  was  at 
the  Black  Bull,  so  ye  micht  juist  slip  in  and  tell  the 
Rector  I'm  at  the  door — Bailie  MacConachie  of 
Muirtown." 

Had  it  been  the  class-room  of  Bulldog,  master  of 
mathematics,  arithmetic,  and  writing,  and,  it  might 
also  be  added,  master  of  discipline,  Speug  would 
as  soon  have  ventured  into  his  presence  on  such  an 
errand  as  into  the  lion's  den  of  the  travelling 
menagerie  which  had  recently  visited  Muirtown, 
and  at  which  he  had  spent  many  an  unlicensed 
hour.     But  the  Rector  was  that  dear  delight  of 


THE   BAILIE'S  DOUBLE     275 

boys,  a  short-sighted,  absent-minded,  unsuspicious 
scholar,  who  Hved  in  a  world  of  his  own  with 
Homer  and  Horace,  and  could  only  be  fairly 
roused  (to  sorrow)  by  a  false  quantity  or  (to  joy) 
by  a  happy  translation. 

Muirtown  Seminary  had  an  inexhaustible  confi- 
dence in  Speug's  genius  for  mischief  and  effrontery 
of  manner,  but  the  Rector's  class  sat  breathless 
when  Peter  came  in  with  an  unshaken  countenance, 
and  politely  intimated  to  the  Rector  that  a  magis- 
trate of  Muirtown  had  come  and  desired  to  speak 
to  the  school.  Before  the  Rector  could  fairly  with- 
draw himself  from  a  cunning  phrase  of  Horace's,  or 
the  school  had  energy  to  cheer,  the  wonderful 
Bailie  was  launched  into  the  room  with  almost  too 
much  vigour  by  the  cabman,  who  remained  in  the 
shadow  and  whispered  a  last  direction  to  "hold  up 
your  head  and  keep  to  the  right."  They  had  for- 
gotten— Speug's  only  oversight — to  take  off  the 
Bailie's  hat,  which  was  set  jauntily  on  the  side  of 
his  head,  and  the  course  which  he  took  through  the 
room  was  devious,  and  mainly  regulated  by  the 
furniture,  while  his  expression  was  a  fine  blend  of 
affable  dignity  and  genial  good  humour.  "Gosh !" 
exclaimed  Bauldie,  and  he  liberated  the  feeling  of 
the  class,  who  understood  that  their  enemy  had 
been  delivered  into  their  hands,  and  that  Peter  Mc- 
Gufhe — their  own  Speug — had  been  the  means 
thereof.     Yet  could  it  be  the  case?     Yes!     It  was 


276     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

the  very  countenance,  line  by  line,  and  the  very 
clothes,  piece  by  piece,  though  looking  a  trifle 
shabby,  of  the  premier  Bailie  of  Muirtown,  and  it 
was  evident  that  he  had  been  "tasting,"  and  that 
very  freely. 

"I  am — er — proud  to  bid  you  welcome,  Mr, 
Bailie,"  said  the  Rector,  bowing  with  old-fashioned 
courtesy,  and  not  having  the  faintest  idea  what  like 
was  the  figure  before  him.  "We  are  always  de- 
lighted to  receive  a  visit  from  any  of  the  magistrates 
of  the  city,  who  are  to  our  humble  school"  (and 
here  the  Rector  was  very  gracious)  "what  Mae- 
cenas was  to  Horace,  whose  curiosa  felicitas  we  are 
now  studying.  Is  it  your  pleasure,  Mr.  Bailie,  to 
examine  the  school?" 

During  this  stately  reception  the  Bailie  came  to 
rest  upon  a  desk,  and  regarded  the  Rector's  flowing 
gown  with  unconcealed  admiration,  which  he  in- 
dicated to  the  school  by  frank  gestures. 

"It  would  be  a  great  satisfaction  to  hear  the 
laddies  answer  'The  Chief  End  of  Man,'  and  to  say 
juist  a  word  to  them  aboot  good  conduct;  but  you 
and  me  has  an  engagement,  and  ye  ken  where  we're 

expected.     I  juist  looked  in  to  say "     And  here 

the  worthy  man's  thoughts  began  to  wander,  and  he 
made  an  indistinct  allusion  to  the  Black  Bull,  so  that 
Speug  had  to  prompt  him  severely  from  behind. 
"Aye,  aye !  we're  all  poor,  frail  creatures,  and  I'm 
the  last  man  to  hurt  the  feelings  of  the  Seminary. 


THE    BAILIE'S  DOUBLE     277 

Seminary  laddie  mysel',  prize  medal  Greek.  By- 
gones be  bygones ! . .  .  .  No  man  in  Muirtown  I  re- 
spect more  than ....  Speug  an  honourable  trades- 
man" (breaking  away  on  his  own  account  with 
much  spirit),  "a  faithful  husband,  and  an  affection- 
ate father.  What?  All  a  mistake  from  beginning 
to  end.  Family  trouble  did  it — conduct  of  a  rela- 
tive," and  the  Bailie  wept.  Bailies  and  other  muni- 
cipal dignitaries  were  a  species  of  human  beings  so 
strange  and  incalculable  to  the  Rector,  that  he  was 
hardly  amazed  at  anything  that  they  might  say; 
and  having  some  vague  idea  that  there  had  been  a 
quarrel  between  the  Seminary  and  some  Bailie  or 
other,  about  something  or  other,  some  time  or 
other,  he  concluded  that  this  was  an  official  intima- 
tion that  the  quarrel  was  over,  and  that  it  was  in 
style  and  allusion  according  to  the  habits  of  muni- 
cipal circles. 

"It  is,"  he  responded,  bowing  again,  "my  grate- 
ful duty,  as  Rector  of  the  Seminary,  to  thank  you 
for  your  presence  here  to-day — the  Mercury  of  the 
gods,  if  I  may  say  so — and  for  your  courteous  inti- 
mation that  the — er — controversy  to  which  you — 
er — have  delicately  alluded  is  healed.  Any  dispute 
between  the  Council  and  the  Seminary  could  only 
have  a  favourable  issue.  Amantium  irae  amoris 
integratio  has  had  another  illustration,  Mr.  Bailie; 
but  it  would  please  us  that  you  should  hear  the 
class  translate  the  Ode  we  have  in  hand,  which  hap- 


278     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

pens  to  be  'Ad  Sodales.'  "  And  a  boy  began  to 
translate  "Nunc  est  bibcndum." 

"Time  to  drink,  did  ye  say?"  and  the  Bailie,  who 
had  been  taking  a  brief  nap,  was  immediately  con- 
scious. "Man,  ye  never  said  a  truer  word.  Work 
hard  at  yir  lessons,  laddies,  and  for  ony  sake  dinna 
forget  the  Catechism.  Yir  maister  has  an  engage- 
ment wi'  me,  and  he'll  no  be  back  for  an  hour. 
Come  awa,'  man"  (in  a  loud  whisper  to  the  amazed 
Rector),  "it's  time  we  were  off."  And  the  Bailie, 
making  a  hurried  rush  for  the  door,  found  himself 
in  the  arms  of  the  school  sergeant,  who  had  caught 
the  sound  of  the  uproar  in  the  Rector's  class-room, 
and  suspected  trouble. 

"Preserve  us  a',  body  and  soul !"  cried  the  Cri- 
mean veteran,  as  he  brought  the  Bailie  to  an  equi- 
librium. "Could  onybody  have  expected  this?" 
And  then,  with  much  presence  of  mind,  he  closed 
the  door  of  the  Latin  class-room  and  conducted  the 
Bailie  down-stairs  to  his  cab,  while  the  magistrate 
remonstrated  that  the  Rector  was  coming  with 
him,  and  that  both  were  going  to  discuss  the 
higher  education  of  youth  at  the  Black  Btdl. 

"Na,  na.  Bailie,"  said  the  sergeant.  "It's  no  to 
the  Black  Bull,  or  ony  other  bull,  ye're  to  go  this 
afternoon,  but  back  to  yir  ain  hoose.  If  ye  maun 
taste,  would  it  no  have  been  more  respectable  to 
keep  indoors,  instead  of  making  an  exhibeetion  of 


THE   BAILIE'S  DOUBLE     279 

yourself  afore  the  Seminary?  It's  no  becomin'  in 
a  magistrate,  and  it's  michty  bad  for  the  laddies." 
It  was  the  sergeant  who  delivered  the  astonish- 
ing figure  at  the  blameless  home  of  Bailie  Mac- 
Conachie,  although  it  is  right  to  say  that  this  visit 
was  not  at  all  in  the  plan,  and  called  forth  a  vigor- 
ous protest  from  the  Bailie's  substitute.  And  to 
the  day  of  his  death,  the  real  and  proper  Bailie 
spent  odd  moments  of  his  spare  time  in  explaining 
to  an  incredulous  public  that  he  had  never  "tasted" 
in  his  life,  and  that  on  the  day  in  question  he  had 
been  transacting  private  business  in  Dundee. 


THE   TRIUMPH   OF   THE 
SEMINARY 

XV 

As  the  East  is  distant  from  the  West,  so  far  was 
Muirtown  Seminary  removed  in  its  manners  and 
customs  from  an  English  public  school;  but  at  one 
point  they  met  on  common  ground,  and  that  was 
the  "tuck-shop."  It  does  not  matter  that  an  Eng- 
lish house  master  be  careful  to  provide  an  ample 
supply  of  wholesome  food  for  his  boys,  and  even 
add,  on  occasion,  toothsome  dainties,  such  as  jam 
at  Sunday  tea,  and  sausages  for  a  Saturday  supper, 
they  will  agree  unanimously,  and  declare  aloud, 
that  they  can  hardly  recall  such  a  thing  as  break- 
fast, so  ghostly  has  it  grown,  and  that  they  would 
be  ashamed  to  offer  their  dinner  to  the  beasts 
which  perish.  They  will  write  such  descriptions 
home,  and  hold  such  conferences  with  friends 
spending  the  holidays  with  them,  and  they  will  all 
vie  with  one  another  in  applying  such  weird  and 
fearsome  adjectives  to  the  butter,    milk,    coffee, 


282     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

meat,  potatoes,  and  pudding — but  at  the  mention 
of  pudding  they  will  simply  look  at  one  another  and 
be  silent,  despairing  of  the  English  language — that 
their  horrified  parents  will  take  counsel  together 
by  the  hour  whether  their  poor  boy  ought  not  to 
be  taken  from  school  and  surrounded  by  home 
comforts.  When  the  emaciated  invalid  hears  of 
this  drastic  measure,  he  protests  strongly,  and  in- 
sists that  it  would  ruin  him  for  life;  for,  to  do  the 
rufifians  justice,  a  boy  may  be  half-starved  and 
swished  every  second  day,  and  bullied  between 
times,  till  his  life  is  hardy  worth  living,  he  will  still 
stand  by  his  school,  and  prefer  it  as  a  place  of  resi- 
dence to  his  home.  Neither  ample  meals,  nor  the 
pretty  bedroom  with  white  curtains,  nor  the  long 
lie  in  the  morning,  nor  a  party  in  the  evening,  nor 
all  his  mother's  petting,  will  make  up  to  this  savage 
for  the  racket  of  the  dormitories,  and  the  fight  at 
the  bathroom,  and  the  babel  at  the  dinner-table, 
and  the  recreations  which  enliven  "prep,"  and  the 
excitement  of  a  house  match,  and  the  hazardous 
delights  of  football,  and  the  tricks  on  a  new  boy, 
and  the  buttered  eggs — a  dozen  at  least  between 
two  at  a  stud}^  supper.  It  only  remains  therefore 
that  his  father  should  write  a  pathetic  letter  to  the 
Standard,  and  that  other  parents  should  join  in, 
for  a  fortnight,  explaining  to  the  English  public 
that  the  manhood  of  the  country  is  being  destroyed 
in  its  early  years,  and  the  boys  at  school  will  read 


TRIUMPH  OF  THE  SEMINARY    283 

the  letters  aloud  with  much  unction,  and  declare 
that  "Pater  has  warmed  up  old  Skinny  properly," 
while  their  mother  sends  them  generous  remit- 
tances that  they  may  obtain  nourishing  food  to 
supplement  their  starvation  rations.  This  money 
will  be  spent  rapidly,  but  also  shrewdly,  at  the 
"tuck-shop,"  where  some  old  servant  of  the  school 
is  making  a  small  fortune  in  providing  for  the  boys 
such  meat  as  their  souls  love,  and  for  a  fortnight 
Tom  and  his  friends,  for  he  is  not  a  fellow  to  see  his 
chums  die  before  his  eyes,  will  live  on  the  fat  of  the 
land,  which,  upon  the  whole,  means  cocoa,  sar- 
dines, sausages,  and  eggs. 

Seminary  boys  had  their  meals  at  home,  and 
were  very  soundly  fed  with  porridge  and  milk  in 
the  morning,  followed  by  tea  and  ham,  if  their  con- 
duct had  been  passably  decent.  Scots  broth  and 
meat  for  dinner,  with  an  occasional  pudding,  and 
a  tea  in  the  evening  which  began  with  something 
solid  and  ended  with  jam,  made  fair  rations,  and, 
although  such  things  may  very  likely  be  done  now, 
when  we  are  all  screaming  about  our  rights,  no 
boy  of  the  middle  Victorian  period  wrote  to  the 
Muirtown  Advertiser  complaining  of  the  home 
scale  of  diet.  Yet,  being  boys,  neither  could  they 
be  satisfied  with  the  ordinary  and  civilised  means 
of  living,  but  required  certain  extra  delicacies  to 
help  them  through  the  day.  It  was  not  often  that 
a  Seminary  lad  had  a  shilling  in  his  pocket,  and 


284     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

once  only  had  gold  been  seen — when  Dr.  Manley 
paid  Speug  a  medical  fee  for  his  advice  in  Bull- 
dog's sickness — but  there  were  few  in  the  Seminary 
who  were  not  able  to  rattle  some  pennies  together, 
and,  in  the  end,  every  penny  found  its  way  to  the 
till  of  that  comprehensive  merchant  and  remark- 
able woman,  Mrs.  McWhae.  Her  shop  and  the 
other  old  houses  beside  it  have  been  pulled  down 
long  ago,  to  make  room  for  a  handsome  block  of 
buildings,  and  I  think  her  exact  site  is  occupied  by 
the  plate-glass  windows  and  gorgeous  display  of 
the  "Breadalbane  Emporium,"  where  you  can 
buy  everything  from  a  frying  pan  to  a  drawing- 
room  suite,  but  where  you  cannot  get  a  certain 
delicacy  called  "gundy,"  which  Mrs.  McWhae 
alone  could  make  as  it  ought  to  be  made,  and  at 
the  remembrance  thereof  the  very  teeth  begin  to 
water.  Mrs.  MacWhae  did  not  sell  books  nor  clothes, 
nor  aiiy  other  effeminate  luxury  of  life,  but  she  kept 
in  stock  everything  that  was  really  necessary  to  the 
life  of  a  well-living  and  high-minded  boy.  There 
he  could  obtain  marbles  from  the  common  clay, 
six  for  a  halfpenny,  on  to  the  finer  "streakies,"  six 
for  a  penny,  till  you  came  to  large  marbles  with  a 
red  and  blue  pattern  on  a  white  ground,  which  were 
a  half-penny  each,  and  climbed  to  "glassies"  at  a 
penny  each;  and  there  was  one  glass  leviathian 
which  contained  all  colours  within  its  sphere,  and 
which  was  kept  only  to  be  handled  and  admired. 


TRIUMPH  OF  THE  SEMINARY    285 

Tops  were  there,  too,  from  polished  httle  beauties 
with  shining  steel  tips,  which  were  intended  only 
for  amusement,  and  were  spun  with  fine  white  cord, 
to  unadorned,  massive,  vicious-looking  warriors 
with  sharpened  projecting  points,  which  were  in- 
tended for  the  battlefield,  and  were  spun  with 
rough,  strong  twine,  and  which,  dexterously  used, 
would  split  another  top  from  head  to  foot  as  when 
you  slice  butter  with  a  knife.  Her  stock  of  kites 
in  the  season  was  something  to  see,  and  although 
she  did  not  venture  upon  cricket-bats,  which  were 
sold  by  the  hair-dresser,  nor  cricket-balls,  she  had 
every  other  kind  of  ball — solid  gutta-percha  balls, 
for  hasty  games  in  the  "breaks,"  white  skin-covered 
rounder  balls,  and  hollow  india-rubber  balls,  which 
you  could  fill  with  water  at  the  lade,  and  then  use 
with  much  success  as  a  squirt.  Girls,  we  noticed, 
employed  this  "softie"  in  silly  games  of  their  own, 
trying  whether  they  could  make  it  rebound  a 
hundred  times  from  the  ground,  but  we  had  no 
doubt  about  its  proper  use  in  the  purposes  of 
Creation.  And  Mrs.  McWhae — peace  to  her 
ashes ! — provided  all  things  in  meat  and  drink  which 
a  boy  could  desire;  unless,  of  course,  on  some  great 
occasion  he  wished  to  revel  imperially — then  he 
went  to  Fenwick's  rock-shop,  where  generations 
have  turned  their  eager  feet,  and  beyond  which 
nothing  is  left  to  desire.  Fenwick's,  however,  was 
rather  for  our  fathers  than  for  ourselves,  and  we 


286     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

were  almost  content  with  Mrs.  McWhae,  where 
you  could  get  ginger-beer  of  her  own  making  at 
a  penny  a  bottle,  better  than  that  which  they  sold 
at  the  Muirtown  Arms  at  sixpence;  and  treacle- 
beer  also  at  a  penny,  but  in  this  case  the  bottle  was 
double  the  size  and  was  enough  for  two  fellows; 
and  halfpenny  rolls,  if  you  were  fiercely  hungry  and 
could  not  get  home  to  dinner,  so  tough  that 
only  a  boy's  teeth  could  tear  them  to  pieces;  and 
tarts,  so  full  that  it  required  long  skill  to  secure 
every  drop  of  the  jam,  and  your  fingers  were  well 
worth  licking  afterwards;  and  peppermint  balls  of 
black  and  white,  one  of  which  would  keep  your 
mouth  sweet  for  an  hour  of  Latin — that  is,  if  you 
only  sucked  gently  and  didn't  crunch.  But  the 
glory  of  the  establishment  was  the  "gundy." 
There  was  a  room  behind  the  shop  where  Mrs. 
McWhae,  who  was  a  widow,  elderly  and  not  pre- 
possessing, lived  and  slept,  and  dressed  herself,  and 
cooked  her  food,  and,  perhaps,  on  rare  occasions, 
washed,  and  there  she  prepared  her  tempting  meats 
and  drinks  for  the  Seminary.  We  lived  in  a  pre- 
scientific  age,  and  did  not  go  curiously  into  the 
origin  of  things,  being  content  to  take  the  Cre- 
ation as  it  stood,  and  to  use  the  gifts  of  the  gods  in 
their  finished  form.  But  I  believe  that  "gundy" 
was  made  of  the  coarsest  and  cheapest  sugar,  which 
our  hostess  boiled  to  a  certain  point,  and  then  with 
her  own  fair  hands,  which  it  was  said  she  wetted 


TRIUMPH  OF  THE  SEMINARY    287 

with  her  lips,  drew  out  and  out,  till  at  last,  by  the 
constant  drawing,  it  came  to  a  light  brown  colour; 
after  which  she  cut  the  finished  product  into  sticks 
of  a  foot  long,  and  wrapped  it  up  in  evil-looking 
brown  paper,  twisting  the  two  ends.  And,  wonders 
of  wonders!  all  within  that  paper,  and  the  paper 
itself,  you  could  have  for  one  halfpenny !  Good ! 
There  is  no  word  for  it,  as  the  preachers  say, 
"humanly  speaking."  The  flavour  thereof  so  rich, 
so  satisfying,  so  stimulating,  and  the  amount  there- 
of so  full  and  so  tenacious.  Why,  that  "gundy" 
would  so  cling  to  your  teeth  and  hide  itself  about 
your  mouth,  and  spread  itself  out,  that  he  was  a 
clever  fellow  who  had  drained  its  last  resources 
within  an  hour.  Mrs.  McWhae  was  a  widow  of  a 
military  gentleman,  who,  it  was  understood,  had 
performed  prodigies  of  valour  in  the  Black  Watch, 
and  she  was  a  woman  of  masculine  vigour,  who 
only  dealt  upon  a  cash  basis,  and  in  any  case  of  dis- 
pute was  able  to  use  her  hands  effectively.  Like 
most  women  she  was  open  to  blandishments,  and 
Nestie  Molyneux,  with  his  English  tongue  and 
pretty  ways,  could  get  round  the  old  lady,  and  she 
had  profound  though  inexpressed  respect  for 
Speug,  whom  she  regarded  as  a  straightforward 
fighter,  and  the  two  friends  would  sometimes  be 
allowed  the  highest  privilege  in  her  power,  to  see 
her  make  a  brew  of  "gundy."  And  it  is  from  hints 
dropped  by  those  two  favoured  customers  that  the 


288    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

above    theory  of    the    making  of    this    delectable 
sweet  has  been  formed. 

It  was  possible,  with  a  proper  celerity,  to  visit 
Mrs.  McWhae's  during  the  "breaks,"  and  to  spend 
three  minutes  in  those  happy  precincts  and  riot  be 
absolutely  late  for  the  next  class;  and  during  the 
dinner-hour  her  shop  was  crowded,  and  the  steps 
outside  and  the  very  pavement  were  blocked  by  the 
Seminary,  waiting  for  their  "gundy"  and  ginger- 
beer.  Little  boys  who  had  been  fortunate  enough 
to  get  their  provisions  early,  and  were  coming  out 
to  enjoy  the  "gundy"  in  some  secret  place,  hid 
their  treasure  within  their  waistcoats,  lest  a  bigger 
fellow  should  supply  himself  without  the  trouble  of 
waiting  his  turn,  and  defer  payment  to  the  end  of 
the  year.  And  one  of  the  lords  of  the  school 
would  on  occasion  clear  out  a  dozen  of  the  small 
fry,  in  order  that  he  might  select  his  refreshments 
comfortably.  It  was  indeed  the  Seminary  Club, 
with  its  bow-window  like  other  clubs,  and  the  steps 
on  which  the  members  could  stand,  and  from  the 
steps  you  commanded  three  streets,  so  that  there 
were  many  things  to  see,  and  in  snowball  time 
many  things  to  do.  McWhae's  had  only  one  in- 
convenience, and  that  was  that  the  line  of  communi- 
cation could  be  cut  ofif  by  raiding  parties  from  the 
"Pennies"  and  other  rival  schools.  When  the 
snow  was  deep  on  the  ground,  and  the  enemy  was 
strong  on  the  field,  it  was  necessary  to  bring  down 


TRIUMPH  OF  THE  SEMINARY    2S9 

supplies  under  charge  of  a  convoy,  and  if  anything 
could  have  added  to  the  flavour  of  the  "gundy,"  it 
was  that  you  had  fought  your  way  up  Breadal- 
bane  Street  to  get  it,  and  your  way  back  to  enjoy 
it,  that  you  had  lost  your  bonnet  in  a  scrimmage, 
and  that  the  remains  of  a  snow  ball  were  trickling 
down  your  back.  Precious  then  was  the  dainty 
sweet  as  the  water  which  the  mighty  men  brought 
to  David  from  the  well  of  Bethlehem. 

"My  word !"  cried  Speug,  who  was  winding  up 
the  dinner-hour  with  Nestie  Molyneux,  on  the 
upper  step  of  the  club-house,  "if  there  isn't  the 
'Bumbees'  driving  in  a  four-in-hand !"  and  the  brake 
of  the  Muirtown  Arms  passed,  with  a  dozen  smart 
and  well-set-up  lads  rejoicing  openly,  and,  wheel- 
ing round  by  the  corner  of  the  Cathedral,  disap- 
peared up  the  road  which  ran  to  Drumtochty. 
"And  where  think  ye  have  their  royal  highnesses 
been?" 

If  the  name  of  a  school  be  St.  Columba's,  and 
the  boys  call  themselves  Columbians,  it  is  very  pro- 
fane to  an  absolutely  respectable  Scots  saint,  and 
very  rude  to  a  number  of  well-behaved  lads,  to  call 
them  "Bumbees";  but  Speug  was  neither  reverent 
nor  polite,  and  the  Seminary,  although  mainly  oc- 
cupied with  local  quarrels,  yet  harboured  a  distant 
grudge  against  the  new  public  school  at  St. 
Columba's,  which  had  been  recently  started  in  a 
romantic  part  of  Perthshire.     Its  founders  were  a 


igo     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

number  of  excellent  and  perhaps  slightly  superior 
persons,  who  were  justly  aghast  at  the  somewhat 
rough  life  and  unfinished  scholarship  of  the  Scots 
grammar  schools,  and  who  did  not  desire  that 
Scots  lads  of  the  better  class  should  be  sent  of 
necessity  to  the  English  public  schools.  Their 
idea  was  to  establish  a  public  school  after  the  Eng- 
lish method  in  Scotland,  and  so  St.  Columba's  kept 
terms,  and  had  dormitories,  and  a  chapel,  and  play- 
ing-fields, and  did  everything  on  a  smaller  scale 
which  was  done  at  Rugby  and  Harrow.  The 
masters  of  St,  Columba's  would  have  nothing  to  do 
with  such  modest  men  as  the  staff  of  the  Seminary. 
The  Columbians  occasionally  came  down  to  Muir- 
town  and  sniffed  through  the  town.  Two  or  three 
boys  had  been  taken  from  the  Seminary,  because 
it  was  vulgar,  and  sent  to  St.  Columba's,  in  order 
to  get  into  genteel  society.  And  those  things  had 
gradually  filtered  into  the  mind  of  the  Seminary, 
which  was  certainly  a  rough  school,  but  at  the  same 
time  very  proud  and  patriotic,  and  there  was  a 
latent  desire  in  the  mind  of  the  Seminary  that  the 
Columbians  should  come  down  in  snow-time  and 
show  their  contempt  for  the  Muirtown  grammar 
school,  when  that  school  would  explain  to  the 
Columbians  what  it  thought  of  them  and  all  their 
works.  As  this  pleasure  was  denied  the  Seminary, 
and  the  sight  of  the  brake  was  too  much  for 
Speug's  uncultured  nature,  he  forgot  himself,  and 


TRIUMPH  OF  THE  SEMINARY    291 

yelled    opprobrious    names,    in    which    the    word 
"Bumbee"  was  distinct  and  prominent. 

"Your  m-manners  are  very  b-bad,  Speug,  and  I 
am  a-ashamed  of  you.  D-don't  you  know  that  the 
*B-bumbees'  have  been  p-playing  in  England  and 
w-won  their  match?  Twenty-two  runs  and  s-seven 
wickets  to  fall.  G-good  s-sport,  my  Speug;  read 
it  in  the  newspaper." 

"It  wasna  bad.  I  didna  think  the  'Bumbees'  had 
as  muckle  spunk  in  them;  seven  wickets,  did  ye 
say,  against  the  English?  If  I  had  kenned  that, 
Nestie,  ye  little  scoundrel,  I  would  have  given 
them  a  cheer.  Seven  wickets — they  did  the  job 
properly."  And  Speug  took  his  "gundy"  with 
relish. 

"Speug !" — and  Nestie  spoke  with  much  impres- 
siveness — "I  have  an  idea.  Why  shouldn't  the 
Seminary  challenge  the  'Bumbees'  to  a  match  next 
s-summer?  We  could  p-practice  hard  all  this 
summer,  and  begin  s-soon  next  year  and  t-try  them 
in  July." 

"It  would  be  juist  michty,"  said  Speug,  who  was 
cheered  at  the  thought  of  any  battle,  and  he  re- 
garded Nestie  with  admiration,  and  then  his  face 
fell  and  he  declared  it  of  no  use. 

"They  wouldna  come,  dash  them  for  their  cheek ! 
and  if  they  came  they'd  lick  us  clean.  They  have  a 
professional  and  they  play  from  morning  till  night. 
We're  light-weights,  Nestie.     If  they  went  in  first, 


292     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 


we'd  never  get  them  oot;  and  if  we  went  in,  they'd 
have  us  oot  in  half  an  'oor." 

"For  shame,  Speug,  to  run  down  the  Seminary 
as  if  you  were  a  'Penny' !  Didn't  the  county  pro- 
fessional say  that  Robertson  was  the  b-best  young 
player  he'd  seen  for  t-ten  years?  And  Bauldie  hits 
a  good  b-ball,  and  no  b-bowler  can  get  you  out, 
Speug,  and  there  are  other  chaps  just  want  p-prac- 
tice.  We  might  be  b-beaten,  but  we'd  make  a  stiff 
fight  for  the  old  Seminary." 

"Ye  can  bowl,  Nestie,"  said  Speug  generously, 
as  they  went  back  to  school  at  the  trot;  "ye're  the 
trickiest  overhand  I  ever  saw;  and  Jock  Howieson 
is  a  fearsome  quick  and  straicht  bowler;  and  for  a 
wicket-keeper  Dune  Robertson  is  no  easy  to  beat. 
Gosh !"  exclaimed  Speug,  as  they  wheeled  into  the 
back-yard,  "we'll  try  it." 

The  Seminary  were  slow  to  move,  but  once  they 
took  fire  they  burned  gloriously;  and  when  Dune 
Robertson  and  Nestie  Molyneux,  who  had  been 
sent  up  to  St.  Columba's  as  the  most  presentable 
deputation,  returned  and  informed  the  school  as- 
sembled round  the  Russian  guns  that  the  "Bum- 
bees"  would  send  down  their  second  eleven,  since 
the  first  was  too  old  for  the  Seminary,  and  play  a 
single  innings  match  on  a  Saturday  afternoon  in 
the  end  of  July,  next  year,  the  Seminary  Hfted  up 
iheir  voice  in  joyful  anticipation. 

It  did  not  matter  that  the  "Bumbees"  had  only 


TRIUMPH  OF  THE  SEMINARY    293 

consented  in  terms  of  condescension  by  way  of 
encouraging  local  sport,  as  they  had  tried  to  or- 
ganise a  Drumtochty  eleven,  or  that  it  was  quite 
understood  that  the  result  would  be  a  hopeless  de- 
feat for  the  Seminary.  They  were  coming,  and 
the  Seminary  had  a  year  to  make  ready;  and  if  they 
were  beaten  in  cricket,  well,  it  couldn't  be  helped, 
but  it  was  the  first  time  Bulldog's  boys  had  been 
beaten  in  anything,  and  they  would  know  the 
reason  why. 

Special  practice  began  that  evening  and  con- 
tinued that  evening,  and  every  other  evening  ex- 
cept Sundays  as  long  as  light  lasted  and  on  till  the 
middle  of  October,  when  football  could  no  longer 
be  delayed.  Practice  began  again  a  month  before 
the  proper  season  and  continued  on  the  same  lines 
till  the  great  day  in  July.  The  spirit  of  the  Semi- 
nary was  fairly  up,  and  from  the  Rector  who  began 
freely  to  refer  to  the  Olympian  games,  to  the  little 
chaps  who  had  just  come  from  a  dame's  school  and 
were  proud  to  field  balls  at  bowling  practice, 
the  whole  school  was  swept  into  the  excitement  of 
the  coming  event,  and  it  is  said  that  Bulldog 
stumped  over  every  evening  after  dinner  to  watch 
the  play  and  was  the  last  to  leave. 

"B-Bully's  fairly  on  the  job,  Speug,  and  he's 
j-just  itching  to  have  a  bat  himself.  Say,  Speug, 
if  we  get  badly  licked,  he'll  be  ill  again;  but  if  we 
p-pull  it  off,  I  bet  he'll  give  a  rippin'  old  supper." 


294     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

News  spread  through  the  town  that  the  Semi- 
nary was  to  fight  the  "Bumbees"  for  the  glory  of 
the  Fair  City,  and  enthusiasm  began  to  kindle  in  all 
directions.  Our  cricket  club  had  played  upon  the 
Meadow  as  best  it  could;  but  now  the  Council  of 
the  city  set  apart  a  piece  of  ground,  and  six  of  the 
leading  dignitaries  paid  to  have  it  cut  and  rolled, 
so  that  there  might  be  a  good  pitch  for  playing 
and  something  worth  seeing  on  the  day  of  bat- 
tle. There  were  half  a  dozen  good  players  in 
Muirtown  in  those  days,  two  of  whom  were  in  the 
All  Scotland  eleven,  and  they  used  to  come  along 
in  spare  evenings  and  coach  the  boys,  while  the 
county  professional  now  and  again  dropped  in,  just 
to  see  whether  he  could  bowl  Speug  out,  and  after 
half  an  hour's  hopeless  attack  upon  that  imperturb- 
able youth,  the  professional  declared  the  Seminary 
had  a  chance.  But  the  word  was  passed  round 
that  there  should  be  no  boasting,  and  that  Muir- 
town must  be  prepared  for  a  hopeless  and  honour- 
able defeat.  Mr.  McGufifie  senior  was  the  only 
man  on  the  morning  of  the  match  who  was  pre- 
pared to  bet  on  even  terms,  and  his  offers  were 
refused  by  the  citizens,  first  because  betting  was 
sinful,  and,  second,  it  was  possible,  though  not 
likely,  they  might  lose. 

The  Columbians  came  down  as  usual  in  a  brake, 
with  only  tw^o  horses  this  time,  and  made  a  pretty 
show  when  they  were  dressed  in  their  white  flan- 


TRIUMPH  OF  THE  SEMINARY    295 

nels  and  school  colours,  and  every  one  admitted 
that  they  were  a  good-looking  and  well-set-up 
eleven;  they  brought  half  a  dozen  other  fellows 
with  them,  to  help  to  cheer  their  victory  and  to 
keep  their  score,  and  a  master  to  be  umpire.  The 
Seminary  eleven  were  in  all  colours  and  such  dress 
as  commended  itself  to  their  taste.  Robertson  and 
Molyneux  and  one  or  two  others  in  full  flannels, 
but  Speug  in  a  grey  shirt  and  a  pair  of  tight  tweed 
trousers  of  preposterous  pattern,  which  were 
greatly  admired  by  his  father's  grooms — and,  for 
that  matter,  by  the  whole  school;  and  although 
Jock  Howieson  had  been  persuaded  into  flannel 
bags,  as  we  called  them  then,  he  stuck  to  a  red 
shirt  of  outrageous  appearance,  which  was  enough 
to  frighten  any  bowler.  Jack  MoncriefTe,  the 
Muirtown  cricket  crack  and  bowler  of  the  All  Scot- 
land, was  umpire  for  the  Seminary,  and  the  very 
sight  of  him  taught  the  first  lesson  of  respect  to  the 
"Bumbees";  and  when  they  learned  that  Jim  Flem- 
ing, the  other  Muirtown  crack,  had  been  coaching 
th^  Seminary  all  the  summer,  they  began  to  feel 
that  it  might  be  a  real  match,  not  merely  a  few 
lessons  in  the  manly  game  of  cricket  given  to  en- 
courc,ge  a  common  school,  don't  you  know. 

There  was  a  representative  turn-out  of  Muirtown 
men,  together  with  a  goodly  sprinkling  of  Muir- 
town mothers  and  sisters.  Bulldog  took  up  his 
position  early,  just  in  front  of  the  tent,  and  never 


296     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

moved  till  the  match  was  over;  nor  did  he  speak, 
save  once;  but  the  Seminary  knew  that  he  was 
thinking  plenty,  and  that  the  master  of  mathe- 
matics had  his  eye  upon  them.  Some  distance  off, 
the  Count — that  faithful  friend  of  his  Seminary 
"dogs" — promenaded  up  and  down  a  beat  of  some 
dozen  yards,  and  spent  the  time  in  one  long  excite- 
ment, cheering  with  weird  foreign  accent  when  a 
good  hit  was  made,  swearing  in  French  when  any- 
thing went  wrong,  bewailing  almost  unto  tears  the 
loss  of  a  Seminary  wicket,  and  hurrying  to  shake 
hands  with  every  one  of  his  eleven,  whether  he  had 
done  well  or  ill,  when  he  came  in  from  the  wicket. 
Mr.  McGuffie  moved  through  the  crowd  from  time 
to  time,  and  finally  succeeded  in  making  a  bet  on 
the  most  advantageous  terms  with  that  eminent 
dignitary,  the  Earl  of  Kilspindie's  coachman,  who 
was  so  contemptuous  of  the  Seminary  from  the 
Castle  point  of  view  that  he  took  the  odds  of  five 
to  one  in  sovereigns  that  they  would  be  beaten. 
And  on  the  outskirts  of  the  crowd,  half  ashamed 
to  be  there  and  doubtful  of  his  reception,  hovered 
Bailie  MacConachie. 

The  Seminary  won  the  toss,  and  by  the  advice 
of  Jim  Fleming  sent  the  Columbians  in,  and  there 
was  no  Seminary  lad  nor  any  Muirtown  man,  for 
the  Frenchman  did  not  count — who  denied  that 
the  strangers  played  a  good,  clean  game — pretty 
form,  and  brave  scoring;    and    on  their  part  the 


TRIUMPH  OF  THE  SEMINARY    297 

Columbians  were  not  slow  to  acknowledge  that  the 
Seminary  knew  how  to  field,  wherever  they  had 
learned  it.  No  ball  sliding  off  the  bat,  could  pass 
Dune  Robertson,  and  as  for  byes  they  were  impossi- 
ble with  Speug  as  long-stop,  for  those  were  the 
days  when  there  were  long-stops.  Cosh  had  his 
faults,  and  they  were  not  few,  but  the  Seminary 
thought  more  of  him  after  a  miraculous  catch  which 
he  made  at  long-off;  and  Bauldie,  at  square-leg, 
might  not  be  able  to  prevent  a  two  occasionally, 
but  he  refused  to  allow  fours.  Jock  Howieson  was 
a  graceless  bowler  and  an  offence  to  the  eye,  but 
his  balls  were  always  in  the  line  of  the  middle 
stump,  and  their  rate  that  of  an  express  train;  and 
Nestie  not  only  had  a  pretty  style,  but  a  way  of  in- 
sinuating himself  among  the  wickets  which  four 
Columbians  had  not  the  power  to  refuse.  There 
was  a  bit  of  work  at  long-field,  which  even  the 
Columbians  could  not  help  cheering,  though  it  lost 
them  a  wicket,  and  the  way  in  which  a  ball  was 
sent  up  from  cover-point  to  Dune  Robertson,  and 
so  took  another  wicket,  wrung  a  word  of  private 
praise  from  the  Columbian  umpire.  Still,  the 
Seminary  was  fighting  against  heavy  odds,  an  up- 
hill, hopeless  battle,  and  when  the  visitors  went 
out  with  a  hundred  and  one  to  their  score,  Mr. 
McGuffie  senior  was  doubtful  of  his  sovereign;  and 
only  the  Count  prophesied  triumph,  going  round 
and  shaking  hands  individually  with  every  one  of 


298     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

his  "dogs,"  and  magnifying  their  doings  unto  the 
sky.  Bailie  MacConachie,  by  this  time  was  lost  in 
the  crowd,  working  his  way  gradually  to  the  front, 
and  looking  as  if  he  would  have  liked  to  cheer,  but 
thinking  it  better  not  to  call  attention  to  his 
presence.  Then  the  Seminary  went  in,  and  there 
is  no  question  but  that  they  had  hard  times  at  the 
hands  of  the  Columbians,  who  were  well  trained 
and  played  all  together.  Robertson,  who  was  the 
hope  of  the  Seminary,  went  out  for  twenty,  and 
Bauldie  for  ten;  Nestie  played  carefully,  but  only 
managed  twelve,  and  the  other  fellows  were  too 
easily  bowled  or  caught  out,  each  adding  some- 
thing, but  none  doing  much,  till  at  last  the  score 
stood  at  sixty-nine;  with  the  last  two  of  the  Seminary 
in.  Things  were  looking  very  black,  and  even  the 
Count  was  dashed,  while  Bulldog's  face  suggested 
that  next  Monday  the  whole  school  would  be 
thrashed,  and  that  a  special  treat  would  be  reserved 
for  the  eleven.  Mr.  McGuffie,  however,  with  a 
sportsman's  instinct,  seized  the  oportunity  to  make 
another  bet  with  his  lordship's  coachman,  and  in- 
creased the  odds  from  five  to  ten,  and  the  dignitary 
declared  it  was  simply  robbing  McGufBe  of  his 
money. 

"We'll  see  aboot  that,  my  man,  when  the  horses 
pass  the  line.  I've  seen  many  a  race  changed  be- 
fore the  finish,"  and  Mr.  McGuffie  took  his  position 
in  the  front  row  to  see  the  end. 


TRIUMPH  OF  THE  SEMINARY    299 

Thirty-three  runs  to  make  to  win  the  match,  and 
only  one  wicket  to  fall,  and  the  Columbians  dis- 
counted their  victory  in  a  gentlemanly  fashion, 
while  Jim  Fleming  looked  very  grave.  "Give 
them  no  chances,"  he  said  to  Howieson,  as  that 
stolid  youth  went  in  to  join  Speug,  who  had  been 
at  the  wicket  for  some  time,  but  had  only  scored 
ten.  Any  over  might  close  the  match,  and  per- 
haps the  Columbians'  bowlers  grew  careless,  for 
three  overs  passed  and  the  two  friends  of  many  a 
scrimmage  were  still  in,  and  neither  of  them  had 
shown  any  intention  of  going  out.  Quite  the 
contrary,  for  Speug  had  broken  into  fours,  and 
Howieson,  who  played  with  the  gracefulness  of  a 
cow,  would  allow  no  ball  to  interfere  with  his 
wickets,  and  had  run  up  a  couple  of  twos  on  his 
own  account. 

"Juist  beginnin',''  said  Speug's  father.  "Him 
oot  sune?  I  tell  you  he's  settlin'  down  for  the 
afternoon  and  that  laddie  Howieson  is  a  dour 
deevil.  The  fact  is" — Mr.  McGuffie  took  a  circle  of 
spectators  into  his  confidence — "they're  juist  get- 
tin'  into  the  stride."  The  Count  preened  his 
plumage  and  plucked  up  heart  again,  while  the 
Seminary  lads,  gathered  in  a  solid  mass  to  the  left 
of  the  tent,  were  afraid  to  cheer  lest  they  should 
invite  defeat,  and,  while  they  pretended  unconcern, 
could  feel  their  hearts  beating.  "They  couldn't  be 
better  matched,"  said  Nestie.     "Speug  and  Jock — 


300    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

they've  had  1-lots  of  things  in  hand  together,  and 
they'll  d-do  it  yet.  See !"  and  at  that  moment 
Speug  sent  a  ball  to  the  boundary.  Now  there 
were  only  seventeen,  instead  of  thirty-three  runs 
to  make. 

They  were  playing  a  game  of  the  utmost  careful- 
ness, blocking  the  balls  which  were  dangerous  and 
could  not  be  played;  declining  to  give  the  faintest 
chance  of  a  catch,  and  taking  a  run  short  rather 
than  be  run  out,  and  so  the  score  crept  up  with  a 
two  from  Howieson,  who  had  got  into  a  habit  of 
twos,  and  being  a  phlegmatic  youth,  kept  to  it,  and 
a  three  and  a  four  from  Speug,  and  another  two 
from  Howieson,  and  a  three  from  Speug. 

Across  the  heads  of  the  people  McGuffie  shouted 
to  the  coachman,  "Take  you  again,  Petrie — ten  to 
one,  five  to  one,  three  to  one  against  the  Semi- 
nary?" And  when  there  was  no  answer,  Mr. 
McGuffie  offered  to  take  it  even  from  anybody, 
and  finally  appealed  to  the  man,  next  him.  It  was 
Bailie  MacConachie,  who  forgetful  of  the  past  and 
everything  except  the  glory  of  Muirtown,  was  now 
standing  beside  Speug's  father  and  did  not  care. 
"Speug's  no  dead  yet  Bailie";  and  then,  catching 
the  look  in  MacConachie's  face,  "bygones  are  by- 
gones, we're  a'  Muirtown  men  the  day";  and  then 
his  voice  rose  again  across  the  crowd  "I'll  give  ye 
odds,  coachman — two  to  one  against  the  'Bum- 
bees,'  "  for  Howieson  had  scored  another  two,  and 


TRIUMPH  OF  THE  SEMINARY    301 

two  more  runs  would  win  the  match  for  the 
Seminary. 

Then  a  terrible  thing  happened,  for  Howieson, 
instead  of  stopping  the  ball  with  his  bat,  must 
needs  stop  it  with  his  leg.  "How's  that?"  cried 
the  Columbian  wicket-keeper,  "how's  that,  um- 
pire?" Was  his  leg  before  wicket  or  not?  And 
for  the  moment  every  one,  Seminary  and  Colum- 
bian, Bulldog,  McGuf^ie,  Bailie,  men,  women  and 
children,  held  their  breath.  It  would  have  been 
maddening  to  have  been  beaten  only  by  one  run, 
and  after  such  a  gallant  fight. 

"Not  out!"  replied  the  umpire  in  two  seconds; 
but  it  seemed  ten  minutes,  and  a  yell  went  up  from 
the  throats  of  the  Seminary,  and  Bailie  Mac- 
Conachie  took  off  his  hat  and  wiped  his  forehead, 
which  Mr.  McGufifie  noted  with  sympathy  and  laid 
up  to  the  Bailie's  credit.  There  was  another  crisis 
at  hand  which  had  been  forgotten  by  Muirtown, 
but  it  was  very  keenly  present  to  the  minds  of  the 
Columbians.  One  over  more  and  the  time  limit 
would  be  reached  and  the  game  closed.  If  the 
Seminary  could  make  two  runs,  they  would  win; 
if  the  Columbians  could  get  Speug's  wicket,  they 
would  win.  They  put  on  their  most  dangerous 
man,  whose  ball  had  a  trick  of  coming  down  just 
six  inches  in  front  of  the  block,  and  then,  having 
escaped  the  attention  of  the  batsman,  of  coming 
perilously  near  the  wicket.     His  attack  compelled 


302     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

the  most  watchful  defence,  and  hardly  allowed  the 
chance  of  a  run.  Two  balls  Speug  blocked,  but 
could  do  no  more  with  them;  the  third  got  past 
and  shaved  the  wicket;  the  fourth  Speug  sent  to 
slip  but  the  fielding  allowed  no  run;  the  fifth,  full 
of  cunning,  he  stopped  with  difficulty,  and  fear 
seized  the  heart  of  Muirtown  that  the  last  would 
capture  the  wickets  and  give  the  victory  to  the 
visitors.  And  it  was  the  cleverest  of  all  the  balls,  for 
it  was  sent  to  land  inside  the  block,  just  so  much 
nearer  as  might  deceive  the  batsman  accustomed 
to  the  former  distance.  No  sooner  had  it  left  the 
bowler's  hand  then  Fleming  saw  the  risk  and 
gnawed  his  moustache.  Every  eye  followed  the 
ball  through  the  air  on  what  seemed,  for  the  anxiety 
of  it,  a  course  of  miles.  The  Columbians  drew 
together  unconsciously  in  common  hope.  Robert- 
son, the  Seminary  captain,  dug  his  right  heel  into 
the  ground,  and  opposite,  between  the  field  and  the 
river,  the  leader  of  that  rapscallion  school,  the 
"Pennies,"  stood  erect,  intent,  open-mouthed  with 
his  crew  around,  for  once  silent  and  motionless. 
Speug  took  a  swift  stride  forward  and  met  the  ball 
nearly  three  feet  from  the  ground,  and,  gathering 
up  all  the  strength  in  his  tough  little  body,  he 
caught  that  ball  on  the  middle  of  the  bat  and  sent  it 
over  square-leg's  head,  who  had  come  in  too  near 
and  made  one  hopeless  clutch  at  it,  and  through 
the  ranks  of  the  "Pennies,"  who  cleared  out  on 


TRIUMPH  OF  THE  SEMINARY    303 

every  side  to  let  it  pass  as  they  had  never  yielded 
to  Speug  himself;  and  ere  Muirtown  had  found 
voice  to  cheer,  the  red-haired  varlet  who  ruled  the 
"Pennies"  had  flung  his  bonnet,  such  as  it  was,  into 
the  air,  for,  the  ball  was  in  the  river,  and  the  Semi- 
nary had  won  by  three  runs  and  one  wicket. 

Things  happened  then  which  are  beyond  the  pen 
of  man,  but  it  was  freely  said  that  the  "Hurrah" 
of  Bulldog,  master  of  mathematics,  drowned  the 
hunting-cry  of  Mr.  McGuffie,  and  that  when  the 
Count,  in  his  joy  over  the  victory  of  his  "jolly 
dogs,"  knocked  ofT  Bailie  MacConachie's  hat,  and 
would  have  apologised,  the  Bailie  kicked  his  own 
hat  in  triumph.  This  is  certain,  that  the  Seminary 
carried  Speug  and  Howieson  both  protesting,  from 
the  North  Meadow,  in  through  the  big  school 
door;  that  Bulldog  walked  at  the  head  of  the  pro- 
cession, like  a  general  coming  home  in  his  glory; 
that  he  insisted  on  the  Bailie  walking  with  him; 
that,  after  all  the  cheering  was  over,  Speug  pro- 
posed one  cheer  more  for  Bailie  MacConachie,  and 
that  when  the  eleven  departed  for  Bulldog's  house 
for  supper  half  the  Seminary  escorted  the  Bailie 
home. 


BULLDOG'S   RECOMPENSE 
XVI 

When  the  rumour  flew  through  Muirtown  in 
Spring  that  Bulldog  was  to  resign  at  the  close 
of  the  summer  term  it  was  laughed  to  scorn,  and 
treated  as  an  agreeable  jest.  Had  it  been  the  rector 
who  was  more  a  learned  ghost  than  a  human  be- 
ing, or  the  English  master  who  had  grown  stout 
and  pursey,  or  some  of  the  other  masters  who  came 
and  went  like  shadows,  Muirtown  had  not  given 
another  thought  to  the  matter,  but  Bulldog  re- 
tiring, it  was  a  very  facetious  idea,  and  Muirtown 
held  its  sides.  Perhaps  it  was  delicate  health  was 
the  cause;  and  then  Dr.  Manley  stormed  through 
half  Muirtown,  declaring  that  he  had  never  known 
Dugald  MacKinnon  have  an  hour's  sickness  except 
once  when  that  little  scoundrel  Speug,  or  rather  he 
should  say  Sir  Peter  McGuffie,  consulting  physi- 
cian, brought  his  master  through  triumphantly 
with  a  trifle  of  assistance  from  himself  as  a  general 
practitioner.  Was  it  old  age  that  ailed  Bulldog? 
Then  Bailie  MacConachie  was  constrained  to  tes- 
tify in  public  places,  and  was  supported  by  all  the 


3o6      YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

other  Bailies  except  MacFarlane,  who  got  his  edu- 
cation at  Drumtochty  that  the  mathematical  master 
of  Muirtown  Academy  had  thrashed  them  all  as 
boys,  every  man  jack  of  them,  being  then  not 
much  older  than  themselves,  and  that  he  was 
now — baring  his  white  hair — rather  fresher  than 
in  the  days  of  their  youth?  Had  success  de- 
parted at  last  from  the  mathematical  class-room, 
after  resting  there  as  in  a  temple  of  wingless 
victory  for  three  generations?  Was  it  not  known 
everywhere  that  William  Pirie,  whose  grand- 
father was  a  senior  pupil  when  Bulldog  took 
the  reins  fifty-eight  years  ago,  had  simply  romped 
through  Edinburgh  University  gathering  medals, 
prizes  bursaries,  fellowships,  and  everything  else 
that  a  mathematician  could  lay  his  hands  on,  and 
then  had  won  a  scholarship  at  Trinity  College, 
Cambridge,  with  papers  that  were  talked  about  in 
the  College  for  fourteen  days,  and  were  laid  past  by 
one  examiner  as  a  treasure  of  achievement.  May 
be,  and  this  was  no  doubt  the  very  heart  of  the  jest, 
Bulldog  had  lost  control  of  the  boys,  and  his  right 
hand  had  forgotten  its  cunning !  So  the  boys  were 
insulted  in  their  homes  by  sympathetic  inquiries 
as  to  when  they  had  their  last  interview  with  the 
tawse  and  whether  the  canings  were  as  nippy  as 
ever,  for  Muirtown  was  proud  to  think  that  its 
favourite  master  was  an  expert  in  every  branch  of 
his   calling   and    dealt  with  the  grandchildren  as 


BULLDOG'S  RECOMPENSE     307 

thoroughly  as  he  had  done  with  the  grandfathers. 
And  Bailie  McFarlane  meeting  Bulldog  crossing 
the  bridge  one  morning  as  alert  in  step  and  austere 
in  countenance  as  ever,  asked  him  how  he  was 
keeping  with  affected  sympathy,  and  allowed  him- 
self the  luxury  of  a  chuckle  as  one  who  has  made  a 
jocose  remark. 

It  came  therefore  with  a  shock  to  Muirtown 
when  the  following  letter  was  read  in  the  Town 
Council  and  was  known  next  morning  to  every 
citizen  from  the  Procurator  Fiscal  to  London  John. 

To  the  Lord  Provost,  the  Bailies,  and  the  Council  of 
Muirtown. 
"Gentlemen, — I  beg  to  resign,  as  from  the  close 
of  the  present  term,  the  position  of  Master  of 
Mathematics,  Arithmetic  and  Writing,  in  Muir- 
town Seminary,  and  to  thank  the  council  for  the 
trust  which  they  have  placed  in  me  for  fifty-eight 
years. 

"I  am,  my  Lord  Provost  and  Gentlemen, 
"Your  obedient  servant, 

"DuGALD  MacKinnon/' 

When  Muirtown  recovered  itself  a  conflict  be- 
gan between  Bulldog  and  the  citizens  which  lasted 
for  four  intense  weeks  in  which  the  town  was  at 
fever  heat  and  Bulldog  was  outwardly  colder  and 
calmer  than  ever.     And   he  won   all   along  the 


3o8     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

line.  The  Council  passed  a  resolution  of  respect- 
ful admiration,  studded  with  stately  adjectives,  and, 
for  such  a  document,  almost  heated  in  feeling,  to 
which  Mr.  MacKinnon  sentacourteousbutguarded 
reply.  The  Council  intimated  that  they  would 
consider  his  letter  to  be  non-existent,  and  not  even 
put  him  to  the  trouble  of  withdrawing,  and  Mr. 
MacKinnon  intimated  to  the  Town  Clerk  that  in 
that  case  he  must  trouble  the  Council  with  an  exact 
copy.  The  Council  then  appointed  a  deputation 
to  wait  on  him,  and  Mr.  MacKinnon  declared  him- 
self unworthy  of  such  an  unprecedented  honour, 
and  declined  to  see  them.  And  then  the  Council, 
in  despair,  and  with  a  sad  sense  of  the  inevitable, 
strained  their  powers  to  the  utmost  with  immense 
unanimity,  and  voted  a  handsome  pension  to 
"Dugald  MacKinnon,  Esq.,  Master  of  Arts,  in 
grateful,  although  unworthy  recognition  of  the 
unbroken,  unwearied,  and  invaluable  service  he  has 
rendered  to  the  education  of  this  ancient  city  for  a 
period  of  more  than  half  a  century,  during  which 
time  nearly  two  thousand  lads  have  been  sent  forth 
equipped  for  the  practical  business  of  life  in  Muir- 
town,  in  the  great  cities  of  our  land  and  unto  the 
ends  of  the  earth."  Mr.  MacKinnon  explained  in 
a  letter  of  perfect  handwriting  that  he  was  quite  un- 
deserving of  such  a  resolution,  as  he  had  done 
nothing  more  than  his  duty,  and  that  he  could  not 
accept  any  retiring  allowance — first,    because    he 


BULLDOG'S  RECOMPENSE     309 

was  not  sure  that  it  was  strictly  legal,  and,  secondly, 
because  he  had  made  provision  for  his  last  years, 
but  on  this  occasion  he  signed  himself  "Your  most 
obliged  servant."  It  was  then  determined  to  en- 
tertain this  obdurate  man  at  a  banquet,  and 
to  make  a  presentation  of  plate  to  him.  And  Mr. 
MacKinnon  was  again  most  grateful  for  the  kind- 
ness of  his  fellow  citizens  and  the  honour  they 
proposed  to  do  him,  but  he  clearly  indicated  he 
would  neither  accept  the  banquet  nor  a  piece  of 
plate.  It  dawned  gradually  upon  Muirtown,  a 
city  slow  but  sure  of  understanding,  and  with  a 
silent  sense  of  the  fitness  of  things,  that  Mr.  Dugald 
MacKinnon,  having  reigned  like  Caesar  Augustus 
for  fifty-eight  years  without  contradiction  and  with- 
out conciliation,  giving  no  favours  and  receiving 
none,  but  doing  his  part  by  the  laddies  of  Muir- 
town with  all  his  strength  of  mind  and  conscience 
and  right  arm,  was  not  going  to  weaken  at  the  end 
of  his  career.  For  him  to  rise  at  the  close  of  a 
dinner  and  return  thanks  for  a  piece  of  plate  would 
have  been  out  of  keeping  with  his  severe  and  lonely 
past,  and  for  him  to  be  a  pensioner,  even  of  the 
Town  Council,  would  have  been  an  indignity.  He 
had  reigned  longer  and  more  absolutely  than  any 
master  in  the  annals  of  the  Seminary,  and  to  the 
last  day  he  had  held  the  sceptre  without  flinching. 
As  a  king,  strong,  uncompromising  and  invincible, 
he  would  lay  aside  the  purple,  and  disappear  into 


3IO     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

private  life.     And  Muirtown  was  proud  of  Bull- 
dog. 

Bulldog  had  beaten  the  magistrates  of  Muirtown 
in  all  their  glory,  and  his  fellow  citizens  united  in 
one  enthusiastic  body,  but  he  had  not  yet  settled 
with  the  boys.  They  had  not  expressed  in  resolu- 
tions or  any  other  way  their  appreciation  of  their 
master,  and  they  had  followed  the  futile  attempts 
of  their  parents  with  silent  contempt.  It  was  won- 
derful that  grown  up  people  should  be  so  far  left 
to  themselves  as  to  suppose  that  Bulldog,  their 
own  Bulldog,  would  ever  condescend  to  be  dined 
by  Bailies  and  stand  at  the  close  of  dinner  like  a 
dithering  idiot  with  a  silver  jug  in  his  hands,  or 
some  such  trash,  while  his  hands  were  itching  to 
thrash  every  one  of  his  hosts  as  he  had  thrashed 
them  long  ago.  When  the  boys  heard  their  fathers 
raging  at  Bulldog's  proud  obstinacy  they  offered 
no  remark,  but  when  they  got  together  they 
chortled  with  glee,  and  felt  that  there  was  comfort 
and  compensation  for  many  an  honest  thrashing, 
in  the  fact  that  Bulldog  was  as  much  ruler  of 
Muirtown  as  he  had  been  of  the  Seminary.  No 
rebellion  against  him  had  ever  had  the  faintest 
gleam  of  hope,  and  no  rebel  had  ever  escaped  with- 
out his  just  punishment,  but  the  boys,  rascals  to  the 
last  and  full  of  devilry,  agreed  together  by  an  in- 
stinct rather  than  a  conference  that  they  would 
close  Bulldog's  last  term  with  a  royal  insurrection. 


BULLDOG'S  RECOMPENSE     311 

He  had  governed  them  with  an  iron  hand,  and  they 
had  been  proud  to  be  governed,  considering  the 
wounds  of  Bulldog  ten  thousand  times  more  de- 
sirable than  the  kisses  of  Mclntyres',  but  they 
would  have  one  big  revenge  and  then  Bulldog  and 
his  "fiddlers"  would  part  for  ever.  They  held  long 
confabulations  together  in  the  Rector's  class-room 
while  that  learned  man  was  reading  aloud  some 
new  and  specially  ingenious  translation  of  an  ode 
and  in  the  class-room  of  modern  languages,  while 
Moossy's  successor  was  trying  to  teach  Jock 
Howieson  how  to  pronounce  a  modified  U,  in  the 
German  tongue,  in  Mrs.  McWhae's  tuck-shop 
when  the  "gundy"  allowed  them  to  speak  at  all, 
and  at  the  Russian  guns  where  they  gathered  in 
the  break  instead  of  playing  rounders.  The  junior 
boys  were  not  admitted  to  those  mysterious  meet- 
ings, but  were  told  to  wait  and  see  what  they  would 
see,  and  whatever  plan  the  seniors  formed  not  a 
word  of  it  oozed  out  in  the  town.  But  the  Semi- 
nary was  going  to  do  something  mighty,  and  Bull- 
dog would  repent  the  years  of  his  tyranny. 

Funds  were  necessary  for  the  campaign,  since  it 
was  going  to  be  a  big  affair,  and  Speug  directed 
that  a  war  chest  should  at  once  be  established.  No 
one  outside  the  secret  junta  knew  what  was  going 
to  be  done  with  the  money,  but  orders  were  issued 
that  by  hook  or  crook  every  boy  in  school  except 
the  merest  kids  should  pay    sixpence    a  week  to 


312     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

Jock  Howieson,  who  was  not  an  accomplished 
classical  scholar  nor  specially  versed  in  geometry 
but  who  could  keep  the  most  intricate  accounts  in 
his  head  with  unerring  accuracy,  and  knew  every 
boy  in  the  Seminary  by  head  mark.  And  although 
he  was  not  a  fluent  speaker,  he  was  richly  endowed 
with  other  powers  of  persuasion,  and  he  would  be 
a  very  daring  young  gentleman  indeed,  and  almost 
indifferent  to  circumstances,  who  did  not  pay  his 
sixpence  to  Jock  before  set  of  sun  each  Monday. 
Jock  made  no  demands,  and  gave  no  receipts;  he 
engaged  in  no  conversation  whatever,  but  simply 
waited  and  took.  If  any  one  tried  to  compound 
with  Jock  for  threepence,  one  look  at  the  miserable 
produced  the  sixpence;  and  when  little  Cosh  follow- 
ing in  the  devious  steps  of  his  elder  brother  in- 
sinuated that  he  had  paid  already,  Jock  dropped 
him  into  the  lade  to  refresh  his  memory.  No  one 
directly  inquired  what  was  to  be  done  with  the 
money,  for  every  one  knew  it  was  safe  with  Jock, 
and  that  it  would  be  well  spent  by  the  mighty  four 
who  now  ruled  the  school :  Jock,  Bauldie,  Nestie, 
and  Speug — Dune  Robertson  after  a  brief  course  at 
Sandhurst  having  got  his  commission  in  his  father's 
regiment.  And  it  was  also  known  that  every  half- 
penny was  going  to  give  a  big  surprise  to  Bulldog, 
so  the  boys,  during  those  weeks  treated  their  fathers 
with  obsequious  respect  for  commercial  reasons, 
and  coaxed  additional  pennies  out  of  their  mothers 


BULLDOG'S  RECOMPENSE     313 

on  every  false  pretence,  and  paid  endearing  visits  to 
maiden  aunts,  and  passed  Mrs.  McWhae's  shop, 
turning  away  their  eyes  and  noses  from  vanity,  and 
sold  to  grinding  capitalists  their  tops,  marbles, 
youngrabbits,andkites;  and  "assureasdeath"  every 
Monday  the  silent  but  observant  treasurer  received 
for  eight  weeks  5£  4s.,  at  the  rate  of  sixpence  a 
head,  from  208  boys.  They  kept  their  secret  like 
an  oyster,  and  there  was  not  one  informer  among 
the  208;  but  curiosity  grew  hot,  and  there  were 
many  speculations,  and  it  was  widely  believed  that 
the  money  would  be  used  in  sending  a  cane  of  the 
most  magnificent  proportions  to  Bulldog,  as  a  re- 
membrance of  his  teaching  days,  and  a  mark  of 
respect  from  his  pupils.  One  boy,  being  left  to 
himself,  dared  to  suggest  this  to  Speug;  and  when 
he  looked  round  at  some  distance  off,  Speug's  eye 
was  still  upon  him,  and  he  declared  from  his  ex- 
perience that  it  was  not  healthy  to  question  Speug. 
Two  hundred  and  four  boys,  however,  with  the 
observant  faculties  of  Indian  scouts,  and  intent 
upon  discovery  could  not  be  altogether  baffled,  and 
various  bits  of  reliable  information  were  passed 
round  the  school.  That  the  four  had  gone  one 
evening  into  Bailie  MacConachie's,  who  was  now 
on  terms  of  high  popularity  with  the  school;  that 
the  Count  who  was  even  then  sickening  for  his 
death,  and  Mr.  McGufifie,  whom  nothing  but  an  ac- 
cident could  kill,  had  also  been  present;  that  at  dif- 


314     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

ferent  times  the  Count  had  been  seen  examining 
the  gold  watches  in  Gillespie's  shop,  whose  watches 
were  carried  by  every  man  of  standing  in  the  Scots 
Midlands,  and  pronouncing  his  judgment  on  their 
appearance  with  vivacious  gestures;  that  the  Bailie 
had  been  seen  examining  the  interior  of  a  watch 
with  awful  solemnity  while  Councillor  Gillespie 
hung  upon  his  decision  ;  and,  to  crown  all,  that  Mr. 
McGuffie  senior,  after  a  lengthy  interview  with  the 
head  of  the  firm,  during  which  he  had  given  him 
gratuitous  advice  on  three  coming  races,  had  left 
Gillespie's,  declaring  with  pronounced  language 
that  if  certain  persons  did  not  obtain  certain  things 
for  £40  he,  Mr.  McGuffie,  although  not  a  person 
giving  to  betting,  would  wager  ten  to  one  that  the 
place  of  business  would  close  in  a  year.  It  was 
whispered  therefore  in  the  corridors,  with  some 
show  of  truth,  that  the  Seminary  was  going  to  take 
vengeance  on  Bulldog  with  a  gift,  and  that  the  gift, 
whatever  it  might  be,  was  lying  in  Gillespie's  shop. 
And  the  school  speculated  whether  there  was  any 
one  of  their  number,  even  Speug  himself,  who 
would  dare  to  face  Bulldog  with  a  gift;  and 
whether,  if  he  did,  that  uncompromising  man 
might  not  occupy  his  last  week  of  mastership  in 
thrashing  the  school  one  by  one,  from  the  oldest 
unto  the  youngest,  for  their  blazing  impertinence. 
The  closing  day  was  a  Thursday  that  year,  and 
it  was  characteristic  of  Bulldog  that  he  met  his 


BULLDOG'S  RECOMPENSE     315 

classes  as  usual  on  Wednesday,  and  when  Howie- 
son  disgraced  himself  beyond  usual  in  Euclid, 
having  disgraced  himself  more  moderately  on  four 
preceding  days  that  he  administered  discipline  on 
Jock  with  conscientious  severity.  Jock  was  the 
last  boy  Bulldog  thrashed,  and  he  was  so  lifted  up 
as  to  be  absolutely  unendurable  for  the  rest  of  the 
day,  and  boasted  of  the  distinction  for  many  a  year. 
As  four  o'clock  approached,  the  boys  began  to 
grow  restless,  and  Bulldog's  own  voice  was  not 
perfectly  steady  when  he  closed  the  last  problem 
with  Q.  E.  D. 

"Q.  E.D.;  yes,  Q.  E.  D.,  laddies,  we  have  carried 
the  argument  to  its  conclusion  according  to  the 
principles  of  things,  and  the  book  is  finished. 
There  is  still  seven  minutes  of  the  hour  remaining, 
we  will  spend  it  in  revising  the  work  of  the  Senior 
Algebra  Class." 

Their  work  has  not  been  revised  unto  this  day, 
for  at  that  moment  the  door  opened  without  any 
one  knocking,  and  without  any  one  ofifering  an 
apology,  and  William  Pirie,  Master  of  Arts  of  Edin- 
burgh, and  scholar  of  Trinity  College,  Cambridge, 
and  Duncan  Robertson,  2nd  Lieutenant  in  the 
Perthshire  Buffs,  made  their  appearance,  accom- 
panied by  Bailie  MacConachie,  whose  dignity  was 
fearsome;  the  Count,  who  waved  his  hand  grace- 
fully to  the  school,  and  Mr.  McGuffie,  who  in- 
cluded everybody  in  an  affable  nod;  and  behind  this 


3i6     YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

imposing  deputation  every  boy  of  Muirtown  Semi- 
nary who  was  not  already  in  the  mathematical  class- 
room. Bulldog  turned  upon  them  like  a  Hon 
caught  in  a  snare,  and  if  he  had  had  only  thirty 
seconds  preparation,  it  is  firmly  believed  he  would 
have  driven  the  whole  deputation,  old  and  young, 
out  of  the  class-room  and  dealt  with  the  conspira- 
tors who  remained  unto  the  setting  of  the  sun. 
But  it  was  a  cunning  plot,  arranged  and  timed  with 
minute  care,  and  before  Bulldog  could  say  a  word 
Pirie  had  begun,  and  he  knew  better  than  to  say 
much. 

"If  we  have  ofifended  you,  sir,  you  will  pardon  us 
for  it  is  our  last  offence,  and  we  have  this  time  a 
fair  excuse.  Your  laddies  could  not  let  you  leave 
that  desk  and  go  out  of  this  room  for  the  last  time 
without  telling  you  that  they  are  grateful,  because 
you  have  tried  to  make  them  scholars,  and  to  make 
them  men.  If  any  of  us  be  able  in  after  years  to 
do  our  part  well,  we  shall  owe  it  more  than  any- 
thing else  to  your  teaching  and  your  discipline." 

Then  Robertson,  who  was  the  other  spokesman 
the  four  had  chosen,  began. 

"Can't  make  a  speech,  sir,  it  is  not  in  my  line, 
but  everything  Pirie  said  is  true,  and  we  are  proud 
of  our  chief." 

"This,"  said  Pirie,  turning  to  the  boys,  "is  the 
watch  and  chain  which  we  ask  the  master  to  do  us 
the  honour  of  wearing  through  the  days  to  come, 


BULLDOG'S  RECOMPENSE     317 

and  the  inscription,  sir,"  and  now  Pirie  turned  to 
the  desk,  "crowns  our  offence,  but  you  will  know 
how  to  read  it!" 

"TO  BULLDOG, 

WITH   THE   RESPECT   AND   AFFECTION 

OF 

HIS    laddies/' 

It  was  Bailie  MacConachie — may  everything  be 
pardoned  to  him — who  started  the  cheer;  but  it 
was  Mr.  McGuiTie  who  led  it  over  hedge  and  ditch, 
and  it  was  of  such  a  kind  that  the  mathematical 
class-room  had  to  be  repaired  before  the  beginning 
of  next  term.  During  the  storm  Bulldog  stood 
with  the  watch  in  his  hand,  and  his  cheeks  as  white 
as  his  hair,  and  when  at  last  there  was  silence  he 
tried  to  speak,  but  the  tender  heart  had  broken  the 
iron  mask,  and  all  he  could  say  was  "laddies." 

The  Count,  with  quick  tact,  led  off  the  second 
cheer,  and  the  boys  filed  out  of  the.  class-room. 
Bulldog  sat  down  at  the  desk,  the  watch  before 
him,  and  covered  his  face  with  his  hands.  When 
an  hour  later  he  walked  across  the  North  Meadow 
there  was  not  a  boy  to  be  seen  but  Bailie  MacFar- 
lane,  who  met  him  on  the  bridge  (and  passed 
without  speaking),  noticed  that  Bulldog  was  wear- 
ing his  laddies'  gift. 

Sitting  in  his  garden  that  evening  and  looking 


3i8    YOUNG    BARBARIANS 

down  upon  the  plain,  Bulldog  called  Nestie  to  his 
side,  and  pointed  to  the  river.  The  evening  sun 
was  shining  on  the  fields,  ripening  for  harvest,  and 
on  the  orchards,  laden  with  fruit;  and  in  the  soft 
light,  a  rough  weather-beaten  coaster,  which  had 
fought  her  way  through  many  a  gale  in  the  North 
Sea,  and  could  not  hold  together  much  longer  was 
dropping  down  with  the  tide.  Newer  and  swifter 
vessels  would  take  her  place  in  the  days  to  come, 
but  the  old  craft  had  done  her  work  well  and  faith- 
fully, and  now  the  cleanest  and  kindest  of  Scots 
rivers  was  carrying  her  gently  to  the  eternal  ocean. 


HOME  USE     '  '^ 


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